Woman Are All Just Strange

I used to work in a nursing home a few years go and there was this dude I'll never forget. Robert Baker, 87 years old at the time, a painter from upstate New York. He had been through 6 wives, a bunch of kids but the dude had crazy knowledge. It was also cool how happy he was to have a black friend, dude would be telling all his 100 year old friends just so they'd know how fly he was. One day Bob told me something, he said "get as much pussy as you want, get all the head in the world, but never ever ever in your life fucking get married." Now I'm starting to see why, no wonder the fucking Asians marry robots and shit, women are strange.

Take today for example, I'm having a convo with my friend Abi. She's asking me bout the various people in my life and I tell her about my ranking system. I tell her where she ranks, she then questions the number. I explain why, then explain to her this isn't the " I want to fuck list" and I tell Abi she's lower on that list. She didn't ask why she was lower but I owe her an explanation, no? Now, I have to explain why she's lower on one in case she feels a strange. (I have no chance of hitting it until more birds/fish die and she's convinced the world is ending). It isn't for her looks (she's hot) it isn't for anything but the fact that we're close and me tapping it would fuck that up. Don't get me wrong I ain't gay, if she was laying naked on a bed it'd be lights out. But I was just trying to explain myself, she then puts me in the "friend-zone." It doesn't end there. I'm explaining to her that I sent a text message a few weeks ago and I was in an awkward situation WHILE sending the text message. I tell her, "It was messed." She then replies back with "(my first name), why would you feel strange, we're just friends." Time the fuck out, I wasn't talking about the text message princess I was talking about the situation I was in. You see that y'all, on the day that Sir Tom didn't do his job and that fat fuck wins, I was put in the friend zone TWICE, after trying to stiff-arm her both times. 

Then you got Lilith, hear this for a minute. A friend and I discovered a bunch of UK terms. In the UK, faggot means meatballs, often served in a rich western country sauce. Fag means cigarette, and instead of saying "class representatives" in school they say "head-boy/head-girl." So this friend and I thought it would be cool to imitate how UK people would have sex, while talking about faggots. So I'm trying to explain all of this to her and you know what she says?? Nah wait for it.... "hey, you do know that head-boy/girl is actually a class representative in the UK and doesn't actually give head, right." What??? Hold the fuck up I posted my report card a few days ago, clearly she thinks I'm Kevin Malone from The Office.

Then I think back a few years ago, like back in the 9th grade. I was more ignorant those days than I am now, always pissing people off, well nothing has changed really. Anyway there was one chick who I rarely talked to but every time she spoke to me it was about how good she masturbated and blah blah. See back then I had hair and held my own on the ball court and this was before I started walking in snow-storms to buy proline tickets and bet money on teams called Hercules and Young-Boys. Therefore I wasn't a degenerate yet, got good grades and said no when people offered me rides in stolen vehicles. So she was clearly into me and she kept saying " I skirted today." I know what she meant but I didn't feel like addressing her. It kept going on and on but I was in my own world those days so I just ignored it. One day she got super pissed and said "how can you not want me, I tell you I skirt everyday." and she starts to cry. That's when I yell. "For the past 3 fucking months your ESL ass has been telling me you skirted, there's no such fucking thing. You fucking squirted now sit the fuck down." I should have known then and there, they're all the same. They'll "friend-zone" your ass when you're trying to give them the stiff arm. They'll treat you like the kids who had separate recesses in grade school and lastly, they'll do whatever they can to get what they want, including "skirt."

Recapping the night: 3:30am and I'm waiting for this tennis game to finish. What the fuck did I get myself into. It just started as well, if this goes 5 sets I'll fucking flip. Will recap etc in the morning. 

NFL:
$200 Seahawks +10 -110 (L)
$400 Jets/Patriots over 44 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)

Play of the Day:
$6000 (added another dime) Patriots -7 -145 (L)


Total Wagered: $6600
Total Returned: $763.64
Total Loss: $5836.36
Total Earned to Date: $8028.81

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.