It Tastes Like Motherfucking Ass

The newest white girl in the rotation is clearly out of my league. She's a model, not one of those "models" who gets in Drake's video after sucking his dick either, I'm talking Giselle Bundchen type modeling. Perfect ten, all the money in the world, 3.9 GPA with scholarship offers from every school you could imagine. Which begs the question...why is she bothering talking to me. There's a reason which I won't get into here but I've done everything I can to dodge her. I've told her my worst sex stories, she knows about what went on in that Montreal strip club when I wandered off from the rest of you guys, and she even knows about the golden shower I've once given. I mean it, I've thrown everything and the kitchen sink to get her to tell me to fuck off, it isn't working. Now I have to entertain the idea of being with perfect ten white girls who think I'm gifted and shit so I decided it's time to switch it up a bit. 

If I'm going to be dealing with these hot ass white girls then I got to make a change. It's time I retire from the 3 Piece at Popeyes, the Fries Supreme, the Big Crunch, the Big Mac, the Whopper (I don't fuck with that Whiplash or Angry shit), the Original Bacon Classic (fuck the baconator) and the half price Wings at Honeys Beestro. So what do I do to try and get the girl I have no business being with, everyday for the past month I've eaten a salad, often more than one in a day. This shit tastes like motherfucking ass. There's no sugar-coating it, there's no substitute, salads are fucking disgusting. I've made my own, I've bought pre-made salads at the grocery store, I've gone out to fast food joints and ordered the $8 salad that is pretty much lettuce and a piece of chicken breast and it still tastes like ass.

The only time someone should ever eat a salad is if they're about to die or they're trying to get some pussy/cock. This shit is disgusting as ever. I told myself the other day, think of sex when having a salad, it'd work. Nope, all I could think about was having sex with some ugly ass hiker bitch that enjoys eating trail-mix and has a sweaty pussy. The only way around it is to close your eyes like a kid and eat it quickly. I can down a salad in less than 4 minutes, not even chewing the shit and I'm happy with that, the process is less painful. You know what I did, I took like 10 gummy bears and semi-melted them in the microwave, then I threw them in the salad. It was still nasty. I got 5 different salad dressings, southwest and chipotle works the best but that's like saying Rosie O Donnell and Ellen Degeneres have the best vagina after sleeping with Gabourey Sidibe. Now that I think about it, all the fucking shit I've eaten over the last 18 months are disgusting. 

What the fuck are Bran flakes? If it ain't Frosted Flakes then it's for the faggots. Fuck Hummus too I'm tired of that terrorist shit, it's fucking bland. And low fat tortillas, fuck them too. Whole wheat bread is a fucking bitch, nothing can touch white bread. Oatmeal? Nah I want bacon and I don't care if the person fucked the pig before he killed it, I ain't PETA I just want real fucking food. Soy Milk...fuck you I've had enough of that. I want chocolate milk and none of that 1% shit either. I've had enough of all this bullshit. You know what I want, a motherfucking hot-dog for $2 on the street. I want the taco bell nachos with cheese. That cheese ain't even real but I don't give a fuck, it tastes good. I want McDonalds breakfast, I could eat 6 Sausage McMuffins every morning. I want fries that are motherfucking fried, not that baked McCain bullshit. I want a motherfucking BBQ Rib Sub or the Steak and Cheese Sub at Subway, the Sweet Onion Teriyaki and Veggie Delight are for people who sit by fireplaces after dinner and drink tea. I want the meat lovers pizza from Pizza Hut. The Rolo Icecream. I want a Joe Louis, Mexican Chips, fried fish, honey buns, gummy bears, fruit roll ups and a MOTHERFUCKING PASSION FLAKIE. Healthy food is for people whose parents willingly came to parent teacher interviews, for people over the age of 10 wearing snow pants and for grown ass people who watch the Teen Choice Awards. Fuck that shit. 

NBA:
$300 OKC +4.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 Suns +4 -110 (L)
$500 Spurs/Warriors over 211 -110= Return of $945.55 (W)
NCAAB:
$300 Pittsburgh -10 -110 (L)
$400 Pittsburgh/Notre Dame over 138.5 -110 (L)
$300 Hofstra -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
Play of the Day:
$600 Raptors/Grizzlies over 203.5 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $2700
Total Returned: $2091.01
Total Profit: $608.99
Total Earned to Date: $17626.56

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.