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Monday, October 15, 2012

Don't Disturb Me When I'm Eating my Lunch Bitch

Blog got a new look, I'd ask for feedback but I don't give a FUCK about your feedback so if you don't like it suck a dick lmao. Today one of my boys told me he's making Clam Chowder at his restaurant, I work about 10 minutes away so in typical black fashion I raced over there. I never had clam chowder before, it's dope kind of like cream of wheat for white people. Anyway, so I'm sitting down drinking my Caesar and watching tv. There's some old looking dyke next to me. She's arguing with Rogers Cable because she can't pay her bull. In my mind I'm thinking, you can't pay your bill but you're at a bar at 1:15pm on a Monday morning. About 20 minutes later my fries (yes I got fries with the chowder) arrived and I was enjoying my meal. The bitch gets off the phone and starts telling me how she's suicidal, suffers from clinical depression and she's showing me scars of where she just to bang herself with pots and pans in the head and shit.

Bitch I'm trying to enjoy my fries, leave me the fuck alone but I just keep to myself, nod a few times, then continue eating. She then starts talking about how the city has no resources, she's called the suicidal hotline multiple times "they put you on hold for an hour." GOOD bitch it's because you deserve to die but I'll get into that shortly. At this point I had enough and I'm just dreaming of Kate Upton and I got Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" in my head, I'm trying everything I possibly could to make this all go away. She continues: "they tell me I'm an alcoholic but I only drink beer, I don't drink wine, vodka, rum nothing, just beer. Then she tells me she has a degree in engineering. At this point I've had enough. Let's analyse this.  You only drink beer so you could never be an alcoholic? What in the fuck? That's like saying "I'm not addicted to smoking because I only smoke Belmonts" though as the conversation continued I could tell this bitch just wanted sympathy. 

Yes, maybe something traumatic has happened in her past and yes maybe she's disadvantaged from a minor cognitive area but she just wants the world to feel sorry for. Your ass got up and decided to visit a bar, YOU made that choice stop blaming everyone else. You could see the scars all on her hands where she cuts herself, I'm kind of hoping she completes the job, people like that are just taking my free air and wasting it. You can't help people like them. It's the world's fault she can't get off her dyke ass and work a 9-5 because she suffers clinical depression. It's the world's fault she can't afford the blackberry she owns because she's suicidal. If I had a gun I swear on everything I love I'd give it to her and ask her to make sure she completes the job this time around. 

No bitch, the hotline is not responsible for your life. Your case workers are not responsible for your life. Get them fake tears the fuck out of here. Society just got millions of people like this who blame everyone else because they're fucked up. Do something about it, or drink bleach. That should be the motto heading into 2013. If you want to die, do it properly. No one should have to deal what I had to go through today. Eating delicious food and being burdened by someone who takes no accountability in their life. You chose to let that clinical depression take the best of you. You chose to drink. You chose to use fucked up logic pertaining to your alcoholism. Make the world a better place and take control of your actions or die trying. 

I'm tired so I ain't even going to proofread this one. Support the links at the top. Peace.

If you don't know ODB is, you need to re-evaluate your life. 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Obesity and Perceptions

Before I get into it I got to share this personal accomplishment with yall. You would be so proud of me. For the last 3 weeks I've been trying to piss and effectively shake without spilling and not touching my dick with my hands. I could come to you with confidence when I say: I can now piss without holding my dick. Don't ask me how I managed to come up with this idea or how I even accomplished this, but I did. So this morning while I'm drinking my kale shake, I'm watching my future wife Robin Meade on headline news as I do every morning. They cut to this segment from Wisconsin, hear this out.

So a Wisconsin newscaster, pictured above, is obviously obese. Someone wrote her an email criticizing her, admittedly harshly, for being a fat ass. The fat bitch with no neck, as you can see, then gets on the news and addresses the letter. She basically spends a good 5 minutes calling him a bully and she took the "WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN ANGLE." Now she's getting overwhelming support and at first I didn't give a fuck but this fat bitch with no neck needs to be put in her place. Whoever wrote her that letter, thank you, you probably saved a life or two. Instead of accepting the way we are, sometimes we need to change it. As you can tell she's weighing a good 250lbs+, that ain't good for nobody. She's the type to go to Walmart and buy about 5 large Cokes and go wild, then eat a big ass bag of chips. For starters, imagine what her box smells like with all that filth going in her body, that can't be good.

Lastly, bitch you're fat and you need to be made aware of that fact. You get on tv everyday and millions of people potentially see you, what does that say about society? When you're obese the fact is, you're poisoning yourself. You got a clogged heart (oh and she's diagnosed with diabetes)...what does that say to the kids Miss Fat Ass? That it's okay to be obese and you could make it on tv and have a decaying ass heart? The world is facing an epidemic because healthy food (trust me I know) costs 900% more at the same caloric intake than unhealthy foods. It needs a fundamental shift but instead you got weak and fat motherfuckers defending themselves. There's nothing to defend. You're a fat, disgusting, and weak human being and statistically speaking the world would flourish from an economic and probably evolutionary standpoint if you were dead. Those are facts. If you're obese, you're a walking ass toxin and as you can see, she don't even have a neck. The smart thing to do would be if she stood there and apologized for failing her own family her own self and promising to work hard and set an example for the kids. As opposed to Mrs. Jennifer Livingston going up there and talking about bullies. Bitch shut the fuck up and owe it to yourself to make the right choices instead of deflecting the blame to others. You're fat and disgusting, fact. Fix it or die at an early age because of your need for twinkies. It's as simple as that.

I'm out.

If you ever watched a full episode of the Big Bang Theory, your life is shit.

Monday, October 1, 2012

The Worst Move of All Time

Before I get into it, this one will contain spoilers from the movie Trouble with the Curve so if you intend on watching the movie, suck a dick and exit the blog. My dad's been crying about seeing this movie for the longest time so I figured Saturday night would be a good time to check it out. For starters, the lineups in the movies are crazy, fucking little kids running around everywhere, I can't believe theatres still make this kind of money but we get to the movies and $21.99 later we're watching Trouble with the Curve. No room anywhere so we have to sit in the front like 2 old women. I've watched a lot of fucked up shit in my life. When I was 12 one of my homies told me that there were hot chicks on the internet blowing horses. I didn't have internet at the time so I went to his house not believing a word he said. Then he logged onto some website and there was a got blonde blowing a horse. It was easily the best/worst thing I seen.

Then I got suspended from school in highschool for a while and I did nothing that week but watch movies. Reno 911 was one of them. It was the dumbest shit I ever seen, and I kept telling myself, it'll get better, it'll get better. Then it ended and I contemplated my reality from the most extreme metaphysical states wondering if I could ever undo the damage society had just bestowed upon me (see I'm smart as fuck niggas). Now there's Trouble with the Curve. I didn't know Justin Timberlake was in this movie but the fact that he is just made it so much worse. The movie revolves around 3 characters: Clint, Justin, and a hot chick who I'd fuck from the back in the middle of a funeral procession cause gotdamn she was fine. Here is the entire movie summarized for you quick: Clint is a baseball scout who sees a problem with one batter. The batter could hit, just not curve balls. His decision gets questioned because his eye sight is going. Clint's daughter finds a Mexican in the parking lot who could pitch. Justin is a scout for another team who likes Clint's daughter....

Clint's daughter convinces the Braves that the Mexican is the pitcher for them. Clint then agrees with her. The movie ends with the Braves hiring the Mexican. That is the entire plot of the movie. No sex scenes, no violence, no conflict, no twist, just a Mexican in a parking lot of a Travelodge who gets signed. In other words, this movie which probably has the same budget as 3 of my paychecks, was nothing other than parading an old man around. We're supposed to suck his dick (pause) because of his past accomplishments. Fuck Clint Eastwood, fuck Justin Timberlake, and fuck the hot chick with the pointy nose for wasting 2 hours of my time with that bullshit. Really? The story ends with a Mexican in a parking lot who apparently is MLB ready. There were no mlb games, there was not even a real story. It's a shame that I spent 21.99 on watching this bullshit. Make the world a better place and don't support this shit.

I'm out.

If your girl never took her 4S and rubbed her pussy with it in front of you, you ain't living right.