I finally discovered what my problem was. After the year ended and the 2011 shit show was over I told myself I'm going to make a conscious effort to perceive things differently. I was going to focus on the aspect that I couldn't change things, these were the cards I were dealt and I'd have to make the best out of it. This all lasted about 36 hours and after that I faked it. I started meditating, I started doing yoga, I hit the treadmill thinking all this crap will go away. Then I'm drinking watching UFC in my own home and 4 dudes show up trying to get in the house. It was a harsh reality I needed. I put the shit to home boy's neck and asked him if he was ready to die because I was....
I let the shithead go but that's when it hit me. FUCK POSITIVITY. It's friday night and I'm scrambling to keep these poor ass niggas from getting in my house like they're fucking Somali Pirates and I'm supposed to be positive. Nah fuck that. Fuck this meditation bullshit too I been eating and drinking whatever the fuck I want this week. I feel good on the treadmill so I stick with it but other than that FUCK ALL THE POSITIVE SHIT. I ain't the type to light scented candles and chant and pretend to feel better nah people who want positivity should watch 19 and Counting or Different Strokes and just fuck off. Life is a bad pussy. Stink, disgusting, gangrene type pussy that you're forced to fuck everyday. Then you look around and it appears everyone around you has good pussy so it makes you more mad. You keep thinking tomorrow the pussy will be better but it NEVER IS.
Unless you got kids who you've invested heavily in, there ain't nothing really great about life externally. You're forced to go to school for 8 hours a day for 17 years of your life learning a bunch of shit. Then you gotta go through more schooling to get a piece of paper. To get a good job that you really don't care for but do it out of a necessity. Then you get married, either you're happy or not, there's grey area with this one I can't really speak on it. While all this is going on, you're sleeping for 25 years, 1/3rd of your life. Plus you want to do bad things like fuck your girl's sister but you're constantly battling that faggot ass voice in your head telling you that you can't. Eventually you die and even though you had some great moments for the most part it was a whole bunch of nothing. Unless you like to drink and do drugs, then it's a different story. How the fuck are you supposed to be positive?
"I got friends and family" Nigga 95% of them don't really give a fuck about you. When it's all said and done you'll meet 10000000 people in your life and throughout your whole entire existence, MAYBE 10 gave a flying fuck about the person you are. Maybe. " I make good money" ya so you could buy more things you don't need. Ask Kobe Bryant, Tiger Woods, or lottery winners if they're intrinsically happy. Most of them will say no. Life's a padded room in preparation for something else out there. If more people were as negative as my twisted mind shit would get done. Could you imagine if EVERYONE attacked portions of life that they hated. Imagine family members of 9/11 victims standing out there demanding answers. Imagine if all students fed up with rising tuition rates decided to do something about it and just refused school. All undergraduates at all schools in the Manufacturing Belt decided to say FUCK SCHOOL. Positivity teaches us to cope and in return it gets nothing done. Negativity and hatred brings the reality out in every situation, if life were the way everyone portrayed it to be, we'd all be perfect. Negativity reminds us that we aren't perfect, SO FUCK you and your happy selves. I'm out.