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Saturday, July 30, 2011

Fuckin Drunk

Fuckin drunk. I hit a few of those Red Stripes smh. After the wine, Stella, Apricot shit, and Sopporo finished. I was about to cry leaving that casino today SMH it was bad but I fought like a motherfucker and cut my losses drastically. I'm smiling and I'll take it. I cut my own hair today so I feel a sense of encouragement. Shit was hard but I did it.  WHERE THE FUCK ARE know who I'm talking to. The weird chin and the psychotic eyes lmaoooo I'm kidding. Holla at me when shit goes through, you know what I mean. I'm going to go now. I don't want to pass out but I have to in order to get up at 9 and get wasted again for Caribana smh. Never smoking weed and getting smashed and going to a casino again smh that was looking bad but I fought like a motherfucker to get my shit back. Weed breathe all over the tables and I'm crashing into people and shit.  Shit ain't easy. 

I'll leave you with this, whatever problems you going through in life, there's a motherfucker battling shit 10x worst, trust me I been through it all, read this:

I'm out, peace.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Solving The US Debt Crisis

Shorty told me today " I'm not going to ruin your blog today then proceeded to...." you know what never mind today is too great. When Chuck Knoblauch is following you on twitter, you're doing something right.

I been hearing a lot about this US debt crisis. Apparently they'll run out of money somewhere between August 3rd-10th. Here's how you solve this shit, it's so simple:

1) Legalize weed. Get my nigga to supply that shit. His stuff is so good the one time I had it I swear that shit is worth $14/gram. Trust me, if you smoked his shit you'd be happy to pay $14/gram. So the government would make a shitload off of this thing. 

2) Legalize online gambling. Tax the offshore companies slightly but legalize it. Instead of spending millions shutting down poker sites and sportsbooks, make money off this shit. There's no reason why it shouldn't be legal. 

3) Legalize prostitution and create a Heaux registry. People will always need pussy. No matter how much debt you are in, the pussy industry will always remain the same. In order to make this work, prostitutes would be government employees. The dudes who are using the heauxs pay the government and in return the governement gives the Heaux a substantial salary. So you would see prostitutes looking for pathetic males everywhere and it would be more open. All they would need is an ID to show they are in the Heaux Registry. There would be government approved hotels and shit with security so everything would be safe. Howard Johnson: Official Hotel of the Government Heaux Registry. You would be making significant amounts of money if you're the government. 

4) Close down all the banks, have few banks who don't need a fucking bailout. Why the fuck does the US have 1000000 banks? Create one bank called the National Bank of Julius James. Here you get your weed, your money, affordable interest rates, and heauxs. It's a one stop shot. Brilliant. Fuck Chase and Bank of America and shit, fuck em all, pure scum. Realistically though the most you should need is 5 banks, no need for a million.

5) Change Mortgage restrictions. Lets assume I make 50k per year and the most I could be approved for is a $250k mortgage. Instead, I would only be able to get a mortgage of $150k. See what I mean, individuals will be in less debt. 

6) Bulldoze the manufacturing belt. It doesn't work anymore. Indiana, Detroit, Cleveland, Toledo, Buffalo etc. They all getting bulldozed and going back to farms. These places have lost over 50% of their population and are abandoned and looking shitty, just bulldoze it and create farms. You create jobs for this project and you get a decent return in a few years, you start exporting and shit. Believe it or not they've talked about doing this to Detroit for a long time now. 

7) STOP government bailouts. If you need a government bailout, you shouldn't exist. Plain and simple.

8) Slash military spending by 90%.

9) Tax corporations heavily. All these corporations, specifically General Electric hire former IRS members and make a killing off the government. They need to stop it, corporations should pay just like everyone else. What they do is criminal and unethical, a long with the thousands of banks scattered all over the states. This is a problem that needs to be fixed, asap.

10) Stop sending niggas to jail. Watch this video niggas: Sad story about a girl exploited in prison for life . There are people getting up serving 10 years for stealing a bag of chips at Walmart. Shit is sad, stop it, stop the overcrowding prisons. Make those dudes work. 

11) Fix colleges. It costs approx. $200k for an American to go to College in America. Just a 4 year normal degree from a shitty place like Boise St. That shit is plain wrong. Regulate and fix that shit, people are becoming enslaved by debt because of this, it's fucking terrible. 

Listen to those suggestions and the government will have the $13 trillion it needs in no time. It needs to stop letting the corporations/banks and false morals dictate the land. 

Cheeba's Music Corner (Everyday I'll have a song, like the song of the day, and call it Cheeba's music corner cause my boy came up with the idea, salute) Came up with this idea because there's too much faggots listening to Drake and acting like girls. Everyday I'll post something I listen to, my shit's good and it's a wide variety of genres.

We got a long weekend so I'll either be back Sunday or Monday, depending on where I am and how drunk I get. I don't know what this holiday is called but for everyone celebrating, have a safe and blessed long weekend. I'm out, peace.  

Thursday, July 28, 2011


I was going to blog and I had a brilliant idea but at 12:30 shorty who I will call "my girlfriend 2.0" (told you I'd get you back) decided she wanted to start a fight. I was fucking GIVING her the win too, I knew where that shit was going to end up but nah she wanted to go at it. 2:36am and we settled our shit, 100% her fault I might add, lmao I'm going to bed, lates.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Massage

Insomnia fucking sucks man. Haven't slept proper in like 8 months. Minus one time where I slept 22 hours, I get 4 hours a night if that, when lucky I get 5. I'll get the occasional 7 here and there but that's like once a month. There's nothing to fucking do at 4am. Jack off, play ps3, watch old ass movies, jack off to infomercials, go back in the bed, get out of the bed, watch previous episodes of Hells kitchen, play ps3, go to bed. Same shit just a different night. Lately though I been trying to fix it. What's worse is these past 2 nights I've been desperately fucking tired only to be woken up 30 mins after because of lightning and pouring ass rain. I've done it all, I went to a psychiatrist to see if I had underlying issues. I was thinking maybe someone pissed in my sandcastle when I was a kid and repressed memories wasn't the issue. But the shrink told me I was fine. The headaches have gotten so bad I'm flirting with the idea of paying some twisted fuck to hypnotize me for like 20 hours, that shit works on certain people.

I started popping pills. Not Vicodin or Oxys but fucking Omega 3 oils and shit. Except I fucking confused them with my moms estrogen pills for like 2 weeks. Thought I'd start growing a vagina but that didn't happen and the Omega 3 ain't do shit for me. Then I was thinking maybe I could sleep on the floor, that might work. All that did was fuck my neck up like you wouldn't believe. Finally I came up with a solution. The headaches and shit that accompany the insomnia are unreal so I figured maybe it's just the lifestyle. Maybe I live a crazy ass lifestyle and have plenty tension and need a massage. Not one with a happy ending but a fucking proper massage. I found a place that was registered, nothing shady about it so the other day I took some of the loot I been saving and went.

What's great is that you know it wasn't a rub and tug. As it came for my appointment there were like guys and girls with suits and shit, upper class white people. I told the heaux " Listen I have insomnia, I'll give you 100 if you just make it fucking go away." She assured me she would make it go away so I went in the room. It was weird because all it had in the room was a big ass chair and some rocks. I'm thinking okay this shit better work. Then it happened. In order to understand what she was trying to do you have to watch this video from the 25 second mark: the massage she tried to give.

She was just playing with air, not even touching me and blowing at me. 2 minutes in I started yelling " What the fuck is wrong with you heaux. You stealing my money give it the fuck back." She's fucking scared but saying no, no in her fucked up chink accent. I said fine then you better put them hands to work and start jacking me off, if I'm giving you 100 I want a fucking happy ending. She looked disgusted and said no, I yelled: " THEN GIMME MY FUCKING MONEY YOU HEAUX, I didn't come here to watch you play with air." She really got scared and sent me my money and as I walked out the room I seen every white person who was in that waiting room (at least 8 of them) all disappeared. Most fucked up shit ever.

I'm out, peace.

Phone Etiquette 101

It feels fucking great to get a new credit card with a big ass limit, unload it all while betting and double that shit in 3 hours. Ain't have a game like that since the Patriots/Lions thanksgiving game. Damn it feels good. 

This weekend I impressed a lot of you with the way I handled my phone. I pay for 50 weekday minutes a month because I'm an anti social fuck who hates everything and some of y'all were impressed. To be honest I'd never have a cellphone if it weren't for pussy or emergencies. Seeing as how a few of y'all were so impressed, here's ways for the anti-social fucks like myself to get by with the cellphone.

1) I don't ever answer a call unless I'm expecting one. Unless your name is Kate Hudson ( I just seen her in a movie with Matthew Mcconaughey on the womens channel this weekend because I'm an insomniac) please don't call me. I don't want to hear your voice, I don't want to listen to you, I rather not talk to you at all. I don't care if you're a hot ass chick either, don't call. I just checked my bill I talked for 19 minutes last month. I'll call you.

2) I pay $5/month for BBM and Email, use that shit. There's a reason why I pay for it, it's because I don't have to hit up your ass immediately, I could do it on my own time.

3) If I do call you, get straight to the point. My boy was amazed how I just told someone I was on the phone with "later" while the person was in a middle of a sentence. I hate people, I hate phones, I hate society. I get straight to the point then I go back to jacking off

4) I will abuse the fuck out of the phone while intoxicated. There's that stage where you're drinking and then you get uncontrollably horny. Ya that stage is where the phone comes to use. If you're a female and you're listed in my phone as someone who isn't a relative, good luck on those Friday/Saturday nights as most of you already know.

5) The best thing about the phone after the easy access to nude pics is Brick Breaker, that shit is amazing but I can never get past level 12 smh.

6) I have never had my phone on loud. It's either on silent and I use the red light, or vibrate, so if I miss your shit, tough luck.

As I'm typing this someone just messaged me with this: "so I cooked last frozen pizza which i've always enjoyed, i was shitting out all of it."  LMAO hope you doing good man glad you're better.

 Alright I'm fucking tired I got a good blog for y'all tomorrow.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Random Shit From The Weekend

Before I get into it this is why I believe in God. It's Saturday night, I haven't had nothing to drink and I'm feeling pretty good. I'm thinking why not go up the block, see some of my boys from highschool, play some dice and just watch some regular hood fat ass. I hit em up to make sure they know I was coming after the Amir Kahn/Zab Judah fight, then after it was done I said fuck it. I never say fuck it but I did on Saturday night. Here's where one of my boys ended up: click this link .

Here's a bunch of random shit from this weekend, I'm desperately chilling, got a lot to say but I won't say it, I'll behave (just wanted y'all to know that haha):

-cashed in again at the Roulette table. Went on a streak of like 11-0, my intuition is unreal. So I buy pints for everyone I'm with because once again I'm sitting on a few hundred. Then I noticed a Sportsbook. I'm thinking aSportsbook in Canada, this shit must be gold. My eyes lit up like a child. I go to the window ready to lay down 100 on CFL, she tells me: sorry we only do parlays. Only in fucking Canada, the sad part is, it was a proper sportsbook. Digital board, tvs, couches the whole nine, and motherfuckers are sitting down betting parlays. SMH.

-9am on sunday morning a chick hit me up with this message: "I'm sitting here in church and all I could think of is getting fucked on this table next to me. I'm flying to Toronto on August 5th, want to meet?" I can't think of better ways of finding hell LMAO.

-Medium Ass made my weekend again (no I ain't telling everyone who she is but I told her to get at me when her box was rejuvenated after that flight). Actually I'll do a blog on medium ass one of these days, she wants my kids but she'll deny it.

-Salute to all my "fans" who send me naked pics and tell me to delete them after I look at them. I never share but I never delete. I re-sent one to a chick to remind her of what she sent, she recycled that shit to her fiance...

-Amy Winehouse probably looks more attractive with the embalming fluid and shit than she did when she was alive. (tell me I'm lying..) 

-There was something sweet about not drinking on Saturday. I dunno what it was but it felt good.

-I think it was Friday I went to see my cousin in ICU with my mom. I stopped going in to see him because it's just depressing so I wait in the waiting room for my mom. I notice a hot chick there and I'm thinking she definitely is at her lowest point let me talk to her (don't judge me.) Yea, her eyes lit up when I said what up. She looked confused. Then she hit me with the sign language while trying to talk. She was deaf. All I could think about is how horrible this shit would be in bed (don't judge me again). Then her dad comes who could speak english and shit just got even more awkward. Thank fuck my mom came out of that place and I had an excuse to leave.

-I walked into a Korean supermarket today (don't ask why) and those heauxs have never seen a black dude before. They were following me and shit, a few of them definitely wanted some dick, it's like they just got off the boat. Then I hit the produce section, seen 4 bell peppers for $6 and got the fuck out of there. I been sleeping on those Asians though but I'm not ready to explore until all of them start shaving, shit's disgusting.

I'm out, peace.

Friday, July 22, 2011

I'll be back whenever.

Niggas it's 48 degrees outside or some shit. I got like 4 niggas in my crib sleeping on the floor cause their single ass moms cant fuck any dudes who own Air Conditioning. I'll be back whenever, probably Monday. My bro is a faggot but he got bars: 1:50 mark of this link ( I promise it ain't Rebecca Black) :

then check him rapping here (2:27 mark)

Also if I head out this weekend and you can't reach me,  you know who please hit up my inbox when you get the chance. Like right when your medium sized ass gets off that plane k thanks. I'm out, peace.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Back Tomorrow

Busy/sleepy and really not in the mood for blogging tonight. Anything I'd post tonight would land me in jail for years LMAO, I'm good though, easy. hHAAHAHAA drubk tellll them girls for las t week to holl aat me

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Job Process

Sorry I wasn't on yesterday, the power went out and I had no internet. Or fuckin AC and my room got up to 37 degrees Celsius, a negro melted. As an apology and seeing as how my ex-girlfriend is no longer in the picture, here is a nice picture she sent me: hot pic of my ex (safe for work).

So these last few days I been thinking maybe it's time to get my shit together. At first I didn't even have a resume but I didn't even attempt that shit. I got someone to do my resume because if I did it, it would be a mess. I hate this bullshit. "What are your strengths?" Nigga I got a big ass dick, leave me the fuck alone. I lived 22 years of great days so far, why the fuck do you care what high school I went to or what job I did when I was 16. I hate that resume shit but a friend really helped me out and did all that. 

So I graduate in December and I thought i better start looking for work. These applications take forever to fill out. "What would you bring to our company." Then I have to write bullshit like " I would bring passion and excellent team working skills." Nigga I don't give a fuck about your company, I want to get pay my fucking bills. I don't even like people how the fuck could I have good team working skills. So after about 4 applications I really couldn't take it anymore. My "cover letter" (I don't know what a cover letter is nor was I bothered to make one) so I wrote this to every company I applied too after I started feeling sick with all the conforming:

"If I care about something, I'll work my ass off. If I'm applying to your company it means I care about it. I couldn't care less about some crappy corporation who are all interested in efficiency and profit. While those aspects are important, I bring humanistic qualities that will bring in so much more than you could ever need. I am a writer and I love it, which is why you're in luck. Your company provides content where I could continue working on my passion. I don't care about your profit, I don't care about your own job, I don't even care about you, I care about writing. Why should you hire me? Fear motivates me.

God did not put me on this earth to eat fish sticks and watch re-runs of M.A.S.H. I come from a family of alcoholics and quitters. There's not one family member I could think of that graduated high school. Years and years being surrounded by these people have made me come to the conclusion that I never want to be them. My entire life, with the exception of immediate family I have been surrounded by worthless losers. I never want to be them, which is why I will work hard for your company. Everyday I strive to be better than the day before because I am making sure my life is worth something. My parents didn't work so hard to send me to school so I could be a school crossing guard. I've worked my ass off throughout my entire life and I have credentials that depict exactly that. That is why you should hire me, I have a powerful intrinsic drive and motivation that you have never witnessed before. I don't care about nothing other than being great and your company has the opportunity that allows me to do that. In return I'd give it my all to make sure I keep excelling, in return you will reap the rewards of having someone like me on staff, someone with desire to come better will make your company better. Invest in me, you'll quickly get dividends." 

Over 70 places applied to and not one phone call/email since LMAO I'm out, peace.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

What is Your Girl's Box Worth? Part 2

Eastern European Box:

They might be hot but don't be fooled, they're fucked up. They got weird ideologies, built up anger and attractive ass accents. 

Price: $250/hour

Middle European Box:

I don't know what the fuck middle Europe is. I'm thinking Germany Sweden Switzerland and the rest of places I haven't mentioned. These girls are fucking weird. Suicidal ass environmentalists. They are also hot but they are weird. Steer clear of them. They also eat a lot of sausage. That wouldn't be a big deal for most but I just don't want a girl who loves sausage, it bothers me for no reason: 

Price: $250/hour 

Indian Box:

Some of them are hot, especially the light skinned ones but once they open their mouths it's over for you man. I was watching Love it Or List it the other day. Shit was terrible them Indian girls would not show up and they don't understand the meaning of logic and shit. They scream like no tomorrow though.

Price: $175/hour (cause there's a billion of them but only like 100k are hot)

Arabic Box:

It's the best box on the planet cause it's just waiting for their husband. It's like having a Ferrari that you can't drive. All you could do is watch. They also only get horny at certain specific allotted times. Weird shit. They sound funny and got some weirdness to them but like I said, best box on the planet. The key is getting in one is impossible.

Price: $400/hour (good luck getting in) 

Australian Box

It's like that nature kind of pussy. Just kinda bland and shit. You have to really dig an Australian with that fucked up accent to like one of them forever. 

Price: $200/hour

Asian Box

Shit goes for cheap and it's another one of those things. You have to really love Asians exclusively to enjoy the box. You have to be an "Asian" type of guy. I fuck with the Asian salad at McDicks but I don't like Asian women, just preference I guess. Cheapest box on the planet after Africans though. 

Price: $50/hour.

Fuck I'm dead today and my ass has to be up at 9am tomorrow. Before I go check out my boy's blog where he tells another classic story about the "connector"

I'm out, Peace.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Shit I forgot

Blog below but everyone check out my boy Cheeba rapping in Scarborough, funny ass shit: funniest shit you'll ever see

What is Your Girl's Box Worth ? Part 1

Before I begin let me tell you, yesterday this chick walked on the bus. Was not a day over 14 and had tits bigger than double D's and the ass to match. Every dude on the bus was in amazement. Not one dirty thought crossed my mind..............

You know the other day I was thinking about since breaking up with my girlfriend, what did I lose? So I thought about it and you could put a price on box. I came up with a system, now I'll use the standard rate that heauxs charge: $220/hr. But my system looks at it from a relationship standpoint. So the pussy is good for sex but I'm looking at every aspect of the relationship. I'm also looking at the average girl in each category, not the hottest. So here's what I came up with: 

Canadian box:
They are pretty basic. Pretty stuck with hockey and they are very pretentious. They think that because they come from a developed country their box is perfect. Well it's fucking regular and they are the most corniest people on the planet. Also, they don't have the best hygiene and are followers, never a leader.

Price: $220/hour

American box:
They'll do whatever you ask once you're good at it. They will fuck you an insane amount of times and put up with your worst traits. Only problem is they don't really work good jobs. They'll find something at CVS or Walgreens and be content with that which is fine. But they fucking are materialists to the core and run into debt. But the sex is so good you have to account for that more.

Price: $350/hour

British box:
So underrated like you wouldn't believe. They are not the best looking and they are not there mentally but they fuck like you get fucked in your dreams. They cook, they clean, they work, they let you drink, smoke and wreak havoc. They'll find a way to make ends meet but they don't have very high aspirations. They are ugly but often times, they are worth it.

Price: $285/hour

Italian Box:
Don't take it, give it back. LMAO nah I'm playing. Down to earth people who are open to many things. They are very good sexually, not the best, not the worst and they'll be by your side. Then "it" happens. When they just explode and go crazy, I've been told this for years and it proves to be true time and time again. Something triggers them and the fine ass box chains. But trust me, you get a good one you are smiling until "it" happens. Also, you have to consider the box of their families as well because they are so attached.

Price: $380/hour

Caribbean Box:
They'll cook and they'll clean. They will take care of their kids. They won't ever work and they'll complain to you every single day. Some of them have aids though so you have to account for that. But the problem with them is, not only do they end up getting fat. They are like Italians. They wake up one morning and change. Except when they change, it's always for another man worth less than you are worth. They don't upgrade, they downgrade, it's fucking weird but true.

Price: $195/hour (heavily relied on the fact that they are from 3rd world countries but MUCH hotter than Canadians) 

Portuguese Box:
Pretty much identical to everything I said about Italians but after 30 they are pretty worthless, 40 it gets even worse. They pack on the pounds like you wouldn't believe. They are so hot too I don't understand it. But the weight is unbearable.

Price: $160/hour

Spanish Box:
They are moderately good in bed, they are amazingly hot and they make decent money. The problem is they have a fucked up ideology and are easily led astray. This could become problematic, like all of a sudden they'll invest their money in Blockbuster or something cause a secretary at work told them it was a good idea. They are so easily influenced and they are racist so their box is devalued a bit. 

Price: $325/hour 

African Box:
Unless you from South Africa this ain't worth shit. Aids, lack of education, terrible sex, dark ass skin, weird practices, strange customs, nasty food. I know dudes who get blowjobs from girls from Sierra Leone for $2 and I swear on everything I love that's a true story. This shit is in the red.

Price: $-400/hour

I'll do the rest when I get back. I'm headed to the casino tomorrow so I don't know if I'll be around. If not either Sunday or Monday.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

No Blog Today

Got a great ass idea but I aint sleep in like 50 years. I'm actually fucking tired today and maybe this bloodclot (yes I said bloodclot for all the Jamaican folk) headache will finally fucking go away. Shit's annoying Can't do it today I'm steps away from dying of fatigue (just playing). Watch me hit the bed and be wide awake. SMH. Back tomorrow y'all easy.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Stop Selling Fucking Hope

Before I begin, I want to thank all my friends for kindly reminding me what Beats by Dre headphones are worth today, y'all ain't shit LMAO fuck y'all. I didn't even begin to tell you about her lesbian friend with a hint of bi whose perfectly good box I'll never get smh.

But enough of that shit. The other day someone sent me one of those chain/forward email things. You could call it cynicism, I call it realism but I disagreed with so much of that shit I had to add it. I read it over and over and some of it just sickened me. It's time to get angry again, where I am at my best. It's only my opinion though, make of it what you will. Below I'll paste the email and my response will be in green to every point that was made: 

Written by a 90 year old

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make
sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught
me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. (no it isn't fair and good in relation to what? 90 years old and you write like a dumbass two year old. Go tell a 19 year old soldier who can't use any of his limbs that life is good. And his girl just left him and is fucking a dude who works in a mall kiosk. and his fucking parents can't afford his medical bills. Tell that dude life is good, cocksucker)

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. (What step, if you trust yourself and believe in yourself enough, you will never be in doubt. You'll make the right decision sometimes, you'll make the wrong decisions. Fuck small steps do whatever the fuck you want so long as it was in your control for the most part)

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. (Hating is great. It truly is. Everyday we are marginalized and reduced to everybody else. Fuck that, hate, love, fight, get smashed, pray, do it all in moderation and don't ever hold back or give into societal norms. Hating when it is warranted is absolutely intoxicating and great for the soul, fuck what you think) 

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch. (I agree with the first part, but trust me, 99% of the people, your friends and a lot of parents I know won't. Life isn't all roses you 90 year old. Keep a safe distance from everyone and judge everyone before you decide who to really keep close to you. Most will only do it because they have to, not because they want to and they'll do a shitty job)

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. (100% agreement there, fuck the high interest rates)

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. (Fucking idiot, winning matters. If you lose an argument, it means you were a cocksucking faggot. Try to win it all, there is no harm in knowing everything, trust me I do. Don't let anyone reduce you or marginalize you, win em all, even when your wrong perceive it in such a way that you could make a compelling argument that you were right. It matters)

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. (Fuck crying. But showing no emotion is the best way to go about things. Cry alone, when you cry with others you'll hear bullshit about them trying to understand you and shit. Fuck all that " I know how you feel" bullshit, just cry alone and pick yourself up when you feel the need)

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. (100% agreed)

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. (No, cause then you die at 50 and some cockfuck enjoys your hard earned money. Don't save for 65, when your dick doesn't work and you can't walk and shit. Save enough to live comfortably when retired (meds and the odd trip) but don't start saving in your 20s, what the fuck you going to do with all that money when you can't jack off and shit)

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. (I don't know what the fuck this means but if by chocolate you mean black girls, then ya, resist all the way)

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. (The past follows you around and it is 100% impossible to make peace with it. It might screw up your present and future but that is because you allowed it. You don't have to make peace with it, you have to accept it and try to carry what you learned from the situation onwards, it's still going to fuck you regardless but it will make the process much easier)

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.. (No, because they'll turn out like Justin Bieber and shit, fuck that faggotry)

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about. ( Hard to do but I somewhat agree, though comparing it makes it easier and if you can benefit from it, go right ahead. I do it all the time)

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it. (Why are you marginalizing again. Some secrets are worth it. Allow it to grow, allow yourself to figure out what you really want, why the fuck does everyone have to know who you are fucking) 

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks. (How does this make the present situation any better? Ya I just lost my son but it's okay because God doesn't blink...yup it makes the process so much easier smh.)

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. (So does alcohol)

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. (You can find use, beauty, and joy in any thing in this world, everything. I heard a crackhead describe crack one time on Intervention and it solidified this point)

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. (No, it brings you closer to death. It might make you stronger but you would have been just fucking fine without it in your life, so no, don't sell hope. Tell it like it is, whatever doesn't kill you will certainly fuck you over at some point, it's called life)

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.. But the second one
is up to you and no one else. (This seems like something a pedophile would say so I'll have to disagree)

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an answer. (If it's a person, take the no, trust me you'll re-discover yourself and come to the realization they weren't who you loved in the light that you thought, if you talking about strippers, I agree)

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. (Umm nah, but I agree with the latter portion, no homo)

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. (100% agreed)

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple. (But you just told the people to save for retirement from their first pay day, how can they buy what they want when they are saving it for when they can't move and shit......)

24. The most important sex organ is the brain. (Nope, it's this motherfucking dick. While I don't advise thinking with your dick/pussy a lot, during the right times it's 100% necessary)

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. (To a certain extent, but their are external factors that contribute to lack of happiness, or more happiness, and it's significant)

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years,
will this matter?' (Yes it will matter, I carry shit with me from the day I was born and I prefer to live that way)

27. Always choose life. (Though I will admit, slamming my car into a brick wall is endearing. I agree, and choose to live while you're at it)

28. Forgive everyone everything. (Fuck no, never. I love to hold grudges, I just do. and some people I won't ever forgive, could only think of one but FUCK NO)

29. What other people think of you is none of your business. (Unfortunately you're wrong. We are unable to see ourselves through our own eyes. Other people matter. How much they matter is completely up to you. Also judge by consensus, if 90% of people think you're a slut/faggot/ass then that's who you are. But don't put everyone on the same scale, value some people much more than others)

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. (Probably right but while you wait for time to kick in why not at least attempt to fix it yourself)

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. (No opinion on this one, it probably will but refer what I said in #30)

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. (I was going to say something here but I won't, nah fuck it. There's a few people, if they didn't take me seriously, things wouldn't be how they are today and vice versa from my standpoint, so you're wrong but nice try. The key is knowing when to take yourself seriously)

33. Believe in miracles. (Couldn't agree more)

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you
did or didn't do. (So that means he loves Hitler just as much as me because of who God is. Nigga please, God loves you because you make whatever the fuck he gave you worth it for him. If your life ain't worth living, then he don't love you)

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. (You JUST fucking said overprepare.....fuck you're annoying. Audit life and make decisions based on your intuition, don't just make the most of it now, tomorrow could hurt a bit)

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young. (It depends but I'll agree there, to a certain extent)

37. Your children get only one childhood. (More pedophile talk involving kids, I'll steer away from this one)

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. ( I love a lot of things, all that matters in the end was that I fucking lived. I was loved, hated, adored, despised but I fucking lived and my life was worth it. I could die today and say I got everything I ever wanted out of my life and I'd do that with the biggest smile in my face. That's what fucking matters, love is such a small portion to it all)

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. (No thanks, sometimes I rather stay in and jack off)

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd grab ours back. (Yup, so parents who have done everything right but  have a 10 year old dying would want their problems back. In comparison to an idiot couple who over-spent and is getting their house foreclosed. Go head, I talk to this girl at least once a week, tell her that she'd want her problem back:

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. (Yes, but a challenge now and then doesn't harm things, or else life would be boring)

42. The best is yet to come... (We'll see)

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. (This is gay so I'll just blankstare)

44. Yield. (Dunno what this means other than the streetsign)

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift." (More gayness, what is this supposed to mean to me. It isn't perfect but it's a gift...alright I had enough of this I'll just blankstare again)

Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,
forward this with the title '7%'. (Stop it you fag.)

Fuck I was sleepy as shit when I was writing this and now I feel pumped up and shit, this is the most emotion I've put into a blog in the longest time. A pure classic. I'm out, peace

"I'm the Juggernaut Bitch"

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

How to Get Over the Dumb Ass Ex

This might be long and I'm almost certain it'll be a good one. Got a lot to say, let me cook haha. When I say "she" I mean ex-girl, I just don't feel like typing the extra 4 characters every time cause I'm that fucking lazy. Shit ended today and it wasn't nasty but it was a buildup of everything for the last little while. I watch a Dragon's Den/Shark's Tank and they always talk about industries. The ex-girlfriend department must be an industry, the music industry makes a thousand songs, there's books and shit on this. Niggas read this blog, I'll tell you how to get over the dumb ass.

For starters, she was a fucking self-destructing asshole. She did it all in one day though which is amazing, she sent this email to a female friend y'all check it out: 

"I do feel like talking actually so u can go ahead and listen. Im gonna be honest with u, I dont trust u for a single second and if it were up to me u wouldnt be here right now. I really dont give a damn how many times u tell me u don’t have feelings for him when its obvious u do, so theres no point in u lying to me about that anymore. Ur saying that u dont wanna do anything to make me hate u  but let me tell u its a little too late for that. ur in way over ur head and if I were u id back the fuck off."

Yea, she needed to sit her wack ass down. There was never anything going on between me and the girl she messaged even though the girl is everything she isn't. She showed her ass on that one. But you know what's really fucked, this sudden transition happened in one day. She was never like this, or maybe she always was and I never saw it. It's like in the course of a day she changed into some dramatic elf or some shit, skinny ass Juggernaut LMAO. So shit ended today but you know what, the dumb ass won't admit it. She won't say "it was the other girl." You know what she told me today when I asked for a straight answer: "I realize I've neglected my family, my mom especially and want to spend more time with them." DEAD ass she sends an email like that to one of my closes friends and when asked what the fuck is she doing she says she put her friends over her family. What in the entire global fuck?????? No correlation, all I wanted was the truth, tell me that you are assuming I love the other girl and I'll go my way, but dumb ass responds with a dumb ass answer.

Here are some universal tips to get over the dumb ass ex:

1) Realize it ain't your fault. Nah it's never the guy's fault unless you cheat or put your hands on her. I look back on the whole relationship and she just didn't want to communicate. If you hated things, lets say certain blog posts, me doing whatever the fuck I was doing, it was never said to me. I look at the points I screwed up, and 90% of them were things I was incapable of learning on my own, dumb ass didn't feel the need to tell me. So how the fuck is it my fault???? 

2) The "super nut." Have sex as soon as she leaves you. Think with your penis and not your brain.  Find a close friend, any chick who understands, and just go wild. Let's get this clear this isn't a rebound, this is you being frustrated sexually cause the box is gone. Human beings are designed to have sex. It might be connectionless at times but 100% necessary to get your mind away from dumbass. So you get new box right away just to cum. Let me tell you, the cum is a fucking powerwasher machine thing. Jeez, shit's amazing. The piss about 15 mins after is amazing too I can't even begin to describe the process. The best nut ever comes after someone fucks with you, trust me.

3) Accept that it'll sting. There's a lot of people who deny it but trust me it stings. It's like a mosquito bite though. You scratch at the surface, you think about it, and in like 3 days it goes away. People who are in denial just turn out to be worse and then they listen to Ne-Yo and shit and act like faggots.

4) Look at it from face value. On the surface what the fuck happened? She changed, and while I'll never know the reason, you just gotta accept the fact that she ain't shit. We already realized it is never your fault, that person ain't shit. Unless you fucking a model or something then you lost, but even though she was stunning, trust me it takes an hour to get her out your mind when you realize how awful things had become. 

5) Erasure. Fuck holding on, erase everything niggas. The naked pics to the sweet letter. Bin all that shit, the fuck you holding it on for? 

6) Accept it was all a facade. It wasn't reality, just a perception which is almost always based on change and potential. When you get that, you understand that there ain't shit that could stop you or fuck with you.

7) They'll never forgive. She brought up shit from months ago still bothering her lmao. Like either get passed it or get the fuck out, when you look back on her holding onto all that shit, it's hilarious and makes the process easier.

8) Starting over is great. You just have to trust me on that one, enjoyable process. New day, new playing field if that's what you like to do.

9) They fucked with your head, get your head back. Over the last little bit I started second guessing myself, or bypassing the little things to avoid confrontation. You lose a bit of your sharpness when you're with a dumbass, get it back after, just have to trust yourself.

10) Let it go. You gotta accept that it wasn't what you thought it was and you just have to move on. Simple in this case when she went from 0 to 60 in 24 hours. Must of been a buildup but oh well, not my fault LMAO. Let it all go, you'll feel some hate and shit. For me I'm pissed cause I ain't get the Beats by Dre Headphones. That shit's a few hundred no? Want to know what's funny. I've had these normal headphones for about 2 years which is great cause they always go after a month. So over the last week I've noticed one side getting softer and softer in terms of volume. Today I'm on the treadmill and the complete right side just blows up. Had to go to Walmart and grab a next one but that shit just breathes irony. 

I'm out Peace.

"I'm the Juggernaut Bitch"