25 Things I want in My Future Wife

Today one of my boys was scrambling for a liquor store. When I told him they aren't open this late he was pissed. Said he should give the girl more than just beer. I asked why the fuck is he supplying her with variety liquor? He said because she cleans his place. My nigga, you don't fucking treat them like the Queen of England. Just because they helped you tidy up does not qualify for the variety liquor. If she's cleaning your crib then kissing her in the mouth  should suffice. Y'all disgust me man. It made me think of the 25 things I need in my future wife. Let's go:

1) She gotta let me hit it on the period. (Not every month, hell we can take months off, but there's something about a chick letting you in, she can't seal it off just for the sake of a little blood)

2) She has to be white. (If you're wondering why, this explains it: White Girls Only)

3) She has to believe in God (You atheist heauxs stay the fuck away from me, I ain't going to hell for the box, sorry) 

4) She should be able to pronounce "hands" like this girl: White Girl Voice (so white...so hot) 

5) She must be a swallower. Spitters are for quitters.

6) College education is a must. (I ain't supporting you G.E.D. heaux that think James Joyce is a stylist) 

7) Must not like the following: Sean Kingston, Justin Bieber, Maroon 5, Black Eyed Peas.

8) She should be down for a fake scrap once in a while ( If you've never given your chick the People's Elbow then you aren't living right) 

9) She shouldn't get upset when I fart unless it's in front of guests or real nasty. ( I rarely hold it in ) 

10) She needs to watch Scarface and Blow before I wife her. ( It should be a necessity for all women really) 

11) Shaving is a must (I don't mind the little trail but I'm not rolling out a John Deere before I hit it) 

12) Mild-Racism is a must (nothing better than a white girl saying the n-word) 

13) She shouldn't be burping in front of me. (farts are fine but a girl burping is a massive turnoff in my fucked up world) 

14) Needs to attend sporting events. ( she doesn't have to be into it, but her ass is coming with me on occasion. )

15) No outie belly-button (If you got one it's because God hates you) 

16) Head at least 4 times a week. (I'm being generous here) 

17) Accept the fact that I'm going to get wasted at least once a month and it won't be pretty. I'll make it up to you once the hangover ends.

18) Has to be able to list at least 3 Spongebob charcters. (You life isn't worth shit unless you can name 3 at a minimum) 

19) Know the lyrics to Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car" and Biggie's "Juicy". (I know most of y'all don't..you still got time)

20) She needs to push the shopping cart. I hate grocery shopping but I'd go if she needed me. I ain't pushing a shopping cart though, fuck that.

21) If you're going to rock nail-polish, make sure it looks proper (There's nothing worse than talking to a chick and got like half a nail painted....it's all I notice) 

22) No Jersey Shore references. ( A girl that references Jersey Shore in life is the same girl that gets her news from www.theonion.com) 

23) Must not own her own coffee mug. (People who have their own coffee mugs are the same people who order pasta at Pizza Hut)

24) Must never slander the Goat-Snipe: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=goat+snipe

25) She should be paying the credit card in full (If you are being suckered in by the 18-29% credit card interest rates then your parents didn't love you as a child)

Need to sleep on these NFL games, will figure it out first thing in the morning. 

NBA:
$300 Cleveland/Utah over 196.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$500 Raptors/Pistons over 206.5 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $800

Total Returned: $572.73 

Total Loss: $227.27

Total Earned to Date: $14837.89

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.