Open Letter to Mother Nature

Before I start a lot of people are questioning me and the model chick. This pic isn't her but today she rolled out the good box. It was better than good, that great box. She has offers on the table for Victoria Secret but I know you degenerate fucks wouldn't believe that. So after last night I told her about the blog. She's impressed with yours truly and might comment on occasion. Good luck trying to get her to post a pic though and I ain't fucking shit up with her just to prove a point to you assholes. Hi sweetie :)

Open Letter to Mother Nature:

So for the past 17 days now I haven't touched a drink. I behaved, I didn't spend any money and I been a good dude. Then today a friend hits me up, a friend who I love dearly by the way. She alerts me that there's a storm coming on Wednesday February 2nd, good for 15cms. For starters, friend, if you're going to send me terrible news it's a good idea to attach it with something that would instantly cheer me up. Maybe a funny picture, your picture, a clip of goat sounds, good idea for the future. Anyways why is this date important? At 3:20 on Wednesday Afternoon I depart for Philadelphia. I'm expected to jerk off in a Philadelphia airport for an hour and then on my way to Vegas. I'm expected to return on Tuesday. 

So mother nature, I've emptied my chequing account for this trip. Apparently 15cms ain't shit and flights are expected to kinda be on schedule. Let me just say mother nature, I'm a good dude. I have Asperger's so I'm not cut out for this shit. At 9:30pm pacific time on Wednesday I'm expected to be doing coke off a future Psychology student's tits. Do you really want to stop me from doing this? My alcohol tolerance is at an all-time low so when I do step foot on that plane I'd be fucked out of this world. Why are you doing this. So I ask, right now you're probably forming in Africa or some shit, can you make sure you come after 3:20pm. I don't care if you bring 1000inches, just wait til I fly off to Philly, is that so hard to ask.

I say no to drugs, I don't abuse alcohol, I never call a woman a disrespectful name, I've never ran the 5k to Conquer Cancer but I certainly visualize myself running 5k for cancer, doesn't that count? I treat all people with equal respect, including the Chinks, and I have done nothing to deserve this. Can you please make sure my flight takes off and then you could wreak havoc on all these Tim Hortons drinking, maple-syrup eating, hockey loving assholes who answer questions with other questions. (except the wonderful people that read this blog, spare them too) So find it in your heart to not fuck with my flight and in return I'll tell a female who is black like tar that she has great hair and really nice eyes. Deal?

Recap etc. in the morning.