Another Day, Another Fucked Up Experience, Woof Woof

Before I start let's get a few things out the way. Would any of y'all fuck Dog The Bounty Hunter's wife, for free, while  sober? It wasn't even an option for me, it was a hell no. However, some of y'all are saying hell yes. So let me know what everyone thinks. Also, I don't know how or why I ended up agreeing to this, but I'm hosting a Jersey Shore viewing party tomorrow, VSOP out in full effect, don't ask. 

Check out this report card though, I'm Jimmy Neutron in this bitch:

ENGB06H3 - Canadian Literature I: 0.50 71 B-

ENGC59H3 - Geography and Regionalism 0.50 76 B

HISB30H3 - American History to the Civil 0.50 66 C

PHLA10H3 - Introduction to Philosophy: 0.50 70 B-

Credits Earned: 2.00

Sessional GPA: 2.60 Cumulative GPA: 2.27

My white girl left me a few days ago. Found a professional golfer dude. For a hot minute I had a teacher going to make 6 stacks and fumbled it for a golfer guy. I don't think I can win anymore. These days I'm reduced to making goat noises, taking pictures of myself with stuffed cartoons and writing letters to God. So when you lose a chick you fucked up with you got 2 options. You try to repair things with the hope that she hasn't seen enough yet or you concede defeat. She seen enough, I got no choice but to move on. See it's 2011. The world is supposed to end next year. That means this year I have to make the most of everything, which means I need a white girl. In previous years I didn't give a fuck about anything but with the world is ending, birds, fish, and chicken dying, cops getting run over by a crazy dude with a snow plow, all this means I need to secure that box. So white girl leaves for a professional golfer and I'm convinced she could be replaced. 

I start talking to a new girl, Morgan. A 19 year old college sophomore I met through a friend, I started realizing something weird. Morgan could never replace anybody in my life, she's one of a kind. The conversation I'm about to post is 100% real, she isn't winding me up, she's just this fucking stupid. Her parents are beyond rich, probably was home-schooled and drives a range-rover. I'm not ashamed to admit I pissed my pants when she mentioned "Tiger." Just a few things before I post it: Everytime the convo says "start/stop" it's because I "goat sniped" her. If you don't know what goat sniping is, read a few blogs down. This convo is 10000000000% accurate I put that on my life, nothing fabricated, I didn't put her up to this. I'm done finding girls, tapping out, my left hand is all I need. "NNH" is the goat noise I was making when I met her. Here goes: 

Morgan says:
 you're the bah person, right?
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 nah, i'm the nnh one
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:


Play/stop    Save as
Morgan says:
 ohh.. ok then
 huh?
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:


Play/stop    Save as
Morgan says:
 whats that
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:


Play/stop    Save as
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 goat noise
Morgan says:
 ok..?
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:


Play/stop    Save as
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 k ima stop
 LOL
 i got issues
Morgan says:
 mmhm ok..
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 i love you
Morgan says:
 why is there a goat as ur display picture?
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 cause i want to have sex with one babe
 i have a problem
 obsessive goat disorder
 im obsessed with goats
Morgan says:
 um, and does lindsay know this?
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 yes she's trying to help me
 but she wants to be a sheep
Morgan says:
 who wants to be a sheep
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 snickers
 aka lindsay
Morgan says:
 lindsay wants to be a sheep, or wants to be snickers?
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 her name is snickers
 she wants to be a sheep
Morgan says:
 ohh ok i get it now
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 i dont but im glad you do, im a lost person
Morgan says:
 um im sorry, its ok though, im lost as well
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 you can be the snail
 what noise does a snail make
 woof woof?
Morgan says:
 no thats a tiger, a snail is slimy
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 are u sure its not a dog?
 snails could make a soft meow i think
Morgan says:
 um i think they both make the same noise, but a tiger;s louder
 no no cats make tthat noise
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 i swear other animals do it as well
Morgan says:
 maybe, im not the best person to ask
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 merry christmas babe
Morgan says:
 thanks but lol that was a long time ago
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 no
 im a different religion
 mine is on saturday
 im a scientologist
Morgan says:
 ohh sorry   merry christmas
 are there many scientologists, ive never heard of the religion
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 only people from africa
 im from africa
 do u know where it is
Morgan says:
 ohh yeah you're black
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 yea
 black people only come from africa
Morgan says:
 um its next to asia
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 and maybe
 finland
 yea
 right next door
 near china
Morgan says:
 yeah yeah finland and asia
 i mean africa*
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 yea finland is a nice place
 it's in africa
Morgan says:
 ive never been
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 you should come with me and Snickers one day
Morgan says:
 umm yeah, one day
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 too much blacks in finland though.
Morgan says:
 um im sorry i have to go
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 bye
Morgan says:
 merry christmas
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 woof woof
 make a tiger noise for me
 if ur going
 please
Morgan says:
 woof? bye
Islandboi...Not knowing what goats sound like is for the faggots says:
 bye 

My boxers are now in the garbage, soaked with piss. My bladder gave up and I was on the floor. This is what I replaced a hot ass teacher who once told me if we ever progressed she'd give me the money to buy her wedding ring, if I couldn't afford it. Now look what I put up with. December 2012, can't you come now? 

 Will recap and fix the picks and shit in the morning, I'm taking it easy, made enough money so I'm just dicking around for action these days, nothing too serious. 

Raptors/Hawks over $205 -110 for $1000= Return of $1000 (P)
NBA:
$300 Knicks/Blazers over 203 -110 (L)
$300 Spurs/TWolves over 205.5 -110 (L)

NCAAB:
$300 UConn/Rutgers over 134.5 -110 (L)
$400 NC State/Boston College over 144.5 -110 (L)
$300 Illinois/Penn St. over 134.5 -110 (L)
$400 Florida/Tenn over 137 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)

Total Wagered: $3000
Total Returned: $1763.64
Total Loss: $1236.36
Total Earned to Date: $16065.16

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.