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Monday, January 31, 2011

I Now Know What It Feels Like to Be In Jail

It's Saturday morning and clearly my parents have either had great sex or they won some money because they suggested we do something together as a family. We ain't down with that Little House on the Prairie type of lifestyle so when they mention "family time" it usually means they're in a great mood and have money to spend. My brother suggests we go to this Japanese restaurant we visited back in the summer. I love that spot, they cook the food right in front of you and the Japanese nigga will start throwing shit and lighting fires and go on a mad chopping frenzy, pretty cool shit. Of course I want to finish the Louisville/UConn game so I keep telling them to calm down and give me 5 more minutes. Finally the game is over and I'm down a grand so now I'm pissed off, I'm ready to ruin this white people family time bullshit.

For starters, my pops is playing "Uptown Girl" by Billy Joel in the car. The fuck is a black dude playing that gay ass shit for. This dude probably thinks he's Michael Landon, I repeatedly say "take that shit off" then he just puts it up louder and my mom has enough and tells us both to piss off. An excellent start to this family day. 5 minutes later they start arguing about directions and my dad starts driving like a Chink. My mom's getting more and more pissed off and after a few more arguments, we're at the Japanese restaurant and I'm happy again because I get to see the Japanese nigga light fires and play with knives. We get to the front door and it's locked, we're too late and they're closed, they'll re-open for dinner. Both of them forget that I was the one that delayed them for an hour while watching UConn/Louisville and my mom blames my dad for getting lost and they go at it again. My mom picks another restaurant called "Fire and Ice"...I'll soon find out why they chose that name. We get to Fire and Ice and I'm pissed off cause this is some healthy shit, I didn't want this bullshit. 

The restaurant has a weird concept, you pick your protein, for example I chose beef. Then you get up, head over to a specific area and select a whole bunch of raw vegetables, you carry it in a bowl, hand it to the chef and he cooks it for you. Here's where I learned something about myself. Other people's misery sometimes brings me joy, especially a stranger. Don't judge me, I'm autistic. So I think to myself, what a perfect time to compensate for the fact that I can't see the Japanese guy play with the knives. I grab 2 bowls and in it I put the most random raw veggies/fruits you could possibly think of. Pineapples, Jalapenos (half of a bowl full), baby spinach, cabbage, carrots, red onions, string beans, zucchini, regular lettuce, water chestnuts, almonds and  I stole some macaroni from the salad bar and put it in. Both the chef and my parents look at me with the "what the fuck is wrong with you," kinda look and I could tell this chef is pissed off. You're only supposed to pick one or 2 Items and I pick enough to feed Zimbabwe for the next century. The chef is just looking at me in awe wondering what the fuck he's supposed to do with this. 

Everyone's food comes back but mine as the waitress tells me mine is going to take a while. 25 minutes later she comes back with my plate. I should have sensed something wrong after the first bite but you know the motherfucker made it work. I don't know how he did it, I don't think I want to know how, but the food tasted great. About 5 bites in my eyes start to water, fuck it was hot. I'm no pussy either I love hot shit but by the time I was finished, I was sweating like a Muslim at the US Border. 30 mins later we get home and my stomach starts to rumble. Oh fuck here we go. I rush to the bathroom and let me just say this, I now know what it feels like to be a dude named Ashley who is in prison. For those 10 minutes I felt worse than a gay porn star in a gang bang scene. 30 minutes later (10 for the violation of my asshole, 10 to reflect on what had just happened, 10 for a shower because baby-wipes were as good as cactus plants) I come out and my mom looks at me and in a Trinidadian accent says "Good for you." I'll never be the same again, karma at its finest.

$300 UMass -1 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$400 Iowa/Michigan over 126 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$300 Washington -4 -110 (L)
$400 Providence +4.5 -110 (L)
$400 Team Lindstrom -115= Return of $747.83 (W)
$500 AFC -110 (L)
$600 Boston/LA over 183.5 -110= Return of $1145.45 (W)
$300 Philly/Denver over 208 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 Suns/N.O. over 196 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
Play of the Day:
$1000 South Alabama -3 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $4500
Total Returned: $4375.11
Total Loss: $124.89
Total Earned to Date: $19601.72

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Just Keeping it Real.

-You know in elementary/highschool there was always a chick(s) who would be super athletic. The main reason for this would be because they were skinny but ugly as shit. Always obedient so the teacher loved them but no one in the class did. I wonder what happen to these girls after college? They probably married a gas station attendant and joined a co-ed volleyball league.
- I wonder if I would fuck Nancy Grace. I'm being honest, right now I can say helllll no. But Nancy is naked on a bed, do I really trust myself to say "no way in hell" without even a quickie? I wonder.

-I wonder if my mom was a heaux before she met my dad? Don't judge me lol. 

-I wonder where the fuck does the money go when I deposit it into a bank machine. One time I was drunk and didn't even stick the shit in an envelope. It still got deposited, that's on some Elroy Jetson type shit. 

-I wonder if Asians ever look at themselves in the mirror and wonder, why the fuck am I here?

-I wonder why the fuck English people call me "bloke." Get the fuck out of here with that gay shit, sounds like a digestive disease.

-I wonder how long it'd take me before I start giving it in jail (I'd never receive), assuming I get consecutive life sentences. I'd like to "no homo" this thought but if you're being real then there's no need to deny it. You get sentenced to 100 years and a half day in prison like they do in Texas. No conjugal visits. You're telling me you masturbate all the fucking days of your life? I think I'm good for 15 years before I crack but who the fuck knows, everyone has a limit though lol. 

-I wonder why the fuck PK Subban's parents don't love him. They named him Pernell Karl, what the fuck did he do to wrong?

-I wonder what the world would be like if black people decided to work 9-5s like everyone else.

-I wonder why Pakistanis, Indians, and Sri Lankans smell like ass. Let's be real. I'm generalizing but shit if you're in a room and the smell is fucking disgusting, you could wager good money it's one of the groups I just listed. People say it's their food, why the fuck would anyone eat/cook food that smells like that.

-I wonder what it'd be like if I were white and my parents never beat my ass.

-I wonder why the world is driven by materialism. If we had 10000 years here then fine I could understand. But people are only going to live to 75 and they'd do whatever they can to get a piece of painted paper like it means the world to them. 

-I wonder who the fuck watches the X-Games. Like really if you spend your time watching the X-Games then wouldn't it be safe to assume that your life is worth fuck all and suicide could be a viable option. 

-I wonder why the fuck these Jehovah Witness negros bang my door once a week to give me some book. I never read it, I don't care about Adam and Eve, I don't care that Jesus is going to come back and fuck us all up, the only thing I care for in this world is gummy bears and head so if you ain't offering then get the fuck away from my door. 

-I wonder why people from the Middle East are always upset. Look at those negros in Egypt throwing rocks and shit. Everyone in the Middle East needs to do some blow, get head, and smoke a few pinners. They'd feel so much happier. 

Will recap when I get up, peace. 

$300 Magic -1 -110 (L)
$300 Bucks -2.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$500 Celtics/Suns over 199 -110 (L)
$400 Manhattan/Fairfield over 118 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
Play of the Day:
$600 Bobcats/Warriors over 207.5 -110= Return of $1145.45 (W)

$200 Xavier/Richmond over 136 -110= Return of $381.82 (W)
$400 Auburn +15 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$300 St. Peter -1 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 Jacksonville St. +6 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$700 Hofstra -2 -110 (L)
$300 San Francisco +1 -110 (L)
$500 Evansville -4 -110= Return of $954.54(W)
$500 Arizona -6 -110= Return of $954.54 (W)
$300 Hawks/Mavs over 189 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 Bucks/Nets over 181 -110 (L)

Play of the Day:
$1000 UConn -4 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $6900
Total Returned: $7254.55
Total Profit: $354.55
Total Earned to Date: $19726.61

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Open Letter to Mother Nature

Before I start a lot of people are questioning me and the model chick. This pic isn't her but today she rolled out the good box. It was better than good, that great box. She has offers on the table for Victoria Secret but I know you degenerate fucks wouldn't believe that. So after last night I told her about the blog. She's impressed with yours truly and might comment on occasion. Good luck trying to get her to post a pic though and I ain't fucking shit up with her just to prove a point to you assholes. Hi sweetie :)

Open Letter to Mother Nature:

So for the past 17 days now I haven't touched a drink. I behaved, I didn't spend any money and I been a good dude. Then today a friend hits me up, a friend who I love dearly by the way. She alerts me that there's a storm coming on Wednesday February 2nd, good for 15cms. For starters, friend, if you're going to send me terrible news it's a good idea to attach it with something that would instantly cheer me up. Maybe a funny picture, your picture, a clip of goat sounds, good idea for the future. Anyways why is this date important? At 3:20 on Wednesday Afternoon I depart for Philadelphia. I'm expected to jerk off in a Philadelphia airport for an hour and then on my way to Vegas. I'm expected to return on Tuesday. 

So mother nature, I've emptied my chequing account for this trip. Apparently 15cms ain't shit and flights are expected to kinda be on schedule. Let me just say mother nature, I'm a good dude. I have Asperger's so I'm not cut out for this shit. At 9:30pm pacific time on Wednesday I'm expected to be doing coke off a future Psychology student's tits. Do you really want to stop me from doing this? My alcohol tolerance is at an all-time low so when I do step foot on that plane I'd be fucked out of this world. Why are you doing this. So I ask, right now you're probably forming in Africa or some shit, can you make sure you come after 3:20pm. I don't care if you bring 1000inches, just wait til I fly off to Philly, is that so hard to ask.

I say no to drugs, I don't abuse alcohol, I never call a woman a disrespectful name, I've never ran the 5k to Conquer Cancer but I certainly visualize myself running 5k for cancer, doesn't that count? I treat all people with equal respect, including the Chinks, and I have done nothing to deserve this. Can you please make sure my flight takes off and then you could wreak havoc on all these Tim Hortons drinking, maple-syrup eating, hockey loving assholes who answer questions with other questions. (except the wonderful people that read this blog, spare them too) So find it in your heart to not fuck with my flight and in return I'll tell a female who is black like tar that she has great hair and really nice eyes. Deal?

Recap etc. in the morning.

Friday, January 28, 2011

I Think I'm Autistic

For starters if you're offended by me thinking I have autism them leave the page right now, don't waste your time emailing me death threats cause I don't give a fuck. When I think about the government I just think of a bunch of scum that do whatever the fuck they want. They sit in offices all day drinking those coffees in the small ass cups, wearing sweater vests and talking about last week's episode of Desperate Housewives. The fact that I pay for these people to do this shit pisses me off so I try to get them back every way I can. I steal supplies from government offices, I get some genius Tamil guy to do my taxes and this motherfucker brings me in a lot of money. My latest attempt to get back at the government was filing for unemployment insurance.

The last 9-5 I worked was 2 years ago and it was contractual work. My contract ended and a few months ago I read up on this pamphlet which claims the government pays unemployed people who been laid off so long as they're looking for work. So I applied for this government hand-out. Some fat lady called me a few days ago and rejected me on the basis that I'm in school. I told the fat ass I'm an aspiring door salesman that wants to start up a company, selling doors Door2Door but she wasn't buying that. She told me I could appeal but I'd lose and pretty much insinuated that the government hates black people. Fine, score one for the government. However now I think I'm about tie the score, I'm convinced I have Autism and thus the government owes me some of that "Disabled Child/Person tax credit." Straight Cash homie. Now you're probably thinking I'm full of shit and make no mistake about it I am but I make a great case for having Asperger's syndrome. 

See the other day I was watching a lecture and taking notes and the lecture was on Asperger's syndrome. I have all these motherfucking symptoms: 

1) Unlike regular autism people with Asperger's are often very intellectual: I write for a bunch of different magazines, have had business trips before the age of 22 and I have numerous inventions coming out soon like a Female Urinal.

2) Poor Social Skills: I don't like people, society, and I was thrown out of a mall a few months ago because I was intoxicated and demanded that I sit on Santa's lap. 

3) Often Occupied with a Particular Subject/Interest: I have a masturbation addiction and I am obsessed with that smooth white vagina.

4) Poor Social Behavior, often Inappropriate: Do I even need to explain this one? 

So there you have it, I have a rare form of autism. Bill Gates has the same kind and he turned out okay. Therefore the government owes me money and a lot of it. Autism can't be easily detected so let's see them work their way out of this. Fuck you, pay me. 

$200 Towson/George Mason under 141.5 -110 (L)
$400 Miami (Oh)/Central Michigan over 119 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$300 Troy -3.5 -110 (L)
$300 North Texas -3.5 -110 (L)
$500 Illinois -4 -110 (L)
$300 UC Irvine -6.5 -110 (L)
$400 Idaho St./Sacramento St. over 125.5 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$300 Eastern Washington -2 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 St. Marys +3.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 San Fransisco +5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)

Play of the Day:
$600 Michigan/Michigan St. over 125 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $3900
Total Returned: $3245.47
Total Loss: $654.53
Total Earned to Date: $19372.06

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Scarborough Til I Die, Fuck Toronto

I wanted to talk about this issue for a while now but I'm tired of these bullshit ass misrepresentations. For starters meet this faggot, Dwayne DeRosario. He's good when he wants to be but he's old and worthless now, he's like previous winners of American Idol who aren't named Carrie Underwood or Kelly Clarkson. Look at the fucking garbage that came from his mouth in this bullshit ass article: Dwayne DeRosario Talks Nonsense Trying to Make Himself Seem Relevant.Sit the fuck down, who the fuck calls  Scarborough the "gang-invested wild wild east." You know he's right with a lot of the shit listed in that article, despite it being grossly exaggerated but he makes it seem like we're dodging bullets out here everyday. This asshole needs to shut the fuck up. Scarborough is like any other place, some good some bad and a gross misrepresentation because of there's a lot of blacks. This asshole talking about "I didn't stick around to see if people were dead." at 32 years old is just trying to draw attention to himself. Shut the fuck up and continue being the low-rate, irrelevant soccer player you are. He turned pro at 20, he lives in motherfucking Oakville Ontario and only comes around to these parts when the cameras are around to show he's doing charity. So go eat chlamydia infected vagina and shut the fuck up. 

Then there's this Jamaican/Canadian asshole that makes me want to say fuck this black people bullshit and start listening to Ke$ha. Listen to this fucking garbage: The New Toronto Anthem Bullshit. He needs to keep Scarborough out of his fucking mouth, we don't mingle with the rest of Toronto. See Toronto is filled with a bunch of different people: Asians that think they're black. Asians that refuse to speak english. White people who get it up the ass. Stuck up white people. Black people who wear skinny Jeans and Indians who sell food that resembles chocolate milk with chunks of meat in it. Toronto is for the faggots. Every other week I gotta hear some faggot tell me I'm a bandwagon fan. The raptors been shit for 16 years now but people still pay premium prices. They made the second round, once, 10 years ago but form out ridiculous amounts of money to attend games, that shit wouldn't fly in most cities. The Blue Jays suck and the only player worth anything bailed when he got the opportunity. Yet they charge $15 for the lowest ticket, I've sat in Yankee Stadium against the Mets for that sort of money. That's what Toronto is, in a nutshell, overpriced diarrhea. 

Then you got these asshole Jamaican people making garbage music about how great multiculturalism is. Fuck multiculturalism. Fuck this bullshit 13% tax we pay on everything, fuck these bullshit liquor laws, alcohol should be fucking sold at Walmart. Fuck the traffic, fuck the Chinese people that will rip you off. Fuck the people who changed the laws, mysteriously, the night before during the G-20 summit, fuck the Tamils that wanted to protest and ran on a fucking highway in broad fucking daylight. Fuck the Jays. Fuck the Leafs. Fuck the Raptors. Fuck MLSE. Fuck Rogers, actually nah don't fuck them they gave me a kick ass deal. Fuck the Blue Jays (except Otis Nixon, Homer Bush, and Doc) fuck the cops that go around killing people then get let off by the bullshit SIU, fuck the pretentious ass women who think they're a 10 but would be a 6.5 in NYC or London. Toronto is for people who cried when Princess Diana died and who think the War in Iraq was for weapons of Mass-Destruction. Scarborough baby, where black people grow up to have several kids they aren't aware about and spend all day making shitty youtube videos like these : Black People Gone Wild Part 1 Black People Gone Wild Part 2

Recapping the Night:
$400 West Virginia/Louisville over 140.5 -110 (L)
$400 Providence/Villanova over 154.5 -110 (L)
$300 James Madison -4.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$400 Indiana St. -6.5 -110 (L)
$500 Minnesota -4.5 -110= Return of $945.55 (W)

$400 Raptors/Sixers over 200 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$400 Nuggets -2 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$500 Suns/Bobcats over 200.5 -110= Return of $954.55 (W)
$500 Spurs/Jazz over 196.5 -110= Return of $954.55 (W)
$600 Hornets/Warriors over 198 -110= Return of $1145.45 (W)

Play of the Day:
$800 Texas/Oklahoma St. over 135.5 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $5200
Total Returned: $6109.11
Total Profit: $909.11
Total Earned to Date: $20026.59
Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Your Tax Dollars At Work

I had a tutorial today, wait most of you didn't even graduate high school. In University, when the class is for the faggots they have these things called tutorials, where you have to sit in these small high-school like classrooms and listen to some faggot 4 years older than you, also known as a teacher's assistant, talk some bullshit for an hour. It's called a tutorial and today I had one. They're worth 15% of your mark so attendance is pretty much mandatory. However, today was my first tutorial in a long ass time and the Prof, is the teacher's assistant. This motherfucker is collecting two cheques. So he tells us to introduce ourselves and say something interesting that people won't forget. So I was thinking, what should I tell them? I have a masturbation addiction? I wanted to tell them about the blog but then they'd ask for URLs and fuck those faggots. I decided to tell them I gamble on sports. His response " Oh is that what they call them now, you're a bookie." I could already tell this guy is going to be a judgemental fuck. I wanted to respond with " I'm whatever your wife wants to call me." But of course I pussied out and just said "no, not really, it's complicated" and everyone kind of fucked off. 

Then other people in the class went. It amazes me how people actually think their important in this world. One bitch, who I wouldn't fuck with 11 pints in me said "I work at EB games and I Hate Call of Duty Black Ops." and then started laughing hysterically. Who the fuck cares what you hate bitch the fact that she laughed right after her introduction tells me she goes home at night, listens to Adam Lambert and cuts herself wondering why she can't get a man. If you ate a salad, or tossed some, your problems would be solved sweetie. Then the Terrorist next to her introduces himself and says " I want to be the next President of Afghanistan." Dead serious too. Dudes are 22 years old with these bullshit ass dreams, you know damn well unless you blow the current President and got that cash, you're not becoming the president of shit. Then the one black guy besides myself in the class introduces himself and says "I like to write poetry." When the prof asks him what type he says "I write whatever I feel." Haha this nigga knows fuck all about poetry. Bam, that nigga knows how to get pussy. 

3 of the people in this class stated "my first year in University was 2002 and I decided to come back." Then people in the class congratulated them for coming back. What the fuck is wrong with you, you fucked up in life, probably spent the last 9 years living in your parents basement and blowing guys from bands who play at dive bars and these people are getting recognition. I wish people were able to hear themselves talk. "Ya I quit life for the past 9 years to go "find" myself and I was unsure of myself but now, after wasting 8.3% of the average lifespan, I'm stuck in a class learning about Sir Wilfred Laurier with a ugly bitch who works at EB games and the future President of Afghanistan. Then the fucking Chinese kid introduces himself and says " I'll never vote." Then they spend the next 40 minutes trying to convince the Chink to vote. Who the fuck cares. If Jackie Chan doesn't want to vote, then he doesn't have to fucking vote, why the fuck are people blowing this guy to vote. He'll end up at the Best Buy tech-center fixing computers for a living and spending his free time playing World of War Craft, ain't no one give a fuck about him or his fucking vote. And this is what your Tax Dollars is being spent on, congrats folks. 

$200 Cavs +17.5 -110= Return of $381.82 (W)
$400 Denver/Washington over 211 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$400 Lakers/Jazz over 196.5 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)

$300 Florida/Georgia under 132.5 -110 (L)
$400 Buffalo/Western Michigan over 140 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$300 Dayton -1 -110 (L)
$300 Bowling Green -5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)

Play of the Day:
$600 Ohio St/Purdue over 136 -110= Return of $1145.45 (W)

Total Wagered: $2900
Total Returned: $4390.92
Total Profit: $1490.92
Total Earned to Date: $19117.48

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

It Tastes Like Motherfucking Ass

The newest white girl in the rotation is clearly out of my league. She's a model, not one of those "models" who gets in Drake's video after sucking his dick either, I'm talking Giselle Bundchen type modeling. Perfect ten, all the money in the world, 3.9 GPA with scholarship offers from every school you could imagine. Which begs the question...why is she bothering talking to me. There's a reason which I won't get into here but I've done everything I can to dodge her. I've told her my worst sex stories, she knows about what went on in that Montreal strip club when I wandered off from the rest of you guys, and she even knows about the golden shower I've once given. I mean it, I've thrown everything and the kitchen sink to get her to tell me to fuck off, it isn't working. Now I have to entertain the idea of being with perfect ten white girls who think I'm gifted and shit so I decided it's time to switch it up a bit. 

If I'm going to be dealing with these hot ass white girls then I got to make a change. It's time I retire from the 3 Piece at Popeyes, the Fries Supreme, the Big Crunch, the Big Mac, the Whopper (I don't fuck with that Whiplash or Angry shit), the Original Bacon Classic (fuck the baconator) and the half price Wings at Honeys Beestro. So what do I do to try and get the girl I have no business being with, everyday for the past month I've eaten a salad, often more than one in a day. This shit tastes like motherfucking ass. There's no sugar-coating it, there's no substitute, salads are fucking disgusting. I've made my own, I've bought pre-made salads at the grocery store, I've gone out to fast food joints and ordered the $8 salad that is pretty much lettuce and a piece of chicken breast and it still tastes like ass.

The only time someone should ever eat a salad is if they're about to die or they're trying to get some pussy/cock. This shit is disgusting as ever. I told myself the other day, think of sex when having a salad, it'd work. Nope, all I could think about was having sex with some ugly ass hiker bitch that enjoys eating trail-mix and has a sweaty pussy. The only way around it is to close your eyes like a kid and eat it quickly. I can down a salad in less than 4 minutes, not even chewing the shit and I'm happy with that, the process is less painful. You know what I did, I took like 10 gummy bears and semi-melted them in the microwave, then I threw them in the salad. It was still nasty. I got 5 different salad dressings, southwest and chipotle works the best but that's like saying Rosie O Donnell and Ellen Degeneres have the best vagina after sleeping with Gabourey Sidibe. Now that I think about it, all the fucking shit I've eaten over the last 18 months are disgusting. 

What the fuck are Bran flakes? If it ain't Frosted Flakes then it's for the faggots. Fuck Hummus too I'm tired of that terrorist shit, it's fucking bland. And low fat tortillas, fuck them too. Whole wheat bread is a fucking bitch, nothing can touch white bread. Oatmeal? Nah I want bacon and I don't care if the person fucked the pig before he killed it, I ain't PETA I just want real fucking food. Soy Milk...fuck you I've had enough of that. I want chocolate milk and none of that 1% shit either. I've had enough of all this bullshit. You know what I want, a motherfucking hot-dog for $2 on the street. I want the taco bell nachos with cheese. That cheese ain't even real but I don't give a fuck, it tastes good. I want McDonalds breakfast, I could eat 6 Sausage McMuffins every morning. I want fries that are motherfucking fried, not that baked McCain bullshit. I want a motherfucking BBQ Rib Sub or the Steak and Cheese Sub at Subway, the Sweet Onion Teriyaki and Veggie Delight are for people who sit by fireplaces after dinner and drink tea. I want the meat lovers pizza from Pizza Hut. The Rolo Icecream. I want a Joe Louis, Mexican Chips, fried fish, honey buns, gummy bears, fruit roll ups and a MOTHERFUCKING PASSION FLAKIE. Healthy food is for people whose parents willingly came to parent teacher interviews, for people over the age of 10 wearing snow pants and for grown ass people who watch the Teen Choice Awards. Fuck that shit. 

$300 OKC +4.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 Suns +4 -110 (L)
$500 Spurs/Warriors over 211 -110= Return of $945.55 (W)
$300 Pittsburgh -10 -110 (L)
$400 Pittsburgh/Notre Dame over 138.5 -110 (L)
$300 Hofstra -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
Play of the Day:
$600 Raptors/Grizzlies over 203.5 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $2700
Total Returned: $2091.01
Total Profit: $608.99
Total Earned to Date: $17626.56

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Monday, January 24, 2011

The Truth Is For The Faggots

If you're an honest person, if you always tell the truth, if you strongly believe in honesty, then you're a faggot. This chick and I have gotten real close over the past few weeks, really fucking tight, enough for her to roll out the "good" box on more than one occasion. So we're at this weird point in our relationship where we start to complete each others sentences and shit, just weird gay shit but it happens and it's unavoidable. Well for starters her boyfriend found out about us today. That has nothing to do with me, dude you can kiss her in the mouth if you want to, it's the way her boyfriend found out. Someone, her former friend I guess, found out and snitched. Fuckin rat, though once again me and dude got no problems lol. So she's without a boyfriend, im without a girlfriend, the logical thing to do would be to maybe move forth with things, not in my world nope. 

For one reason or another, we decide to play this "truth" game. Basically we ask each other anything and they have to tell the truth, can't lie whatsoever. We know a lot about each other already so we figured why not just come out with everything. Let me just say, fuck the truth. I'm never telling the truth again. I hope truth gets fucked by a dick with aids because honesty really fucked things up. So we played the truth game. For starters, it's clear that we both told endless lies to each other in the past, they all got discovered in this truth game. See in the past we'd just answer each other, here we agreed to tell the truth but the amount of lies that were told on both ends were downright comical. We both promised each other, what happens in this conversation stays in this conversation,, but clearly it didn't. The truth game ended, and there were some "WTF" moments on both sides, you can call this one even because neither of us surprised each other, it's whatever. 

So now the truth game's over, time to go back to normal right, maybe even closer now. Oh and let me say, even though we played the truth game, we still didn't show each other the full closet (no homo), this was only half. So back to Bonnie and Clyde right? Nope. Neither of us judged each other, neither of us were purposely trying to be weird with each other, it was just impossible to talk. We just spent hours with a conversation that went like: "hey" "hey" "whats up" "nothing what's up." We both tried to fight it but it's no use, we've fucked ourselves over. Neither of us could string together 5 words together, the good box is gone and there goes another white girl. I'm tempted to go back to you colored heaux because the girls that haven't left me are the girls that look like the type to join a bowling league on Thursday nights with matching uniforms. Fuck the truth, from now on it's straight lies. I'm a homosexual that has aids. There, that should help me get laid.

Will recap in the morning, peace. 

$1000 Packers -3 -115= Return of $1869.57 (W)
$400 Packers/Bears over 42 -110 (L)
$1000 Pittsburgh -3 -125= Return of $1800 (W)
$700 Pittsburgh/Jets over 38 -110= Return of $1336.26 (W)

$500 New Hampshire -8 -110= Return of $945.55 (W)
$500 Wisconsin -1 -110= Return of $945.45 (W)

Total Wagered: $4100
Total Returned: $6896.93
Total Profit: $2796.93
Total Earned to Date: $18235.47

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Too much to recap.

Account down $1300. Packers and Steelers today.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Too tired to Blog

Sobriety sucks, I'm out, will recap/post picks when I get up up. Have a great weekend.

$300 Siena +2 -110 (L)

$300 Pistons +2 -110 (L)
$300 Magic/Toronto over 206.5 -110 (L)
$300 Jazz/Celtics over 194 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$400 Rockets/Memphis over 205 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$300 Lakers -1 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)

Play of the Day:
$600 Phoenix Suns -110= Return of $1145.45 (W)

Total Wagered: $2500
Total Returned: $3054.55
Total Profit: $554.55
Total Earned to Date: $16739.31

Friday, January 21, 2011

The Good Box

You ever order from the same pizza spot but they know you're a loyal customer and throw in the wings for free. Fuck that don't even make sense for the white people, fuck all that, I got the good box today. I'm convinced every woman has the capabilities of solving the world with their vagina. If Michelle Obama rolled out that good box, then the world wouldn't be so fucked up. If the Korean dude's wife started giving him the good shit then he'd stop with all the nuclear nonsense. The good box can put an end to people going to prison, those motherfuckers would never commit a crime if they knew what they were capable of missing.

Take today for example, for one reason or another, she decided to give me the good shit. She got a man and because I share a weird connection with her, I fell back. But today she gave me that "extra" special shit. The kind of shit that made me blurt out "I love you." to which she responded with " I adore you." I'd call myself a faggot for doing that but she says the "L" word 15 more times in a day than I do. So for whatever reason, she decides that today she's going to give me the good shit. Wow my life suddenly became a lot more clearer. Midway through getting it in I told myself  "shit I have to stop procrastinating with Vegas and I need to get my shit together." When I was done I started thinking of ways to cure world  hunger and shit. Damn you want to know how fucked up I was after she gave me what she gave me, I started thinking that I could invent some wild shit.

After we finished up I thought to myself, what does this world need. Then I found the answer. You know when you make soup or take out something from the oven, it's hotter than a motherfucker and will burn your mouth if your greedy ass doesn't wait 5 minutes. Well I solved this. One of you science motherfuckers needs to invent a microwave with the option of cooling your shit. When the fried chicken, fresh from the pan is too hot to eat, imagine putting that shit in the microwave, pressing a button and in 30 secs your shit is the perfect temperature. The fridge doesn't work, I tried it, it still takes forever. But y'all see what I mean? She rolled out that premium vagina, the "I love you and want you to fuck me forever" vagina and I started inventing shit. To top things off, when we finished up she started singing some "Ke$ha" song. You know how much I hate that wack girl. If it was the normal box I would have called her a faggot but you know what I did, I told her "damn you could sing." See what I mean, it's the good box man, it heals everything. I feel sorry for the gays, not that I have any experience but I don't think an asshole can have the same effect. 

Recapping the Night: 

$300 Mavs/Bulls over 185.5 -110 (L)

$300 Washington/Arizona over 153 -110= Return of $300 (P)
$300 Cal/UCLA over 136.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 Idaho St./Montana over 123.5 -110= Return of $945.45 (W)
$500 Denver -2.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 Appalachian St. +2.5 -110 (L)
$300 Rutgers -4 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 Florida International/Arkansas Little rock over 142 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)

Play of the Day:
$600 Hawaii -3 -110= Return of $1145.45 (W)

Total Wagered: $3200
Total Returned: $4681.82
Total Profit: $1481.82
Total Earned to Date: $16184.76

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Only In The Hood

The other day I had to go pick up something at school and my mom was heading in that area so I tagged along. Of course when I get to school the fucking terrorist bitch I needed to see for my books was on lunch, who the fuck takes their lunch at 2:30 pm. So now I had 45 minutes, my mom thought it'd be a good idea if we killed it in the mall, Malvern Mall to be exact. If you know anything about Toronto you know to stay the fuck away from Malvern. The shit that goes on in this region of Scarborough is equivalent to any other hood in North America, it's a fucking mess. So we decide to head to the mall and have lunch in the food court. You know you're in the hood when you order chicken fried rice, 3 items on the side (fried wings, sweet and sour chicken, stew pork) and the total comes up to $3.73. So we ate while watching the struggling black people do unproductive shit.

My mom starts telling me how I need to find a girl with money because they have everything materialistic, they don't "need" more. Poor people on the other hand will see an opportunity and go crazy like an alcoholic at an open bar. As ignorant as that sounds, she made a good point, broke motherfuckers always leech on to someone with more wealth. Anyway she wants to check out some clothes in this store called "Labels." 20 minutes later I'm bored out of my mind but then I did some real faggot shit. See if any chick tells me "What looks better?" I have no problem answering honestly. Hell the other day my boy asked me that question and I bypassed the gayness to help them out, I don't know why people ask me about fashion, I get all my shit at Footlocker or Champs. So my mom starts asking me the "What looks better?" question and that was cool but then I open my fucking mouth and start telling her about "What would really look well" and I'm pointing at racks and shit telling her this would match with this and so forth. Nah, that's too gay for Richard Simmons, I had to fall the fuck back. 

So I'm walking around trying to "un-gay" myself and I come across these nice ass chairs near the changing room, I have a seat. There's another dude, black like tar sitting in the other seat and he's about 45. All of a sudden his girl comes out the changing room and starts asking him for an opinion. She was some Asian bird and had to be no older than 22. I'm sitting here wondering what the fuck she's doing with this dude, it has to be money. The dude noticed me watching her as well, as soon as she goes back in the changing room he tells me: "You see that, anything can be achieved with money. First class flights, the finest clothes, the best meals, she loves it all and it's because I got that money." I wanted to ask..."So why the fuck is she shopping at labels for??" but I kept my mouth shut, dude had to have money to get that. She comes out the changing room again and things finally started to make sense.

I actually heard her talk this time and this Lucy Liu looking heaux can't speak a word of english. Now it makes sense, she's using him to get that permanent resident status. She'll sucker him into marrying her, she'll get her papers so she doesn't get deported and then she'll leave him. Then this ashy Bernie Mac motherfucker opened his mouth again. He said "step your game up, get that paper and you can have what I have." By fucking coincidence his phone went off. He looked embarrassed but he brought it out, a motherfucking flip phone. Then I look at his shoes and I couldn't hold in the laughter anymore. He had those basic ass running shoes that light up with every step. You know the ones most of us wore when we were 7 years old, this dude had a grown-ass pair of shoes that light up. So now I'm having a laugh and tell him "I hope she enjoys the public transit monthly pass, you're really getting that cash." He mumbled some Jamaican shit, grabbed Lucy and they got the fuck out of the store. Only black people.....

Recapping the Night: Tonight was like dating a fat chick. You go out with her, you don't want to be with her, everything is going wrong. Then as the night is winding down, she invites you in for a drink, gives you that "fat girl head" and sends you $200 and tells you  she had a great time. Started off horribly, ended off great. I'm talking it easy now, this bail-out shit ain't good for my high blood pressure lol. 

Play of the Day:
$2000 West Virginia -11 -110= (L)
$6701.54 on Golden State/Indiana over 213.5 -110= Return of $12793.85
$1000 On Twolves/Clippers over 213 -110= Return of $1909.09
Total Wagered: $9701.54
Total Returned: $14702.94
Total Profit:
Total Earned to Date: $14702.94

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Bail-Out Plan

$6701.54 on Golden State/Indiana over 213.5 -110
$1000 On  Twolves/Clippers over 213 -110

Laid the wrong one, the bigger play was supposed to be on Clippers/Twolves. I'm starting to think maybe this is destiny. Let's Dance Lord Gamblor, let's dance.

Pink, Sit the Fuck Down.

I got night classes these days so instead of taking the "I'm a failure at life" public transport I get to ride in the 99 Mazda Protege with the cd player than refuses to play burnt cds. If you see me in the Scarborough region, windows down and it's -10 outside and I'm blasting some Usher, it's because I'm trying to fuck a highschool student (I always check ID), don't cockblock. So I'm in the car today and because I own no original cds, I'm forced to listen to the radio. Pink comes on and it's time to change the station but I look in the mirror and Toronto's finest are behind me. I'm smarter than that, both hands on steering wheel, keep it to the speed limit and I'll be okay. But that means I had to listen to that Pink Song, "raise your glass". I rather have sex with Michelle Obama than to listen to another Pink song.

Ever since I've been in grade school she has been singing about the same bullshit. Fuck the world, fuck the popular kids, you're cool in your own way and you don't need anybody in this world because all you need to do is be yourself. Pink, like Bruno Mars is full of complete bullshit, except she's worse because she has been doing this for years now. She writes these gay ass songs empowering women and promoting individualism and you know what's the reason behind it, she's never gotten that good cock. I can guarentee you, if Pink had good sex in her life, her lyrics would change from her usual nonsense to " Babe you're all I need in this world now I'll get my ass in the kitchen and make you that fried chicken you love." We've had to put up with years of this bullshit because she hasn't been getting the right penis. If Pink got even a taste of my shit she'd be singing "Oh girls stop being yourselves, go to H&M and dress like heaux because you're worth it"

You know what else pisses me off about this Koala looking bitch, she really isn't different from anyone else despite the fact she tries to separate herself. She tries to be the "bad" girl of pop but she's only fooling herself, we see right through her. She goes and she tells the fat girls to keep eating because they're cool but she'll order a salad with water at the restaurant and get that 50 calorie bullshit ass dressing that tastes like a Eskimo chick's vagina. ( I fucking hate salads with all my heart). After a day in the studio and 4 hours at the gym she comes home, sits her white ass down with a bowl of Orville Redenbacher popcorn and watches Grey's Anatomy and Scrubs like every other white girl in this world. She tells the unpopular kids that they're cool but truth be told she's also upset because she has become the Brett Favre of the pop game. She's now releasing greatest hits albums so people remember who she is. Girls, stop listening to Pink, dress as slutty as you want and suck all the dick in the world, she's just pissed off because she wants a man to give her the world but all they're willing to give is gonorrhea.

Recapping the night: I'm going to take it easy tomorrow it's starting to frustrate me, hate losing by half a point. 
$300 Nebraska -4 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$400 Michigan/Nortwestern over 134.5 -110 (L)

Play of the Day:
$700 Kentucky -4 -110 (L)
Total Wagered: $1400
Total Returned: $572.73
Total Loss: $827.27
Total Earned to Date: $9701.54

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Happy MLK Day

Before I start, should I go to the hospital if I've had a boner for the past 14 hours? Was fine, then saw something, now this penis won't go down. Though I've wanked like 7x today....haha

MLK was a good man, he died for us, so in honor of dude, I'm going to list the 10 most significant achievements for African Americans. If it wasn't for the man on your left, none of this would have been made possible:

10) 40.2% of all prisoners in the United States were black in 2008. They only take up 12% of the total population though. 

9) Because of MLK's dream and actions, the world has given us Will.I.Am.

8) White people had an unemployment rate of 8.5% in December 2010 in the US. Blacks had an unemployment rate of 15.8% (but if you ask them it's because the govt is holding them back)

7) In Toronto, 40% of all blacks drop-out of high school. (the govt is holding them back once again...)

6) In 2008, 11,783 white people got aids. In the same year the number is 21,312 for black males (blame the govt because the govt is the reason they dropped out of highschool. That means the govt made them dumb enough to believe that pulling out prevents Aids)
5) If it weren't for MLK, Popeyes would never exist.

4) Anyone ever watch a Tyler Perry movie? Blame MLK...

3) Thanks MLK, because of you we were graced with auto-tune music. 

2) If it weren't for MLK's dream, The Muary show would not exist. I need my entertainment...

1) Lastly, if I hadn't said it enough, thanks MLK: The Dream Came Through (I know she's African but MLK made her feel free, within herself)

Recapping the night. I argued it but cashed the ticket. That retiring shit was garbage, they gave it to me. Will recap and post sometime tomorrow. Thanks for all the tips guys. 

A birdy told me this stock is going to jump soon enough: "GOD" on the TSX. Goldrush Resources Ltd.. Can't go wrong with God though take it with a grain of salt.

$3000 on the big ass tennis parlay (if your book is being a bitch because of the Nadal game, tell them bet365 cashed out. Return of $5500. Total Earned to Date: $10528.81

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Woman Are All Just Strange

I used to work in a nursing home a few years go and there was this dude I'll never forget. Robert Baker, 87 years old at the time, a painter from upstate New York. He had been through 6 wives, a bunch of kids but the dude had crazy knowledge. It was also cool how happy he was to have a black friend, dude would be telling all his 100 year old friends just so they'd know how fly he was. One day Bob told me something, he said "get as much pussy as you want, get all the head in the world, but never ever ever in your life fucking get married." Now I'm starting to see why, no wonder the fucking Asians marry robots and shit, women are strange.

Take today for example, I'm having a convo with my friend Abi. She's asking me bout the various people in my life and I tell her about my ranking system. I tell her where she ranks, she then questions the number. I explain why, then explain to her this isn't the " I want to fuck list" and I tell Abi she's lower on that list. She didn't ask why she was lower but I owe her an explanation, no? Now, I have to explain why she's lower on one in case she feels a strange. (I have no chance of hitting it until more birds/fish die and she's convinced the world is ending). It isn't for her looks (she's hot) it isn't for anything but the fact that we're close and me tapping it would fuck that up. Don't get me wrong I ain't gay, if she was laying naked on a bed it'd be lights out. But I was just trying to explain myself, she then puts me in the "friend-zone." It doesn't end there. I'm explaining to her that I sent a text message a few weeks ago and I was in an awkward situation WHILE sending the text message. I tell her, "It was messed." She then replies back with "(my first name), why would you feel strange, we're just friends." Time the fuck out, I wasn't talking about the text message princess I was talking about the situation I was in. You see that y'all, on the day that Sir Tom didn't do his job and that fat fuck wins, I was put in the friend zone TWICE, after trying to stiff-arm her both times. 

Then you got Lilith, hear this for a minute. A friend and I discovered a bunch of UK terms. In the UK, faggot means meatballs, often served in a rich western country sauce. Fag means cigarette, and instead of saying "class representatives" in school they say "head-boy/head-girl." So this friend and I thought it would be cool to imitate how UK people would have sex, while talking about faggots. So I'm trying to explain all of this to her and you know what she says?? Nah wait for it.... "hey, you do know that head-boy/girl is actually a class representative in the UK and doesn't actually give head, right." What??? Hold the fuck up I posted my report card a few days ago, clearly she thinks I'm Kevin Malone from The Office.

Then I think back a few years ago, like back in the 9th grade. I was more ignorant those days than I am now, always pissing people off, well nothing has changed really. Anyway there was one chick who I rarely talked to but every time she spoke to me it was about how good she masturbated and blah blah. See back then I had hair and held my own on the ball court and this was before I started walking in snow-storms to buy proline tickets and bet money on teams called Hercules and Young-Boys. Therefore I wasn't a degenerate yet, got good grades and said no when people offered me rides in stolen vehicles. So she was clearly into me and she kept saying " I skirted today." I know what she meant but I didn't feel like addressing her. It kept going on and on but I was in my own world those days so I just ignored it. One day she got super pissed and said "how can you not want me, I tell you I skirt everyday." and she starts to cry. That's when I yell. "For the past 3 fucking months your ESL ass has been telling me you skirted, there's no such fucking thing. You fucking squirted now sit the fuck down." I should have known then and there, they're all the same. They'll "friend-zone" your ass when you're trying to give them the stiff arm. They'll treat you like the kids who had separate recesses in grade school and lastly, they'll do whatever they can to get what they want, including "skirt."

Recapping the night: 3:30am and I'm waiting for this tennis game to finish. What the fuck did I get myself into. It just started as well, if this goes 5 sets I'll fucking flip. Will recap etc in the morning. 

$200 Seahawks +10 -110 (L)
$400 Jets/Patriots over 44 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)

Play of the Day:
$6000 (added another dime) Patriots -7 -145 (L)

Total Wagered: $6600
Total Returned: $763.64
Total Loss: $5836.36
Total Earned to Date: $8028.81

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Run to the window

Lee Nadal Roddick Warinka Ljubic, Venus williams starts at 10. $3 grand parlay -120

Enlightenment/Positive Shit Today.

Another JJ Dumbass Moment: I wake up this morning saying shit, I gotta get rid of these Kate Hudson tits. (before the surgery). So I decide to get my Michael Phelps on. I ate a big ass lunch, loaded with carbs and told myself, I'd run 5-6 miles on the tread today. I'm stuffed, ready to hit the tread and as soon as I start the thing, the fucking motor goes. I'm too black to go outside in the cold. I had Sexercise today and I thought that would do the trick but then I had the post-sex munchies and ate a salad with bits and bites and gummy bears. Good shit. Will try this again on Wednesday when they come to repair the treadmill.

I'm using this blog as my personal email spot today so a lot of y'all might be lost.You gotta set the mood for these sorts of blogs hold up, here's a tune that fits.

My boy been sober for 6 days now. I didn't think nothing of it til I actually saw him today, shit's real. Dude looks like he just came off a 30 year prison sentence. Hang in there man you're doing fucking great and think of all the money you saved. Real talk you been fucking killing it, the weird shit will go away soon and before you know it you'll be fucking a model bitch, well a model from Hamilton....haha. You know my number get at me if you ever need anything.

To the girl who celebrated her birthday today, I'm trying to think of a better nickname now that you're older. Hmm can't think of shit. Anyways your ass went to bed at 10:38pm today so don't think I haven't noticed something is up. My (insert nickname here) (don't tell people that nickname either....don't want to be shot) senses are tingling. Just know that you're a great person doing everything you can in the worst circumstances possible but take comfort in the fact that if you and I die tomorrow we'll both know that we did more in this world than most people do. We'll also probably make it to heaven where we get to have uncontrollable sex involving sheeps, goats, and my rich western country sauce.....

Alright enough of that shit, Dear Future wife...If Sir Tom and company covers the spread tomorrow, please be well aware that if he ever meets you while we're together and wants head, sex, or a hand-job, you will be sacrificed...Do your thing Sir Tom. 

Will recap this garbage in the morning. The only thing I laid for tomorrow is $5000 on Patriots -7 -145. Will recap and post the rest when I wake up. 

$400 Ravens/Steelers over 37 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$700 Ravens +3.5 -115 (L)
$400 Packers/Falcons over 43.5 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)

Play of the Day:
$1000 Falcons -1 -110 (L) 

Total Wagered: $2500
Total Returned: $1527.28
Total Loss: $972.72
Total Earned to Date: $13865.17

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.