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Friday, August 26, 2011

Last Day of Ramadan

 Cheeba's Music Corner: Danny Brown - Lie 4

I said I wouldn't be back but I felt like getting away today and I haven't had a drink in a month so I hit the casino. Got my black ass fucking handed to me I was cold as fuck today. But it doesn't feel that bad because I just didn't have it. What did feel bad is realizing I have a fucking PC Mastercard bill that I forgot. SMH

With my friend dying and all I been thinking about "dreams." I never really had any I've always been content for the most part. My dream in all reality is to never work a 9 to 5 or become an office slave but even that is unrealistic. Today I had my mind fixated on dreams, a fabrication of my reality that I'd perceive to be content with, forever. I liked the idea so I kept constructing my idealistic dream, y'all got to hear this shit. For starters I need a wife. It's necessary, there's going to become a time and place when I'm lonely and shit and that's probably when I'm most self-destructive, I need a wife. Someone I could just have raw passionate sex with on demand and someone who understands me, which is almost impossible, shit. Maybe I should hire a Russian, nah that won't work she needs to be rich. 

I need a rich wife, who will give me an allowance. $1000 a month, I'll flip it hopefully though these days my intuition has been fucking off and I can't pick a game to win my life. I don't want to work so I'd take my $200 a week, eat sun flower seeds 7x a week, and gamble on sports. (Speaking of which the Yankees will be overvalued the next little while, but on morale alone the value is worth it if you ask me) Back to topic, I dream if having a rich wife who gives me $1000/month and accepts that I don't work. I wouldn't be lazy I'd cook and clean and write, I love to write and I don't fucking no why. So therapeutic you wouldn't believe. My dream is also to have an L-shaped couch. I don't know why but L-Shaped couches are the shit. I also need a hammock, someone in or outside the house I don't care but that would do. 

I also want to be far the fuck away from everyone. Not isolated, I still want to live in a city, just not anywhere here. The Western world ain't shit anymore. The economy sucks, morality is a concept that no longer exists, and the girls are pretentious. I want to live in a foreign place where Goldman Sachs and Pfizer doesn't mean shit. Then I need my episodes of Leave it to Beaver and the Wonder Years. My fucking dream is complete. While people dream of winning the lottery or having kids and shit here's what I want: 

-L shaped couch
-Allowance of $1000/month
-Hot wife who accepts my insanity and sees underneath it all
-A Hammock
-Leave to Beaver and The Wonder Years
- Foreign place where it's fucking warm
- Oh and I'm going to paint my toilet bowl with Kim Kardashian's face in it. That's what I want from this world, these 7 things. 

I'm out for the next week, back in September where I'll be back to emailing college/NFL picks.

I'm out, peace.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

RIP My Nigga I'll Fuckin Miss You

I knew you would have loved your mug-shot on here lmao so I had to throw it up my nigga.

Today started off like any other day. Woke up did my think then around 3pm I get a text from someone I rarely even speak to. "Rendell is gone yo." In my head a part of me had already knew but I was hoping I was wrong. I respond back "What, that nigga got deported?" The response: "Nah man they got him, he's fucking dead." I kind of black out after that. It takes me a bit to catch myself. I'm sweating like a motherfucker. I'm in the bathroom pouring cold ass water on my face. Then I get to the tv and there it is, my boy that I've been close with for 10 years is gone. Fuck. It happens so fucking often in my life you'd think I'd get used to this shit.

Fuck what people think too there's a lot of people talking shit "he had a criminal past what do you expect." Nah fuck that, this is Scarborough not fuckin Laguna beach. This isn't the fucking Hills where jobs are easy to come by. Most do what they can to get by. No one deserves to die and while I ain't going to sit here and say homeboy was a law-abiding citizen, dude would never harm anyone. He made his money and that was that. He leaves behind 2 little daughters who ain't even in school yet. Shit just ain't right. Ya I know all that live by the sword die by the sword bullshit but like I said, this happens because of isolation and neglect of a community, not because of an individual with a bad-mind. This is 70% of the black men in Scarb, it's fuckin sad.

But fuck all that, I'll miss the fuck out of you man. Just the other day I seen the bus stop where we sparred and thought damn, that was a good fight. I'll miss the fucking Oxtails we used to get at that spot next to the nasty Chinese restaurant. I remember when they sent our asses to Sunday school at the Baptist church and we had to sing that gay ass song: "Lets dig a hole and put the devil in it. God Made Man, Man Made money, God made the Bees and the Bees made Homey." Shit was fucking gay but so hilarious at the time, and they fucking kicked us out of the church cause we refused to sing. Your daughters will grow up fine and be just as funny as you nigga. I'll miss you man, I'll see you when we meet.

Godspeed homie, I love you.

I probably won't be back until I get back from Mexico but I'll post details about Mexico in the upcoming days incase any students at those schools check out the blog.

I'm out, peace.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Julius James Guide To Fashion

 Cheeba's Music Corner: Random Axe- Black Ops

So hear this, I was actually looking for confrontation with this one but she ain't bite. I got "interests" with a chick. I ask her if it's cool to fuck around in Mexico. I was expecting a fighting kind of response (I already had the answer in my head) but she hits me with this: "Enjoy Mexico Love." SMH that's the finest trap ever set, I ain't getting in shit for that one women are crazy smh. Now I'm going to get in shit for saying that lmao.

A few weeks ago I was having a convo with someone and there was this hot ass girl but in boots. Keep in mind it's like August why the fuck are you wearing boots for. But dude was like "the shit I would do to that girl." All I could think about was fuck, she's wearing boots. I hate boots in the winter on women let alone in the summer. But dude was like "who cares" yet I couldn't let it live. All I kept thinking about was how twisted I am, almost to a fault when it comes to this fashion shit. So here it is, things that make my dick hard (make me love you) and things that make my dick soft (make me hate you). If you're one of my friends and you make it to the hate list please don't get mad, somewhere out there, a toll booth collector would settle for you. Here it is (each fashion item is also a link to pics of the item incase you don't know what I'm talking bout): SMH this shit is going to show a "gay" side but oh hell.

Things that make my dick soft (fashion shit that makes me hate you females):

Scarves - the only people who should rock scarves are people in Alaska and football hooligan motherfuckers who want to overthrow the gov't. If you a female and you rocking a scarf, I don't care what season, you making yourself look like Joan Rivers. 

Vests - Only dudes in the army, drug dealers, and cops should wear one. It's the most unnecessary shit out there.

Thongs - I used to be down with this in the 90s but the older I get, people who rock this just look like clowns. A thong don't make you hot, what's underneath does. A thong just tells me you're desperate. 

Ankle/Leg strap heels/shoes - nah shit just looks too "Dominatrix" type. Disgusting smh. 

Waist High Jeans - SMH this one will get me in trouble but it makes them look 70 years old

Long Coats - This ain't Medieval times niggas, you girls need to stop it with the long coats

Boots - Nah they're terrible covering up the whole leg it's prison wear.

Costume Jewelry/Plenty Accessories - One bracelet and one watch females. You don't need a mini Jewelry store on your wrist/neck

Things that make my dick hard (instant marriage material):

Leggings - Leggings fuckin won. Dead ass a chick could pull off black/gray leggings 24/7 365. They're so fucking hot. 

Closed Toe Shoes - So fucking hot, I don't know why but so fucking hot.

Old Navy Slippers - Leggings + old navy slippers = instant marriage

Halter Tops - I searched Halter Tops and got that, so damn hot.

Summer Dresses - Beyond beautiful, so damn nice no a chick. 

Boy Shorts - No other underwear does it like boy-shorts

Anything Yankee Related - Yup, instant marriage. 

Multi-Colored Nail Polish - I had a porn star friend LMAO who was a huge blog follower til I wrote a blog about her calling her amazing for what she was doing but she took it the wrong way. Anyway she used to rock the Multi-Colored Nail Polish, so fucking hottttttt. Everyone disagrees with me but fuck y'all, it's hot.

Oversized white tee - add these with the boy shorts before she goes to bed. Fuckin heaven I swear.

Alright y'all that's enough I sound gay as is.

I'm out, peace.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I Think The Rage Is Back

 Cheeba's Music Corner: Lox- Fuck You

When you get in an argument with someone over twitter and they have 15,000 followers, prepare for your phone to non-stop vibrate with all that Uber-social shit. Nigga talking about eating his girl's ass, I said fuck that gay shit but somehow I'm the faggot. Then you get 100000 dickriders blowing up account with some bullshit. If you don't understand what I'm saying, just chalk it up to social media doing its thing. Black people will never prosper cause of shit like this, most of them niggas would be better off picking cotton.

But fuck all that the rage is coming back. I remember the days I used to be angry for no real reason, I think I'm at that stage. Like today, I go out and decide I gotta eat healthy and shit because I'm going to Mexico next week and I have full intention of abusing the fuck out of my body. So I go pick up 2 packs of Tofu. Shit is like $5.50 or something. I come home and make that shit and it ain't even soy tofu, it's fucking Fish Tofu. Who the fuck eats Fish Tofu. SHIT WAS FUCKING DISGUSTING but I ate it cause I fucking paid for it.

Then I got the dickhead school registration people telling me they haven't received my payment yet. When it fucking says in my student account my balance is $0.00 and they received a payment during July 18th. Fucking had me on the phone all fucking day then told me to call back tomorrow. I lost a bet too and had to watch an episode of some Vampire show "True Blood." I rather watch the Chink channel for a day than to watch white actors/actresses suck each others necks talking about getting blood. Fucking ran out of Cottonelle flushable wipes as well, just can't win these days.

Now there's fuck all on tv and I got the channel on WWE. What grown fucking 22 year old out there is watching wwe. This shit aint even what it used to be like. Everything's changed. Everyone now got a few facebook friends, a nice phone, a HDTV, but you know what, 99% of these people hate themselves. And they hate their fucking lives. They wake up in the morning, stare in the mirror, and they realize they're a fucking fake. They are a disappointment to themselves. So they drive to the office. They complain, they have their coffee in their own little mug. They socialize in the lunchroom. Then they come home. And they realize they still have the same fucking problems they have when they woke up. They hate themselves, they hate everything they become. They hate the apps they download. They hate the fucking bluetooth attached to their ear. They hate most of their friends who would probably fuck their significant other if given the chance.

So they go for the pain alleviation. They go on the social networks to discuss the passing of some celebrity who really would never give a fuck about them. Or they go and discuss some world issue they don't really give a fuck about but make it seem that way because they act a certain fucking way. Or maybe they're filled with so many insecurities they go and talk about how great they treat women and let them "ride their faces." They get a few "likes," they get a few people who cheer em on. They get a person or two to fill their ego. Then they go back at night, lay their face on that pillow and realized the emptiness, the hole, the thing they spend countless hours trying to gloss or escape is still fucking there. They aren't content with themselves to a point where they hate who they were, who they are, who they will become.

I've just described 90% of the world, yup the rage is back. I'm out, peace.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Going on a Self-Imposed Blog Ban til I get sex

She promised me some box since like Friday. "Perhaps." I ain't get shit yet so I ain't blogging til I get some. Nah, I actually haven't been feeling well since I got off that plane. For a bunch of health related reasons. I'm good though, I'll get back to this shit in like a week. Take care all and remember, if she don't reveal her age, you're off the hook when Chris Hansen and the FBI show up.

I'm out, peace.

Friday, August 12, 2011

The Harry Potter Experience- Might Contain a Spoiler So If You're A Fag, Stop Reading

Cheeba's Music Corner: Gang Starr- Right Where You Stand

Just took a massive shit. It felt good so I had to tell y'all about it. Oh I almost forgot another funny ass vid: By the way sweetness thanks for the movie and dinner today shit was off the chain. You know you got it made when you go to restaurants and can't pronounce what the fuck you ordering. A nigga had an egg dropped in soup and this thing called Scallaccia. Shit was like spinach and veal in heaven. Drinking imported SanPelligrino shit from Italy. It was the best shit ever. But I got problems with the chick. 

We're in the theater and it's just me and her in this VIP theater. So I'm thinking nothing of it trying to watch this Harry Potter shit. She says to me " I bet you're probably thinking damn this theater is empty and I'm not giving you anything, sorry." SMH my mind wasn't even on that and it was 4pm, so I hadn't wanked in like 20 hours. The thoughts that ran through my mind after she was in that purple thing FML. Don't worry though the next girl to fuck with me around Ramadan about this platonic shit I'm going to dead ass give you Everclear and tell you it's water. 

But enough of that, man Harry Potter is fucked. See I billed this as something akin to Mayweather vs. Pacman. The fight of the century between Harry Potter and the nigga Lord Voldermort. Man ain't shit happen. By the way that Hermine girl is fucking hot I'd beat the breaks off it for ages. But basically Harry fucks around and gets a crown or something. Then some bitch ass shit happen. Someone revealed that a part of Voldermort lies in Harry's soul. See what I mean, so it became Floyd Mayweather Jr. vs Floyd Mayweather Jr. What the fuck kind of fight was that. Then Lord Voldermort, who is one bad ass nigga fucks Harry's shit up. Dude left him for dead. I'm thinking yea nigga do your thing. Then more bitch ass shit happened. 

Harry miraculously comes back to life and gets Hermine and the other nigga to fuck up Voldermort's snake or some shit. Then Voldermort suddenly dies because he has no control over the wand. To top it all off, she's next to me in her hot ass Purple shirt cheering and shit. 2 hours and 15 mins and ain't shit happen but Voldermort losing control of his wand and dying by default. Here's what I learned about Harry Potter:

- this shit is for 30 year old virgins, fags, and people who simply haven't had good penis/vagina in their lives.
- Lord Voldermort is the shit and if I were to start a religion he'd be the one I'd be focusing on (no homo) 
- Neville Longbottom I think that's his name is also the shit.
- Harry Potter's mom is a fucking Milf.
- The 10 or so black people in the movie have been nothing but a failure to their race.
-The next person I sleep with I'm going to blurt out "Hermine"
-There was one Asian and she definitely looked like a Tranny
-If the fight was fair Lord Voldermort would have fucked everyone's shit up. 

Nah I'm playing y'all it was a good movie. (Not really but I got to see plenty cleavage so I'm happy) 

Also, if anyone sends me naked/sexy pics, please have no animals in it.......

I'm headed to NYC this weekend so I don't know if I'll blog tomorrow. Depends if I'm home jacking off or actually going out. Julia if you read this (the girl who I got into a fight with last trip to NYC) I intend to show up on your door Saturday morning cause I got no place to stay. LMAO 

I'm out, peace.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

More Info About The Muslim Box

Cheeba's Music Corner: Nina Simone-Feeling Good

Fuck man y'all have to check out this video, I think dude's autistic but fucking shit had me in tears. If he isn't autistic then my bad lmao Weed At A Concert

Before I begin I got a shitload of things to say. For starters I want to thank everyone who is joining or any other blood registry. The response, today especially was nothing beyond remarkable and I want to thank everybody for spreading the word. Stalkbook, twitter, etc. thanks. 

You know you're in with the white people when you get their personal email address, not their business email and every time the sophisticated white people send you an email the name "Big Puck" comes up.

Also we got to pay some bills. I want everyone in the Kingston area to check out Family Fun World. Seriously if you're from the Kingston area this place is the fucking shit. I hear there's hot ass Queens students at the bating stages and stuff, not a bad place to go if you want to pick up hot white girls. Plus they got the kids activities for the whole family. Then after that check out Putt N' Blast in the Frontenac Mall. Shit's also pretty crazy. But y'all probably don't believe me. Check out their motherfucking website: It's so fucking ghetto it transcends everything related to perfection. Like seriously in 2011 you still got a website probably made by black people. So for the 10 or so blacks in Kingston Ontario, check that shit out. It's Kingston, Ontario ain't like y'all got shit to do and it's where the college kids hang out, definitely going to be crazy. 

Alright so as you all know I've been desperately trying to find out what's under the Taliban gear of the Muslim box. I always wonder what that pussy is like. So after months of research I told y'all it was great. Well after today I might have been fucking wrong. Shit was terrible, it was like apricots. Who the fuck eats apricots. Could you imagine walking down the street and you see a dude and say what up. And he says "here have some apricots." Like what the fuck is an apricot. I got drunk off that shit last week, "Apricot wheat beer" and I rather do meth than to re-live that experience. Fucking apricots. 

Anyway so as you know I'm celebrating Ramadan. Around 2pm I always get really fucking hungry. By 4pm I'm fucking horny as hell so it's really a bad combo. I try not to do business or converse with people between 2pm-6pm. However this chick from the middle east who I know through a friend comes on MSN messenger. Of course I'm horny so I'm flirting with her and shit trying to find out what's up. She was not having any of it until I told her my dick size, then I had never seen someone so intrigued. On Ramadan as well man she definitely got wet. 

But the convo continues and I remember her going to McGill so I asked her about it. "Oh I didn't end up going there, I'm going to university in Beirut, Lebanon." What the fuck? She then proceeds to tell me how she researched it and the university, UAB, in Lebanon is significantly greater than McGill. I'm kind of just blank-staring my computer screen at this point. Then when I tell her she's fucking insane, she tells me it's the best school in Lebanon......

Now I want to bang my head against the wall. My dick went down and I'm thinking she's insane but it gets worse. She's in the middle east and I'm in Toronto. It's 4pm in Toronto and there is an 8 hour time difference, so midnight where she's at. She asks me "what's the time difference" I say 8 hours. Keep in mind it's midnight where she's at. She says "oh my gosh why are you up so early it's 7am in Toronto." Now I'm blank-staring again. I say first of all, I said it was an 8 HOUR DIFFERENCE. She says ya, if it's midnight here and that's an 8 hour difference, it must be 7am. I ask her to re-think it and she admits she miscalculated. I'm kind of losing it but because it's probably good box I stick around. Then I explain to her that eastern standard timing is behind whatever her time is, so it's actually 4pm because we're behind in Toronto. I was in awe that I actually had to explain it.

Her jokes were lame as hell too. She kept saying shit that wasn't funny then she'd laugh. Me I'm the type to call a spade a spade so I wouldn't laugh at all, then she'd laugh some more. The worst part is, she actually likes me, she re-iterated 3x that she would make a better effort to come online and talk to me more. In my head I'm thinking get that shitty Apricot box the fuck away from me but because I'm a nice dude I just give her the msn *nodding* emoticon and I got the fuck away from the computer. Muslim box has failed me miserably during Ramadan, Allah what the fuck I do to deserve this?

I'm out, peace.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

A New Claim to Fame

Cheeba's Music Corner: The Doors- 5 to 1

I had a former claim to fame, basically one day I puked on all forms of Toronto public transit. Woke up in Parkdale, had to get home and I was still drunk from the night before. I puked on the streetcar. Then I puked on the subway. Then I puked on a bus. Not many people can say they did that and if you ask me it's pretty fucking awesome. Here's another claim to fame I made this past week. Over the past 6 days I've received lifetime bans for 3 different companies. I'm talking full on emails and shit where these companies say if I ever even try to come in contact with them, I'll have harassment claims or some shit. Smh this is what happens when you don't have a girlfriend. But once again I think this is all pretty fucking awesome:

Last Thursday I'm playing live casino from a sportsbook I won't mention. I'm playing roulette and it's a video dealer who does this thing in real time. It's pretty fucking unique. Plus the dealer at this book is always some stunning British chick with massive tits. So I lose like 3 times in a row and I'm starting to take a hit. Of course there's a live chat option where you could chat with the dealer as well. It's like 5am by the way and I'm the only motherfucker in there. I'm pissed off that I'm losing so I type in the chat: "If I lose in this next round you better take off your fucking top and show me your tits, I'm paying for it either way." The motherfucking video stopped and I was booted from the room. The next day I get a long ass email with an explanation of how I was harassing the dealer and they've closed my account, deposited the money back into my credit card and I am no longer allowed to use that sportsbook. I replied back "how long does this shit last for?" Basically they sent me another email stating that it was lifetime. I could see why they banned me, I've been raking in at this book.

So Saturday comes and I can't drink and have no pussy to deal with so I'm at another sportsbook in the live casino. This sportsbook, the dealers are so hot but Russian. I got my motherfucking ass handed to me. In minutes I was down an insane amount I don't even want to think about it. It was fucking stupid too I had no reason to be wagering those kind of amounts when I have tuition and shit to pay, fucking terrible. So after the damage is done I enter a live chat with a sportsbook employee. I tell him to close my account, I got tuition to pay and those dealers are hot and taking all my loot. The employee tells me to hold on, I'm eligible for a free bonus because they didn't send one and they'll send me the money I lost on Saturday night as an apology because I was never offered the bonus I signed up for. I'm thinking this is fucking sweet, he said they'll get back to me in a few days. Well they did, they said "sir you're not eligible for a bonus and you stated you needed to pay tuition, that's a serious claim so we'll give you a "cool off" period for 3 months. I fucking snapped. I lost it on employee "Amanda" and basically sent her a page of just the most vulgar you could think of. How the fuck do you tell someone you're giving them back money and then take it away. Fucking faggots. They sent me 2 emails, one banning me for life and another saying if I bother their employees they'll have people on my ass and shit. Fuck them.

Finally today. I made mushroom fries, they taste pretty fucking good but they make you want to take the biggest shit of your life when you eat em. I'm trying to book a hotel in Cleveland for September 24th. I always book the same one. So I'm trying to book this Radisson hotel off one of those sites like expedia. However, if you ever filled out these forms and stuff you know they're time consuming. So I needed to take a massive shit but had to fill out all these forms, I'm rushing and I accidentally grab the "Clarion Hotel in Beachwood Ohio." I didn't notice til after I took my shit that this happened. Why the fuck is it listed under Cleveland if they're in some place called Beachwood. So I'm thinking oh shit this should be no problem at all, I contact the company who I booked with and they're like "there is nothing we can do" this is your mistake. I snap: "If you didn't have me fill out such bullshit you fucking twat then I wouldn't be in this mess, I know you have the fucking power to cancel, do it. Are there any fucking strip clubs in Beachwood? What's the fucking Blow like in Beachwood, I bet it's terrible" I keep going on and on, they basically banned me from using their shit again too. Another email they sent saying they're done with me, valued my service but blah blah blah. I fucking contacted the Clarion Hotel and they were beyond nice, they understood the mistake and cancelled the reservation. However that piece of shit company that I reserved with banned me as well.

That's 3 bans in 6 days, pretty impressive. 

I'm out, peace.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The Inevitable.

 Cheeba's Music Corner: Redman- Rollin'

Before I begin have you ever had this happen to you. You get it in with a girl. Then immediately after she says "we can no longer do this." The next day you smash it again and she says "this could no longer happen?" I'm just asking a simple question is all, not saying it happened to me. It's Ramadan after all a nigga stays home and reads the Qu'ran smh.

Man last week we celebrated one of the homie's birthday. Shit was good and all but one thing stood out that is still bothering me a week later. While we were walking dude who turned 29 said "I got one more year til the doctor sticks his finger up my ass" This got me thinking. See in the past I just didn't give a fuck about getting a prostate exam. I figure if I'm going to die with prostate cancer then I'm going to be ignorant about the whole situation and just die, say fuck it. But with the blog and the way my life has been, shit I'm too valuable to just die like that, I gotta stick around as much as I could. So I keep thinking about it, I got like 8 solid years before this happens. 

Then I remember 2 years ago. My aunt (RIP) caught pancreatic cancer so my mom, my pops and I were headed down to see her in NYC. But before we went I had to do a physical for whatever reason and my dad had the same thing. While I didn't ask, my mom mentioned how my dad had his prostate checked in the car. The entire 9 hour fucking ride my dad did not say 2 words. It's like he had been violated somehow and lost his dignity. It was weird the dude just like didn't speak at all. This thing got me worried. At some point in my life if I make it (knock on wood no homo) I'm going to be bending down and some doc. is going to tell me to cough and stick a finger up my ass. 

That's all I know about the topic, they'll tell me to cough and a nigga will shove his finger up my ass. I'm not researching this shit for a reason. Why the fuck is it so primitive? Can't I just take one of those pills that's really a camera and get my shit checked like that? Think about it, if your a doctor, are you really happy with yourself that your job forces you to stick your finger up another man's ass. If I'm a doctor and I had to do that shit I'd be angry as shit and just ram it up there. But you go to a female doctor and she might just not know the struggle and do the same thing, not give a fuck and just violate a nigga. Man I've never been so confused in my life. It's like you really can't win with this shit. Fuck it, it's Ramadan, I'm going to pray that technology advances itself quick so they develop a new way of getting your prostate checked: 

إله أنا لا أطلب الكثير لكنني كنت بحاجة للتأكد من أي طبيب من أي وقت مضى العصي اصبعهم تصل مؤخرتي.

I'm out, peace.

Monday, August 8, 2011

A Nigga's Interpretation of Harry Potter

Cheeba's Music Corner: What Frank Ocean and 88 Keys did to this track should be fucking illegal. Click Play After the Art Work

So a few days ago I posted how me and my PLATONIC (emphasis on that word) friend are going to see Harry Potter this week. Because she's a faggot but also hot so I gotta take that loss. Problem is I don't know shit about Harry Potter so I asked y'all for some help and I must say y'all are some fucking fags for those emails but I appreciate it. Here is my interpretation of what this Harry Potter shit is all about after all those emails:

When Harry Potter was a little nigga his mom was a heaux and his dad was probably out selling crack so there was no one around. This big ass nigga by the name of Lord Voldermort came into that fucking house and shut shit down. At first he went up to Harry's mom and was like "bitch where's my money!" She ain't have it so he popped her. Then he went up to Harry's dad and was like "nigga you owe me money, I supplied you that crack." Harry Potter's dad told him to fuck off so Lord Voldermort popped him too. Harry was supposed to die but Lord Voldermort ain't bout that baby killing life so he put the fear in him and went off back into the street. Harry went to go live with his uncle but that nigga was worse than his parents, his uncle is terrible at life and Harry probably became all fucked up.

At 13, Harry told his deadbeat uncle to fuck off and he went and lit a spliff and entered magic school to intensify the high. In magic school where Harry would just be smoking weed and banging heauxs, he realized he has a talent. Harry could really fuck niggas up. He been fucking niggas up for years. But the thing is, Harry wants to kill Voldermort because that's the dude who killed his parents. So Harry been trying for years and years but he just can't seem to kill Voldermort because Voldermort is one tough ass dude. So Harry is tired of losing and shit, he finds out Voldermort has a weakness. He needs 7 big ass things to fuck him up, so far he has 3.

This is the last movie of the series so one of those niggas are about to die. Harry is kind of a pussy though because he stands no chance at taking on Voldermort on a 1 on 1 fight so he has Hermine and Ron. Hermine and Ron are fucking horny ass people who want to raw each other every single day so I'm not really sure if they are even an asset to Harry Potter. Basically, shit's about to go down between Voldermort and Harry Potter. Either the skinny little white dude will win or the the big ass nigga who killed his parents will fuck him up, stay tuned.

I'm out, peace.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

More Random Shit Cause I'm Sober

Cheeba's Music Corner: Voice Within- Christina Aguilera

I motherfucking hate Toronto police more than I hate Hitler, Will.I.Am, and taxes combined. A few months ago a dumb ass cop told a chick if she dresses like a slut then she's going to get raped. Over the last week these fuckers have killed like 4 people but nothing worse than this: Fucking guy was deaf and had the brain of a child and died right in front of his mother. But don't expect the media to talk about it, they rather talk about the American Debt crisis and riots in Tottenham while the cops are out here killing innocent people. Don't expect the SIU to do shit either we all know how this will end up, the pigs will get off and the mother will spend an eternity suffering at the fact she watched her son die. 

Fuck that I have to get less angry. You know I'm celebrating Ramadan so no alcohol. But I still hit the bars and shit and just drink 7up. Today I hit a bar I've been attending fairly frequently for the past year or so. You know everytime I go they never have a good deal. Today they sold PREMIUM PINTS for $4. Everything on that menu had something related to bacon though I opted for wings. Seriously lmao you know how bad I would have abused that shit at that price. Fuckin stuck to my 7ups though. 

I've received 3 texts from 3 different people over the last 10 days or so with girls telling me how shitty they feel their bfs are playing Call of Duty on the XBox/Ps3. You niggas gotta get off that shit LMAO. That shit's for the winter.

Tomorrow I have to write a general cover letter about how awesome I am. I just want to write: Hi I'm a great person with a massive cock who will be motivated to work because I don't want to end up dead or in jail like 90% of my fucking race. I wish I could just say what I felt and not worry about being judged lmao. 

I committed a lot of sins this weekend and it felt fucking great. I got no cum left til the end of the week. Nah I'm lying.

I make it a habit to test out different franchises' wings because their advertised hot is never fucking hot. Let me tell you, St. Louis Bar and Grill got some legit wings. I ordered "hotter than hell" and while it wasn't as hot as advertised, if you ain't used to that shit it will straight fuck you up. White boys beware, that shit ain't for you pussies.

31 Americans and 7 Afghans killed yesterday. Was the oil worth it yet? The blatant disregard for human life in this day and age makes the world so much less tolerable. Every single human being is expandable with a fabricated, imagined number. The lower the number the less you're worth it in the eyes of everyone else. It's sad and unfortunate but we're well past the point of return. We treat symptoms and avoid the disease all together. The disease being insecurity, wealth, power, technology, profit, efficiency, etc. We treat every single thing with fucking materialism in hopes that it will all go away, it never fucking does.

I'm out, peace.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

There's a blog below but check some fucked up shit.

From my twitter:

Julius James
 Got the teams wrong but check this score: 

Friday, August 5, 2011

Need Your Help

 Cheeba's Music Corner: Selena Gomez Big Tune

 Before I get into it here this story. I was supposed to go to Taste of Danforth today with two heauxs but then said fuck it I'll just stay in because I didn't want to drive. My parents said they were going and they'd buy me dinner. I was starving cause of Ramadan so I said sure. We get to Danforth and there's no free parking, only $10 parking. My dad's like " I ain't giving these white people a fucking cent, fuck them I'm going to the casino" We end up going and I'm getting my ass handed to me, then I'm up a sizable amount. The dealer who is watching the Jays game says "Rauch is going to give up 1 run in the ninth. After that this table wont win." Would you believe Rauch fucking gave up 1 run in the ninth inning and after that double zero came fuckin twice. All in all I lost $10 which I had to fight for but my dad won 4 bills so he sent a few my  way. Fuckin insane how it panned out after Rauch gave up a run though.

So this morning I get up this morning, take a piss, face Mecca and pray, then grab the laptop. I'm looking through my inbox and someone sent me a picture of their tee. For the record, if you're a female please don't sent me pics when the sun is up, it'll just tempt me to jack off smh and Allah don't like that shit. Anyways so then she sends me a next email with the subject "Harry Potter" and I'm thinking maybe she's in some lingerie and holding a wand or something. A nigga gets excited and shit. Then I get "would you like to see Harry Potter with me?" SMH.

Does she know my skin color? But nah she's hot as hell and one of my closest friends and everytime I see her she wears this sexy ass top and I can't keep my eyes off her tits and she knows it but she wears it anyway. So of course I'm going with her. Anyways, to make a long story short next week me and her are going to see Harry Potter. Fuck, if she has any boyfriend reading this I'm only kidding about the top....I always get in shit every time I write about her. We're platonic for 2 years, it's an agreement we made so please don't shoot me, or her. Back to the story, next week I'm going to see Harry Potter. Now let's be honest, there's a lot of people who read this blog. One of you fuckers must know about this shit, yes it makes you a faggot but I need you to take the loss and explain to me what Harry Potter is. I know he's a British dude with a wand who goes to school and knows magic tricks. What else do I need to know? Help a brotha out, I'm too lazy to wikipedia that shit and I don't want to walk into the movie clueless. Also, I'm going to demand she wear something Harry Potter ish, if my black ass is seeing the movie, her white ass is going to be one of those virgin nerds who watch this thing. Thanks in advance!

I'm out, peace.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

My motherfucking Balls Are Itchy- Random Thoughts

As always, my nigga K-Dot puts out good music. Go cop his shit here unless you're a faggot: K Dot- Trap Jesus.

He also has  fucked up music video y'all must check out: the most fucked up friend I have  

Cheeba's music corner: It's his bday today so I'll give him something special, pause:

Had a 5 hour exam today, my brain is fried so I'm just dropping random shit: 

- If you were wearing a pink bra/panties this morning please hit me up when you see this explaining all that shit you told me earlier. Thank you LMAO all that shit semi scared me so you gonna have to fix that. 

-My ex girl definitely trying to Marvin's Room me now. But she ain't even slick with it lmaoooooo. 

-I use Herbal Essences Shampoo. When it runs out I use this body wash/shampoo Lavender rich people shit my mom has in the shower. Today I was reading the label and it said "douche hydrant." SMH only me I swear. 

-If you've never pissed in a sink, you aren't living right. 

-Tofu gives you the worst farts ever, not even I could handle it and I'm a pretty disgusting motherfucker.

-There's this chick on my BBM status is " It will always be you that I want at the end of the day" yet the other day she BBM'd me with some of the freakiest shit you'll never see. I'm just sitting at home reading my Qu'ran tho.

-I was creeping my bro facebook page and he has 6 white heauxs all listed as his "sister" on facebook. Either he a faggot or a genius lmao and I can't tell.

-RIP Sgt. Hightower. 

I'm out, peace.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Ways to Know the Dick is Yours

Cheeba's Music Corner: De La Soul- Sunshine

After a year and a half of this shit I have a base of people who I never met but I love like a brother/sister, just the way things are. Nothing made me happier than when the homie Chris told me he beat cancer today. Dude beat the fucking shit out of it, a true inspiration. Fuck cancer. Salute. 

I think my ex girlfriend is trying to subliminally "Marvin's Room" me. I thought she fell off the map but for some reason she slithered into my inbox today. For those who don't know what that means, listen to the lyrics of this gay ass song: Marvin's Room .lmao I'm just playing, you can hit me up anytime you want. The weird part is at least once a week I dream she is trying to kill/killed me.  CEO Wife wanted me to do this blog so here it is, ways for the ladies to find out of the dick is exclusively theres: 

1) If he does anything with you on a Sunday during the fall, that dick is yours. If the dude is willing to skip an NFL day of pure games for your ass, he loves you unconditionally or he's a faggot. 

2) If you get him to change up his style/fashion, then the dick is yours. I've always been a white/black tee and jeans kind of guy, I'll never wear shit like sweathered vests. But if he is listening to your fashion suggestions, that dick is all yours.

3) If he's willing to ditch the boys for you, and you're on your period, it's all yours. Here's what you have to do if you want to find out if he is yours, know he's going out a week in advance with his friends. Make sure it coincidentally lands on the same time you're about to have your period. The day he's supposed to hang with his boys, call him up and tell him how awful you feel and you need him. Keep in mind you're on your period so there's really no sex incentive. If he ditches them for you, that dick is yours. I'd like to add, I take no days off and will gladly beat it on the period so don't try it with me lmao. 

4) If he cries during an argument, unfortunately it is yours. Though I'm not sure you would still want dude haha. 

5) If he's gives you a flower it's a toss up. He either a faggot or that dick is yours. 

6) If he wants to cuddle its the same shit, I don't care how much girls like it, cuddling is for the motherfucking faggots. If he cuddles and does not reach for the box, that faggot is all yours.

7) If he is willing to give you a password to his email/social networking pages as an attempt to leave everything out on the open and claims he got nothing to hide, that dick is yours. 

8) If he comes with you to shit like Bed Bath and Beyond, it's yours forever.

9) If he takes you to his parents, no ifs ands or buts its 100 percent yours.

10) If he uses your ideas, then he's yours. My ex would always gave me ideas but the good part about it is even though she wouldn't shut up, she wouldn't really breathe either so it was cool, I liked to watch that go down. But I wasn't listening to her. If he actually listens and uses the ideas or suggestions, he's all yours. 

I'm out, peace.

Ways to Know The Box Is Yours.

Code I'm testing, pay no attention: {EAV_BLOG_VER:7e1c1806d7f49002}

Cheeba's Music Corner: Marvin Gaye- Inner City Blues 

I been saving this one for a while. Part of Ramadan is giving back, charity. I give back niggas. One thing I get every now and then are teens asking me how they know if they own "her" box. Replace "her" with a crush/girlfriend etc. I don't know why the fuck y'all asking me lmao I ain't no relationship expert but here are some tips for your 4 teens or so who are always wondering if the box is yours or if she's fucking someone else. Here are some universal signs that will either make you a big ass winner, or a pathetic loser, enjoy!: 

 1) If she sends smiley faces with no response, pardon this faggotry I'm about to commit but like this: ":)"  then that box is yours. Keeping in mind it must be unattached, no words or anything, just the smiley face. 

 2) If she's talking to you after 3:30 am and you know her ass has to be up in the morning, or she doesn't usually sleep this late, the box is up. No one, except insomniacs and people working should be up at 3:30 am, especially on a weekday. 

3) She emails you a "goodnight." with nothing else attach, yup you're catching a major victory with that one. 

4) If she's willing to bend the rules, slightly compromise her morals or say things like "I don't usually do this" or "I've never done this with a guy before" chances are you could tell if she's lying or not. Just have to trust yourself. If you figure she ain't lying, box belongs to you. 

5)  If she asks you for your opinion on shit you know fuck all about. For example: fashion, pop music, jewelery etc. Yup that box is yours. 

6)  She skips out on something important to hang with your ass, it's definitely yours that ain't even a question. 

7) This one is I use and it isn't a trick, more of who I am. I'm really open so I'll just flat out say "how was your dump today." 99.9% of girls would be freaked out. However, if you get an " umm okay " or "actually it was good"  then you definitely know the box is yours. 

8) If you puked on her (never did it but I know people who have) and she stuck around, box is easily yours. 

9) If you normally do something that's in a routine. So let's say y'all walk to the same 3rd period class or whatever the fuck highschoolers do. Do something out of the norm, if she notices and brings it up, she wants your dick. 

10) If she cooks for you, yup your name is on her pussy. 

11) If she tells you things no one else knows. Any abortions LMAO, her worst memory etc, it's all yours. 

12) If you tell her you like something she's rocking, lets say an orange shirt. Then over the next 2 weeks you notice she wore it 5x in that span, you won her over. 

13) If you make her cry and she still talks to you, it's yours (I've never done this on purpose tho LMAO swear to Allah) 

14) She buys you things for the fuck of it, she wants you. 

15)  Do something you know she'll hate, if she warms up to it. Let's say she hates bacon, order it in front of her. Watch her reaction, if she isn't disgusted then you're in the clear. I've done it with alcohol, "oh you're having another one, that's okay." Meanwhile if it was another dude they'd hate it, it's all about the reaction you Bieber faggots.

Hope that helped lmao. 

I'm out, Peace.  

Monday, August 1, 2011

Bismillah al rahman al rahim

Cheeba's Music Corner: Can't Decide what to Drop so Fuck it I'm dropping both: and

I don't think I've ever felt this shitty in my life. I woke up on Sunday morning in my bed next to a half-eaten McDonalds salad, with  my shoes on and shit and no idea how I got home. It took me time to realize I was in my own bed. The weird part about it is I don't think I slept, I was sitting upright on the bed when I realized what was happening. People sending me BBMS and shit from the night before and I'm wondering if the world ended and shit. My pockets suggested I did a lot of shit on Saturday but I don't remember it. My mom was pissed though lmao calling me a two year old. Must have woken her up or some shit, who knows I didn't really ask. My tee should have been deemed illegal there were stains all over it I don't even know how they got there. 1 dead, 2 others injured after shit got crazy, I was 10 feet away but I ain't see shit. Just people running and you would think a shooting would wake you up. Nope, I was so out of it I just stood there watching the world turn in chaos. That's the last thing I remember about Saturday. RIP to the Scarborough cat who died though, whats a Caribana without gunfire?

Anyway fuck all that, fuck this weekend. I think I got heat stroke or something I'm here hotter than a motherfucker with a stomach that refuses to allow me to live in prosperity. So I'm doing Ramadan this year. At first I was going to half-ass it but I decided against that after this weekend. I'm going to actually try with this shit. I ain't Muslim and if I told you my reasons you'd just say I'm doing this for the box (which isn't true lmao) but I'm going to give some attention to Allah starting tomorrow. I actually have valid reasons for this and the way my life has been it only seems right that I give something back to God so this is it. I was 10 feet away from being dead yesterday but I been thinking about doing it for weeks. I ain't affiliated with any religion though but Ramadan could only benefit me. (for you ignorant ass motherfuckas who don't know what Ramadan is, google it)

So here it is, the JJ guide to Ramadan:

1) Fasting and shit: Ain't no nigga about to give up food from sunrise to sunset. That shit's from 5:30am -9:45pm. Nah fuck it, here's how you do this shit. Wake up whatever time you want and have breakfast. Then you say fuck lunch and eat dinner whatever time you want to eat dinner. Nothing after dinner and nothing between breakfast and dinner either. 2 meals a day. Water and Gatorade is allowed at any time.

2) I'm going to Mexico on the 27th so Ramadan starts on the 1st, ends on the 27th. A nigga ain't going to Mexico to eat 2 meals a day and not drink tequila.

3) Praying 5x a day. In hindsight, a lot of shit went my way this year that didn't have to go my way. Granted, plenty upon plenty of shit went wrong but some stuff went right that I didn't think would go that way. So I'm going to face Mecca and pray like the Muslims do 5x a day. I ain't bending down and shit though, I ain't taking it to terrorist levels. I'm separating it too. 1st prayer: Thankfulness. 2nd prayer: Forgiveness for the shit I really care about being forgiven. 3rd prayer: Hope. 4th prayer: For all y'all cocksuckas, the people who support and love me and shit. 5th prayer: For me to be great like Bob the Builder. 

4) No alcohol. I was not going to do this but this weekend made me realize I have to. Also because I actually have valid reasons as to why I'm doing this Ramadan stuff I won't break this til the 27th. I don't give a fuck if it's Hip-Hop, UFC, Taste of Danforth, a fucking Styles P concert I ain't doing any alcohol. I'm flirting with the idea of going to NYC on the 13th, I'll make Poland Springs my drink of choice that entire time. I'm going to stay inside and fucking listen to Queen every weekend if I have to but I ain't drinking til the 27th. 

5) No jacking off until after 6pm (my pretend sunset time). This one will be the hardest shit ever. 

6) If I get some box, I'm going to make it Halaal. I don't think Muslims supposed to have sex during this time. But like I said I ain't a terrorist I'm just pretending to be one. So here is a what I'll do before I commit any sexual acts. I'm going to play this to purify the box, then go for it: Song to make the box Halaal. That way when I do commit sins I could tell God at least I purified it before.

7) No pork. I'll miss the occasional hot dog I throw in my omlette and bacon but fuck it, no pork.

I think I got it all covered. I know in the morning I'll wake up to some hate from some Muslims because they think I'm making a mockery of this, eat a dick. 

I'm out, peace.