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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Last Message of 2010

Im drunk as fuck but fuck that. Baby girl I now you're reading this. You'll pay for this. I'm 's going to teach you Kate Gibson to not fuck with me. You'll wish you never met me, I could assure you that. It's coming eventually, I hope it was worth. What up y'all. I'm smashed. Could barely walk. Those crip niggas are insane smh niggas know the street. I need one of yall to take care of me. Woman only faggots. Jeez I need a woman to commpany my every hangover. Like walk with me, take care of me, make me miss it. Thats why I wanna get married. So a chick could take of me during these type of nights. im out happy new year.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Love Hate

This is one last ditch effort to bring out everything I hate, I'm bout to bury 2011. This year sucked. Don't mind me, just going to be emo. 

I hate this weather. I hate people. I hate their need for approval. I hate facades. I hate public transport. I hate that I hate things with conviction. I hate most of my relatives. I hate those who are happy. I hate the power I give to things/people which then consumes me but yet I see no way out, or fail to take that route. I hate modernity. I hate my desire for alcohol. I hate the judicial system. I hate people even more when I think about the judicial system. I hate those who think they could "solve" me, yet again people...I hate Sports (only in 2011 has it become this shitty) I hate Canada for what it looks like today. I hate taxes. I hate the government. I hate organized religion. I hate skinny jeans. I hate snapbacks. I hate Dog the fucking Bounty Hunter. I hate Pets. I hate hope. I hate almost all opinions that aren't my own. I hate being wrong. I hate traveling. I hate adhering to rules. I hate structure. I hate obedience. I hate that humanity is dying. I hate being an insomniac (only at times). I hate giving a fuck. I hate screen doors. I hate stairs. I hate expectations (they are never met). I hate all food that isn't fried. I hate fish (unless it's fried then it's tolerable, or Sushi which I force myself to eat cause I get tired of other healthy foods). I hate phones. I hate being misunderstood. I hate being recognized. I hate Storage Wars. I hate people who watch Storage Wars. I hate olives. I hate accents (most of them). I hate fear. 

I love to smile. I love happiness. I love fries. I love wings. I love Sylvia Plath. I love Idilia Dubb. I love my ability to detach myself from anything/anyone within the blink of an eye. I love(d) Prison Break. I love food. I love seclusion. I love mystery. I love life (when I'm actually living). I love confrontation. I love pain. I love destruction. I love Lana Del Rey. I love Fast Car. I love a blanket. I love differences. I love the Yankees. I love being selfish. I love being unproductive. I love the sun. I love blue skies. I love my dreams. I love the idea of having dreams. I love almost anything that has Margaret Atwood's name attached to it. I love to write. I love to read. I love to think. I love my fucking intuition. I love alcohol. I love the night. I love water. I love Mountain Dew Code Red. I love most fast food joints. I love the feeling I get when I leave Toronto. I love that I'm still alive. I love Arcade Fire. I love Styles P. I love chinese food. I love innocence. I love that I exist. I love that I am relevant (to a certain extent) I love the color black. I love me. 

If I ain't back for 2011 this is exactly how I'd want my words to sound like sending off this bullshit year. I'm out. 


Thursday, December 29, 2011

Time to Get Deep

I don't want to blog today. I just want to listen to Sade's "Cherish the Day" and read Joe Bodolai's suicide note over and over again. That could be found here: Life Before Death . I'm about to lose another relative in the next few weeks, this one to alcoholism. As good as gone is what I'm being told, I don't care for them I care for that life that slipped away. Can't explain it, it's like watching someone on a bed and as every day passes by they get a little more weak. But those eyes, the ones that had conviction and life are just filled with regret and sorrow, like "oh fuck" but it's too late. I saw this with my cousin and I saw this with my Grandpa years ago, here we go again. The 4th in as many months. This world is fucked, I try to tell myself it was always this way but I don't think it was. I'll never know that answer. 

I hope the soul goes somewhere when life is all over and my dick with it but I wouldn't be entirely disappointed if it didn't. Dreamless sleep somewhat appeals to me. Weird because I used to hate the concept. I still believe in "God" I hate that name though because then I feel like one of those religious fucks, let's call him "P-nut." I still believe in P-Nut I just question the causation of too many things, it leads me no where then I wake up the next morning and do it all again. This life gets tiring but I wouldn't bother explaining why, I would bore half of y'all even more. People ask P-Nut for signs like that's going to make a difference. I see signs everyday I just wonder why he's even bothering. Or she, I started to think of P-Nut as a mother, a divine mother. It makes me feel better because P-Nut would get all the girls, P-Nut in a female form is much better. No I ain't drunk or high, just mentally drained and enjoying this stream of consciousness. We failed. Things could of been different but they aren't and unfortunately we're to blame. None of this shit is fair but we caused it. They want us to die, the people who control the world. 

They want us to bleed, they want us to undergo radiation, to feel that pain, to be tricked into thinking we're getting better. Those fuckers have all the answers. But why? I used to think it was money, vitamin C therapy has amazing effects on cancer patients but you probably didn't know that. Today I read about how a McDicks burger is good after like 2 months of sitting out in the open, why are we being given this shit. Heroin is bad right? How fucking hard is it for the "world leaders" to sit in a fucking room and track where it comes from and destroy it. Y'all think it's money? Maybe. I used to think they were greedy fuckers but surely they realized by now money aint shit. Your kids go off to private school, become fags and die like everyone else. Those plastic tits you're titty fucking ain't different than the regular tits everyone else fucks. It doesn't make any sense, why are things this way. But when you question them you're a hippy or some conspiracy theorist. Tell us what really happened during 9/11 but most people believe it was the "Muslim Terrorists." 

But like I said we caused this, we know better just refuse to apply it (I include myself in this) and then we'll cry about the "economy" and shit. Wouldn't it all be better if we simply didn't give a fuck? What if no one voted, wouldn't life be better. Have your money and kill us but we won't play your game. It's been this way for a while: but this is not an American problem. This is a world problem. Fuck am I having kids for to grow them up in a world where people are more concerned with the well being of a rat-face Chilean girl pretending to be Italian in Snooki as opposed to themselves. It's there already. Kids out here calling themselves Bieber and shit, wishing they were him, unable to process their own thoughts, unable to formulate their own opinions, unable to be them. Did it ever existed or was the self always lost? The self is a complicated thing but I won't stop til I find it. (yeaaaaaaaaaa nigga I went over half of your heads with that) Lmao. I'm out.


Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Weekend and the Epiphany

This Holiday bullshit sucked. Last Christmas I was in a basement with a bag of sunflower seeds, I went to the gas station and got some Bits and Bites, and a bottle of Bacardi. Drank til I passed out, this Christmas was 1000x worse than that but I ain't getting into it. I was in Cleveland last week and as always I had a blast, only thing is I been drunk since the 21st. Another problem is that despite not wanting to, I left Cleveland thinking "family" and blah blah Christmas will be cool. I was wrong. Today was my first "day off." I got off that plane and went straight for more partying, buddy looks at my jacket and says "what is this" thinking it was a design. It was Puke residue. That's the type of week I had, wore the same mustard stained jeans for like 3 days and just went hard. Christmas and Boxing Day was spent at the strip club because to make a long story short for a bunch of reasons I couldn't be at home. Throughout the week I been beaten down more times than a nigga living in Alabama in the 20s. Christmas lunch consisted of sliced cheese on bread, at least I melted it lmao.

If it wasn't for the Ciroc, Grey Goose, and odd beer/wine I don't know how I'd survive this shit. But I did. So it's the 26th and me and another dude are at the Strip Club. He's beaten down like me. For one reason or another and I forgot the reason why but I purposely cut my thigh with a steak knife. At the time I had a good reason, I guess, but ya it's that sort of weekend. So now I say enough is enough, I had enough alcohol, enough strip club food, enough of the bullshit. I tell the homie lets go to walmart, pick up a rotisserie chicken, some mac and cheese, coleslaw. and potato wedges and have our own belated Christmas dinner. I DONT FUCK with potato wedges but it's the closest thing to fries I could think of and I wanted fucking fries. There I was, in the same clothes for like 5 days. Smelling of vodka, I don't remember eating anything, I don't remember doing anything, got stripper makeup all over me and nothing in my life is going right yet I'm stumbling across Walmart hoping they got that ready-made food. Then it happened....

A chick came up to me and said "hi" and I was thinking "no I don't want to sign up for your bitch ass mastercard." I turned to her about to cuss her off and then I realized I knew this person. You know how some people, during the worst times, see an angel and shit? This was my angel. See this was a girl I was trying to get it in with in 2005-06. She was hot, beautiful spanish skin, and sucked dick like Heather Brooke (google) which was the word on the street. Now it's 2011 and THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING WAY I"M HITTING THIS. The chick gained bout 50 pounds, had acne and shit, all I could think of is WHAT HAPPENED. Then she told me about her boyfriend, this was the sign from God. In my head I'm thinking, wait a NIGGA HITS THIS???????? NAH my life ain't so bad after all. I might be beaten the fuck down but I ain't fucking Kate plus 8 (literally like that chick Kate plus 8 other people combined into 1) No fucking way, I jumped for joy and went about my day, knowing I have it good, I ain't ever have to resort to that Hoover Dam in the face type of women. I'm blessed. I'm out.


Friday, December 23, 2011

2 Year Anniversary- Random Thoughts

It's been 2 years since I started this shit. Some good, some bad came from it. Got a lot of pussy, some decent cash, death threats, first class flights, failed business opportunities you name it. A fucking roller coaster, just the way I like it.  I was going to bitch bout my problems today but said fuck it, I don't want to ruin your Christmas so instead I'll dream. If I ever get rich I'm doing to things. 1) Going to take ibogaine (google it if you're lost) 2) Fly on an empty plane somewhere. I'll need a lot of money for that and at first it'll seem like a waste but it's something I REALLY want to do. Sit there by myself, Oddly enough I been on a plane with 3 people once it was pretty cool, great feeling I can't describe but I need one for a longer journey. 

I need to start doing healthy things like getting a massage and breathing properly and not doing crazy drugs and shit. Maybe one day I'll be like that nigga on Parks and Rec. y'all know which one the healthy guy. Oh and fuck all y'all that had a good year lmao. 2011 should be renamed to: Lets see how far we can fuck JJ in his ass (pause) so if you had a good year then eat a dick with olives on it smh. I been trying meditating but it clearly aint working, though I blame my self. A nigga gets up on the bed and closes his eyes then immediately I start to think about banging Daisy Marie in her ass and it all goes downhill from there. I need more structure in my life. Like a rich white girl who has an "organizer" who guides me LMAO. 

That white chick in My Name is Earl is so attractive, even though she's not supposed to be. I think her name is Joy on the show, ya I need a white girl like that but less crazy and more class. Ironic, me talking about less crazy and more class. Y'all enjoy these Christmas Holidays trust me you don't want to be me. I know someone who knows someone who took their life today. It's a cold ass world and I tend to take all that shit for granted. Stare your faggot ass relatives dead in the eye and tell their faggot ass you love em, y'all don't want to see the glass completely empty as a lot of us do on a daily basis. See what happens when I listen to Lana Del Rey, I get in that mood lmao. I'll stop now though, Merry Christmas and I hope each and every one of you get some dope head or fingered or whatever rocks your world, Christmas without dope head is like going to Starbucks and ordering a passion fruit juice. LMAO I'm out y'all.


Thursday, December 22, 2011

Here We Go Again

I try not to be ungrateful but there are certain things I just can't help but think about. Don't blame me. I got a friend who has a sister and my friend fine as hell but her sister the one with good grades, the nice dude blah blah blah. She has all these family functions and doesn't want to show up single so she calls me and I'm usually her pretend boyfriend. In return, I used to get a mean blowjob now I just get free booze smh. But it was Thanksgiving and shorty had the gathering at her Aunt's place. This was thanksgiving and I'm black, I was raised a certain way. When you invite someone over at your crib you make them feel at home, give them a meal with love and take care of them. 

A nigga showed up for thanksgiving expecting everything and the kitchen sink. You know what I got, corn from a can, turkey, gravy, rice, and mini croissants you get in a pack for like $2.99. Man what the fuck, I ain't travel halfway across the city for this bullshit. AND WHAT the fuck do you eat with the rice? The turkey? Nigga please the least she could have done was fry the rice, add peas or something. A nigga spent his thanksgiving eating this garbage, let's be real that lady stuck the turkey in the oven and went to masturbate for 12 hours, came back, opened the can of corn and boiled some fucking rice. That was her meal she was serving to the people she "cared for." You know what's worse. This old ass lady spent the entire dinner bragging about how long the turkey took and how she got it perfect. White people don't know shit about cooking with love. Bullshit ass meals, bullshit ass "gatherings," bullshit ass dinnertime conversation man I couldn't wait to get out of there and hit KFC for the Big Box Meal with an extra side of coleslaw. 

So now another holiday is upon us (fuck that sounded gay let me try this again) Now Christmas is here and shorty hits me up pleading to roll with her on Saturday night. I value her a lot so I got no choice but to go. BUT I told her I'm skipping dinner. I'm doing this shit the ghetto way. I'm going to to Popeyes, pick up a 2 piece with an extra biscuit. Then I'm going eat it in the car on my way to the spot. When I get there I'm going to tell her Aunt I already ate at another family function, I'll have one of those bootleg ass croissants that been sitting in a grocery store for 7 weeks and I'll pretend to be happy. Then I'll hit their liquor cabinet for everything they got. That's what my life has become. I got to put on a James Bond type mission on Christmas eve and hang around fake white people, all because I live for alcohol and I want to tap into that Johnny Walker Blue. The things I do for the love of my life. I'm out. 


Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Entering the World Of Faggotry

That's me holding a Gingerbread latte at Starbucks today, let me explain. About 2 months ago I lost a bet. I took Notre Dame, she took Michigan. Notre Dame was up by about 700 and suddenly Michigan score 700 points in the 4th quarter, I lose. Had I won man I won't even tell y'all the greatness I would have gotten but I lost. She knows how I hate starbucks, their fucked up terminology and everything with it so she decided I got to go to Starbucks and order a Gingerbread latte. To y'all this might sound like no big deal but I'm ALWAYS about principle. Fuck I look going up to a "barista" and ordering a Venti Gingerbread latte with cream on top. But anyways today I happened to be in a spot where Starbucks was around and figured it was a good time to pay up.

So I'm there in a big ass line where everyone are fags. The girls were kind of hot but you could tell they got weird ass personalities. The dudes were huge faggots who probably listen to Bruno Mars and know how to dance the "Waltz" whatever the fuck that is. (I hear things then repeat them like a child does, without knowing their real meaning) So I get to the chink lady (barista)  and I look at the board. Hold up a Venti is like $7 nah baby we in a recession I'll take the "Tall." See what I mean y'all, in the faggot world of starbucks, Tall means small. WHAT THE FUCK. Why the fuck these Seattle assholes have to be so different for, selling shitty cds and shitty books and shitty syrups. I don't give a fuck for this shit but if you need a coffee nigga go to the grocery pick up a big ass tin of Foldgers or Nabisco and go crazy for a month. Anyway in the wonderful world of Starbucks, a Small latte came up to $4.12. That's 2 fucking lottery tickets smh. 

Now I ordered the gayness and have to wait in another line while a dude in an apron makes it for me. Yes, dude who is making niggas coffee is in a fucking apron. This shit can't get any worse. Now I got no clue what a latte is, I thought it was like a funny word for something similar to hot chocolate. I'm thinking a Latte is the Hot version of a DQ Blizzard and at $4.12 this shit will taste good. I don't know what the fuck gingerbread spice is, as I never had a gingerbread cookie in my life but the emphasis is on cookie I'm thinking this tastes good. About 3 months ago I had my first expresso. Shit was nasty. Let me tell you what the shit I drank today was. It's like 2 shots of expresso. Mixed with every fucking spice and herb from my kitchen cabinet. It's like the dude in the apron grabbed 2 shots of expresso, mixed it together with paprika, black pepper, oregano, seasoning salt,and added a half cup of vinegar. That's what I drank Who the fuck willingly drinks this shit. I downed the thing like a pint and went about my day, a day that started with pure faggotry which I had to share. I'm out.


Tuesday, December 20, 2011

What Recession?

God, let the record show I was going to write a completely different blog on a certain topic but it's Christmas time and I decided to take the high road (I been doing that a lot lately) So ya God, you owe me. I've done a lot of my Christmas shopping (by the way I got the most amazing gift today: a dog/usb thing that humps the computer) but I still had to get a few things. So Christmas is coming and I know the malls are crazy as is so I decide to hit the mall. The first thing I notice is United Way or one of those charities doing gift wrapping so I'm thinking good cause I don't know how to wrap that shit. Then I see "suggested donation prices" $3 for small, $5 for medium, $7 for large gifts. Nigga please, I know it's only suggested but fuck I look like paying $7 for some 14 year old jack off to wrap a few things for me. Fuck that I'll do it on my own. 

I'll sound like an old ass person here but I haven't been in a mall in years. To be honest the last I remember of the Mall was the $4 movie theaters (which no longer exist) and the niggas selling Popcorn at a cart for $1.50. I don't think that shit exist either. So I go in the mall and the decor (I don't know what this word means I'll assume interior style) is all fucked up like I'm in a Palace in Rome. It's a cold ass world out there but the Mall got fancy ceramic tiles and shit. I decide to get my brother a fitted cap. Now New Era Sponsors me and I get a lot of free shit, I just didnt have time to ask them for a hat, I walk into Lids. I look at every fucking hat on that shelf: $45.99. NIGGA WHAT? Add the 13% tax and we talking 50 + for a fucking fitted cap. Man I could get that shit in a footlocker in Queens for $21.99. Shit's insane.

I say fuck this, I'm going to Champs to get him a hoodie. He rocks a lot of hoodies and he likes his shit dark and plain like I do. A PLAIN fucking hoodie at Champs is $55.99. Shit can't be serious when I was 13 that shit used to go for $17.99 regular price and like $15 on sale. I look at the track pants, $40, also plain and no name. How the fuck do y'all afford shit. Who the fuck is paying $60+ for a hoodie with no brand on it. I ended up getting him 2 Nike tees that came up to $45. It ain't bout the money it's fucking principle. Yet all the stores were packed, people buying that shit like they got money to burn. It ain't that I'm cheap it's that I know what it's like to have $8 in the bank account and I refuse to go back to those days but damn, how the fuck do y'all people live in a world where a basic outfit costs $300+. This place is fucked. I get my shit mailed to me for free by a bunch of companies who pay me to write and I've never been more thankful. Not a clearance rack in sight, clearly the times have changed but this shit makes no sense. Ah well, for those people who love materialistic things I hope the 72 hours of satisfaction was worth it, I'll stick to the fruit of the loom tees I get at Walmart. I'm out.


Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Weekend and the Message.

So here's what happened. The end result to this entire fucked up weekend is the picture to your left, now let me explain. Somewhere along the line I decided I was going to get stupid drunk all week, which I did. Then Saturday night happened. I'm at this party which was gay, so I come home, change, and hit the Annex for another birthday party. I don't know how to behave in the presence of alcohol and I'm pretty childish. See the club was alright, some old school hip hop, a good vibe minus the fucking crowd and the shitty cover, everything was cool. As always I enter the club already drunk and I head straight for the bartender, who I convince to make all my doubles into triples (I try this everywhere I go) 

A nigga drinking his screwdrivers, triple vodkas in that shit and just chilling. Then it sorta all went downhill. For whatever reason the club went from playing Pharaohe Monch  (which no one but me and my boys knew) to Hollerback Girl by Gwen Stefani. Now I'm mad, I fucking hate college kids and all of a sudden it hits me. I'm at a college place, with college kids, who are wilding out on the dance floor. Nah something has to happen, all these motherfuckers are acting a fool. I start throwing shit at people on the dance floor, mints, really anything I could find. Then I had enough of these white people so I tell my boys it's time to bounce. But before I go for whatever reason I got into it with a white girl. I forget why to be honest but one thing leads to another and as she's walking down the stairs my foot SLIPS and kicks her in her ass. At the time I had a valid reason as to why my foot slipped I just can't remember it now. She dare not turn around either shorty didn't fall or anything she just kept going (none of this is my fault, as I said my foot slip)

Long story short I end up at the Green Room, MUCH better spot. Homeboy is lighting his spliff at the table with the tea-light and we're high as fuck drinking with a really anti-social crowd. The type of crowd where everyone of those motherfuckers are the type to shoot up a high school. Anyway I made it home around 4:30am on Sunday morning. That's when it all gets fuzzy. I don't remember shit but talking shit on twitter then going to bed. But yet I wake up to the text message you see above. What could I have told shorty for her to sound THAT dejected? Why the fuck is she even apologizing and assuming guilt for, as far as I know she did nothing wrong. Now, a rule I live by is to never look back at the drunk messages I send but clearly I must have cussed her off or something pretty bad. Probably blamed her for all my worries and blamed her for not curing cancer or something who knows I was drunk but how does one respond to a text like that? I was thinking about it all day, then I just decided to plead stupid: "Oh it's okay" LMAOOOOOOOO I ain't shit y'all. I'm out. 


Friday, December 16, 2011

The Family Reunion

After weeks of deliberation, I decided to be the better person and attend this family reunion thing that's taking place on Sunday. I fucking hate family like you wouldn't believe, bound together by some shitty blood. If most these people died I wouldn't give a fuck about them and they wouldn't give a fuck about me. But I took the high road, one of those "it would make my mom happy kinda crap because she likes this" so I said I'm going. So many problems with this I don't know where to begin. My aunt is funding it and I hate it. She's the type to do something for you and hold it over your head forever. That's when I said, "I'm a grown ass man, I'll pay, it ain't nothing." My mom said oh don't worry about it, it's a buffet. 

Who the fuck eats all you can eat, that shit is for people in trailer parks and greedy ass motherfuckers who never seen food. For $10 you getting an unlimited food supply of meats, carbs, dessert, etc. and you expect that shit to be good? Nigga please. If you want the truth I kind of got tired of "hope" and coping and shit, these days I'm just living solely for the purpose of living. There ain't much out there anymore that excites me I'm layered with deep mental problems that has me thinking tomorrow will be no different than today so I'm going to wank to amateur Milf Porn and I took up cooking so that gets me through these cold ass days. I'm tired of hearing "hang in there." See y'all would read that and feel sorry for me, trust me I'm good but THIS family....unreal. Half of these people slept with each others husbands, half got addictions ranging from blow to alcohol, and the rest are the ones who "know everything" you just can't win.

I don't love these people, I don't care for them, I'm indifferent to everything but on Sunday I'll have to go, with a smiley face like this " :) " and pretend to enjoy the shitty all you can eat food. Then I'll have to give everyone hugs and shit, I'm fucking anti social don't touch me unless I've said the words "I love you." I could think of 1000 better things I could be doing than this but I'll have to suck it up (pause). They're bringing a cake too, then they'll all pretend that they're the best of friends, then in 3 weeks my uncle will get evicted or my aunt, who has been convicted of fraud like 20x will catch another case. Rinse and repeat, yet I'm supposed to feel connected to her. I say this to say, to anyone reading this, I stay connected to y'all. Y'all are real people who I fuck with, who I smoke with, some of y'all I fuck and some will give up their fallopian tube to see me smile. Y'all keep me sane and y'all are the reason I do this, much love and think of me on Sunday when I'm sitting across the table from a bunch of people who think having a good time is smiling for a camera and posting it on facebook to show the world how happy they are, re-assuring themselves that everything is okay when it really isn't.


Thursday, December 15, 2011

Back Again Like for the 100th time.

I'm back motherfuckers and more bitter than you've ever seen me. Everyday it's something new, another failed contract, another broken relationship, another day where I got to wake up and view the world and think "damn everyone in this mothafucker is fucked." Was walking through the halls of school today. What could very well be the last time I ever walk through those halls, thinking "now, what next." Just had to stand still for a moment and let it hit me. I endured 4.5 years of unnecessary crap for a piece of paper and now what. Work in a fucking office doing some tedious fucking job and hating shit even more. I love to write but I'm too fucked up to ever keep a stable job, this job application process is the most painful shit ever. 

Speaking of pain my "significant other" hold up let me google significant other to see what that really means. Ya good enough. My significant other pulled some dumb ass shit today, I sensed this was going to happen but the justification topped it all off. I won't get into that though she has to tolerate me too, I don't know why but she does.You know what I want for Christmas, complete isolation. I don't care about gifts, I don't care about cash, I don't care about these gay ass carols or some fat Sandusky motherfucker asking kids if they been naughty. I want a one way ticket to a warm place where I know very few people, where I can make enough cash to live a bit comfortably. By comfortably I mean a couch and a laptop and maybe microwave. I want to be in a place where no one knows your name. I used to watch Cheers thinking, that must be the coolest shit ever, where everybody knows your name. ASK SAM MALONE if he was happy in the place where everyone knows your name. Dude joined a group for sexual addiction or something and told everyone to fuck off, that's what life did to Sam Malone. 

You know what I want to do for the rest of my life, eat fries, write, and drink. But I can't. If I eat fries like I want to eat fries, I'll end up like those niggas on TLC who are 800lbs. If I write what I really want to write, no one will appreciate it because I would have crossed "the line" and not get paid. WHAT FUCKING LINE, people do all sorts of immoral shit but because I spit my own perception of things from my own heart there's a problem right? If I drank the way I wanted to drink I'd be dead by next week. Life is all filled with these gay ass limitations and if we don't follow them we end up like Janis Joplin. There's nothing great about this Christmas. It's cold, niggas out here killing each other, had a gun pointed at me this week during a Robbery and I fucking ordered a gift from Victoria Secret on Dec. 7th and today I get a call "there were problems." SO you dumb fucking rejects couldn't let me know a week ago when the problem occurred.

I envy those people who don't know better. Those Born Again Christmas motherfuckers who preach all this nonsense like they're really making a difference. Those naive people who think the government is out for their best interests. The people who believe that they love their wives even though they're banging Blockbuster employees once a week. That's the people I envy. I'm back baby and I'm fucking on a tear because for the past 12 months, very little has gone my way and I WISH I could say I was to blame, but 90% of this shit was out of my control, so fuck you and your happiness. Catch me on twitter:!/BronxBomber45


Friday, September 9, 2011

Out Indefinitely

Motivation just isn't there right now. I'd bore you with the details but the summer been crappy. Then while in Mexico I got the scare of my life with a friend who had been taken ill. Since then she's doing better but that rattled me, along with a gazillion deaths that occurred this summer. Then some more bullshit I had to deal with in the Spring, the motivation to put something of substance just isn't there right now. I been "faking" it for a while. My cousin in ICU kind of fucked me up, then Jukesy hit me hard, the death of my friend Rendell hit me harder, then Mexico happened and it's like damn, just can't do it anymore, for the moment anyway. Picks and stuff remain the same. I'm looking for a job come December so if any of y'all need anything in public relations, journalism or writing in general, holla lmao. I'll blog when I need more money or box in my life lmao. Thanks for all the love and support. 

Before I leave I need y'all to check out this link:

Thursday, September 8, 2011


No blog for a bit I got NFL shit going on lmao.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Recapping Mexico- Day 2 and 3

Cheeba's Music Corner: Beanie Sigel- Man's World

This is when the trip really started to take off. Let's begin by saying 99% of drugs are legal in Mexico in small amounts, that means that 99% of drugs in Mexico are shit. I woke up Sunday morning and was like fuck, United play Arsenal. I head to soccer bar down the street in my old Danny Welbeck jersey. Everybody in that motherfucker was wearing a Chicarito jersey and once I walked in they were all like "whoa, Welbeck, this guy must be hardcore." There we made a deal to drink the number of times United score (so first goal -1shot, 2nd goal-2 shots) and so forth. United won by a fucking score of 8-2. I dont think anyone in that bar went past the 5th goal, I could barely last the 90 minutes of that game. It was fucking amazing and hell at the same time. 

Then I hung with the fam, all wasted, at an all inclusive waterpark called Wet N Wild. Shit sounds like a strip club. I don't fuck with all inclusive shit for a reason, I counted 7 shots of Tequila and I could still talk fairly properly. Fuck that water-down shit. I also entered a contest, Mr. Beer Drinking Cancun. I came 2nd in that shit, lost to a fuckin British guy. Dude swallowed 6 pints and I tapped out after 3. My stomach started to feel like it was being attacked by Hurricane Irene. Went back to the hotel while the fam went shopping, said fuck it, grabbed the tongue scrapper and put that shit down my mouth. I puked up like 18838282 gallons worth of shitty drugs and alcohol, it was fucking great. My 2nd best puke I've ever had in my life. I couldn't sleep so I had a wank to the Mexican news channel then eventually passed out. In all honesty this was a pretty cool fucking day. 

Monday morning was cool. Woke up, went in the pool and met a dude from East L.A. who was there on his honeymoon. Dude hated his wife lmao the entire time he was telling me "never get married man I only did it because she was pregnant." Eventually somehow the talk comes up where he knows how to get the good "Roddy White." We ride a bus to some shady fucking town. This is like 10am. That's where I seen the greatest shit ever. We met another dude, also shady, and this motherfucker like runs Mexico. We walk in his house and as soon as dude enters his own house, his wife comes up to him and kisses both his feet. I was in awe like what the fuck type of boss shit is this. It was amazing in every sense of the word, this girl was a fucking 10 as well but I ain't trying to get myself killed. He said she has to kiss his feet everytime he steps into the house that he provided lmao. That's Mexico for you.

Me and the East LA dude bussed back to Cancun where I visited some Mayan ruin thing with the family. That was also pretty cool, here's where the highlight of the trip happened. Well first let me tell you, them Mayan niggas also know how to control their wives. Back in the day as the guide explained, they'd get virgins and stick em in a sauna to purify them. When they were done they'd push em down a big ass lagoon thing for 12 hours. If they died they were unworthy, if they survived they'd wife em up. Beware, I intend to do the same shit to the one I marry lmao. But at this Mayan place there were these kids hounding you to buy their shitty souvenirs. Well one fat kid kept asking me to trade my hat, I had a Yankee fitted. I said no but as I walked around for whatever reason it was bothering me. I told myself if I see him again I'd give it to him in exchange for like 2 of his shitty souvenirs. I ran into him again and he was wearing a old, beat up Tampa Bay fitted. 

I said alright give me 2 of those shitty souvenirs and you could have the hat. This fat nigga says "fine but give me $5 dollars." I say nigga shut the fuck up I'm about to change my fucking mind don't even think of playing that game. Dude smiled and said "take it." The smile on his face when I gave him my fitted was something I'll never forget. The excitement dude got, he might sell it, he might keep it, but the happiness that just lit him up was something I could never put to words. Hands down the highlight of the trip. I finished off the Mayan shit and got drunk at the hotel. 

More tomorrow.

I'm out, peace.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Recapping Mexico- Day 1

Let's just get into it a lot of people been asking bout the trip, here's everything I remember. My flight leaving Pearson was at 7:45 am so I was wasted by 1am. The plan was to head down with the parents to Cancun, fly to Mexico City for 2 days to host some college parties then fly back. Well I got to Pearson, wasted, but they can't suspect I'm wasted. It's like 6:30am and I needed something to wake me up so I head to the expensive ass airport food lounge. The only thing they got is coffee and like week-old croissants. I see they got an expresso for $1.49. I don't know what that shit is but for $1.49 it can't be bad. She sends me a shot of this black thing that looks like ass. This is what you white people willingly drink????? I took one smell and added like 9 packets of splenda and did the shot. Shit was terrible. I get on the plane and 3 hours later I'm in Dallas/Forth-Worth with the fam for a 3 hour wait for a connection. 

While in Dallas I say fuck it, it's time to get wasted again. I head to this Irish bar, the only thing that was open at that time. Me and my dad are pouring back pints of Guinness while watching ESPN. There's a guy next to me from Ramsey, Indiana. He's talking about how he has the greatest place in the world because he lives out in a corn field and he has a shot gun. He was so thrilled lmao. "I have a shotgun so I wouldn't have to deal with this Hurricane Irene looters, I'd kill em." 10 minutes later I was telling him how much I hate black people and dude was just buying me shots of Jager for 2 hours. I went and got a popeyes salad and got on the plane, could barely walk on. I didn't want my mom to know I was smashed cause she'd bitch at me so I took my Popeyes Salad to another empty seat and I start eating. 

There's this girl next to me, about 35, from Kansas. I feel something weird on the handrest when I look at her arms they were fucking hairy like you wouldn't believe. I fucking binned my Popeyes Salad, got the fuck up and went to another empty seat. Where I was graced with 2 19 year olds from Miami. White girls with tongue rings are winning in these streets. They had a laptop so of course I showed them the blog and they were all like "omgggggg you're so amazing." and in my head I'm thinking "omggggggg if I didn't have "her" I'd be getting it in with you 2 heauxs once this plane lands." Smh "her" stands for an anonymous girl, let's leave it at that.

That flight from Dallas to Cancun took like 3.5 fucking hours cause of some little drizzling, dumb ass pilot kept circling. Now we're all in Cancun and first thing I do is head to Subway for another salad. (I fucked with Salads throughout this trip so I could drink with little consequences) I hung with the fam for a bit but they were all tired. I went to the Outback Steakhouse and did more $2 shots of Tequilla and listened to shitty ass Pitbull and T-Pain and shit. Then The UFC came on and the heauxs came out. After 9pm it was $20 and all you could drink, or 200 pesos. The restaurants/bars in Cancun are hurting because of the all inclusive resorts so they practically giving shit away for free. 95% of Mexican girls are ugly and portrayed accurately the way we see em on tv. But that other 5%...fucking hot and not pretentious. I met some folks from England while at the Steakhouse, they were fucking cool. I wanted to puke but I didn't, I walked like 3 miles after that shitty UFC card listening to Arcade Fire then I finally found a cab and gave the fucker $3 to drive me 1 mile to my hotel. I didn't even take a room key so I slept on a beach chair overlooking a lagoon lmao. I woke up the next morning with a sizeable amount of puke on my Nike Tee...what a way to start the Vacation...

I'm out, peace.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Last Day of Ramadan

 Cheeba's Music Corner: Danny Brown - Lie 4

I said I wouldn't be back but I felt like getting away today and I haven't had a drink in a month so I hit the casino. Got my black ass fucking handed to me I was cold as fuck today. But it doesn't feel that bad because I just didn't have it. What did feel bad is realizing I have a fucking PC Mastercard bill that I forgot. SMH

With my friend dying and all I been thinking about "dreams." I never really had any I've always been content for the most part. My dream in all reality is to never work a 9 to 5 or become an office slave but even that is unrealistic. Today I had my mind fixated on dreams, a fabrication of my reality that I'd perceive to be content with, forever. I liked the idea so I kept constructing my idealistic dream, y'all got to hear this shit. For starters I need a wife. It's necessary, there's going to become a time and place when I'm lonely and shit and that's probably when I'm most self-destructive, I need a wife. Someone I could just have raw passionate sex with on demand and someone who understands me, which is almost impossible, shit. Maybe I should hire a Russian, nah that won't work she needs to be rich. 

I need a rich wife, who will give me an allowance. $1000 a month, I'll flip it hopefully though these days my intuition has been fucking off and I can't pick a game to win my life. I don't want to work so I'd take my $200 a week, eat sun flower seeds 7x a week, and gamble on sports. (Speaking of which the Yankees will be overvalued the next little while, but on morale alone the value is worth it if you ask me) Back to topic, I dream if having a rich wife who gives me $1000/month and accepts that I don't work. I wouldn't be lazy I'd cook and clean and write, I love to write and I don't fucking no why. So therapeutic you wouldn't believe. My dream is also to have an L-shaped couch. I don't know why but L-Shaped couches are the shit. I also need a hammock, someone in or outside the house I don't care but that would do. 

I also want to be far the fuck away from everyone. Not isolated, I still want to live in a city, just not anywhere here. The Western world ain't shit anymore. The economy sucks, morality is a concept that no longer exists, and the girls are pretentious. I want to live in a foreign place where Goldman Sachs and Pfizer doesn't mean shit. Then I need my episodes of Leave it to Beaver and the Wonder Years. My fucking dream is complete. While people dream of winning the lottery or having kids and shit here's what I want: 

-L shaped couch
-Allowance of $1000/month
-Hot wife who accepts my insanity and sees underneath it all
-A Hammock
-Leave to Beaver and The Wonder Years
- Foreign place where it's fucking warm
- Oh and I'm going to paint my toilet bowl with Kim Kardashian's face in it. That's what I want from this world, these 7 things. 

I'm out for the next week, back in September where I'll be back to emailing college/NFL picks.

I'm out, peace.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

RIP My Nigga I'll Fuckin Miss You

I knew you would have loved your mug-shot on here lmao so I had to throw it up my nigga.

Today started off like any other day. Woke up did my think then around 3pm I get a text from someone I rarely even speak to. "Rendell is gone yo." In my head a part of me had already knew but I was hoping I was wrong. I respond back "What, that nigga got deported?" The response: "Nah man they got him, he's fucking dead." I kind of black out after that. It takes me a bit to catch myself. I'm sweating like a motherfucker. I'm in the bathroom pouring cold ass water on my face. Then I get to the tv and there it is, my boy that I've been close with for 10 years is gone. Fuck. It happens so fucking often in my life you'd think I'd get used to this shit.

Fuck what people think too there's a lot of people talking shit "he had a criminal past what do you expect." Nah fuck that, this is Scarborough not fuckin Laguna beach. This isn't the fucking Hills where jobs are easy to come by. Most do what they can to get by. No one deserves to die and while I ain't going to sit here and say homeboy was a law-abiding citizen, dude would never harm anyone. He made his money and that was that. He leaves behind 2 little daughters who ain't even in school yet. Shit just ain't right. Ya I know all that live by the sword die by the sword bullshit but like I said, this happens because of isolation and neglect of a community, not because of an individual with a bad-mind. This is 70% of the black men in Scarb, it's fuckin sad.

But fuck all that, I'll miss the fuck out of you man. Just the other day I seen the bus stop where we sparred and thought damn, that was a good fight. I'll miss the fucking Oxtails we used to get at that spot next to the nasty Chinese restaurant. I remember when they sent our asses to Sunday school at the Baptist church and we had to sing that gay ass song: "Lets dig a hole and put the devil in it. God Made Man, Man Made money, God made the Bees and the Bees made Homey." Shit was fucking gay but so hilarious at the time, and they fucking kicked us out of the church cause we refused to sing. Your daughters will grow up fine and be just as funny as you nigga. I'll miss you man, I'll see you when we meet.

Godspeed homie, I love you.

I probably won't be back until I get back from Mexico but I'll post details about Mexico in the upcoming days incase any students at those schools check out the blog.

I'm out, peace.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Julius James Guide To Fashion

 Cheeba's Music Corner: Random Axe- Black Ops

So hear this, I was actually looking for confrontation with this one but she ain't bite. I got "interests" with a chick. I ask her if it's cool to fuck around in Mexico. I was expecting a fighting kind of response (I already had the answer in my head) but she hits me with this: "Enjoy Mexico Love." SMH that's the finest trap ever set, I ain't getting in shit for that one women are crazy smh. Now I'm going to get in shit for saying that lmao.

A few weeks ago I was having a convo with someone and there was this hot ass girl but in boots. Keep in mind it's like August why the fuck are you wearing boots for. But dude was like "the shit I would do to that girl." All I could think about was fuck, she's wearing boots. I hate boots in the winter on women let alone in the summer. But dude was like "who cares" yet I couldn't let it live. All I kept thinking about was how twisted I am, almost to a fault when it comes to this fashion shit. So here it is, things that make my dick hard (make me love you) and things that make my dick soft (make me hate you). If you're one of my friends and you make it to the hate list please don't get mad, somewhere out there, a toll booth collector would settle for you. Here it is (each fashion item is also a link to pics of the item incase you don't know what I'm talking bout): SMH this shit is going to show a "gay" side but oh hell.

Things that make my dick soft (fashion shit that makes me hate you females):

Scarves - the only people who should rock scarves are people in Alaska and football hooligan motherfuckers who want to overthrow the gov't. If you a female and you rocking a scarf, I don't care what season, you making yourself look like Joan Rivers. 

Vests - Only dudes in the army, drug dealers, and cops should wear one. It's the most unnecessary shit out there.

Thongs - I used to be down with this in the 90s but the older I get, people who rock this just look like clowns. A thong don't make you hot, what's underneath does. A thong just tells me you're desperate. 

Ankle/Leg strap heels/shoes - nah shit just looks too "Dominatrix" type. Disgusting smh. 

Waist High Jeans - SMH this one will get me in trouble but it makes them look 70 years old

Long Coats - This ain't Medieval times niggas, you girls need to stop it with the long coats

Boots - Nah they're terrible covering up the whole leg it's prison wear.

Costume Jewelry/Plenty Accessories - One bracelet and one watch females. You don't need a mini Jewelry store on your wrist/neck

Things that make my dick hard (instant marriage material):

Leggings - Leggings fuckin won. Dead ass a chick could pull off black/gray leggings 24/7 365. They're so fucking hot. 

Closed Toe Shoes - So fucking hot, I don't know why but so fucking hot.

Old Navy Slippers - Leggings + old navy slippers = instant marriage

Halter Tops - I searched Halter Tops and got that, so damn hot.

Summer Dresses - Beyond beautiful, so damn nice no a chick. 

Boy Shorts - No other underwear does it like boy-shorts

Anything Yankee Related - Yup, instant marriage. 

Multi-Colored Nail Polish - I had a porn star friend LMAO who was a huge blog follower til I wrote a blog about her calling her amazing for what she was doing but she took it the wrong way. Anyway she used to rock the Multi-Colored Nail Polish, so fucking hottttttt. Everyone disagrees with me but fuck y'all, it's hot.

Oversized white tee - add these with the boy shorts before she goes to bed. Fuckin heaven I swear.

Alright y'all that's enough I sound gay as is.

I'm out, peace.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I Think The Rage Is Back

 Cheeba's Music Corner: Lox- Fuck You

When you get in an argument with someone over twitter and they have 15,000 followers, prepare for your phone to non-stop vibrate with all that Uber-social shit. Nigga talking about eating his girl's ass, I said fuck that gay shit but somehow I'm the faggot. Then you get 100000 dickriders blowing up account with some bullshit. If you don't understand what I'm saying, just chalk it up to social media doing its thing. Black people will never prosper cause of shit like this, most of them niggas would be better off picking cotton.

But fuck all that the rage is coming back. I remember the days I used to be angry for no real reason, I think I'm at that stage. Like today, I go out and decide I gotta eat healthy and shit because I'm going to Mexico next week and I have full intention of abusing the fuck out of my body. So I go pick up 2 packs of Tofu. Shit is like $5.50 or something. I come home and make that shit and it ain't even soy tofu, it's fucking Fish Tofu. Who the fuck eats Fish Tofu. SHIT WAS FUCKING DISGUSTING but I ate it cause I fucking paid for it.

Then I got the dickhead school registration people telling me they haven't received my payment yet. When it fucking says in my student account my balance is $0.00 and they received a payment during July 18th. Fucking had me on the phone all fucking day then told me to call back tomorrow. I lost a bet too and had to watch an episode of some Vampire show "True Blood." I rather watch the Chink channel for a day than to watch white actors/actresses suck each others necks talking about getting blood. Fucking ran out of Cottonelle flushable wipes as well, just can't win these days.

Now there's fuck all on tv and I got the channel on WWE. What grown fucking 22 year old out there is watching wwe. This shit aint even what it used to be like. Everything's changed. Everyone now got a few facebook friends, a nice phone, a HDTV, but you know what, 99% of these people hate themselves. And they hate their fucking lives. They wake up in the morning, stare in the mirror, and they realize they're a fucking fake. They are a disappointment to themselves. So they drive to the office. They complain, they have their coffee in their own little mug. They socialize in the lunchroom. Then they come home. And they realize they still have the same fucking problems they have when they woke up. They hate themselves, they hate everything they become. They hate the apps they download. They hate the fucking bluetooth attached to their ear. They hate most of their friends who would probably fuck their significant other if given the chance.

So they go for the pain alleviation. They go on the social networks to discuss the passing of some celebrity who really would never give a fuck about them. Or they go and discuss some world issue they don't really give a fuck about but make it seem that way because they act a certain fucking way. Or maybe they're filled with so many insecurities they go and talk about how great they treat women and let them "ride their faces." They get a few "likes," they get a few people who cheer em on. They get a person or two to fill their ego. Then they go back at night, lay their face on that pillow and realized the emptiness, the hole, the thing they spend countless hours trying to gloss or escape is still fucking there. They aren't content with themselves to a point where they hate who they were, who they are, who they will become.

I've just described 90% of the world, yup the rage is back. I'm out, peace.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Going on a Self-Imposed Blog Ban til I get sex

She promised me some box since like Friday. "Perhaps." I ain't get shit yet so I ain't blogging til I get some. Nah, I actually haven't been feeling well since I got off that plane. For a bunch of health related reasons. I'm good though, I'll get back to this shit in like a week. Take care all and remember, if she don't reveal her age, you're off the hook when Chris Hansen and the FBI show up.

I'm out, peace.

Friday, August 12, 2011

The Harry Potter Experience- Might Contain a Spoiler So If You're A Fag, Stop Reading

Cheeba's Music Corner: Gang Starr- Right Where You Stand

Just took a massive shit. It felt good so I had to tell y'all about it. Oh I almost forgot another funny ass vid: By the way sweetness thanks for the movie and dinner today shit was off the chain. You know you got it made when you go to restaurants and can't pronounce what the fuck you ordering. A nigga had an egg dropped in soup and this thing called Scallaccia. Shit was like spinach and veal in heaven. Drinking imported SanPelligrino shit from Italy. It was the best shit ever. But I got problems with the chick. 

We're in the theater and it's just me and her in this VIP theater. So I'm thinking nothing of it trying to watch this Harry Potter shit. She says to me " I bet you're probably thinking damn this theater is empty and I'm not giving you anything, sorry." SMH my mind wasn't even on that and it was 4pm, so I hadn't wanked in like 20 hours. The thoughts that ran through my mind after she was in that purple thing FML. Don't worry though the next girl to fuck with me around Ramadan about this platonic shit I'm going to dead ass give you Everclear and tell you it's water. 

But enough of that, man Harry Potter is fucked. See I billed this as something akin to Mayweather vs. Pacman. The fight of the century between Harry Potter and the nigga Lord Voldermort. Man ain't shit happen. By the way that Hermine girl is fucking hot I'd beat the breaks off it for ages. But basically Harry fucks around and gets a crown or something. Then some bitch ass shit happen. Someone revealed that a part of Voldermort lies in Harry's soul. See what I mean, so it became Floyd Mayweather Jr. vs Floyd Mayweather Jr. What the fuck kind of fight was that. Then Lord Voldermort, who is one bad ass nigga fucks Harry's shit up. Dude left him for dead. I'm thinking yea nigga do your thing. Then more bitch ass shit happened. 

Harry miraculously comes back to life and gets Hermine and the other nigga to fuck up Voldermort's snake or some shit. Then Voldermort suddenly dies because he has no control over the wand. To top it all off, she's next to me in her hot ass Purple shirt cheering and shit. 2 hours and 15 mins and ain't shit happen but Voldermort losing control of his wand and dying by default. Here's what I learned about Harry Potter:

- this shit is for 30 year old virgins, fags, and people who simply haven't had good penis/vagina in their lives.
- Lord Voldermort is the shit and if I were to start a religion he'd be the one I'd be focusing on (no homo) 
- Neville Longbottom I think that's his name is also the shit.
- Harry Potter's mom is a fucking Milf.
- The 10 or so black people in the movie have been nothing but a failure to their race.
-The next person I sleep with I'm going to blurt out "Hermine"
-There was one Asian and she definitely looked like a Tranny
-If the fight was fair Lord Voldermort would have fucked everyone's shit up. 

Nah I'm playing y'all it was a good movie. (Not really but I got to see plenty cleavage so I'm happy) 

Also, if anyone sends me naked/sexy pics, please have no animals in it.......

I'm headed to NYC this weekend so I don't know if I'll blog tomorrow. Depends if I'm home jacking off or actually going out. Julia if you read this (the girl who I got into a fight with last trip to NYC) I intend to show up on your door Saturday morning cause I got no place to stay. LMAO 

I'm out, peace.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

More Info About The Muslim Box

Cheeba's Music Corner: Nina Simone-Feeling Good

Fuck man y'all have to check out this video, I think dude's autistic but fucking shit had me in tears. If he isn't autistic then my bad lmao Weed At A Concert

Before I begin I got a shitload of things to say. For starters I want to thank everyone who is joining or any other blood registry. The response, today especially was nothing beyond remarkable and I want to thank everybody for spreading the word. Stalkbook, twitter, etc. thanks. 

You know you're in with the white people when you get their personal email address, not their business email and every time the sophisticated white people send you an email the name "Big Puck" comes up.

Also we got to pay some bills. I want everyone in the Kingston area to check out Family Fun World. Seriously if you're from the Kingston area this place is the fucking shit. I hear there's hot ass Queens students at the bating stages and stuff, not a bad place to go if you want to pick up hot white girls. Plus they got the kids activities for the whole family. Then after that check out Putt N' Blast in the Frontenac Mall. Shit's also pretty crazy. But y'all probably don't believe me. Check out their motherfucking website: It's so fucking ghetto it transcends everything related to perfection. Like seriously in 2011 you still got a website probably made by black people. So for the 10 or so blacks in Kingston Ontario, check that shit out. It's Kingston, Ontario ain't like y'all got shit to do and it's where the college kids hang out, definitely going to be crazy. 

Alright so as you all know I've been desperately trying to find out what's under the Taliban gear of the Muslim box. I always wonder what that pussy is like. So after months of research I told y'all it was great. Well after today I might have been fucking wrong. Shit was terrible, it was like apricots. Who the fuck eats apricots. Could you imagine walking down the street and you see a dude and say what up. And he says "here have some apricots." Like what the fuck is an apricot. I got drunk off that shit last week, "Apricot wheat beer" and I rather do meth than to re-live that experience. Fucking apricots. 

Anyway so as you know I'm celebrating Ramadan. Around 2pm I always get really fucking hungry. By 4pm I'm fucking horny as hell so it's really a bad combo. I try not to do business or converse with people between 2pm-6pm. However this chick from the middle east who I know through a friend comes on MSN messenger. Of course I'm horny so I'm flirting with her and shit trying to find out what's up. She was not having any of it until I told her my dick size, then I had never seen someone so intrigued. On Ramadan as well man she definitely got wet. 

But the convo continues and I remember her going to McGill so I asked her about it. "Oh I didn't end up going there, I'm going to university in Beirut, Lebanon." What the fuck? She then proceeds to tell me how she researched it and the university, UAB, in Lebanon is significantly greater than McGill. I'm kind of just blank-staring my computer screen at this point. Then when I tell her she's fucking insane, she tells me it's the best school in Lebanon......

Now I want to bang my head against the wall. My dick went down and I'm thinking she's insane but it gets worse. She's in the middle east and I'm in Toronto. It's 4pm in Toronto and there is an 8 hour time difference, so midnight where she's at. She asks me "what's the time difference" I say 8 hours. Keep in mind it's midnight where she's at. She says "oh my gosh why are you up so early it's 7am in Toronto." Now I'm blank-staring again. I say first of all, I said it was an 8 HOUR DIFFERENCE. She says ya, if it's midnight here and that's an 8 hour difference, it must be 7am. I ask her to re-think it and she admits she miscalculated. I'm kind of losing it but because it's probably good box I stick around. Then I explain to her that eastern standard timing is behind whatever her time is, so it's actually 4pm because we're behind in Toronto. I was in awe that I actually had to explain it.

Her jokes were lame as hell too. She kept saying shit that wasn't funny then she'd laugh. Me I'm the type to call a spade a spade so I wouldn't laugh at all, then she'd laugh some more. The worst part is, she actually likes me, she re-iterated 3x that she would make a better effort to come online and talk to me more. In my head I'm thinking get that shitty Apricot box the fuck away from me but because I'm a nice dude I just give her the msn *nodding* emoticon and I got the fuck away from the computer. Muslim box has failed me miserably during Ramadan, Allah what the fuck I do to deserve this?

I'm out, peace.