Last Tuesday I realized something. Starring at a mirror (like it always happens) I realized I was a cunt. I realized I had been living roughly 10 months in misery, self pity, self-inflicted pain, torture, the works. Things don't always go as planned as we all know but for one reason or another, in my life when they don't, I have a strong tendency to self-destruct, or seemingly self-destruct. If I spent 10 months pissing time away like this because of things I can't change, because I'm too weak to deal with things I had no control over, then clearly I have a lot of making up to do. To myself and to time. Now a "normal person" would say tomorrow is a new day and start making changes. If there's one thing you could get from this is that I'm not normal. I gave myself 5 days. 5 days of alcohol, mind altering substances, torture, self-destruction, the most unhealthy foods you could imagine. 5 days of all things negative spanning from Toronto to Ohio (where I carefully planned this behavior ending). 10 months wasn't enough, I wanted 5 more days. 5 more days to unleash a vigorous but carefully executed path to destruction. I ended friendships, I fought everyone including myself, I put my stomach, mind, body, soul, all through torture in an effort to leave it in Ohio.
The plane departs from Hopkins and I could barely move. My body numb from ingesting chewing tobacco the night before. My head hurts, my legs can't move, there aren't enough words in the human dictionary to compensate for this feeling. People are upset at me, people want me hurt, people want me destroyed, but my mind is in full motion. "Pink Matter" is blaring from the I-Phone on this 38 minute flight, and it's time to get this party started. This was all carefully executed as I mentioned before, I know what I'm doing. Sure I didn't cater to the whole ingesting tobacco thing, I didn't cater on wishing death on people but it was all carefully executed. On that plane I was the lowest human being who ever lived, by my own doing, on purpose. In order to feel happiness one has to experience insurmountable pain. In order to feel pleasure one has to know what "gross" feels like. To appreciate life, one has to walk through miles of death, miles of torture, miles of sorrow to truly appreciate what is out there. Therefore if I spent the last 10 months walking through my own hell, that I created because I wanted to compensate for things I have no control over, then surely I could spend the next 100 months appreciating everything around me.
Every human interaction is carefully designed. I don't want to say "God" because my God and your God aren't the same, but there are indescribable things in this world that just sometimes fall into place. I was never lost, I never had a more difficult life than everyone else, I never went through hell. I just made myself belief these things. Hell is when you're incapable of loving, incapable of making someone love you. Incapable of moving, incapable of experiencing anything beyond the most toxic of emotions. That is not me. I'm far from hell but like I said, when you walk through your own filth, you find a deep appreciation for your own beauty and the beauty around you. I left my pain in Cuyahoga county. Let's see where this gets me.
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Monday, October 15, 2012
Blog got a new look, I'd ask for feedback but I don't give a FUCK about your feedback so if you don't like it suck a dick lmao. Today one of my boys told me he's making Clam Chowder at his restaurant, I work about 10 minutes away so in typical black fashion I raced over there. I never had clam chowder before, it's dope kind of like cream of wheat for white people. Anyway, so I'm sitting down drinking my Caesar and watching tv. There's some old looking dyke next to me. She's arguing with Rogers Cable because she can't pay her bull. In my mind I'm thinking, you can't pay your bill but you're at a bar at 1:15pm on a Monday morning. About 20 minutes later my fries (yes I got fries with the chowder) arrived and I was enjoying my meal. The bitch gets off the phone and starts telling me how she's suicidal, suffers from clinical depression and she's showing me scars of where she just to bang herself with pots and pans in the head and shit.
Bitch I'm trying to enjoy my fries, leave me the fuck alone but I just keep to myself, nod a few times, then continue eating. She then starts talking about how the city has no resources, she's called the suicidal hotline multiple times "they put you on hold for an hour." GOOD bitch it's because you deserve to die but I'll get into that shortly. At this point I had enough and I'm just dreaming of Kate Upton and I got Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" in my head, I'm trying everything I possibly could to make this all go away. She continues: "they tell me I'm an alcoholic but I only drink beer, I don't drink wine, vodka, rum nothing, just beer. Then she tells me she has a degree in engineering. At this point I've had enough. Let's analyse this. You only drink beer so you could never be an alcoholic? What in the fuck? That's like saying "I'm not addicted to smoking because I only smoke Belmonts" though as the conversation continued I could tell this bitch just wanted sympathy.
Yes, maybe something traumatic has happened in her past and yes maybe she's disadvantaged from a minor cognitive area but she just wants the world to feel sorry for. Your ass got up and decided to visit a bar, YOU made that choice stop blaming everyone else. You could see the scars all on her hands where she cuts herself, I'm kind of hoping she completes the job, people like that are just taking my free air and wasting it. You can't help people like them. It's the world's fault she can't get off her dyke ass and work a 9-5 because she suffers clinical depression. It's the world's fault she can't afford the blackberry she owns because she's suicidal. If I had a gun I swear on everything I love I'd give it to her and ask her to make sure she completes the job this time around.
No bitch, the hotline is not responsible for your life. Your case workers are not responsible for your life. Get them fake tears the fuck out of here. Society just got millions of people like this who blame everyone else because they're fucked up. Do something about it, or drink bleach. That should be the motto heading into 2013. If you want to die, do it properly. No one should have to deal what I had to go through today. Eating delicious food and being burdened by someone who takes no accountability in their life. You chose to let that clinical depression take the best of you. You chose to drink. You chose to use fucked up logic pertaining to your alcoholism. Make the world a better place and take control of your actions or die trying.
I'm tired so I ain't even going to proofread this one. Support the links at the top. Peace.
If you don't know ODB is, you need to re-evaluate your life.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
So a Wisconsin newscaster, pictured above, is obviously obese. Someone wrote her an email criticizing her, admittedly harshly, for being a fat ass. The fat bitch with no neck, as you can see, then gets on the news and addresses the letter. She basically spends a good 5 minutes calling him a bully and she took the "WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN ANGLE." Now she's getting overwhelming support and at first I didn't give a fuck but this fat bitch with no neck needs to be put in her place. Whoever wrote her that letter, thank you, you probably saved a life or two. Instead of accepting the way we are, sometimes we need to change it. As you can tell she's weighing a good 250lbs+, that ain't good for nobody. She's the type to go to Walmart and buy about 5 large Cokes and go wild, then eat a big ass bag of chips. For starters, imagine what her box smells like with all that filth going in her body, that can't be good.
Lastly, bitch you're fat and you need to be made aware of that fact. You get on tv everyday and millions of people potentially see you, what does that say about society? When you're obese the fact is, you're poisoning yourself. You got a clogged heart (oh and she's diagnosed with diabetes)...what does that say to the kids Miss Fat Ass? That it's okay to be obese and you could make it on tv and have a decaying ass heart? The world is facing an epidemic because healthy food (trust me I know) costs 900% more at the same caloric intake than unhealthy foods. It needs a fundamental shift but instead you got weak and fat motherfuckers defending themselves. There's nothing to defend. You're a fat, disgusting, and weak human being and statistically speaking the world would flourish from an economic and probably evolutionary standpoint if you were dead. Those are facts. If you're obese, you're a walking ass toxin and as you can see, she don't even have a neck. The smart thing to do would be if she stood there and apologized for failing her own family her own self and promising to work hard and set an example for the kids. As opposed to Mrs. Jennifer Livingston going up there and talking about bullies. Bitch shut the fuck up and owe it to yourself to make the right choices instead of deflecting the blame to others. You're fat and disgusting, fact. Fix it or die at an early age because of your need for twinkies. It's as simple as that.
If you ever watched a full episode of the Big Bang Theory, your life is shit.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Then I got suspended from school in highschool for a while and I did nothing that week but watch movies. Reno 911 was one of them. It was the dumbest shit I ever seen, and I kept telling myself, it'll get better, it'll get better. Then it ended and I contemplated my reality from the most extreme metaphysical states wondering if I could ever undo the damage society had just bestowed upon me (see I'm smart as fuck niggas). Now there's Trouble with the Curve. I didn't know Justin Timberlake was in this movie but the fact that he is just made it so much worse. The movie revolves around 3 characters: Clint, Justin, and a hot chick who I'd fuck from the back in the middle of a funeral procession cause gotdamn she was fine. Here is the entire movie summarized for you quick: Clint is a baseball scout who sees a problem with one batter. The batter could hit, just not curve balls. His decision gets questioned because his eye sight is going. Clint's daughter finds a Mexican in the parking lot who could pitch. Justin is a scout for another team who likes Clint's daughter....
Clint's daughter convinces the Braves that the Mexican is the pitcher for them. Clint then agrees with her. The movie ends with the Braves hiring the Mexican. That is the entire plot of the movie. No sex scenes, no violence, no conflict, no twist, just a Mexican in a parking lot of a Travelodge who gets signed. In other words, this movie which probably has the same budget as 3 of my paychecks, was nothing other than parading an old man around. We're supposed to suck his dick (pause) because of his past accomplishments. Fuck Clint Eastwood, fuck Justin Timberlake, and fuck the hot chick with the pointy nose for wasting 2 hours of my time with that bullshit. Really? The story ends with a Mexican in a parking lot who apparently is MLB ready. There were no mlb games, there was not even a real story. It's a shame that I spent 21.99 on watching this bullshit. Make the world a better place and don't support this shit.
If your girl never took her 4S and rubbed her pussy with it in front of you, you ain't living right.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Anyway, back to the story so I need to take a piss but it ain't even serious. I hit the DVP and I got Arcade Fire blasting through the speakers. It's a Thursday morning, the sun is out, it's payday, I'm feeling good. As I'm driving it's obvious I need to pee but no worries, I'm only 20 minutes away from work. Then I hit the Gardiner Expressway. Shit was backed up from Jarvis. I still have another 11km to go and this shit is not moving at all. Now shit's getting real, my legs start shaking. I turn the music off and tell myself that faggot ass music they play in the radio will take my mind off it. I stopped praying to based god, I started praying to Kate Upton. So here I am on the Gardiner begging Kate Upton to let me make it to work and I got the AC on FULL blast, it's like 8 degrees outside. Then I hear Big Sean on a Justin Bieber song say " us, trust, a couple things I can't spell without u" LMAO I'm crying my plan is backfiring cause now I really want to pee. Then he says "the grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it" and now tears are streaming down my face. Those shitty ass rap lines have me crying. I'm about to explode. There is no shoulder on the Expressway so at this point Im just begging to make it the last 4kms. I know I can't make it to the office but I figure I could get to the lot without exploding.
Finally the fucking stalled vehicle that was causing the traffic is gone and I'm going 130/km just begging Kate Upton, let me make it to the lot. I get to the lot, whip out a bottle I had (cause there's cameras everywhere) and proceed to piss while still driving. Now, this ain't the first time I pissed in a bottle and it probably won't be the last. But there's something so dope about this feeling. It's so liberating. You see the shit filling up and your body is releasing all that urine and it feels just as good as getting head. I'm feeling good as fuck, my door wide open, my dick out and the morning fresh air keeping me alive. Then I noticed an Asian lady staring at me in awe. She just stood there, lifeless, staring at me in this euphoric state. Eventually she fucked off and 3 minutes later I grabbed another bottle and was still pissing. We need to make this a movement, the shit feels so good, I advise everyone to piss in a bottle when you can, it's the right way to live.
If you never made out with a fat chick, you ain't living right.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Look at it from today's perspective. You think women are being built like Claire? FUCK No.Women are a dying breed, today's society is filled with grown ass little girls. 20s 30s 40s, all girls who have no idea what it takes to be a woman. They don't know what it's like to cook a hot meal with love then get on those knees and lick those veins like a real woman would. Today's society is filled with little girls. They're obsessed with materialism, lack ambition, have every excuse in the book, and pretend like they don't want to get fucked from the back while listening to "Ava Maria." That's the difference between then and now, there's little girls out here who are insecure and sit there and download apps and have a tumblr account and think they're the shit because they have 1200 friends on facebook. No bitch, you ain't shit. You think Claire Huxtable gave a fuck about a Tumblr account? No, because she was a real woman.
She catered to the needs of those that loved her and guess what, she got her return. She got the materialism so many little girls crave. She got kids, she got a successful career, and she did all that while still being a motherfucking freak in bed. In 2012, vagina is devalued and almost worthless because a chick will put out for a LinkedIn connection. That's the problem with today's society, these grown ass little girls are killing it. Look into those eyes, such conviction, not a fucking ounce of insecurity in that body and if she had it, she didn't show it because she had trust and confidence in herself. Claire Huxtable KNEW she was a bad bitch and made that work to her advantage. Women are dying and every month it just gets worse and worse causing men to resort to dumb shit like a fleshlight (google it). If you're the last of a dying breed then work towards investing in yourself, telling them insecure thoughts to fuck themselves, focus on the positive but most important, trust yourself and work towards happiness. You too could be like Claire...
If you never ate a Joe Louis (pause), you ain't living right.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
For every action in this world, there are only two options: to live or to die. Either you make it or you don't. Regardless of the journey, you either survive or you motherfucking die. I don't give a fuck if you were raped 15x before the age of 5, or you were handed the keys to a CL 500 before your 16th birthday, in everything you ever fucking do, you choose to live or to die. Everybody is filled with excuses, everybody deflects or compensates instead of living. The fact is, the world rather choose death than to live. Every motherfucking thing we do is a matter of survival. You want to make it in this world then you have to go out and get it. If you think there are people out there who are sympathetic to your situation because you had a rough road then you're wrong, every road is rough. For example: you cheat on lets say your gf. At the end of the day we could glorify this side chick life all we want and talk about how we fuck multiple bitches while in a relationship but guess what, you're a weak motherfucker. You don't trust yourself enough to stick with the person who held you down, who stood by your side. You disloyal motherfucker, choosing to die. That's exactly what it is, you're showing how motherfucking weak your character is. You can't keep your dick in your pants for 15 minutes but you rather throw it all away for 15 minutes of satisfaction. Then you break someone's heart and feel like shit. That shit doesn't go away. It lives in the back of our subconscious. When you have to tell someone you love that you disregarded everything they ever did for you, so you could ejaculate, you'll know what I mean. When you look yourself in the mirror as a man and realize the wrong you did, you'll understand that you chose death. It's death, it's decay, it's toxicity. That's what we do to ourselves every motherfucking day.
Another example: you hang around 500 motherfuckers but every last one of them are toxic. They bring a negative energy to your environment but you keep em around because you feel as though you need it. You dumb weak fuck, you don't even value yourself enough to live your life, once again you're choosing to die. Those are just two extreme examples but every day we fucking choose to die. We live toxic lives and then complain when things don't go away. I can't tell you how many times I complained about the cards I was dealt. I'm a grown ass man the fuck was I doing? In everything we ever do, we have 2 options, to live or die. Either you take your motherfucking broke ass out there and strive to make it this world or watch as 5 other people successfully take your shot. That's what this world is, it's very simple. You make it or you don't. You either are a stand-up person with an insurmountable level of trust in yourself or you're a weak ass bitch. Which one are you doing to choose? The choice is motherfucking yours. Fuck the past you can't chance that, fuck the future because tomorrow Ahmed in his orange cab could run you over by accident and you are now fed through a tube. Make life matter, make it or not but hold yourself and no one else accountable. To live or die, it's fucking simple, either make shit happen or don't make shit happen. Piss valuable time away or make it count, before I die, I am going to live.
If you never jacked off to Claire Huxtable, you ain't living right.
Monday, September 24, 2012
I just broke down life for yall. It pretty much sucks but we don't know what's on the other side so we stick around and try to be happy by buying things we don't need and saying things for the approval of everyone of complete strangers. Life sucks let me say it again. But there's a positive side to this shit pile. Be thankful you are not with Kim Kardashian. Lets do the math for a second. Her father helped OJ get off so that right there is bad karma, you're fucked from the start. She's like half Armenian and those bitches are hairy and crazy, you don't wanna deal with that, another point. If you ever watch her sex tape, you'll realize that she can't fuck for shit, so another point. She only fucks black guys so you could probably fit a paper towel roll in her box, the extra thick Bounty shit as well none of that no-brand shit. That's what I was thinking about today when the walls were caving in, I'm happy I'm not Kanye West.
When life gets tough and you can't seem to make anything go your way, just remember it could be worse and you could be the low-self esteem ass nigga stuck with a broken human being who got famous for sucking the cock of somebody who isn't famous at all. She don't even swallow for fuck sakes. Yet for some reason she's praised. If you want good box you go to someone like Taylor Swift: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WA4iX5D9Z64 look at her fucking BEGGING to be fucked. Instead yall want to glorify Kim, her shitty sex tape, and her wack ass Armenian box. Your life sucks and it's time to make it better by shitting on those who deserve to be shit on. Remember that and you'll be okay.
If you never stuck pop rocks in your box, you ain't living right.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
So yeah, I'm going to document this juice shit. I figure I'm going to die and it's going to be disgusting but that's the price you gotta pay when you do 4 substances in one night and pass out before the main event even starts. What else is new? I know work a 9-5 for a decent company, every other Thursday feels great. The Baltimore Orioles could suck my dick and Lil Caesars still got shitty ass pizza but at $4.99 ain't nobody complaining. I started up my own company a few days ago and that shit been milking my wallet but we'll break even next month, I ain't going to speak on that too much. I hope my dick still works after this Kale shit. I hope it's super powerful and I can adjust the shower temperature and shit with my dick.
Robin Meade still looks stunning on most mornings though you can see the age is getting to her. (If you don't know who this is, use google) More and more Western Unions are starting to pop up around my hood and that's pissing me off cause these dumb niggas don't know shit when it comes to money management. A dude takes his lets say $500 pay check, goes to the beer store and drinks Sapporo, doesn't even pronounce it properly then spends the rest on weed and seafood and shit. Every friday these grocery stores are filled with black people buying shit they shouldn't be buying but they do it because they want to feel special. More oral sex in your life will alleviate any need to feel special but what the fuck do I know. Oh and that new Iphone 5 is some bullshit ( I don't have one but Ive seen it), them motherfuckers trying to sell you the same phone and they made it lighter. But guess what, you'll probably buy it because you have a shitty life and you want to fit in and you'll get it and tweet/facebook 100 pictures of the box and then you'll put a lot of exclamation marks and tell everyone and pretend to feel better but guess what, your life still sucks and the phone is still a glorified version of a shitty phone. A phone is a fucking phone, it don't suck your dick, it don't make you any money, it don't love you. It makes calls and does weird shit like tell you where the nearest restaurants are. And that's what makes your life "complete"? Once again oral sex could solve issues related to materialism but y'all don't hear me.
If you never watched Casting Couch, you haven't been living.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Lets take a trip down memory lane this is a story a lot of people have asked me about and now I'm ready to talk. We're in Vegas, Superbowl weekend, Mandalay Bay with some professional fighters. I ain't naming names so let's leave it like that. Hold up let me give a shout out because before we ended up here it was here: http://www.acesbarandgrill.net/ check them out if you're in the Vegas area that place is sweet and the food is spectacular. Back to the story we're at the bar in an exclusive part of Mandalay Bay. I say fuck it I want a double ciroc on soda. $48 and guess what motherfuckers. I didn't complain. Sometimes you just gotta do shit like this, we get so stuck in our normal routine if you can go go out and live a little. $48 for 1 drink is a motherfucking lot but you sip that shit and enjoy it. Sure I could get the same drink 5 feet away at another bar for a 30% of what I paid but this is life, live it up.
So we're all wasted and shit and me and one thing leads to another, the professional fighter threw a bottle of bud and left LMAO just smashed it on the floor it was hilarious. We left that are because the entire bar/dance floor starts looking at us and shit and before I know it me and another friend of mine are approached by an old lady. She's in her 70s for sure but she tells us how she was watching us and to "stick with her because we both look like we need help." This is the shit I'm talking about. We look at each other and we're thinking fuck it lets roll with this old lady. She had a deep southern accent and she made the distinction she was from South Texas. She said it was different than the rest of Texas and put emphasis into cartels and coke. I forgot what she did eventually she told us it was either retired politician or oil lady, either way she said she left Texas now lives in St. Thomas, I'll assume that's like one of those Cayman Islands type of things I don't feel like googling cause this story makes me sad.
Eventually the 3 of us keep talking and she takes us to a table to play crabs. I never played this shit but she reaches in her purse, out comes STACKS of thousand dollar chips. The other dude went to get a drink and she is very touchy-feely with me. That's when it happened. I asked myself "how much would you do her for?" So I start at a high number. 50k. Yes. 40k. Yes. 25k. Yes. 15k. Yes. 10k. Yes. See most of y'all would stop but I had to be honest with myself...I kept going. 1k, nah. 1200...and that's where i sat to think. I haven't seen or heard from my grandma in years but she's younger than this old ass lady. But 1200 is 1200. I told myself yes. That's when I realized that I ain't shit. $1200 fucking dollars. Insane. Then shit started to get weird, her husband came around and she told him to get the fuck out. Then my boy came back and THANK FUCK she started telling us about her daughters who she said "they'll gamble with you for the rest of the night, they're such whores."
See what I mean in my world none of this shit exists. This lady is telling us about her daughters, giving us tit-measurements of them etc etc. Telling her husband to get the fuck out, feeling up on me. Asking me to roll the dice as she bets thousands on crabs and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. It's all leading up to something. Instantly I'm thinking either she wants my dick or really wants to help us out. Who knows what the fuck is going on. Then "the homie" got in a massive fight with the pit boss at the table because he couldn't get alcohol. Boom, she got scared as fuck and left us. Broke and disgruntled. 2 minutes ago I was with a fucking old ass politician or oil lady from St. Thomas with AT LEAST 70k in her purse in chips, there we're standing drunk and upset, we ain't even get a $5 chip off her, she got scared and said "all right time for bed guys it was fun." and that was that. Broke and without dignity the only thing I realized that day that my "price" you know how everyone has one...was 1200 FUCKING dollars. That's 400 fucking bottles of PBR on a Sunday. 1200 is a year full of bus passes. 12 bills, that's what I valued my worth at. What happens in Vegas, stays your mind for the rest of your life and will fuck you up forever. I'm out lmao.
Friday, March 23, 2012
I never really leave this shit. I actually love it. I'll leave hate all the problems it brings me and just hop right motherfucking back in. I've learned a lot over the past little while. Cancer sucks by the way, I don't got it but I know too many people who do. If I get that shit I'm going out the Heath Ledger way and I ain't really the fighting type either so if ever I get cancer my life will begin....y'all won't understand that. I also discovered that I'm greater than most of y'all. Go head cry about it, I am. Man, I love me. I love to write, I hate people, I hate animals, I'm starting to fuck with nature though. I get it. Everyone in this motherfucking world has been hurt so they just dwell in their hurt. One way or another they do it, fucking faggots.
Not me, my life sucks but I never once complained about the card I was dealt. I just bluffed my way eventually folded and got new motherfucking cards. I'm in the process of mindfucking myself so if this blog is unclear then I did my job. Humans are pussies. Blah blah blah my childhood sucked so now I'm going to live in pity for the rest of my life. I ain't speaking to ANYbody in particular just the entire fucking species. Bunch of fucking pussies that fuck with other people trying to compensate because they got fucked over and they bitch. I was in a New Hampshire strip club a while back when all this hit me. Besides dying, another thing universal with us is the fact that we all been fucked. It might have been the fact that we couldn't own the BMW we wanted at 16yrs old because daddy said no, or we starved to death in a Sudanese church but we ALL been fucked over one way or another and it made us this way.
I been sober for like 25 days or some shit, fucking gay as fuck this is not making me a better person, just worse. Alcohol makes me breathe, sobriety restricts me. My reality is real when my mind is altered. I love me some more. I think I've transcended sometimes into another world, I doubt I'm human most time. Weird I know but there's something strange, like a strange energy type shit or maybe I just been drinking too much fucking green tea. Don't y'all ever get tired of it? Logging on facebook and talking to your facebook friends. You pretending they give a fuck about you. Them pretending they enjoy your company. You gaining more facebook friends because you "need" them. Then posting some motivational crap like: "shoot for the stars and if you fall you'll land on a cloud" like nigga WHAT THE FUCK? Everything on twitter and facebook and tumblr (my new business adventure) is motivational quotes. People find the weirdest fucking ways to escape.
How about the truth: Your dad fucked your mom, you were born, somehow someway as a child you were fucked over based on your interpretation of events. You'll live a life filled with discontent and confusion and then you'll grow old, lose motivation for life and then you'll die. You'll spend your life trying to justify your reason for existence, you'll try to be an individual but eventually you'll became a sheep followed by a statistic. Life ain't beautiful, it's a weird ass cycle. There's no reward, just periods of solace. The kid you hold and love and think is cute is going to steal from your purse and hate you in 16 years. God has a great mind. Goodnight y'all......
Thursday, January 26, 2012
I finally discovered what my problem was. After the year ended and the 2011 shit show was over I told myself I'm going to make a conscious effort to perceive things differently. I was going to focus on the aspect that I couldn't change things, these were the cards I were dealt and I'd have to make the best out of it. This all lasted about 36 hours and after that I faked it. I started meditating, I started doing yoga, I hit the treadmill thinking all this crap will go away. Then I'm drinking watching UFC in my own home and 4 dudes show up trying to get in the house. It was a harsh reality I needed. I put the shit to home boy's neck and asked him if he was ready to die because I was....
I let the shithead go but that's when it hit me. FUCK POSITIVITY. It's friday night and I'm scrambling to keep these poor ass niggas from getting in my house like they're fucking Somali Pirates and I'm supposed to be positive. Nah fuck that. Fuck this meditation bullshit too I been eating and drinking whatever the fuck I want this week. I feel good on the treadmill so I stick with it but other than that FUCK ALL THE POSITIVE SHIT. I ain't the type to light scented candles and chant and pretend to feel better nah people who want positivity should watch 19 and Counting or Different Strokes and just fuck off. Life is a bad pussy. Stink, disgusting, gangrene type pussy that you're forced to fuck everyday. Then you look around and it appears everyone around you has good pussy so it makes you more mad. You keep thinking tomorrow the pussy will be better but it NEVER IS.
Unless you got kids who you've invested heavily in, there ain't nothing really great about life externally. You're forced to go to school for 8 hours a day for 17 years of your life learning a bunch of shit. Then you gotta go through more schooling to get a piece of paper. To get a good job that you really don't care for but do it out of a necessity. Then you get married, either you're happy or not, there's grey area with this one I can't really speak on it. While all this is going on, you're sleeping for 25 years, 1/3rd of your life. Plus you want to do bad things like fuck your girl's sister but you're constantly battling that faggot ass voice in your head telling you that you can't. Eventually you die and even though you had some great moments for the most part it was a whole bunch of nothing. Unless you like to drink and do drugs, then it's a different story. How the fuck are you supposed to be positive?
"I got friends and family" Nigga 95% of them don't really give a fuck about you. When it's all said and done you'll meet 10000000 people in your life and throughout your whole entire existence, MAYBE 10 gave a flying fuck about the person you are. Maybe. " I make good money" ya so you could buy more things you don't need. Ask Kobe Bryant, Tiger Woods, or lottery winners if they're intrinsically happy. Most of them will say no. Life's a padded room in preparation for something else out there. If more people were as negative as my twisted mind shit would get done. Could you imagine if EVERYONE attacked portions of life that they hated. Imagine family members of 9/11 victims standing out there demanding answers. Imagine if all students fed up with rising tuition rates decided to do something about it and just refused school. All undergraduates at all schools in the Manufacturing Belt decided to say FUCK SCHOOL. Positivity teaches us to cope and in return it gets nothing done. Negativity and hatred brings the reality out in every situation, if life were the way everyone portrayed it to be, we'd all be perfect. Negativity reminds us that we aren't perfect, SO FUCK you and your happy selves. I'm out.
Monday, January 23, 2012
I fucking hate everyone. Someone came through with some bruschetta today so I ate it. Now my stomach is on a course of its own. Fuck all y'all healthy faggots. I got drunk the other day while working and part of my job is freelance writing so I was doing some research and saw this: Stupid Ass Article
It was about why men are happy with their girlfriend and blah blah blah. Here's the real reason why men want a girlfriend, dont be fooled by those stupid magazines.
1) The Future
If there is no hope in hell of having some sort of future with you, an extended prison sentence I like to call it, then there's no fucking point in getting a girlfriend.
2) Sex on Demand.
The real reason dudes get girlfriends is basically for the random blowjob. You're having a good day, you're having a bad day, when it's all said and done all a dude wants to do is get blowed. Having someone there to constantly blow you goes a LONG way in life. Trust me men will do anything to get that girl to give him sex on demand.
I know how to cook and I could hold my own but fuck I look like slaving in the kitchen when it's what you were born to do. Every dude wants a warm ass meal now and then, a meal that they didn't have to pay for and one where they don't have to make it themselves. Learn how to cook and you'll have a dude in no time.
A dude doesn't like attention, but now and then he needs it. He needs to feel significant. I don't know why really but trust me a dude likes to feel like the shit. Girls could make that happen. Other dudes complimenting dudes would just be gay so once again, make that dude feel like King Kong and you're good.
A dude will never understand another dude, that's for the faggots. A chick might understand a guy. I saw might because as individuals we try to be as complicated as possible. If you could somehow "understand" a dude, you're in. I met 10000 people in my life and I could only think of 3 people that understand me, life's complicated.
6) To Kill the Boredom.
Fuck you going to do all day? Play ps3 and watch sports. Having a chick slices the boredom in half. You get sex, and hmmmmmmmm more sex.
7) We exploit females.
Don't get it confused ALL men exploit females. Nothing better than having a chick eating out your hand (while it lasts). It's that feeling that men want, to take advantage of someone manipulating them with power, control, and an ability to act like they don't give a fuck.
That's 7 reasons, I could do more but my stomach is FUCKED and then writing this blog I realized how I hate some people in my life LMAO so I'm trying to be nice. Y'all be safe and pray that I win the lottery so I don't have to keep pretending I want a job. I'm out, peace.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Before I begin I had a "life" moment today where I just reflected. Few years ago I was on a first class flight to Ireland on the brink of a six figure deal with some people. Was happy but naive. Company gets sold, things fell apart, today I'm carrying a fucking faggot ass nightlight to shower so I don't smash into a wall. Been without 90% of the lights in the house because of some electrical issue and all of my shit's sparking and shit. I asked my parents if they're going to call an electrician, they said fuck it we're good, they'll deal with it in a few weeks. How life changes, one minute you're in a first class seat about to make the biggest move of your life, the next you're in complete darkness trying to wash your balls. Insane shit lmao.
So today I seen a big ass uproar over this SOPA/censorship bullshit that I still don't really understand but I don't really care to understand it. The entertainers etc. want to be taken care of and the government is using it as an excuse to censor the internet. This would essentially mean no shit like wikipedia, google, youtube, facebook etc. Granted, this will affect everybody in some fashion, is it really a fucking bad thing? Boo fucking whoo, they take away your facebook friends and you can't watch streams or google things anymore. It's the end of the fucking world. There wasn't ONE dickhead complaining about the NNDA bill which was passed on New Years Eve, when everyone was getting wasted. The NNDA is pretty much a bill that states the gov't could fuck with you for the sake of terrorism. Research it. So they took away your freedom (the freedom that has never existed) on December 31st but because twitter and wikipedia will potentially blow up, everyone is crying.
The world was better without the internet anyway. Sure it's an attempt by the government to gain more control but who the fuck really cares. When you think about it deeply, is google in anyway shape or form making your life better. Everybody is up in arms about freedom, you were never fucking free. 4 dudes with box cutters supposedly ran the planes into the towers. I'm 5'9 185, ain't no one stopping me with a fucking box cutter. I don't want to go saying shit without evidence but I advise you to look into things like the facts pertaining to 9/11, or even something local. The cops went and beat the shit out of an Autistic man until he died. They just got off here in Toronto. How fucking free are we? But when wikipedia goes down for a day everyone has their awareness in tune to these issues. Go to a fucking library and pick up a fucking book if you want something. I thought deeply about the internet, it gave me great shit, it gave me terrible shit. It is about 90% of my income at the moment but I'm looking to get out of the business anyway, so in all actuality the only thing I'd care about is sports streams and porn. Both of those things I bet I could find somewhere out there.
All these search engines, this reality we present for ourself, all it does is reduce who we are. We place our power, our strength, our lives in the cusp of a machine and then you take away the machine and people get rattled. Who cares if people lose their jobs, they're still fucking breathing. Who cares if you can't go on facebook and talk to someone you wouldn't give the time of day in "the real world." Everyone is so heavily invested in this shit, if it were to all disappear tomorrow I'd definitely be a different person but it would probably be for the better. Sensory deprivation (in small amounts is a fantastic thing) So let them fucking censor the internet, this forces us to be human again. It forces us to reach levels we are fully capable of, but lets be realistic this bill won't pass and tomorrow you'll get excited when you make a new facebook friend or see some stupid viral video on youtube. I'm out.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
I had a notebook with all this shit written down but this morning I got mad and ripped all that shit up. So now I'll have to try and remember this shit, here goes.
30-45 years: Here is a good place to be in your life if you know how to use things to your advantage. By this time you have every answer, to everything. Your intuition is on point. Here's the problem: love. Your ovaries and shit going away, those chemical changes are starting to take place. If you have no one, you're facing the fact that you'll spend the rest of your life as a miserable cunt because everyone good is taken (it's true by the way everyone good is taken) So you battle yourself. You rebel against yourself. You call it "midlife-crisis." There is no such thing. Truth is you're just getting older and those wrinkles are getting more visible and to be honest people stop giving a fuck about you. it isn't a crisis, you're just not as relevant as you once were. It's a natural life circle and every 7 years (scientific proof) you get a new group of friends, interests change blah blah blah. In essence if you have a significant other, you'll argue about dumb shit because you're battling yourself. If you have nobody then you either settle, or you continue living your life with extreme loneliness. Your kids are grown and shit at this point so you don't really give a fuck about them to be honest you're just living to enjoy the last of your good days. This is also the stage where you lie to yourself the most to cover up how much you hate who you really are, the one you discovered.
50-65 years old: Uh oh. That body isn't moving like it used to move. No more reverse cowboy. No more 9 pints and going again the next night. The mind starts to settle. This is a great time to be in your life once again only if your life was worth living. You got a few savings, you earned a few dollars, time to enjoy the finer things in life. Sure they will provide that "temporary high" but you're 55 years old. You accept who you are. You spent a lifetime seeking it, it's finally here. You know you. You accept the things you can't change, you try to make yourself better. The body goes through immense changes and you're well aware that the clock is ticking but you choose to forget about it, you're content. You breathe. You live.
65 years til death: You're either going to really enjoy this time, or really hate it. Fact is, 95 % people hate it and it turns out being the worst times. You'll HATE your kids, that's a guarantee. They are no longer the people you raised. They're grown, probably with kids. You're slower, you're no longer significant, you ARE no longer relevant. I don't care how many parties you attend, you could spend 23 hours a fucking day with friends and loved ones, your life doesn't really mean shit and you know it. You're now a shadow. You're miserable because you hate that feeling. No matter what, time is running out and you couldn't fit everything you wanted to fit into the journey of life. There are still things that bug you, things you got no choice but to go to your grave with. You hate everyone again but in a good way. You hate them for selfish reasons, which makes you feel good deep down. You hate them because they're in the spot light, and your dick doesn't even work. You kick up a fuss and a fight just to feel relevant again, it feels good. Then you're dead. Also a great thing and hopefully you found some spirituality.
That's life in a nutshell....we're all defendants in a trial of the self but you eventually discover this isn't a trial. Everyone is guilty by default. How we handle this prison sentence dictates who we become in another world, where nothing but the soul matters. I'm out.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
I'm really fucking tired right now, I ain't sleep since the Cowboys won the Superbowl but I had to put this blog out, so appreciate it. I wrote it in a forest at 5am in 2 feet of snow, in the middle of nowhere. What I'm about to say is not universal but applies to 95% of the world, even if I got the minor details wrong, I'm right.
Birth-6 years old: The best part of life. You know nothing, all you do is feel. You control everything, you're an impressionable human being with 2 parents who you view as God. There are no consequences to nothing you do and even if there are consequences, you really don't give a fuck about them because the world views you as "cute." You could do no wrong but at the same time everything you do is right.
11-19 years old: The "toughest part of your life. People will hate you but the truth is you're right. You have a reason as to why people tell you that you act like you "know everything." See here is what happened. From the moment you came out of your mom's box they loved you. But it goes beyond that, they were your God. You had no real conception about God, your parents were "special." Then there comes a day when you suddenly realize, fuck, these people are just like every other stupid fuck the world has to offer. You reach this stage and you look at your parents and realize that chances are, you're probably smarter than them when it comes to certain things and they misguided you. IT'S FUCKING TRUE. It's natural but true. From birth to about 6 years old, a kid could do no wrong. The parent is God. The parent is treated like God. Then comes this stage where everything falls apart. It was all a big fucking lie. You come to the realization that your mom was sucking 7 dicks in the high school boy's changeroom when she was your age, that's your fucking idol. You don't treat them like God anymore so your parents are mad, they don't treat you as special anymore so you're mad. This stage has unimaginable consequences if not handled the right way.
ages 20-30: This is the stage where things come together, but not the way you planned. First are the religious debates. Somewhere along the lines you start to wonder, why the fuck am I on earth? So maybe your parents instilled religion and you follow it. Then you got the atheists who say this is it and there's nothing else. Both fucking sides are like 55 year old menopausal women. The religion folks become elitists and start praying to be saved. The atheist folks laugh at those who have faith in religion in that same elitist perception. Why can't everyone believe whatever the fuck they want to believe, or don't believe in anything, and still get along? The answer is simple, neither side has any fucking answer but they both pretend they do for their own sake.
Another thing happens at this stage. You start to explore relationships. The truth is you WANT to be an individual, you want someone to cater to you, to meet your needs and wants, but only when it is convenient to you. When shit goes wrong, you want the world to feel your wrath, you'll be an individual until the cookie crumbles, then scream "why me."
Final thought is in this stage you know what you want, you just refuse to accept it. Within 50-250 minutes of meeting your future significant other, you start to formulate a question, is this person the one? YOU KNOW THE ANSWER you just refuse to accept it. It's why people often ask "how many people have you been with?" Regardless what the answer is unless you're blind, you fucking have that ballpark figure in your head. The mind does the answering for you, you just either apply it or you don't. So you try to fit a square into a circle, then when it doesn't fit you cry and get lonely. But you knew all along that the person wasn't the one, you just refused to accept it, because once again you're an INDIVIDUAL. You need to be above everyone else. You can't accept someone for who they are, or accept them for who they ain't. Instead you constantly try to mold, constantly either settle, or set high expectations, then it explodes right in front of your eyes and you act surprised. If it doesn't explode then it says that you listened to yourself....that you trusted that 50-250min. answer I just talked about and it's paying off for you. Even if the person changes later on, once you feel that purity, that intoxication of love, real love, nothing else matters. You want to know if you have real love? Ask the person you're with for their email password, and full access to their texts.....would you agree to that? Would you want them looking at your inbox/textmessages? No this isn't an invasion of privacy, it's a method of showing how true you are, to yourself. Real lovers are able to share those texts/emails because that love is so pure, nothing else matters. It transcends everything else. If you can't trust yourself to give your lover that email password (something so trivial) you think you trust them with your emotions???????
Alright I'll continue tomorrow...
I'm out. Peace.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
I joke a lot about "faggots" and things like that and will continue to joke but I'm fucking burning up tonight. This kid killed himself, another one. 15 years old, he was gay and simply couldn't take it anymore. At first when you think about it, you could quickly gloss over the situation assuming it's only one person but dig a little deeper and you'll find that suicide is the leading cause of death of people ages 10-22. So another one dies and the school system failed once again. They'll teach you how to read and write but if you're gay, or slightly disadvantaged, you're pretty much fucked. Like I said the last time I wrote a blog on this, I don't blame the kids, that's human nature. See I seen the link to the story and was cool, until someone addressed it as "good." In their own, fucked up, deprived mind, they thought it was good that a gay teen killed himself.
I'm trying to be nice so I won't get into it too much but the things people say reflect who they are. This is a motherfucking child. For starters, most children don't CHOOSE to be gay. If you seen a three year old male kid playing with barbies and you stop him the first dozen times but he keeps going at it, it's the way his fucking body/mind is made up. I'm no scientist so I got no idea how this shit works but this is something beyond a child saying "hey I choose to like other dudes because I can't get a girl." Man I don't want to get into it, another teen dead, the people in a position of power should be proud and pat themselves on the back. Another one they don't have to worry about. For the people who say it's "good " that he died, if the choice were mine I'd take your kids away and double your mortgage but I ain't got that kind of power so live however you want to, just don't live around me.
I'm glad for the kid who killed himself though. He's no longer in pain, he's no longer suffering, he no longer has to go to bed each night regretting that we woke up in the morning. An argument I always hear is "parents are raising their kids too soft in this day and age..." Oh? So hold up, in the 80s you had a fucking pedophile with one glove sing all sorts of shit but you let him go because he was the "King of Pop." You had Boy George, people didn't know if he had a dick or a pussy but he was fine. Andy Warhol revolutionized the world. It was fine then but because parents let their kids listen to Lady Gaga and look both ways before crossing the street it's THEIR FAULT? We always been this way. We just refuse to change.
That's why this world fucking sucks. That's why the government fucking owns everybody, and the bank gives it to you up the ass. That's why people get charged all sort of bullshit taxes. It's because people are too fucked up. They look at a CHILD dying and think "good" because he was gay, failing to accept the realization that he had no fucking choice in his orientation. I hope that 1% gains more power because the people I know deserve all the shit they get. Blame the economy, blame the governments, blame the world but until we as HUMANS decide to change the way we think and accept things that are really there, instead of what we think the world ought to be, we will always be powerless. We will always be filled with stress, depression, and sheep to a small group of people who eliminate our individuality and control us all. We're doing a fine job.
Jamie Hubley's last words:
"I hate being the only open gay guy in my school… It f***ing sucks, I really want to end it. Like all of it, I not getting better theres 3 more years of highschool left, Iv been on 4 different anti -depressants, none of them worked. I’v been depressed since january, How f***ing long is this going to last. People said “It gets better”. Its f***ing bull****. I go to see psychologist, What the f*** are they suppost to f***ing do? All I do is talk about problems, it doesnt make them dissapear?? I give up."
Im a casualty of love.
Well, Im tired of life really. Its so hard, Im sorry, I cant take it anymore.
First Id like to mention my friends Nancy, Abby, Colleen, jemma, and Kasia
Being sad is sad : /. I’v been like this for way to long. I cant stand school, I cant stand earth, I cant stand society, I cant stand the scars on my arms, I cant f***ing stand any f***ing thing.
I dont want my parents to think this is their fault either… I love my mom and dad : ) Its just too hard. I dont want to wait 3 more years, this hurts too much. How do you even know It will get better? Its not.
I hit rock f***ing bottom, fell through a crack, now im stuck.
My favorite singers were lady gaga , Adele , Katy perry, and Jessie james, Christina aguilara and most of all I think KASIA!!! I LOVED Singing, and she helped me a lot : ) Im not that good at it though :”/, Im going to miss you guys
(well You know who you are, But to the people who didnt like me (many) A big f*** you, Go ride a unicorn. But w/e I love you anyway.)
Remember me as a Unicorn :3 x) MAybe in my next life Il be a flying squirreel :D
See you in heaven nigga. I'm out, Peace.
So let me explain to you what has happened. Over the holidays I went really crazy. Between the crap I did, the alcohol, the food, I needed a good detox. Now my boy told me there's this thing called "magnesium citrate" and basically it cleans you out. I'm thinking perfect so I hit the drug store with dude, buy a few bottles and come home. Before I took it though I checked on wikipedia "overdose could cause coma leading to a fatality." I'm like dude what the fuck, the bottle says only take a quarter of it. Home boy said "nooooooo you have to drink a bottle and a half" Who am I going to listen to? Doctors or a black dude without his highschool diploma? Of course the latter.
So I down a bottle and a half and the fireworks began. It's still going on for the record. I've had weird hallucinations, I've had heat flashes, my hands are freezing but the rest of my body is warm, I think I'm alright but this is the last straw. I'm sitting here devising a plan, I need to get married in 3-4 years. I am the most irresponsible fucker on the planet and while a lot of people get married for love, I'll do it for the tax benefits and some control in my life. I'm dead serious too, I've lived a good life, time to start the prison sentence by age 26-27, that's a good time. I'm out here dying cause uneducated fucks are guiding me. Chicks never steered me wrong in the past. Well they did but there were benefits to it all so here's what I need in a wife:
- enough money so I could drink Perrier water. I'm tired of bottled water and tap water. From now on I want to drink exclusively Perrier water. Economic stability means a lot to me because it provides me with freedom I need to be great, so you gotta have some cash ladies.
- Anti-social. The fewer the friends the better. I ain't one for big groups and shit nah fuck that trust me the less friends and shit you got, the better you cherish things about yourself and the ones you have.
- Know how to cook. Food is my life. Make it happen.
- A hot friend who we could fuck before we have kids. Realistic, no?
- Openess. I'm as open as they come because not being open has fucked me in the past. If our relationship ain't open then you'll be surprised when you find a random set of tits in my phone and I dunno who they came from. Openess.
-Head. I need head like 3x a day, non-negotiable unless you're mad at me, I'll reduce it to 2.
-Babysitter. Truth is I'm somewhat out of control and you have to have those babysitting qualities. Don't blame me lmao it ain't my fault.
-Same music tastes. If I come home and you're listening to "LMFAO" or "Pitbull" then I'm going to rip up all your clothes and throw your jewelry in the toilet.
-Honest. Truth is I'm not going to be honest at times, I'll lie because girls are insane and I don't want to deal with it. You can't do that though tell the truth and you'll realize it only benefited us
Now in return here's everything I'll give you, my future wife:
I won't cheat on you.
I'm out. Peace.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
I'd wake up in the morning with a smile on my face, perhaps the biggest smile I've ever given to the world. I'd take my morning piss and write a personal goodbye to every one of my friends that have held me down. Only a few of them. I'd spend an hour writing a separate paper, a goodbye to the world. It would be something similar to Joe Bodolai's suicide note but more of a "fuck you" expect a lot hope for humanity at the end. I'd watch Under the Tuscan Sun with one of you, you know who you are. I got something like a shrink these days (don't ask) and I'd share a meal with her. Then I'd call one person in the world and spend the rest of the day with them. Doesn't have to be someone I know but I'd call this person. We'd eat Popeyes. Chinese Food. A Big Mac. I want the taste so I'd force myself to puke just so I could taste more food. Disgusting I know but so real.
I'd fuck this person non-stop and get head (I'm never going to reveal this person's name. It could be anyone from Selena Gomez to my 9th grade drama teacher). I'd get dope head. I'd read some poetry, while getting head. I'd take a shower, if I'm about to die I want to be clean. Black tee, black jeans, a fitted cap would be what I would wear. I'd leave a note for my parents, I wouldn't want them to say a goodbye if they know I had to go, I wouldn't want to feel their pain. I'm selfish like that. Oh, I'd try real butter. I've lived almost a quarter century and while I'm sure I've tried butter in food, I have no idea what it tastes like (I'm a margarine type of dude). I'd hit the strip club for 30 minutes just to witness a lapdance for the last time in my life. I'd watch an episode or two of The Office and definitely an episode of Phineas and Ferb. I'd make a will. I don't even know if it's legal, making a will in less than 24 hours but I'd try to do that.
I'd order 11 sides of fries, each from a different place and share them with the person I chose to spend my day with. She could deal with the consequences later lmao I'd be dead soon. I'd listen to some music, Styles P. Arcade Fire. Birdy. Lana. High Flying Birds. Biggie. Oasis. Ice Cube. Some Old School Jay-z, and maybe even a Selena Gomez song just for the fuck of it. I'd eat a whole cheesecake too, one by itself. Okay maybe that's too much I don't want to be uncomfortable. A slice of cheesecake, with the cherry on top. I'd spend the last 2 hours getting really fucked up at a bar. Drinking everything in sight with the person I chose. I'd clear that fucking bar out while watching sports. I'd stumble out, onto a park where I could get head and maybe some sex one last time. Then 20 minutes before my time to go I'd take my own life, fuck it I still controlled by own destiny. I'm out.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Today I wanted to dedicate a blog to Les Miles. The entire blog would have been about him but then that'd make me a faggot for one, secondly most of y'all reading this have no idea who Les Miles really is. I'm about to turn 23 in a month and as some of you know I've accomplished a tonne in my life. Yet I'm at the bar tonight watching Les Miles and feeling sorry for myself. (because the faggot cost me a lot of money) I'm too damn good to be sleeping in a converted storage room. It's 2012 niggas by the end of this year if I don't have a chick serving me beef brisket and inviting her friends over so I could fuck them then we're going to be having problems.
23 years old and I'm nearly bald. My blood pressure today reached 165 over 99. Then I had 3 cups of hibiscus tea and it said 135 over 80. WHO KNOWS WHAT TO BELIEVE. You no so far this winter hasn't been bad, but it's fucking cold out and dark and shit. What'd I drink today. I had a 15 dollar meal, 3 doubles vodka and club soda, a Sam Adams pint, and a shot of Jager. I don't know what that came up to but I bet 25% of my bill was in taxes/tip. Why am I living like this? Is there a place in the world where I could see something and not have to add 13% in my head. How the fuck does one do all that math in the head in the first place, I don't know how to carry zero's and shit. I'm living poorly. _____________ is right I spent a lifetime settling not understanding that I'm the shit.
I'm tired and my feet hurt and my lymph nodes swell for no fucking reason and then the doctors tell me to take it easy with stress. How can I take it easy when I gotta keep adding that 13%. Sometimes I want to keep reading stuff from Sylvia Plath but then I'm afraid I'll stick my head in an oven like she did, so I try to be "normal." But what's normal? What do normal people do? Sit there eating chicken fingers watching the 6 o'clock news? Waking up 6am, preparing lunch in cling wrap and telling people they made an honest day's work. Who gives a fuck if you did an honest day's worth, fact is you'd fuck somebody's wife, how honest are you? That's the problem with humans. They think they are better than everyone else because they hold on to these little shitty values like never running a red light. But they'd fuck your sister in law if they got the chance. But back to the blog subject, today I realized I ain't living right. I wanna get a girl who does ass to mouth and fuck her til I'm tired. I want to sleep on a Queen size bed (I'm currently on a double), I want to learn how to use chopsticks and get a Costco card so I don't have to bother Cheeba everytime I need water or pita chips or buns. Fuck y'all :( I'm out.