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Sunday, February 27, 2011

Listed As Day to Day With Stomach Aids

I tried to suck it up (no homo) and blog because I know how you crackheads love this shit on Monday morning but I can't. I been puking all day and my body feels like I been sat on by Gabourey Sidibe. I'm going to take like 50 Tylenol and crash. For the 8-12 people that actually give a fuck, nah that number's too high, the 4-6 that give a fuck, I'm alright just got some fucked up stomach issue because I ate a shitload of spoiled food cause I didn't want to freeze it lol. This shit ain't no joke though I wouldn't wish gastroentitis or whatever the fuck I have on the Taliban. I will try to cap and send out emails tomorrow, no promises though. I'll start blogging whenever I could open my eyes for more than 5 minutes.

Recapping the night:

Play of the Day:

Mavs/Raptors over 207 -110 (W)

Suns +2.5 -110 (W)
Thunder -1 -105 (L)
Knicks +8.5 -110 (W)
Spurs/Grizzlies over 196.5 -110 (L)

Purdue +0 -110 (W)
Pitt +1 -105 (L)
Western Michigan +0 -110 (W)
Ohio St./Indiana over 137.5 -110 (W)
Providence +10 (L)
Wisconsin/Northwestern over 129 -110 (W)

Dying Isn't As Bad as I thought

For starters, salute to everyone who told that Owens kid to fuck off. His arrogance keeps me entertained haha. I'm also on some meds and seeing weird shit so if this blog doesn't make sense,  it's the meds doing their job. Fuck it I'll point form this shit:

-My buddy was playing a show on Friday night in my neck of the woods, got wasted.
-Get to the place, someone picks a fight with my buddy, I jump in and get tossed. (I feel bad cause buddy didn't even get to play haha or get paid but I'm a loyal motherfucker, that shit was foul and drunk or sober I was always going to say something)
- I wake up and puke in some strange place.
-I realize I'm at my buddy's house in fucking Parkdale (like 20 miles from my house)
- I realize that buddy's wife is cool as shit so I try to clean up the puke so she wouldn't have to. Except I use her Ralph Lauren towels and pass out in the process.
- My other friend who happened to be sleeping next to me wakes me up and says we got to go, he needs insulin. I'm thinking fuck I wonder if he'll die. I'm so fucked up at this point.
- I puke on the streetcar, subway, bus, street and I get in the door and puke, try to sleep and im puking. Now I'm thinking this isn't normal, I need to go to the hospital.
-I call a cab company and tell them I need to go to the hospital and they better "hurry the fuck up." They told me to fuck off.
-I call another cab company and they're here in 5 mins.
- Doctor is like "this isn't the alcohol" then it hit me, my parents went away and last saturday my mom cooked a tonne of food and told me to freeze it on Monday. I hate eating shit that was thawed so I been eating that shit for a week and it spoiled.
- Doctor laughs, gives me shit that made me "un-wasted" tells me I have gastroentits or some shit and gives me anti-biotics.
- I come home and grab sea salt and throw it in my bath-tub and lay there, dying.
- I then prepare the dreaded email to apologize to buddy's wife cause I made her life hell, I open my inbox and she sends me a message "You're truly funny and sweet, just wanted to tell you thank you and it was great seeing you."
- I send the apology anyway thinking of all the shit I caused.
- Her response: "Don't be Silly"

A day in the life.

Recapping last few days:

Suns -4 -110 (W)
Utah/Indiana over 206 -110 (L)
Charlotte/Sacramento over 198.5 -110 (W)

Detroit/Wright St. over 137 -110 (W)

Play of the Day:
Washington/Miami over 203 -110 (W)

Parlay: India -225, Sri Lanka -200 = Parlay at +115 (L)

Mavericks/Wizards over 204 -110 (Push)
Clippers/Celtics over 188 -110 (W)

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Friday, February 25, 2011

Blog Intervention

Before I get into it, in order to understand this one you'll have to read my boy's blog, it's hilarious shit: The Last 5 Days

So let me get this straight. First of all you went to University? haha just playing. Here is the summary I got from the blog:

-you decide to vacation in London, Ontario.
-while everyone was cheating you were drinking/pills
-your boy cheats and gets caught. 
-his wife lies and said he hit her and the cops lay the beatdown
-his wife calls your old lady to let her know what is going on.
-your old lady is pissed and you spend the rest of your vacation figure skating and watching plays. 
-basically, for doing the right thing you were forced to get beat up by the feds, go figure skating, shopping, and see plays, for NOT cheating. 

Alright let's start with preventative measures. All this could have been avoided. There's only a few things that could hide the smell of sex/another girl. You have to go to a 24/7 pharmacy or Walmart and pick up either Tiger Balm, A535, or one of those rubs for sore muscles that stink. You have to put it on your chest and hands and arms, do not put it on your dick, that shit will burn. When she asks "why the fuck do you smell like death," you have to tell her your back is sore and you got something to cool it down. You can't use this often but it works like a motherfucking Mexican immigrant. If your boy was smart, he wouldn't have gotten caught and none of this would have happened. Vicks also works in this situation. Also, what the fuck are y'all doing getting out of the car when the cops are at the front door? Must be a white thing, black people would drive the fuck off, don't get out the fucking car when you see the feds, that could only mean trouble. 

The real issue: So wifey calls you 10x. Basically, no matter which way you cut it, she wants to be compensated. If she called you 10x it means during the duration of the calls from 1-10 she's been stressed out, angry, sad and wants to be compensated. You have to realize this and combat it. It wasn't your fault your buddy cheated and his wife decided to call your wife. Now, you decided to go with the truth factor to clear your name, look where you ended up. Fucking figure skating? See where the truth leads people sometimes. Here's what you need to do if this ever happens again: Once you make the dreaded phone call and she answers DO NOT give her a chance to talk. Start the convo off with "listen" or "first of all" and for 4-6 minutes make her feel as guilty as possible. " You have no idea what I've been through and you have no idea how sick I feel right now. These guys barged in my room and had a sex fest and when I asked everyone to leave, they got their own rooms and did their things. I'm so sick and tired of my bum ass friends and I wanted this to be a good relaxing vacation and my heart is beating out my chest and the cops tackled me and I did nothing wrong but I can't take this anymore.."

You have to make your lie believable, you CAN'T kiss her ass. Make her see a side she's never seen before but make it believable. Don't afraid to be as gay as possible (no homo), you'll be rewarded. If you say I love you or I miss you then she'll see right through it. You have to do the right thing and throw it on your friends. In a week's time cry up a story about how they need you and you get to have your friends back. However, at the present moment your mission in this lie is to make her feel as guilty and as sympathetic towards your situation as possible. Tell her how the ones you met up with at Western have all changed and all weekend you've been a baby sitter. Make her feel sorry for you. In conclusion, instead of going figure skating and shopping and seeing faggot ass dudes in plays, you'd come home to Hamilton and there would be a warm plate and a blow-job waiting for you. Live and learn: 

Recapping the night: Disgusting. Gotta move on. If you sent me an email at any point then you should be receiving daily picks under a mass email. It'll say from "Aaron" and check your spam/junk folders. 

Miami Heat -2 -110 (L)

Heat/Bulls over 192.5 -110 (L)
Celtics/Nuggets over 203 -110 (L)

Eastern Kentucky -3 -110 (L)
Arkansas-Little Rock +2 -110 (L)
Denver +2.5  (L)
Arizona -1 (another big play for me) (L)
Arizona St/UCLA over 129.5 -110 (smaller play) (L)

Australia -250 (W)

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

I'll Blog Whenever I Wake Up.

Between Monday and this exact moment I've gotten a total of exactly 2 hours of sleep. (due to capping cricket). So finally, I get home at noon and I'm ready to sleep. 10 minutes in, the phone rings. No problem I could sleep through this. Then I hear on the message, TD Bank wants to speak to me urgently about suspicious charges on my credit card. I wake my ass up and stay on hold with these fuckers for 50 minutes, only to find out that they're suspicious about a charitable organization who has been charging my card monthly for the past 20 months. That's what they called to tell me, "Sir do you know a company Food For the Poor" "Yes you motherfucking dumbass, I've been giving them loot since Saved By the Fucking Bell ended and you're now calling me to tell me this. "

On the gambling front I'll probably go 0-8. You stay up 4 fucking days to cash a huge parlay and you give half of it back in a few hours. The Eastern Kentucky, Tenn-Martin game was stopped 3x today because of a tornado-warning. Coincidentally, every time Eastern Kentucky went on a run, there was a tornado delay, in a MOTHERFUCKING 7000 seat indoor arena. Why not cancel the fucking game if it were serious???? After 4 fucking hours Eastern Kentucky blew a 16 point lead and lost by 10. Chris Bosh, nevermind I don't even want to talk about it. Then Boston trades half their fucking team when I have them on the over. There's a lesson in all of this blabbing: NEVER DISS VATICAN CITY.

I'm headed to bed, sorry about the bullshit picks, peace.

Top 5 Cities in the World, Fuck Research

1) San Diego, California- This isn't even debatable. You're 340 miles away from Vegas, you're close to Los Angeles, if you want to be adventurous you got that Mexican chronic just a few minutes away. The girls are spectacular, you're in America so the booze is cheap, they have a decent economy and the real estate is cheap. The demographics state that the population of African Americans residing in San Diego is only 6.7%. What could be better than that and I bet they're the light skinned black chicks as well. No Tamils running on highways, no shitty hockey, you get ESPN in San Diego and it's the real ESPN, none of this Michael Landsberg Off the Record bullshit. Fuck the 13% sales tax I pay because in San Diego it's only 8.25%. The only issue is Mexicans and Asians but just act inferior in front of them and they'll sit the fuck down. Hands down the best city in the world and I ain't even been there but I know it. 

2) Cleveland, Ohio- Everybody shits on this place but no one has ever been. If you want to learn about life you go to Cleveland. 400k blue collar workers who don't give a fuck about anyone else, they have the best strip club in the world (Crazy Horse), they have the best food in the world (Croatian strudel, perogies, garlic fries and that fucking amazing Teriyaki place in the Tower City Mall.) Despite their crappy sports teams they have some of the best fans in the world and everything is affordable. Everybody there works a 9-5 and they come home and they have crazy sex and party. Some of the best girls reside in the outskirts of Cleveland and I'm convinced their vaginas are made of platinum, I'm telling you don't sleep on Cleveland, it's cheap, the people are humble, the food and alcohol is great and despite the shitty weather and economy, everyone knows how to have a great time. Halle Berry anyone?

3) London, England- This is place is fucking comedy central. For starters the white people are the actual minorities. The white people drink pints of cider all fucking day and live on government benefits while the ethnic people or however the fuck you want to call them are all executives and CEOs. I was amazed at dudes calling the bartender Paki and he didn't break their faces, he embraced it. Yet the white people openly talk shit (call them Chinks and Pakis) while addressing them and their bosses, the minorities do fuck all bout it. The food is great if you're like me and like to eat crap. They say "fuck" on the 6'o'clock news, fuck censorship. The girls are easy, everyone seems to have a big rack, the accents are hot and the ethnic people are modernized and accept their role as being ambitious and superior to everyone else. However they're inferior because of their skin so they accept this and instead of crying like the blacks do, they make money off the whites that shit on them.

4) Vatican City- The only people that live here are religious people and people who say they're religious but they're the worst scum the world has seen. I fall somewhere in between. But think about it, them Vatican niggas got billions of dollars, they wipe their asses with hundred dollar bills. You know everytime you donate $5 and $10 to the church building fund then rest assured, someone is using that bill to sniff coke off a stripper's stomach here in Vatican City. You're surrounded by Priests and shit in Vatican City, it's basically a license to do what you want. Imagine that, banging heauxs you imported from Eastern Europe, smoking that good shit, drinking all the wine you want because it's Jesus' blood and you gamble and get a cheque every week from the Mafia, they live large out there. 

5) Charlotte, North Carolina- Perfect weather, everything is cheap, and the girls are easy and hot as hell. The Southern accent gets annoying after a while but they'll have sex with you and cook you lunch for no reason at all, you don't even have to ask. 3 hours from Mrytle Beach and there is no rush, no hustle, people just enjoy their lives. The sports aren't the best but there's a million colleges in the area (NC State, Duke, UNC etc.) just go their and plow the students while you're at it. Some of the best times in my life happened in this city, I got mad love for Charlotte, everyone has a pool, everyone makes a decent income, everyone enjoys life, and everyone craves reproductive organs, what more can you want? 

Honorable Mention:

Aruba- A Carribean island with white people, how great, except for the sick fucks that bothered with Natalie Holloway. 
Scarborough, Ontario- I got mad love for y'all but you know we all have a fucked up mentality because of this place. 
Columbus, Ohio- Amazing time until I asked that girl her age and her response "why, you going to rape me?" 
New York City- Too congested but an amazing city nonetheless. 
Las Vegas- I love you with all my heart but you're too crazy for me even. I don't want to die before 55. 
Amsterdam- Great city I bet but too many faggots and weird shit going on. 

Recapping the night: Got all your emails, you'll be getting picks daily. If you sent me an email and didn't receive a response please email me again or check your junk folder. Today was a headache so hopefully tomorrow is smoother. Not the best day on the board, it could have been a lot worse though. 

Play of the Day:
Wisconsin/Michigan over 121.5 -110 (L)
Charlotte/George Washington over 132.5 -110 (L)
Notre Dame -4 -110 (L)
Wisconsin -3.5 -110 (L)
Pistons/Pacers over 202 -110 (W)
Utah/Dallas over 203 -110 (W)
Lakers -2.5 -110 (W)
Phoenix/Atl over 201.5 -110 (W)
Soccer Parlays:
Arsenal -300
Manchester United Win or Draw -300
Parlay: -129 (W)

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Top Livable Cities My Ass

My fucking phone went off 6x at 7:10 this morning because someone who pays me to help him gamble was nervous about cricket. Dude had 10 grand on it and kept crying, fucking 7am. So now after I calm his ass down and tell him he's still going to win, I can't go back to sleep. It's 7am and I never get up at this time so the only thing on the tv is the News. So I'm watching this shit trying to jack off to Melissa Grelo (google her) and then she says: Vancouver is the World's most livable City according to some study. Followed by Melbourne, Vienna, Toronto and Calgary. I'm thinking what the fuck? Then the chick is going on and on about how great it is to have 3 Canadian Cities in the top 5 most livable in the World. Let's review this shit. 

Vancouver- you have a shitload of Chinese people fresh off the boat. They let you smoke all the weed you want but they're uptight about everything else. It rains 320 days a year, y'all had the Winter Olympics and weird shit happened like a kid dying on a track. Get Nelly Furtado and the rest of you weed smoking hippies the fuck out of here, all you got is hockey and the CFL. The only thing I can see myself doing in Vancouver is sitting on the corner smoking pinners playing hacky sack with Squeegee kids singing "I'm like a bird I only fly away" like Nelly Furtado was doing back in the day.

Melbourne- I don't know shit about Melbourne but on wikipedia I read this: Melbourne a reputation for having "four seasons in one day." Who the fuck wants to live in a place like this, it snows, rains, hail and shit all in one day. Plus what the fuck am I going to do there but play with Dingoes and make fun of the Indigenous people. Crocodile Dundee was a cool fucking movie but let's be honest, no one wants to live that sort of life. With crazy ass weather y'all must have shitty ass weed. Plus winter is in July or some shit and Summer is in December, get the fuck out of here with those fucked up dates Melbourne.

Vienna- I thought Vienna was in Italy but this shit is in Austria. Who the fuck wants to live out there, Hitler is from Vienna and they killed Jews out there. All I can envision is a bunch of Skinheads listening to Motorhead and wanting to kill people. Who the fuck wants to listen to Skinheads who play Motorhead and wear black leather all day. Austria been getting beaten the fuck down since they followed the German's lead, people from Austria are born to take defeats.

Toronto- High taxes, pretentious women, shitty public transit, untrained cops, a shitload of people who only know English when it is convenient to them, shitty weather, inflated real-estate, terrible crime, shitty secondary education, rush hour traffic that ends at 10:30am and starts again at 3pm, and shitty sports. You know the dude that talks a good game but deep down you know he has no fucking clue what he's talking about and he's a loser. That's Toronto, Toronto is like "Andy" from the Office. Yea, such a livable city.

Calgary- I don't know shit about Calgary but I know the Stampede and Rodeo is big over there. You also have even worse weather than Toronto. The girls probably all layered up because the weather is shitty and all you folks talk about is your oil. Great so you got oil, cowboys, ugly women and shitty weather. You're Top 5 in the world for what? A motherfucking guy chasing a goat or a bull on a rope? Get the fuck out Calgary.

Tomorrow I'll show you the real Top 5 Cities in the World. 

Recapping the Night: This is why I can no longer post picks on this site, check this out, if you sent me an email then these are the picks you got: 

Ohio State/Illinois over 135 -110 (W)
Michigan St +3.5 -110 (W)
Texas Christian/Utah under 137.5 -110 (W)
Play of the Day (hit this one hard):
Indiana Pacers -1 -110 (W)
$2000 Toronto Raptors/Charlotte over 195 -110 (W)
$2000 Rockets/Pistons over 202.5 -110 (W)

So I made a deal with a Company who now have access to my picks. I made sure you loyal dudes were not going to be affected but it isn't working out. They don't want my picks being posted on the site. So for about a week I gave them exclusive picks, and posted "leans" on here, it just didn't work out and I can understand why. They don't want me posting picks on this site because a) They're paying for it. and b) They don't want any competitors to see it. Therefore I have to scrap the whole system. But this company isn't worried about the average gambler, they're worried about the sharks out there. So here's a sound solution that works in the best interest of everyone:

If you sent me an email today or yesterday then you're already taken care of. If you are interested in tailing/fading me and want to find out my picks then just leave your email in the comments section or email me ( and I'll be sending you picks daily. I'm not a professional sports handicapper, I used to do this out of interest but now people want in. I am not selling out, everything I do is out of my own time, up until recently I went a year without earning a dime so I'm going to get my loot. This doesn't affect you though, picks are and will always be free to you guys, I just can't post them on the site because some Suits are scared of other suits and they have every right to be. So once again, if you're interested in my picks, email me if you haven't already OR leave your email in the comments section and I'll get back to you on a day to day basis with picks. Hope that clears it up.

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

But I'm The Bad Guy

I was supposed to get the box tomorrow, it wouldn't have been the good box but it wouldn't have been the bad box either, just normal box. The head is always good though, sex is just an appetizer in my life. However, it's not happening anymore, she isn't coming over and thus she'll get a special spot on my blog because I'll be forced to watch "Debbie Does Dallas" while jacking off because of this fucked up shit. Let me think of a name for this chick, let's call her Deloris. I can't think of a worse name for someone than Deloris. Deloris has a boyfriend who resembles the fag (sorry Krispe) in today's display pic. I don't know the guy but he's some emotional fuck-head apparently and they been going out for like 8 months (I hope he ain't reading this, and if you are, your girl gave me dome in the following places: Yonge and Eglington Silvercity Cinemas, Yonge and Sheppard Famous Players Cinemas, the family washroom at Yorkdale Mall, the family washroom at Fairview Mall, various hotels around Toronto and  5 years ago when she was in highschool she blew me in the Parking lot for her 18th birthday.

So Deloris loves her boyfriend, her words not mine, but lately he's been verbally abusive. I would be too if my girlfriend was blowing dudes in mall washrooms and shit. But anyways tonight they had a big fight and dude threatened to kill himself haha. That's what the internet is making people do, they eat the box fully clothed then go home. They wake up in the morning, eat their cocoa-puffs, then they go on facebook, see their status has been changed "It's Complicated" and they start threatening suicide. Nigga her vagina ain't even that good, she gets too wet, it's like trying to drive in a tsunami. However Deloris "loves" him despite the fact that she has no problem coming over, she buys me video games lmao, and she makes these ground beef wraps that taste like heaven.

So today she's telling me about this homo. About how 5 months ago when she really needed him he was there for her and she loves him and one day she thinks he could be the one. HaHa women are fucked. However then she goes on about him being verbally abusive. So I say listen you're a grown ass women, it's probably only going to get worse. She then says "but I love him." I'm tempted to say "if you loved him you wouldn't be blowing me on a bi-weekly basis." However I still want the box so I say some dumb shit like "if you love yourself then you'll leave." Then she says "but no, he'll kill himself if I leave." Child please, 23 years old and your saying dumb shit like that, if a dude kills himself over the box (like Chris Henry did) then I hate to say shit about the bed but they weren't worth it in the first place.

Recapping the night: Missed free throws are great (reverse psychology.) Down 1400. 

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Monday, February 21, 2011

The Reasons Why Your Daughter Will Probably Be A Heaux

I'm trying to come up with a reasonable explanation as to why I was listening to "Spice Girls-Wannabe." A lot of shit I do needs no explanation, we could chalk it up to me being fucked up but there was a logical explanation behind this one, I just can't remember it. Anyway so over the past weekend I was listening to this faggot ass song and it made me come to the realization that this song is the reason why everyone in my demographic is a fucking heaux. If you are between the ages of 18-26, you could blame it on this song. People's children was listening to this song back in the day, doing all sorts of choreographed dances and shit because it's catchy. School recitals and shit playing this song. This was probably the type of music they played at black peoples churches because black people need friends in this world for rides and free drinks

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends." Niggas this heaux giving an open invitation for a 3-some. You're 10 years old, repeating this shit over and over and that's how you become a heaux. "Make it last forever." See what I mean, your daughter goes to school, she hears this shit, then 10 years later she's begging some creepy dude to "make it last forever" while he plows her in the pack of a 93 Sunbird and sends her crack. "You Have Got To Give. Taking Is too Easy But That's the Way It is" Fucking hell. She basically saying if you a chick, you gotta take it in your ass. You also got to give head. This shit was repeated over and over by little innocent girls back in the day and now they suck dick for bus tickets and walk home as a result of this song. But these motherfucking SpiceGirls don't stop there. "We got Em in the Place Who likes it In your Face. Easy V who doesn't come for Free, she's a real lady." Yo these motherfucking SpiceGirls telling your kids about the art of the negotiation. She doesn't come for free cause she's a real lady, but if the price is right you could get whatever you want. Em, whoever the fuck Em is, is the squirter in the group because she likes it in your face. This shit is like the National Anthem For Heaux. 

Screen your kids music. The genetically modified foods means that heaux are starting at a younger age. Back in the day girls started sucking dick in grade 7, now they probably doing this shit in grade 5. Back in the day you actually had to work to be famous. Now the heaux get paid for doing fuck all. Paris Hilton, Tila Tequila, The Kardashians, Joan Rivers, The Hassleback chick from The View fuck even as much as it pains to say, Betty White. They all are heaux, relevant in 2011 but they shouldn't be. Back in the day when I was 6 and 7 years old, before I started jacking off I was watching Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne Somers on Three's Company thinking damn they sexy, and they actually had talent. These days you don't need talent, Betty White probably sucked someone off with an old lady fetish and got into that commercial. 90 something years old, she should be in a nursing home, but she's on tv like every fucking second. Joan Rivers should be in a zoo but yet she's still relevant. It's like Heaux-R-Us out here and it starts with the music your kids listen to. Screen that shit, it buys time before she discovers the wonders of the cock. 

My Kids will be listening to this shit from birth: Old White People Shit

Recapping the Night: 
$2000 East/West over 266.5 -110= Return of $3818.18 (W)
$800 East -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $2800
Total Returned: $3818.18
Total Profit: $1018.18
Total Profit: $12429.19

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

So That's Why They Call It Bracket Buster. Blog Returns Monday.

Nothing worse than losing $2500 and spending 4 hours of fucking research only to lose money. I should be mad but I ain't, bad day from the first game to the finish. I apologize to anyone who lost money off my picks today, fucking terrible. But here's a present:

Betting Cricket:
February 21st: Australia -1600
February 22nd: England -2000
February 24th: South Africa -275
February 23rd: Pakistan -1200

4 team parlay: -156 (it's a lot of juice but don't fuck around with anything else, lay what you can)

Parlay it, bet365 will let you go as high as you want. I beat the fuck out of cricket thus far and I can afford to fuck around in other sports. If it doesn't come I have a shitload of more presents. Don't believe me? Just ask Nick. Hit it hard though, it's the best spot on the book.

$300 St. Johns/Pitt over 134 -110 (L)
$300 Kansas/Colorado -155.5 -110 (L)
$300 Missouri -4.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 SMU -1 -110 (L)
$300 Auburn +11 -110 (L)
$300 Citadel -2 (L)
$300 Marshall -3 -110 (L)
$400 Hofstra +5.5 -110 (L)
$400 Montana/Long Beach St. over 135 -110 (L)

Plays of the Day:
1) $600 Notre Dame/ West Virginia over 129.5 -110= Return of $1145.45 (W)
2) $600 Texas -6.5 -110 (L)
3) $600 Mississippi -110 (L)
4) $600 Washington St. -1.5 -110 (L)
5) $600 Michigan -1 -110= Return of $1145.45 (W)
6) $600 Hawaii +2.5 -110= Return of $1145.45 (W)

Total Wagered: $6500
Total Returned: $4009.08
Total Loss: $2490.92
Total Earned to Date: $10611.01

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Strip Club Etiquette Part 2

Let's get right back into it. 

Punk Rocker White Girls:

Top Songs: Marilyn Manson- Tainted Love, The Doors- 5 to 1, Top Song: Nirvana- Smells Like Teen Spirit. 

If you're a real shady dude then head straight for the goth/punk white stripper, you won't regret it. They are underrated dancers, they get the least amount of money in the club, and they don't care for money. They want drugs. They live life high, never sober and are stripping to basically buy drugs and pay rent. They aren't even addicts. They just say fuck life, they love the Roddy White or pills. On slow days they ask around so it's very easy if you're a dirtbag lmao. They don't want your approval, they don't want compliments, they want drugs and maybe some honey nut cheerios. I'm dead serious, they don't eat well balanced meals, buy them a box of Captain Crunch and you're smiling. 

European White Girls:

Top Songs: Anything generic. 

The most obvious girls in the strip club are these ones. They come from Poland and Russia and Hungary and they can't fucking speak english and they are insecure but they're a huge tease. They have set prices and they won't bend unless they're really bored. Avoid these types if you can, sometimes if you even attempt to try something they'll have their "people" deal with you. They can't dance, they don't complete the dance til the end of the song, some of them got a bad  odor, some of them don't shave, their hair is never real, they couldn't tell you the capital of Canada, they often don't brush their teeth but they wear the sexiest shit in the club, best accessories and a lot of make-up and thus they bring in the most dollars. If you think I'm kidding then wait until the lights come on....

Miscellaneous Girls:

Natives- If they have a dream catcher tat. or some Eagle or some shit then chances are they're Native American. I've only come in contact with one of these girls and she seemed fucking needy, almost like she was stripping for the sole purpose to make herself seem desirable. The insecure girls make the best strippers so if you find one, you're in luck. 

Indian- Every now and then the strip club might have an Indian or two. They can't dance but they aren't built to be strippers and with that comes some great humanistic qualities. Be careful though, the chicks from India are rebelling against their dad or brother or some shit and they don't care about money so unless you spit some outrageous price, you aren't getting shit. Pretty generic dances though. However, you'll come across a chick once in a blue moon who is Indian but from the UK or Belgium or South Africa. Those like a challenge, keep challenging her, act bored, act disinterested, then spit a price but when you do, make sure you don't over-commit. Acting disinterested is the key, the better you do it, the more likely she'll be to accept your first offer. 

Bartenders/Waitress- Make so mistake, in this Vagina flea market everyone has a price. These come at a higher price but you're paying for quality here. You have to be a semi-high roller to hang with these ones and if she likes you she'll construct a fake relationship with you so that you could buy her shiny things. However, there's a lot of suckers in this world, the later you arrive and the better you tip, the more they'll be willing to do you. At the end of their shift they are beat and tired and are starving for cock, the key is to act like you aren't a creep. "My friends brought me here and I hate it!" usually works. They hate their jobs, they hate their lives, but once again they make excellent money and they're not exactly college material. They get horny once the club is about to close, work your magic then. 

$300 Rookies +6.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
Play of the Day:
$600 UCONN +4 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $900
Total Returned: $572.73
Total Loss: $327.27
Total Earned to Date: $13101.93

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Friday, February 18, 2011

A Motherfucking Tree

I'll talk about Strip Club etiquette tomorrow I need to speak on something today. So I decide to hit the tread today and the thing kicked the shit out of me. So I'm laying on the couch, semi-dead, eating a Burger King Spicy Chicken sandwich because that shit is $2.25 on Thursdays. For whatever reason the channel is on CNN and then I saw some shit I still can't believe is real. Now white people I cut y'all a lot of slack. Some of you folks eat your own cum. I said alright. Some of you folks kiss your girl in the mouth after head. I said alright. Some folks think it's okay for your 61 year old mother to have the birth of your child. I said alright. Some of y'all wanted Mike Vick executed for killing a few Poodles. I said alright. But this is the final straw: 

As I'm watching CNN today they are talking about some dude who poisoned a few 130 year old trees at the University of Auburn. Of course CNN, on a slow day has nothing to talk about so they say "we are now live at the University of Auburn press conference for an update on the trees." I'm thinking this can't be real right now. So of course they go to the press conference and there is a University of Auburn Professor taking questions. So one chick asks "as of today we're being told the trees have a 1-2% chance at survival is that accurate?" The dude answering the question, his name is Stephen Enloe, says "I will never give up hope." Then this white dude starts to fucking cry. He's crying to the point where he can no longer take any more questions and they shut down the press conference. Check from the 5 minute mark of this video: Grown Ass Man Crying For A Tree.

Then the reporters on CNN are sympathizing with him. What the fuck. My nigga you are a motherfucking Professor. You went to school for like 10 extra years than what was required. Go to your motherfucking class, find the hottest girl and tell her if she wants an A she has to suck you off and make you Hamburger Helper. Instead your on motherfucking National Tv crying about a motherfucking tree. I can't even conceptualize it. A tree doesn't give head, a tree doesn't make people any money, a tree is a big ass brown thing, with a big ass green thing at the top. Yet this nigga is crying his ass off saying shit like "I'll never give up hope."  2011 and people out here crying real fucking tears over wood (no homo). This shit makes me want to go outside and poison trees for the fuck of it just to make grown men cry over nothing. Like dude you got all your limbs, you got a job, you're making good money, why the fuck are you distraught over a fucking tree. White people, the Europeans didn't beat the fuck out of the Natives and the Mexicans so y'all could cry over trees, get your shit together. 

Recapping the Night: 
Play of the Day:
$600 Mavs -1 -110= Return of $1145.45 (W)
$300 Mavs/Spurs over 206 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$400 Washington/Arizona St. over 145 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $1300
Total Returned: $1718.18
Total Profit: $418.18
Total Earned to Date: $13439.20

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Strip Club Etiquette Part 1

As degenerates lets face it, most of y'all don't get laid. This question always pops up in my inbox now and then: "hey how much do you pay for sex?" Alright let's clear things up a little, when you have a blog like this and a brain that works like mine, I could be a fucking heroin addict and I still wouldn't have to pay for it. Do y'all know where Ã…rdalstangen, Norway is? Me neither but there's a chick that loves me out there. Every single month she sends me a packaged box thingy filled with this Norwegian food called "Krumkake." I don't even know if it's spoiled by the time I get it but I eat that shit and it's fucking great. She also sends me pictures of herself (told you I'd give you a blog mention), that's the life I live, but this life ain't for everybody. So I'll help y'all get laid and of course I'm going to lose some long term vagina in my life but oh well, the things I do for y'all, lets go. For the record I don't condone this shit lmao I ain't 15 anymore but if you're going to do it then you may as well do it right. Plus strippers have to pay bills too.

 For starters the best place to pay for sex is the strip club. There's a bed(s) in every strip club and for the right price you could have whatever you want. But here's the main idea: everything is negotiable. I'm obviously generalizing but the only girls that will fuck you for free is the white chick who has had a rough day, or the Latin birds if you get close to them. $100 and she'll toy with your dick, $300 and you'll get everything you ever wanted, $1000 and we're talking multiple partners. See you have to remember, a strip club is a flea market for vagina where you're expected to pretend it isn't. Treat them as humanly as possible and not as holes where you want to deposit your cum and you'll get what you want. They are there to fuck you, you're telling me high rolling celebs go to strip clubs so some 18 year old chick could politely press up on their dick?? Please, everyone in the club got a price and if your a degenerate and want the low-life pussy that isn't off the street then this is your best option. How do you lower prices? Song selection. It's all in motherfucking song selection. For 4-6 hours a day she's robotic, if you're able to find the human in her and not just try to get in her pants...then you'll get in her pants. Let's break this down by races/personalities. 

 The Asians

Songs: Barbie Girl- Aqua, Hollaback Girl- Gwen Stafani, Top Preference: Yummy-Gwen Stefani

If you want an Asian bird ( I don't know why anyone would want this) then you have to realize that they've had hard lives. You're either going to get an Asian that doesn't speak english at all, fresh off the boat from Taiwan. Or you'll get a chinese chick that lived in North America her entire life. Either way, her parents don't love her. How many Asians kids struggle in North America? None. If daddy loved her then an Asian chick wouldn't be stripping. She has fucked up parents who kicked her out when she brought home a black guy. If you got an Asian that doesn't speak english then you're fucked, give her what she's asking and get on with it. If you got an Asian that does speak english then your in luck. Request one of the songs I suggested, they love that pokemon sounding shit. Make her laugh, tell her she's beautiful, tell her how much of a long day your having but she's brightening it up. See what the Canadian-Asian chick really wants is a compliment because she lives a lonely ass life. Feed her compliments, make her smile, let her know that she really brightened your day and she'll give you whatever you want at a cheaper rate.

Black Girls. 

Top Songs: This is How We Do It- Montell Jordan, Rush Rush- Paula Abdul, Top Preference: Usher- You Make me Wanna. 

Once again, I don't know why anyone would want a black stripper but hey different strokes. When dealing with a black chick she isn't like an Asian, chances are her life wasn't hard at all. She's either a single parent because Jo'hovain left her ass or she's fucking lazy. There's no morality involved, she wants to buy her kid's diapers and keep her Iphone, or she just doesn't want to work at Best Buy because she ain't smart and Best Buy is the best job she'd get besides stripping. Prices are hard to negotiate with black chicks, she'll negotiate if she's a single parent but then you're an asshole and should pay her whatever she wants. If she's not a parent then you have to break down her price. Request the songs I suggested because it takes her out of the Robotic "Justin Timberlake" bullshit that people request. Act poor but make sure you make her know that she's desirable and she might break. Or just give her some fake jewelry, black people love materialistic shit. Give her some shit from Claire's accessories, give her some lipstick (she won't even ask where you got it) give her a stolen cell-phone and the plane will be ready to land.

Alright, shorty just woke up and she says she'll be up all night, which means I'm going to be jerking off on skype til 4am, will do part 2 tomorrow night, will recap in the morning, peace. 

Recapping the night: 

Play of the Day:
$600 LA/Cavs over 202 -110=Return of $1145.45

Profit of $545.45, total: 13021.02

Alright, shorty just woke up and she says she'll be up all night, which means I'm going to be jerking off on skype til 4am, will do part 2 tomorrow night, will recap in the morning, peace.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Fuck Science.

Before I start, prayers go out to Lara Logan.

Fuck those Egyptian Faggots, fuck the Golden State Warriors and New Orleans Hornets as well, fuck the NBA. I'm also making an album so I can win a Grammy because if Lady Gaga win with that garbage then I can win for sure so I'm leaking some of my material: 

In order to understand today's blog you'll have to skim through this: Fuck Science

I keep telling people Chicago is fucked up and no one believes me. I met someone out there who doesn't eat white foods.So she won't eat milk or rice because of its color. When I asked why, the answer I got was "Just because." See what I mean, that's what happens out in the American Midwest. So I read that article and I was thinking to myself, what the fuck happened. Whose kid is that? Did the grandparents fuck each other then have a kid and give it to their daughter? Did a mother-in-law fuck her son-in-law and they had a kid together and the daughter is saying it's hers? I'm ignorant as shit and I really don't know how I graduated highschool or how I'm in college so it took me like 45 minutes to realize what happened. 

There's a couple who can't have any kids. So the dude jacks off in a container, then some doctor inserts some special tube into his wife's vagina to get the egg. He takes the container and puts the sperm with the egg. Now he inserts this shit, into the girl's 61 year old mother. Now she's pregnant and 9 months later she has a kid. Now out comes a kid, out of her 61 year old box and she gives the kid to her daughter and son-in-law who are the biological parents. What in the flying fuck. Where do I begin? What the fuck is wrong with white people? So you can't have a kid, go to fuckin Cambodia like everyone else and get one of those chinese/black looking kids. The fuck? A kid just popped out of a 61 year old lady and everyone is acting all happy and shit calling it a miracle, that shit is nasty.

Also science has to be blamed for this shit. You know what's going to happen next right? Some heaux who needs to pay her light bill is going to offer to get pregnant for people. So instead of a 61 year old lady, people who want kids will be paying these heaux 5 grand and in 9 months out pops a kid. Cause apparently all you need to do is jack off in a container and have a doctor grab your girl's eggs. That's the world we live in. 61 year old ladies giving birth to their grandchildren and the world calls it a miracle. That shit is disgusting. Imagine what it looked like with a head popping out of that 61 year old box. Yet her daughter is all crying and shit, all happy cause she gets a kid. I hope someone tells the kid where they came from, could you imagine coming from your grandma's vagina, like what the fuck Chicago? 

Recapping the night: I can't pick an NBA or NCAAB game to save my life, I'm scaling it down, makes no sense. 53-58 at half and I can't hit a 201, fucking hell.  Lost 3 grand. $12475.57

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

No Country For Single Folk

Fuck what a day, for starters I take back what I said. The $180/hr for one hour from a nasty chick with a STD off craigslist is so much better. Also, Valentines Day was invented by the Chinks so fuck them, can't believe I ever gave those fuckers props. 

I wake up and the first thing I do after I brush my teeth is head for the Mexican Chips (tostitos), fuck a salad. I get upstairs and the first thing my mom says to me is " Listen, I swear in Jesus' name, If you don't clean your toilet you'll be forced to leave." "Be forced to leave," nigga you ain't no fucking Condoleezza Rice, get the fuck out of here with that proper ass grammar. I told her, you're swearing in Jesus' name for this dumb shit, he's going to leave you broke and lifeless. That shit really fucked up my morning and of course I ain't no bitch so I fought back, just jab after jab and my pops looks at me and is like "man she fought with her sister this morning over some dumb shit then she fought with me, just leave her alone she's insane." Right in front of her as well, gotta give my Pops props for that one, so I walk downstairs and they head off to work.

I sent an e-card to someone to be delivered on Valentines Day but of course I don't got the attention span to read all that animated shit. So after I send it I click a few others and they were all marriage proposals. I'm thinking fuck I might have just accidentally proposed to someone. I check my inbox and the first thing I see is an email from her with the subject "Stupid Question" and I'm thinking fuck here we go. Thankfully it wasn't a marriage proposal and homegirl really came through today. So it's 1/1 someone actually gives a fuck about me. That's when things went south. The first thing I do is holla at my long distance girls first. So me and chick are talking and I know she's a bit bitter because she just lost her boyfriend but fuck we end up in a fight over Michael Jackson. I'm telling on myself here but chick was born in 1993 (legal in all states and provinces!!), the same fucking year Michael paid that family 22 million to shut up because he fucked around with their kid. She's trying to tell me, he paid them 22 million because he was innocent and wanted to continue his music. $22 fucking million in 1993, you know how much fuckin money that is, Bill Gates wouldn't even fucking pay that sort of loot to shut a family up and he is the richest man in the world. Then she uses morality on me, when a chick says "all kidding aside" it means you ain't getting any. So I'm 1/2, still not bad. 

I holla at my model girl, it just gets worse. No matter what a chick says, when she starts out a sentence with "first of all," you're basically fucked. See model chick does things differently, when she disapproves of something, she won't say a word. She'll just blankstare or be there in silence. Now I know she reads the blog and I know she seen the clip of me on Sportsrage/Ustream in Vegas and she never brings it up, hence there's a minor problem. But her friend has been telling me, her and I will always be incompatible and she likes her dudes in Pink and Purple and shit with their shirts tucked in. See there would be no substance to this shit but the other day me and model chick had it out over the issue of Polo Shirts. This girl wouldn't do anything wrong, which is why we're incompatible. Also she got like 4 other dudes, which is fine cause I got my other shit but I'm thinking ya I don't stand a chance, she came to the realization that I was black today. She knew it before but it really sank in. Her last words to me were "you're the only one I want to straddle." Ya I didn't even bother lol, I'm Charlie Sheen and she's like the White Chick on Touched by An Angel who happens to have have 4 other dudes, it just wouldn't work. 1/3 for those keeping score at home. 

Now it's time to hit the girls close to home, I holla at one on messenger with a "what up." Her response " listen, who the fuck are you to say you can pay $50 and get all these things, fuck you, fuck men, fuck your chauvinistic ways." Yea I didn't even respond, I didn't even want anything from the chick either. 1/4. Now here is where I can't go wrong. I got this chick who I've known for years, we didn't work out as a couple and if she wasn't busy I'd holla at her earlier. Her and I just connect so well, she always comes through, gives great head, will buy me the odd video game and I buy her the MAC store everytime I have loot. It pays to have someone like this in your life. I hit her up "so can you come over?" Her response: "sorry my dad found out about some stuff and I can't leave the house for a long time, he'll be monitoring me forever." Yup, the chick with like a 98% success rate failed. 1/5 and the night even over. 

I get a text message from someone, I won't even say the name but this was the type of day single people were having on Valentines Day: Anonymous: " Man I just helped a girl pick out alcohol, so she could have sex with her boyfriend.." My other friend hits me up and I don't know why he decided to do this on Valentines Day when I'm beaten down and it's dryer than Arizona, but he tells me I have to see this. He shows me a recent picture of a girl I used to fool around with 3 years ago. Man, you could just see the cocaine and meth and shit in her face, all I could think about is how nasty. We did a before and after side by side screen shot thing, fuck she has aged like 18 years in 3. It was disgusting. This is what I'm dealing with on Valentines Day, pictures of a jumpoff who looks worse than Joan Rivers.

Sometimes you just got to accept the hand your dealt. It's Valentines Day, I got my one person who gives a fuck bout me. My Ohio chick: gone. My model chick: gone. The Chick I said hi too: gone. The chick with the 98% success rate: gone. My jumpoff from 3 years ago: near death. It's just going to be me and Lefty tonight. Hear how fucked things are in my life. So there's this show that has been airing recently called "Bliss" and I used to jack off to this thing in Grade 8. It was soft-core shit on at 9pm back in the day so I google it and on comes one of my favourite scenes with a chick named "Gina Wilkinson." Man I had such a good wank. So now I'm thinking shit I wonder if Gina got any good shit out recently that I could use for future use. So I google "Gina Wilkinson"'s what I get: Gina Wilkinson Dead At Age 50 Due to Cervical Cancer on December 30th 2010. I jacked off to a woman who died a few months ago. Fuck my life, to top it all off, I'm down about $1500 on the day and if Hawaii take care of things, I'll still be down like a grand, Happy Valentines Day.

$300 Lakers -4.5 -110 (L)
$300 Lakers/Bobcats over 185 -110 (W)
$500 Trailblazers/Twolves over 202.5 -110 (L)

$300 Hawaii -3 -110 (L)
$400 Kansas -5 -110 (L)

Play of the Day:
$600 Syracuse/West Virginia over 133 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $2400
Total Returned: $572.73
Total Loss: $1827.27
Total Earned to Date: $17302.84

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Cupid is Getting the Good Box

We gotta get in the mood for this one, play this today if you can at some point, during this blog: click here.Valentines Day is like wanking for most people, they'll deny it, they'll slander it, they'll hate it but when you have a good wank, nothing in the world could take the moment away. That's what Valentine's Day is, everybody who is single is all mad because they don't have one and they start saying shit like "Valentines Day was invented by some Chinese Card Company" or "My love can't be bought," Child please, there's nothing better than waking up in the morning and getting something from somebody who means it. Valentines Day is another word for " I give a fuck about you day" and thus the people who get nothing are just suicidal pricks. Therefore, I'm changing my attitude, I fuck with Valentines Day. There's nothing in the world worse than not having a Valentine cause that means no one gives a fuck about you and your life ain't worth it. Grab somebody no matter how ugly she is, hell even your Grandma and tell her you love her, it could be your little secret. There is a problem though. 

90% of all people cheat at one point or another. What that means is you could very well be pouring your heart out and then some Bruno Mars-like asshole is fucking your bird. I think people stop cheating once they find "the one." so if you ain't the one, there's a big chance that some big black dude is getting it in with your girl. So you got to make her believe your the one and Tiffanys can't help with that. All you have to do is be real with her, tell her what she means to you and if you do then she'll give you head. Drop a little materialistic item so she could tell her friends you bought her something but deep down she doesn't care about it as much as what you write in the card. Deep down you just want your dick sucked so what does it matter? This is what Valentines Day is all about, you, taking the time to make her feel special and her, reciprocating that love by swallowing your kids. If she don't at least give you head and you think you've done enough then clearly, that chick ain't worth it. Don't even wait til the 15th, if she ain't sucking you off by 10pm on February 14th then break up with her at that point, you'll have made the right decision. 

So what you had to go to Hallmark and buy an overpriced pedophile looking bear for 15.99 and a card for 3 bucks. Add the dinner and if you're like me then she ain't ordering anything over 12.99. One time I offered to pay for the full meal and chick started ordering $13 dollar Martinis, I got mad as shit so be careful, make sure she got her purse with her just in case. So all in all, if you ain't a sucka you're paying $50 for everything. You write how you feel about her and in return you'll get that head, sex, and she'll probably cook you breakfast in the morning. You see what I'm saying for $50 you're getting the works, girls out there on Craigslist charging $180/hour like their pussy is made of Platinum. Who cares if the Chinks invented Valentines Day, for $50 you're getting much more than you would off a craigslist heaux, shit I wish Valentines Day was bi-weekly. Salute to the Chinks for finally getting something right, Happy Somebody Gives A Fuck About You Day. 

Recapping the Night: 
$300 St Johns +5.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 Illinois -2.5 -110 (L)
$300 Duquesne/Xavier over 146.5 -110 (L)
$500 Minnesota -110= Return of $954.55 (W)
$300 St. Joes -3 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$300 Celtics +2.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$400 Magic -1 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$300 Trailblazers -1.5 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$500 Nuggets +3 -110 (L)
$500 Cavs/Wizards over 207.5 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$400 Suns/Kings over 206 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$400 Thunder +2 -110 (L)
Play of the Day:
$600 Clippers -2 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $5100
Total Returned: $5536.39
Total Profit: $436.39
Total Earned to Date: $17302.84

Contact Info:
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.