If You're Going To Do Something Illegal, At Least Do it Right

Oh Africa, can you do anything right? These Nigerian scam emails they send to people have been going on for years but until this past week I've never actually seen one. I finally received one in my junk email folder and I was completely shocked that people in this world are actually that fucking stupid to fall for this dumb shit. This random bitch named Jane Gargan pm'd me tellig me she saw my profile and was interested in me. I'm thinkin, I know this is a fucking scam but at least send me a picture of yourself. I thought Jane Gargan was a white name so I was actually delighted when I saw that she/he responded to me email with a picture. This bitch said she's from fucking Sudan and then gave me some ugly ass picture.

Bitch, I wanted a white girl not some ugly Sudanese girl. Anyway in the following email this Jane girl who looks like a dark fat version of Helen Hunt told me her father was assassinated and she doesn't feel safe in her country. She wanted to wire me $7.2 million USD and once everything was clear we'd go 60/40 on the transaction. Who in the fuck wants to believe that? Some random bootleg Helen Hunt Sudanese girl's father left her $7.2 million usd and she isn't safe in her hut and wants to split the money up with me. You can add up the combined savings of every single citizen of Sudan and that money wouldn't even equal to 1/4th of $7 million yet I'm supposed to believe this ugly bitch who probably shares a hut with 30 people who all have aids.

C'mon man that isn't the way to do things. First of all you need a realistic attractive white girl. Then you need a realistic figure not $7.2 million USD but instead a couple hundred thousand and a bag of Fritos. The email should have said, "Hey I'm a sexy spanish chick from Mallorca, Spain and my dad is upset with me because he found out I'm not a virgin. I'm worried that he'll transfer all my savings and he'll send me to public school. People accept this $100,000 and if all goes well you get 15% and a few naked pics, I'll even see you and let you cum on my face." I'd be all over that deal quicker than Franck Ribery when he sees an underage Moroccan prostitute. No one wants some broken down, aids filled Sudanese girl with $7.2 million in monopoly money, Africa get serious.

Recapping the Night: Lost all the figures but we lost $151.43 last night. We'll bounce back. More picks coming soon.

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. Incase you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.