You know for the last 2 decades I've been on this earth I have always thought you were lame. You gave me hockey ( something I really don't care for), Celine Dion (someone who is missing the full package) and Corey Haim (look at what happened to him) You let the Tamils run on the highway to protest in an effort to save a globally recognized terror organization, the Tamil Tigers. You rape me every single time I go and pay for a pint yet I know those just 90km south are paying 50% less than I pay when it comes to booze. You fought your fucking ass off and gave your own children for the benefit of another fucking continent, twice, (Europe) and you still let those faggots in speedos walk all over you.
However, today I'm here to take back all of these things. I'm here to accept Brent Butt. As lame as that fucker is, I'll always cherish him (no homo) I'm here to tell you today Mrs. Canada that I love Elisha Cuthbert and 10 minutes with her, she'll never be able to stand up straight again. From the hicks in Newfounland to the stoners in Vancouver I love each and every one of your children. Even the cunts over in Quebec that are always wanting to seperate. They don't love you like I do. You may be a cold ass country with nothing to look forward to but hockey and Tim Hortons but it's okay. The only reason the rest of the world likes you is because you have all those glaciers so when Global warming starts fucking people over they can come to you and beg for water. Everyone laughed at you but I'm here today to defend you.
When that motherfucking tax-man told me you were giving me 11 cheques because of GST,HST and another refund I probably didn't deserve, how could I have been mad at you? You're the only country that would allow me to sit on my ass all day and gamble and wank and pay me for it. When I feel like going to school, I go and even then you make others pay 65% of that too. How could I complain. Tomorrow I'll wake up at 10:41 am, take a piss, brush my teeth and turn on the tv to TBS for the Cosby Show and you'll have Revenue Canada send me a cheque in 5 business days because of your unconditional love. I had to sit back and think when the accountant broke the news that I was going to get back so much money. I thought about the fact that I haven't worked an honest hour in the last year. Most of the shit I buy is bought in the States and most of my day is spent doing unproductive shit over the internet. Why the heck was I getting money? Then I realized, why the fuck does it matter how I got the money. Canada, I've done nothing to earn it but just keep in mind, I love you and take back all the hurtful things I've ever said about you. I'll root the hell out of that hockey team in 2014, EH-OH-CANADA-GO.
Recapping the Night: Yikes it boiled down to the Suns game and I was on the wrong end of things. Since when does Steve Nash miss freethrows. I also don't care whose playing but if I see a 244 O/U in a 48 minute basketball game, I'm taking the under every single time. We lost $80.41 on the night giving us an overall total of $1497.78.
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. Incase you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.
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