I'm Telling On Myself

Today I hooked up with a chick well above the threshold of chicks i should be banging. You know the few where you think to yourself, no way a dude like me should be plowing a chick like this, she's too good. Then you realize the effects of alcohol. Being a bartender it's fairly easy to pick up chicks if you have a little game, look just the slighest attractive and give them exactly what they asked for when they're ordering drinks. The only way to make sure you've sealed the deal is something we called the "Wait for You" stage. Almost all events and venues that serve liquor I have a partner. We each have the exact same drinks, he takes one side of the bar, I take the other and we do our job. The " Wait For You" stage is when your side of the bar is busy cause 5-10 people all want to do shots together and the next side is empty. Yet the chick at the back of the line is waiting for you because she "likes the way you pour her drinks." I've been a bartender for a few years now and every event there are always multiple chicks that would wait for you to serve them.

Today I had this chick waiting for me to serve her. The whole night I'm contemplating if I should hit it or not. I notice the ring on her finger ( she has a fiancee golfing in Scottsdale) and at the end of the night when she tells me she lives just across the street, I knew where I was going. Only one problem, at that stage of the night she was looking like the girl in today's display picture. She was ordering vodkas with cranberry and a splash of orange juice on top all night and I guess after a while the drinks added up. I didn't purposely pour her drinks heavy or anything like that she just got real tipsy. Needless to say, I still tapped it.

That's my confession. I tapped a drunk girl I probably wouldn't have hooked up with if she was sober. Government, I'm warning you now, y'all need to get on this and make laws preventing this from happening. If it's illegal to sleep with a drunk girl despite her giving consent then have no fear this blog will be deleted. I'm too pretty to go to jail. Tomorrow she'll wake up, try to get out of bed and realize every step she takes is followed with a high intensity of pain. When her man comes home he'll be wondering why is it so wide. Was it my fault the chick got so drunk she needed me to help her stand? Fuck no, hoes you need to realize the dangers of alcohols. I'm begging the LCBO to put warning labels on their bottles. Warning: May come with 9 inches and excruciating pain the 12 hours after consumption.

Recapping the Night: Sorry about the Mir pick, just was wrong with my inside info, we'll get her back:

NCAA:

$200 Kentucky -4 (L)
$200 Butler +4 (W)
Soccer:
$50 Dallas/Houston tie +220 (W)
$50 Chicago/New York tie +220 (L)
$50 KC/DC tie +225 (L)
$50 San Jose/Real Salt lake tie +220 (L)
$50 LA/New England tie +220 (L)
UFC:
$300 Frank Mir -150= Possible return of $500 (L)

Total Wagered: $950
Total returned: $548.82
Total loss: 408.18
Total Gained to Date: $1229.57

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. Incase you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.