I'm Done With All You Regular Girls

I got into a mini-scrap today with a chick. She wants to fuck but the problem is, half of Ontario has been in an out of her. She has probable screwed the entire school district for her region. (Just Kidding) So I jokingly tell her the only way I'll stick my dick in her mouth is if she uses mouth wash first and the only way I'm hitting it is if she disinfects that vagina with baby-wipes. She's going on and on about how she promises that despite once taking part in a gang-bang, there's no residue left over. However I'm smarter than that, I ain't buying it. Then I start to think to myself, I figure they're creams and shit a girl could put on her vagina to make her box look presentable after half of the NFL has been inside, so I was looking for a picture to jokingly show the girl I was talking to. 

Then I seen the strangest shit I've ever seen. An advertisement popped up for "vaginal tightening." The fuck? So I continue researching and there's something called vaginal rejuvenation. Basically, you can go fuck the offensive line, fuck the QB, the wide-receivers, the running-backs, then move on to the punter, place kicker, and practice roster. After all that you go, lay down some cash, a doctor can suddenly rejuvenate your vagina and you're good to marry the love of your life with the standard line: "I've only had one person before you" and the dude would believe it because the vagina is tight. See what I mean? Before technology, a heaux could never be a housewife because the dude hitting it would know that the entire state of Virginia was in there before he was. Now she doesn't even have to worry. I wonder how the fuck they make the vagina tight again. How the fuck is any of this possible? A clamp?

Now that I can't trust any of you girls, I have a simple solution. I have to marry a virgin. In the back of my mind, any girl I hook up with that isn't a virgin, I'm going to wonder if they had their box tightened. Which means I can't marry none of you regular girls because you risk the chance of being ran through and I don't want the future mother of my child as the girl who fucked for answers to gym exams. Where do I find a virgin that's in her 20s? Simple, the Amish people. Yes they probably have a bush but that ain't nothing a little man by the name of John Deere could fix. No artificial box because it'd be tight, they probably wouldn't cheat especially when they discover electricity, and they look like they could make decent ass peanut butter and jam sandwiches. Plus they're white and are probably tired of being so reformed, they are probably freaks in the bed. Problem solved, don't need anyone in this world but the Amish people, all you regular girls who may or may not have an artificial vagina, thank you but your services are no longer needed. 

will recap in morning.