The Most Fucked Up Day Ever

Friday night was a blur, I really don't remember shit. I remember just hanging with some Sri Lankans and a Vietnamese dude and a guy who is white but wants to be Sri Lankan, I get home at like 3am and pass out. Then Saturday happened. 

I had a conference call scheduled for 7am which was perfect cause I'd be up in time for the Manchester Derby. Speaking of which, if you're in the UK support my shit, I got an article in F.U.B. magazine or some shit, it's 3 pounds and I hear shit is selling fast. I'll post a link once I get my copy and see what the fuck I wrote in it. Back to the story so I'm supposed to be up at 7am for business, I get up, still wasted at 1pm. I look in the mirror for about 10 minutes and say to myself "fuck sakes I'm going to have to start paying for the box soon enough." My mom's yelling at me and shit for being drunk but see I know my mom has been taking Mickeys from my stash for her bullshit Caribbean parties. So She's going on and on and then I say "ya well that's cool but what about you sneaking in my alcohol to your parties." She shut up real quick. Then things got fucked. 

I dug myself a hole in a convo I was having with someone. I accidentally said something I shouldn't and then she asked a rhetorical question and I answered. Fuck. Then I'm going through emails and one chick is pissed off and I think it's me, thankfully it wasn't lmao. All this is happening and my boy Cheeba hit's me up "There's a banana somewhere around your house." and he tells me I fell out of a car and rolled down the driveway the night before. I'm thinking fuck, I have to find this banana cause there's probably other shit there that I don't want anyone to see. I'm outside in like -10 degrees in a tee and shorts while it's snowing and I'm looking for a fucking banana. 5 minutes later, there it was, along with my drivers license. The fucking banana was like pink, I didn't even touch that shit. I get back in the house and then my boy Foreskin hits me up. The day just got more fucked up. 

See Foreskin has a friend from highschool who kinda disappeared. The guy actually went missing for a while. Years later, Foreskin, who has always been searching for this friend, found him. Today's the day foreskin went to see him. But before that, it's 3pm and I'm still wasted and Foreskin is all paranoid because this friend apparently is fucked and doesn't keep in contact with civilization and lives out deep in the hood and doesn't own a cellphone and could very well be living in a tent in the woods. Foreskin is all scared and shit thinking this guy could turn on him, I don't know what happened but Foreskin as of 2 hours ago was still alive. 

Fast forward to about 6pm. I'm starving, hadn't eaten in like 30 hours and no one is home. The car is blocked in by some other car. I don't even know whose car that is on my driveway but I've never seen it. So now I can't leave and I decide to order Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut is up to some real fucked up shit. A nigga wanted a PZone and 5 fucking wings. But Pizza Hut don't put prices next to their shit online, so you have to add it to the cart. I see potatoes and shit and before you know it my cart says $50.71. Fuck off, I cancel all that shit and called it in, the delivery guy looked  worse than I did which says something. A PZone and 5 fucking wings cost me just over $20 but I was so hungry it didn't even matter. It tasted like ass though but at least I ate something.

Here's some more fucked up shit. Years ago I was drunk in a hotel and one thing led to another and I ended up peeing on a chick. Now before you start to judge, we're from Scarb. it may be a Scarborough thing but out here we give golden showers when we can. We don't even hide it, one of my boys been peeing on the leg of his chick for like the past 4 years trying to get her to take it (haha I hope she ain't reading) it's just something we do out here when the opportunity is right. Years ago R.Kelly made his sex tape and he pee'd on her and we must have been like 8 years old thinking damn, that's how you know you made it, when you pee on a chick. So I'm talking to my Ohio chick and I know she's a freak and today, because of the hangover I'm all pissed off on some "fuck the world type shit." I flat out say "hey I'm being serious, when I see you can I give you a golden shower." No response for like 2 minutes and I'm thinking yup, there we go I fumbled it. Her response "deal." 

Now I'm in a good mood and I know a chick in Toronto who might be down for the same thing. I ask the exact same question and her response "ummm I thought about it and I think it'd be something I'm willing to try." I swear on my motherfucking life, on February 12th 2011 2 different girls told me I could piss on them, I swear you can't make this shit up and as demeaning as it sounds they are both great chicks who always been there for me, they ain't heaux. Well they are but they mean more to me just than a toilet lmao. So now I'm thinking my heart can't take it anymore, today's just been fucked. So what do I do? While you dudes were watching Chris Paul vs Derrick Rose, Hornets vs Bulls tonight, I watched a chick-flick with a chick. The worst part of it all, she told me how she'd scream his name if the main character was fucking her like he was doing in the sex scene. The bad part about all this is I actually enjoyed the movie. I need help, peace.


NBA:
$400 Spurs -3 -110 (L)
$500 Clippers/Cavs over 206.5 -110= Return of $954.55 (W)
$400 Bucks/Grizzlies over 181.5 -110 (L)

Play of the Day:
$600 Trailblazers -3 -115= Return of $1121.74 (W)

Total Wagered: $1900
Total Returned: $2076.29
Total Profit: $176.29
Total Earned to Date: $16866.45

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.