Bigger Failures than Khloe Kardsahian

I know a few Canada border guards but I don't care, y'all are fucked. See when you think about border guards you have to admit that even the nicest one is mediocre. Canadian border guards are just mediocre ass people with real ordinary ass lives, nothing too pathetic, nothing too exciting, just dull and shit. Who wants to spend 80 years on this earth being the guy with that sort of life, no failures, no success, just "there." That's the definition of a border guard, I'm just "there" and I'll be there til I die. If they were losers they'd be security guards or mall patrol, if they were winners they'd be cops. It's almost like God said fuck em and Satan said fuck em, the forgotten ones. 

 Going to Vegas I had no problem. I see her rough exterior and I just break it down. "Hey mam you look real nice." It's some big black woman with a southern accent and she has this nasty ass smile. She responds with " you got any food on you I smell something." Truthfully I had nothing on me but I smelt Fried chicken so I said "Let me guess you got fried chicken underneath your desk, can I get some?" " Her response, "nah but I wish I did, don't lose too much money baby and have a great time in Vegas." Why couldn't all big black ladies with southern accents be like that. Here I am, before what would turn into a 23 hour, sleepless, insane journey and I'm all happy and shit because of the big black lady. Such a small thing makes such a big difference, God bless America....Canada not so much. 

See my boy had warned me they were going to ask me some fucked up shit but I kind of just said fuck it I can't see them being that bold. I arrive back in Canada, it's 8pm on a Monday. To be honest I saved about $800 flying with a connection but I'm starting to think it wasn't worth it, even when I didn't miss anything I went from Vegas to Houston to Toronto and it was tiring as fuck. Only a 2 hour journey longer than the 4.5 direct flight would have been but I get to Toronto, it's cold and I start seeing  a smelly ass Sri Lankan and shit and all I can think of is "here we go." I get to customs and that's when it all fell apart. Where did you go? "Vegas." What did you do " gamble and watch the superbowl."  What do you do for a living. "Nothing, I'm a student." Who funded your trip. Alright so I had enough, I sucked it up (no homo) and showed incredible restraint but trust me, had I missed my flight in Houston and arrived in Toronto 5-12 hours later, things would have gone south. I told him my parents paid for it, which they didn't and he let me through. 

What in the flying fuck gives you the right to ask me how I paid for my motherfucking trip. I was ready to start quoting shit like the British North American act of 1867 and the Bill of Rights and shit even though I know nothing about either of them just to mindfuck him. I was fucking pissed off. You're a motherfucking border guard, ask me if I'm smuggling cocaine, ask me if I'm coming back with a supply of guns. Search my motherfucking asshole if you feel fucking suspicious but asking me how I funded my trip, what the fuck does that have to do with anything. Really, I know the right answer to the question but how does this fucking mediocre asshole want me to answer it? Should I tell the faggot "hey I sell drugs and I'm a pimp, that's how I got to Vegas." What the fuck does it matter what I do for a living and what the fuck does it matter how I paid for my trip, that has nothing to do with you letting me in my country you fucking idiot, eat your Maple Donut from Tim Hortons, search my shit and leave me the fuck alone. Canadian border guards are like Khloe Kardasians to the world, no one cares about them but they're just there because someone much bigger and better told them they had to be there. Do your job and make the world a better place by deporting those who can't speak english.

Will post picks sometime during the day, adjusted numbers and shit already, let's get it.