No Country For Single Folk

Fuck what a day, for starters I take back what I said. The $180/hr for one hour from a nasty chick with a STD off craigslist is so much better. Also, Valentines Day was invented by the Chinks so fuck them, can't believe I ever gave those fuckers props. 

I wake up and the first thing I do after I brush my teeth is head for the Mexican Chips (tostitos), fuck a salad. I get upstairs and the first thing my mom says to me is " Listen, I swear in Jesus' name, If you don't clean your toilet you'll be forced to leave." "Be forced to leave," nigga you ain't no fucking Condoleezza Rice, get the fuck out of here with that proper ass grammar. I told her, you're swearing in Jesus' name for this dumb shit, he's going to leave you broke and lifeless. That shit really fucked up my morning and of course I ain't no bitch so I fought back, just jab after jab and my pops looks at me and is like "man she fought with her sister this morning over some dumb shit then she fought with me, just leave her alone she's insane." Right in front of her as well, gotta give my Pops props for that one, so I walk downstairs and they head off to work.

I sent an e-card to someone to be delivered on Valentines Day but of course I don't got the attention span to read all that animated shit. So after I send it I click a few others and they were all marriage proposals. I'm thinking fuck I might have just accidentally proposed to someone. I check my inbox and the first thing I see is an email from her with the subject "Stupid Question" and I'm thinking fuck here we go. Thankfully it wasn't a marriage proposal and homegirl really came through today. So it's 1/1 someone actually gives a fuck about me. That's when things went south. The first thing I do is holla at my long distance girls first. So me and chick are talking and I know she's a bit bitter because she just lost her boyfriend but fuck we end up in a fight over Michael Jackson. I'm telling on myself here but chick was born in 1993 (legal in all states and provinces!!), the same fucking year Michael paid that family 22 million to shut up because he fucked around with their kid. She's trying to tell me, he paid them 22 million because he was innocent and wanted to continue his music. $22 fucking million in 1993, you know how much fuckin money that is, Bill Gates wouldn't even fucking pay that sort of loot to shut a family up and he is the richest man in the world. Then she uses morality on me, when a chick says "all kidding aside" it means you ain't getting any. So I'm 1/2, still not bad. 

I holla at my model girl, it just gets worse. No matter what a chick says, when she starts out a sentence with "first of all," you're basically fucked. See model chick does things differently, when she disapproves of something, she won't say a word. She'll just blankstare or be there in silence. Now I know she reads the blog and I know she seen the clip of me on Sportsrage/Ustream in Vegas and she never brings it up, hence there's a minor problem. But her friend has been telling me, her and I will always be incompatible and she likes her dudes in Pink and Purple and shit with their shirts tucked in. See there would be no substance to this shit but the other day me and model chick had it out over the issue of Polo Shirts. This girl wouldn't do anything wrong, which is why we're incompatible. Also she got like 4 other dudes, which is fine cause I got my other shit but I'm thinking ya I don't stand a chance, she came to the realization that I was black today. She knew it before but it really sank in. Her last words to me were "you're the only one I want to straddle." Ya I didn't even bother lol, I'm Charlie Sheen and she's like the White Chick on Touched by An Angel who happens to have have 4 other dudes, it just wouldn't work. 1/3 for those keeping score at home. 

Now it's time to hit the girls close to home, I holla at one on messenger with a "what up." Her response " listen, who the fuck are you to say you can pay $50 and get all these things, fuck you, fuck men, fuck your chauvinistic ways." Yea I didn't even respond, I didn't even want anything from the chick either. 1/4. Now here is where I can't go wrong. I got this chick who I've known for years, we didn't work out as a couple and if she wasn't busy I'd holla at her earlier. Her and I just connect so well, she always comes through, gives great head, will buy me the odd video game and I buy her the MAC store everytime I have loot. It pays to have someone like this in your life. I hit her up "so can you come over?" Her response: "sorry my dad found out about some stuff and I can't leave the house for a long time, he'll be monitoring me forever." Yup, the chick with like a 98% success rate failed. 1/5 and the night even over. 

I get a text message from someone, I won't even say the name but this was the type of day single people were having on Valentines Day: Anonymous: " Man I just helped a girl pick out alcohol, so she could have sex with her boyfriend.." My other friend hits me up and I don't know why he decided to do this on Valentines Day when I'm beaten down and it's dryer than Arizona, but he tells me I have to see this. He shows me a recent picture of a girl I used to fool around with 3 years ago. Man, you could just see the cocaine and meth and shit in her face, all I could think about is how nasty. We did a before and after side by side screen shot thing, fuck she has aged like 18 years in 3. It was disgusting. This is what I'm dealing with on Valentines Day, pictures of a jumpoff who looks worse than Joan Rivers.

Sometimes you just got to accept the hand your dealt. It's Valentines Day, I got my one person who gives a fuck bout me. My Ohio chick: gone. My model chick: gone. The Chick I said hi too: gone. The chick with the 98% success rate: gone. My jumpoff from 3 years ago: near death. It's just going to be me and Lefty tonight. Hear how fucked things are in my life. So there's this show that has been airing recently called "Bliss" and I used to jack off to this thing in Grade 8. It was soft-core shit on at 9pm back in the day so I google it and on comes one of my favourite scenes with a chick named "Gina Wilkinson." Man I had such a good wank. So now I'm thinking shit I wonder if Gina got any good shit out recently that I could use for future use. So I google "Gina Wilkinson"...here's what I get: Gina Wilkinson Dead At Age 50 Due to Cervical Cancer on December 30th 2010. I jacked off to a woman who died a few months ago. Fuck my life, to top it all off, I'm down about $1500 on the day and if Hawaii take care of things, I'll still be down like a grand, Happy Valentines Day.

NBA:
$300 Lakers -4.5 -110 (L)
$300 Lakers/Bobcats over 185 -110 (W)
$500 Trailblazers/Twolves over 202.5 -110 (L)

NCAA:
$300 Hawaii -3 -110 (L)
$400 Kansas -5 -110 (L)

Play of the Day:
$600 Syracuse/West Virginia over 133 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $2400
Total Returned: $572.73
Total Loss: $1827.27
Total Earned to Date: $17302.84

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.