As you all probably know my now, I'm fucked up and live a fucked up life. However, the more I analyze my life, I come to the conclusion that I surround myself with people who are 100x more fucked up than I am. It's a good way to give justification or a consolation "feeling" to my life. While one of my friends hasn't come out of the closet yet I'm thinking it's only a matter of time. The old me would have said, "nigga you gay" and I'd never hear from this dude again. However, I'm still trying to better myself as a person and I'm making a conscious effort this time around so I won't resort to that. Let me tell you the story as to why I think my friend is gay.
I got a friend that I call Chink Brian. He's a pretty good dude, besides the fact that he claims he's sick every other day, watches the National Basketball Development League (NBDL) religiously, and he wishes his father was dead. Other than that I'd say he's a fairly normal person, oh and he refuses to leave the house if it doesn't involve school. This dude is always fucking sick and it's always some weird shit. He got his wisdom teeth removed once and told us "I feel like I got shot in the face." He's the only guy I know who gets the common cold for 290 days a year, his latest sickness was supposedly a foot fungus, or what I thought was some sort of foot ailment.
For the past couple months Chink Brian has been complaining about his foot hurting. I don't really see the dude because as I said he doesn't really leave the house but hey it's whatever. Then I found out he didn't hurt his foot but he in fact tore his penis. Something to do with foreskin. Uh okay, just another day in my life, do whatever man. Now for the last couple of weeks he's complaining that he has to take 20 pisses a day and he thinks he's dying. He has since dropped out of school after he attempted to get in with accessibility services (become a legally handicapped student). Now as you can tell, this story really makes no sense so I've been trying to put the pieces together, I think dude's gay. For starters before I get accused of being unsympathetic, he has visited an entire team of doctors on multiple occasions and every time he visits they tell him the same thing "you're fine, nothing is wrong with you."
Dude even went so far as to visit some Chinese witch-craft motherfuckers who he pays $190 bi-weekly and they boil deer antlers with other herbs and he showers in it or some shit. So I got my Sherlock Holmes on and I'm trying to solve this mystery. You claim to be sick but after 10 different doctors have viewed you, you're fine. You claimed that you ripped your foreskin and piss 20x a day, how the fuck did you rip it is the question I want to know. You claim that you ripped it by wanking. Ah, finally an honest answer. See I masturbate at the very least 6.5 times a day (the .5 for the nightly wank which I usually fall asleep before finishing up). Finally, the information I got today was that Chink got a handjob by some doctor and after it was all said and done, the guy told him he's fine. Chink's still unconvinced. Class let's summarize:
-Chink claims he has a foot problem that started with fungus and then had something to do with bone growth.
-Chink says he never had a foot problem but he was too embarrassed to admit the real problem.
-Chink says he ripped his foreskin, probably by wanking, and pees 20x a day and can't move on with life.
-Chink visits multiple doctors, gets an ultra sound, blood tests, urine tests, Chinese magic healing and they all tell him the same thing, you're fine.
-Chink gets jerked off by someone who claims to be a doctor running some tests. After the test is done the male doctor tells him he's fine, Chink claims he doesn't know what he's talking about.
You guys be the judge.
Recapping the night:
Baseball:
$200 Rays/Rangers over 7 +100 (L)
$400 Rays -130 (L)
$200 Phillies -1.5 +105= Return of $410 (W)
$200 Rays/Rangers over 7 +100 (L)
$400 Rays -130 (L)
$200 Phillies -1.5 +105= Return of $410 (W)
College Football:
$400 under UAB/Central Florida 49 -110= Return of $400 (Push)
$400 2nd half line over 21.5 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
Play of the Day:
$600 Yankees -150= Return of $1000 (W)
$400 under UAB/Central Florida 49 -110= Return of $400 (Push)
$400 2nd half line over 21.5 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
Play of the Day:
$600 Yankees -150= Return of $1000 (W)
Total Wagered: $2200
Total Returned: $2573.64
Total Profit: $373.64
Total Earned to Date: $2657.90
Contact info: BustaBusta_2001@yahoo.com
2 comments:
God damn rays
You figure they'd come out firing considering it's a "must win" game.
I blame Joe Maddon though that was a brutally managed game.
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