The Mexican Who Can't Get Laid Part 2

Saturday night was a blur once again. It doesn't help when I'm yelling at a cab driver because some dumb bitch smashed his door and was crying and he's yelling at her and I'm yelling at him and then the cops roll up and I get the fuck out of there. If that made no sense to you then picture my face when I realized "what the fuck am I doing." However, Mexican, the Antonio Banderas looking motherfucker was with us again and this time he had created a plan in an effort to get laid. I shouldn't be laughing at him because I haven't had the good kind of vagina in a minute but I always have my safety net ready for me, she's just one Twinkie away (she only likes the Cinnamon type)

So Mexican meets up with me and this time he's confident he'll get laid. You ever watch an NBA game, there are always one or two guys who are healthy but on the in-active list. These guys sit at the end of the bench and are dressed like they own the team but get no playing time. That's exactly how Mexican was dressed. Freshly ironed shirt, new jacket, his hair jelled and clean shaven. Just like at the end of the bench, he saw no action. What's intriguing was that he came straight from work, which suggests he wore this attire to work. He's an "inventory specialist" at a school uniform company. What that means is he basically counts clothes hangers and polo-shirts for a living and he's dressed like he's Richard Branson. After a couple of hours it just wasn't happening. I was too drunk and he was either unlucky or I was cockblocking without knowing it so we decide to hit up the strip club. Surely for a few 10s he'll see some form of action. Wrong again.

We enter the club and I see the girl I knew from highschool. She recognizes me and then proceeds to tell me how shitty her day has been going. Love, you serve drinks at a fucking strip club just give me a Canadian and be thankful the dollar I gave you is enough to buy a can of tuna. $25 dollars for a 3 fucking piss-waters and I ran out of money because I was drinking earlier at Boston Fucking Pizza where pints cost you a mortgage. As the night progressed my mood just got worse and worse and there was Mexican, all excited that he was going to get some action. He devises a strategy that he thinks will get him laid, I can't wait to tell you this. He pretends that he doesn't speak english and he's a foreign student from Mexico. He thinks the stripper will be intrigued and will want to do him for free because of the Spanish accent. So I try to pull it off.... "hey my friend just got here from Mexico and doesn't speak a word of english, could you hook him up with a dance." She responds with "sure that'll be $40." See this is where Mexican's plan failed. 2 weeks ago when we went to the club we were dressed like bums and got everything we wanted for $20. Because this motherfucker thinks he's Mark Cuban and dressed like it, she tried to rip us off. She then replied with the "are you fucking kidding me" to the whole "he doesn't speak english story." Needless to say, the only action I got that night was a free stream of Debbie Does Dallas.

Recapping the night: Once again I give it all back. Fucking NFL, played too much games though.

CFL:
$200 Hamilton Ti-Cats -2 -110 (L)
NFL:
$200 Baltimore Ravens +2.5 -110= Return of $390.48 (W)
$200 Saints/Panthers over 44 -110 (L)
$300 Jets -6 -110= Return of $572.73(W)
$400 Indy -7 -105 (L)
$300 Texans -3 -125= Return of $540 (W)
$500 Eagles/Skins over 43.5 -110 (L)
$1000 Bears +3.5 (L)
$1000 Giants -7.5 +125= Return of $2250 (W)
Play of the Day:
$600 Bengals -3 +105 (L)
Total Wagered: $4700
Total Returned: $3753.91
Total Loss: $946.69
Total Earned To Date: $1237.29

Contact info: BustaBusta_2001@yahoo.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.