The Mexican Who Can't Get Laid

For one reason or another I feel as though God has put me on this earth to chill with Mexicans. I relate with those people more than one could imagine. A) I don't like to work hard. B) I like to drink. C) I don't really care what the majority thinks of me. D) I grew up in a family where my mom was the one who did all the hard work and my dad simply did "just enough." The Mexicans and I have a tonne in common so I often find myself chilling with these people asking them how it felt to run across the border or hop the big ass fence. They always give me the same response " Jo Mane It was Cool But Big Big Big Mall Mane in San Antonio, big mall " The fuck? I swear you ask any Mexican who hopped across the border in Texas and I promise you they'll end up talking about some outlet mall in San Antonio.

I got this Mexican friend who I often hang with because he's a degenerate like myself. We often go out, get smashed and not give a fuck about anything or anyone. I've introduced him to the strip clubs a while back and since then he's been addicted. There's only one problem, the guy can't get laid. It ain't that he's ugly, he looks like Antonio Banderas in his prime (no homo). He's athletic, doesn't do any drugs, and gets good grades. I could understand during a weekend bender especially with the way we conduct ourselves, he ain't getting laid but even with the most easiest of girls, he just always has to end up paying for it. Nothing wrong with his game, his looks, or anything else I think he's just unlucky and/or cursed. Over the years it's taken a toll on him. He hasn't had a girlfriend in several years and he's had a few hot chicks but they end up "fooling around" and then disappear. This was getting to him so he decided to get a job (McDonalds) and travel in an effort to get laid.

Mexican just came back from Argentina. He has a friend down there and figured he'd be getting pussy for 2 weeks straight with a Canadian passport, his own room, and a shitload of money saved up from a month at working McDonalds. You got to imagine it's fairly easy to get laid down there. If Maradona's coked up fat ass can get anything he wants then a good looking dude (no homo) should be able to get some ass. 11 days out of the 14 day trip passed and he didn't get any pussy. Same old shit, came close a couple times, felt a few tits but that was it. "Dey won me to beg mane, they won me to tell them I love them," he claimed. On the 13th day my boy was destined to get laid so he hits the club and is willing to try anything. He gets no luck and he's so drunk at this point he grabs the first thing he sees ( he has no clue how she looks like) hands her $250 American takes her back to the place he was staying and plows her. The next morning he woke up to the ugliest black chick ever. A Lisa Bonet looking motherfucker as he puts it. I didn't even know there were black people in Argentina. I'm never going to complain about my life again, traveling several thousand miles to pay for a black chick is like doing the fat girl in grade 11 who smells like Cheese Whiz.

Recapping the Night: 

$700 Barcelona -150 (Loss)

Total Earned to Date: $691.66

Contact info: BustaBusta_2001@yahoo.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.