Dropping Knowledge 101

Heads up an unorthodox, more personal response today, ignorant shit tomorrow. For the past like year and a half I have been unhappy. There is no real extrinsic reason, there's no answer, only a problem that doesn't offer much solutions.You make good money, you could travel to places you've never been before, fuck a girl who gives you amazing sex and still be unhappy no matter how much you try and fight it. Then, as solutions you could visit shrinks, get zoloft, get drunk, high, whatever but it's no cure, it's a band aid and a shitty one at that. But in all of this is a remarkable journey I'm on as I try and find solutions for these deprivations and in this entry I hope someone out there is finding the answer they're looking for.

I could probably write a book on this topic but I'll just keep it fairly short. In order to construct the ideal (there is no such thing but we all try anyway) life you need to reconstruct your own reality through deconstruction. This applied to me because for the better part of my life, I've constructed a reality where all I see is negative in people and they're the one with the problems. You could give me 100 grand today and make no mistake about it, I'd appear to be happy on the outside but on the inside I'd be thinking about how it doesn't solve my problems, I'd still need to work and still need to live in this world where I'm trapped among apes and homosexuals. This has been my attitude for the better half of my life and then you get to a point where it traps, consumes you and you feel lost, stranded and misguided. The only way to change is to break down those barriers and attempt to reconstruct reality to the way you choose but in order to do so it must be deconstructed.

I chose today's picture because I've realized that the journey is always the same. We die. Whether you believe life is filled with dreamless sleep or heaven and hell it's all up to you but the destination is already determined. We're going to be laying in a box or burned to the point of being nothing. This was important to me because it gave me a reason to change. At the end of it all, I'm going to be fucking nothing and so will you. So there really isn't any reason for me, despite being a realist, to be so damn unhappy all the time. At the end of the road there is no point in being a pissed off, arrogant, stubborn asshole and I'm afraid that's who I was becoming. There's a lot of people who have offered me amazing things throughout my life which I've neglected because like I said, all I see is the negative.  The stone-cold exterior is only a barrier I've placed because I thought I knew it all but all I had gained was pain and suffering.

Deep down, as fucked up as people appear to be, there is hope and faith in almost everyone. We live in a world where insecurities prevail over everything else while everyone attempts to meet expectations and find comfort. The comfort is rarely ever found because there is no content. You could set a personal goal for yourself, in my case you could reach those goals but it doesn't matter because the discontent outweighs the fact that I've accomplished something. In order for the pieces to fall into place it all needs to change.  It's a long, enduring procress that will probably never end until I hit the box but I created this entry because I know a lot of people suffering right now and I have hope and faith that they'll find somthing valuable in this entry because without y'all, I ain't shit.

Recapping the night: OUCH. Not because I won but because I lost faith in Boise St. and tried to grab VT at -200. As I'm about to lay the bet, the book closes and I can't lay it. I've never had so much emotion into a game because I would have been crying broke for a long ass time had Boise lost it. But hey that is life, I live another day.

MLB:
$200 Mets +114 (L)

$300 Cards +115= Return of $645 (W)
$200 Giants +100= Return of $400 (W)
$300 Dodgers +145 (L)
$200 Rangers +131 (L)
$300 Tigers -120 (L)
$300 Rays +140 (L)
CFL:
$200 Argos +165 (L)
Plays of the Day:
$600 Argos/Ti Cats under 50 -110= Return of $1145.45 (W)
$1000 Boise St. +120= Return of $2200 (W)
College Football:
$500 Boise St/Va Tech under 52.5 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $4100
Total Returned: $4390.45
Total Profit: $290.45
Total Earned to Date: $2318.95

Contact Info: BustaBusta_2001@yahoo.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. Incase you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.