Putting My Parents on Blast

Before I get into it let's start the week off with some weird shit. I like Nike Tees. I go into Footlocker and get like 5 for $40 and rock 'em all the time. I go to the pub today and some dude keeps starring at me shaking his head. When I go up to him to ask what the fuck? he said, "would you want your child being sold for cheap labor." What the fuck, I said "no I'd make sure she charges johns by the hour so she gets properly paid" Then there's this: not safe for work: Not safe for work but click anyway

Let's get into it. I wake up at 7am this morning to watch Manchester United shit the bed. I find it weird but by halftime my parents were out the door and wouldn't tell me where they were going. I assume the worst (they are going to fuck) and I continue with my game. They arrive back at 10:30am and ask me to "try something on." It's a $2 Spain soccer tee from Giant Tiger. I reply with "I'm not now or ever wearing anything with Spain on it, those dudes where speedos." Then they go on and on about how ungrateful I am and so forth. See I'm the type of guy that likes to wear shirts that are ripped and torn and shit in the comfort of my own home. It ain't like I'm trying to get laid in my own house. I wear shit that's comfortable and usually purchased in the 90s because I like that. They insist that the neighbours believe  they're poor with the way I dress when cutting the lawn and I need to dress better around the house. I suffer from high blood pressure so I took the shirt, stuffed it in the back of my drawer and get on with my day. It only got worse...

For the past 6 weeks they've been trying to get me a new bed and futon. I sleep on a twin bed that is perfectly fine and I'll admit the futon is shit. The problem is, all motherfucking futons are shit. The only reason we're looking to buy one is that it is the only thing that could fit downstairs (low ceilings and narrow doors). I also had a lot of sex on my twin bed and I don't want to change it. In the past 6 weeks we've been to: Ikea, the Brick, Leons, Sears, Walmart, and some Arab furniture stores. Everything I point out, they hate. My mom will say " oh my gosh that ugly thing" and my dad will say "yes we're looking for something like this but not quite. Something like that though" For fuck sakes you've said you want something "like this" in 6 fucking stores don't you think that whatever your looking for isn't fucking invented. Anyway as I said, high blood pressure so I just keep my mouth shut. As I stuff the $2 Spain shirt I didn't want in my drawer my mom says "oh we purchased a futon and a bed for you at the Brick, it'll be here October 9th."

Wow, so that's how we're going to play. Neither of my parents graduated high school and I'd wager they'd have trouble spelling the words "high school." I write all their emails, handle a lot of their investments, I clean, I help with the laundry, I cut the lawn, I always got an 80% average and I never did any crazy ass drugs. In 21 years I'd consider myself to be a good kid, not a role-model but I held my own. Now, they want to go behind my back and purchase something for me, without my permission because we don't share the same tastes. My mom fucking listens to Jim Reeves for fuck sakes how could we have the same taste. My dad likes Bon Jovi and constantly talks about the only book he's ever read in his life, Animal Farm. We're just not alike.

So today I've been plotting revenge. I don't care if the bed and futon is the best shit ever, I'm going to hate it and I'm going to voice my displeasure. See a white kid would be finished there but I'm taking it a step further. I thought to myself, maybe I should do meth, that would teach em a lesson. Nope. Maybe I should jerk off on their bed. Nah that's foul. Then it hit me. I'm going to knock a girl up and not give a shit about the kid. Make those mid-40 parents now become grandparents, I can't wait. Oh ya, I need a girl, so if anyone wants to help me with this plot to get revenge and have a kid in the process, hit me up. I'm aiming for females past their prime who are desperate, my parents would hate it even more. If you're interested in having my child so we could get back at my parents and want a monetary reward or Burger King 2 can dine for 7.99 coupons ( I got a tonne of them) don't hesitate to email me, please and thanks.

Recapping the night: Horrible start but great ending. Was drenched in sweat after the Jets game. Thanks for the emails once again and if you have any locks just post them here or send an email, most of you were clutch this weekend.

Soccer:
$600 Manchester United -200 (L)
NFL:
$500 Eagles -2.5 -115= Return of $934.78 (W)
$300 Cincy -3 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$400 Jets +2.5 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
Total Wagered: $1800
Total Returned: $2271.15
Total Profit: $471.15
Total Earned to Date: $875.20

Contact info: BustaBusta_2001@yahoo.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.