Why They Deserve to Be In The Kitchen

 New article for those interested: Meet the Future: Jimmer Fredette

My girl (she said that's how she wants to be referred to on the blog so you jealous heaux fight her, not me) wonders why the hell I disappear from life for 13 hours a day for the last few days. When I told her I was watching March Madness she asked if she could watch. Now I got a decision to make, do I watch the games while eating Mexican chips and drinking Kool-aid Jammers by myself bitching at all the terrible picks I'm making. Or I can invite her, she asks me a billion questions and keeps me company. Now to be fair she warned me she was going to be asking a lot of questions but I'm a smart dude, I know that this will benefit me at some point so I say sure let's watch it together. Big mistake.

See when shorty said she was going to talk a lot during the game, I figured she would be commenting on uniform colors, secretly fantasizing about the athletes, and bitching about cheerleaders. Nope I was completely wrong. The game starts off and I say "nice bucket." What's a bucket? So I spent 5 minutes explaining what it means. Then with every 3-pointer I'd say "wet." She caught on, it got annoying really quick. I then spent 20 minutes explaining what a "charity stripe" is and why athletes foul other athletes. Then it kept getting worse. She kept asking why the camera keeps showing Bruce Pearl and how the hell do I explain NCAA-sanctions and athletic directors to someone who has never watched basketball before. She was adamant too. By the second set of games she did the unthinkable. She started getting the hang of it all, even I was impressed at how quickly she was picking up on things so I figured for the second set of games things would go smoother.

Before the game tips off (I had to repeatedly explain what a tip off is) she went and got a pen and a paper and started taking notes. I'm dead ass serious she was analyzing everything, including every second off the shot clock. Then things fell apart. See she thinks she's an expert now, she starts drawing up plays in which the center and the power-forward stay at their own end when the ball is in their possession. Thus, her idea was basically to have 2 bigs guarding the basket on each side throughout the game, like a safety in football. Then you have the other 3 on offense. So basically you're playing a 3 on 3 with 2 defenders on each side. See what I'm saying, I'm fucking confused just describing that and I know you're lost as well and it makes no fucking sense but she was being adamant. Babe you know you're the best and seeing as how we had such a great time I'm going to send you a gift. I'm going to give you a free first class ticket to any one of these destinations: Trivoli Libya, Tokyo Japan, or Newark New Jersey. I love you so much that I want you to pick a place and have a great time.

Recapping the night: 6-9 was a blessing today. 

NCAA

1) Michigan +2 -110 (W)
2) Michigan/Tennessee over 127.5 -110 Play of the Day (L)
3) Notre Dame/Akron over 135.5 -110 (L)
4) Villanova -1 -110 (L)
5) Florida St +1 -110 (W)
6) Florida St/Texas A&M over 122 -110 (L)
7) Ohio St./Texas-San Anotnio over 137.5 -110 (L)
8) Kansas/Boston U over 136 -110 (L)
9) Purdue/St. Peters over 119.5 -110 (L)
10) Marquette +2.5 -110 (W)
11) UNLV -1.5 -110 (L)
12) Georgia +5.5 -110 (W)
13) Georgetown -5 -110 (L)
14) Syracuse/Indiana St. over 129 -110 (W)
15) Airforce/Santana Clara over 130.5 -110 (W)

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.