The Dump Dictates Our Lives

I'm giving y'all a warning, today's topic isn't so nice. So if you're eating or got a weak stomach, it's best to avoid this. So I talk to this chick everyday and when I need to use the bathroom (for #2) I just tell her "be right back, gotta answer the door" and I come back in 10 minutes and that is that. This past weekend she left but seeing as she's such an honest person she tells me "be right back, bathroom." So I assume she's going to take a piss, she comes back 10 minutes later. So I know what went down and I keep it to myself. Her mood had suddenly changed, all of a sudden she was bursting with energy and stuff. I thought this only happens to me but apparently not. So I bring up the topic, I know what she just did and because she knows me, she isn't even disgusted. That's when I realized that there's a correlation between the 3 kinds of dumps we take and our self-esteem. 

The Wiggle- She denies this, as do most people I know. What is the wiggle? The Wiggle is a motherfucking legend. You run to the bathroom and you do your business. You then realize that while you're done, everything isn't completely out yet. Regardless if you reach for toilet paper or baby wipes, you're screwed, it's going to be one big fucking mess. So what do you do? You wiggle it the fuck out. But apparently I'm the ONLY one that does this. Alright at least I admit it. How does this affect your self -esteem one might ask? Well after all the wiggling, the discomfort, the stress and the effort, you just feel like shit (no pun intended). After you're done with the wiggle you're thinking "fuck life, fuck bills, fuck everything" because the wiggle exerted all energy from you and you become the most negative person ever. 

The Regular- The Regular is a dump that just happens. It's a regular ass dump. You hit the can, some of y'all like to read. Others like to hum and shit. Me personally I like to reflect. I think about my childhood and shit when doing the regular. I'm not one of those dudes who sits there for 30 minutes, I do my business and get the fuck about. The regular has no impact on your personality, self-esteem, or motivation because it's that habitual type stuff. Get in, do your thing, wipe, shower if you're fucked up like me and shower after every time, and get the fuck out and back to life. The regular is routine and is the most common dump we take. 

Thy Kingdom Come- This is the heavenly dump. You sit on the can, and you do your thing. You get up feeling 10lbs lighter, the circulation is flowing so much better and all of a sudden you get a burst of self-confidence. That's the one shorty had despite her denial. This can impact the world in ways you wouldn't imagine. If Hitler had one of these before he started killing folks, the world wouldn't be all that fucked up. If Osama took one of these on September 10th, the towers might still be up. If Big Ben. had this before the Super Bowl, he would have won. There's something about this sort of dump that just changes your outlook on things. You start to think more clearly, you build relationships with people you normally wouldn't care for. You start seeing the glass as half full. You get that self-confidence in you, nothing can hold you down. It all originates with what you do in the bathroom folks, I'm telling you. 

Recapping the Night: Beware the next couple of days, I beat the fuck out of the board today, it'll try to get me back. 

Plays of the Day:
Princeton -2 -110 (W)
Villanova/South Florida over 126.5 -110 (W)

NCAA:
Rhode Island -3.5 -110 (W)
Depaul/UConn over 138 -110 (W)
St. Bonaventure -4.5 -110 (L)
Dayton -1.5 -110 (W)

NBA:
Philly/Indiana over 205.5 -110 (W)
Houston +5 -110 (W)
Lakers/Hawks over 185 -110 (W)

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.