The Non Alcoholic Weekend- Home Pussy

So before I get into it because I been getting a lot of texts about my drunk texting on Friday night. I said if y'all caught me drinking alcohol I'd do the pic with the pink bra and panties right. Well listen, if I specifically tell the bartender I want a NON-Alcoholic drink with 2 shots of vodka in it, then it ain't my fault. If you order a non-alcoholic drink and the bartender happens to slither in a few shots of gin, how could I be accused of knowingly drinking alcohol, it's nonalcoholic. And for the record, that bartender made me my own personal drink, told me she thinks it's illegal to do what she did, but she did it anyway. She made a 4-shot gin and tonic and charged me $11.75 because I chatted her up.3+ 1 free one. Oh and it was non-alcoholic because I asked for it :) 

But that ain't what I want to talk about. I want to talk about home pussy. What is home pussy? Home pussy is the pussy you go back to and it makes you feel like home. It's that one person out there who you give power over your life. For example, I went to NYC, Cali, and an ICU room, fought with her before I left for NYC, avoided her for a week cause I forgot what we fought about, came right back home and she made it all fit together. She made it all work, it's the power of home pussy. That's what I been trying to tell these dudes but they ain't seeing it.

For example, my boy don't want to go back to home pussy to have sex because he feels it will be awkward. So what does he do? He shells $130 on a hotel with someone he got wasted with. That's all fine and shit, but who was she? A motherfucking Somalian. Nigga, when I want to know how to rob a boat, I'll ask a Somalian. When I want to know how to survive on one cup of rice for 15 days, I'll ask a Somalian. This nigga gave her 5 star treatment. I told dude, I said the downtowner inn is class hold up let me throw a link up: http://www.downtownerinntoronto.com/. Check those rates, fucking class. So, surprise surprise he does the fancy shit and she ends up being a terrible fuck. I don't care what anyone says but you blow $130 on a chick and she is as terrible as he described, that's going to hurt. Then some other shit happened smh.

I told dude I said fam, go back home, it might be awkward but hit it and whatever happens, happens. He said no. Fast forward to this weekend.

We're somewhere downtown and the drunkeness is starting to set in from my non-alcoholic sessions. I said hey lets walk to Yonge st. Ride the Vomit Comit (TTC Bus) . He says nah, he wants to fuck one of his friends. I'm thinking this is a bad fucking idea but I'm too drunk to intervene with rational thoughts so I'll watch this shit go by. The three of us get a cab. Now I been in this position before where you want something so bad, nothing else matters. Particularly at the strip club and particularly while drunk. But damn I hate to see other people do it. We get in the cab and I motherfucking hate cabs. I been in 6 in the past 8 years, I hate that fucking rate meter going up, I hate cab drivers I hate the whole fucking ideology of giving some Paki doctor an unreasonable amount of money for fucking driving me.

But I hop in with my boy and Ms. Piglett. To be honest she was hot  but when downing a half dozen shots her face drew similarities to Miss. Piggy, nice girl though. So here's where dude fucked up. No questions asked he wanted to smash, and it was going to cost him money regardless. But he did things the wrong way, money mismanagement. That cab shit, he should have spent on an after-hours club just him and her. See the entire fucking night was spent in a group setting, alone time will make your chances go up. Lastly, you don't tell the fucking cab to drop you off in your neck of the woods so you could get money, that blows the cover. He lives a 3 min. walk from where the cab dropped him off, but he got out the car, got money, got back in. No no no no no. 

You have to make it seem inevitable that you HAVE to stay at her house, by having the cab drop you off at your home base, she knows you want to smash, there's no challenge from her. The whole thing is making you want her and hoping for the best. Then nigga says in the cab "so you know I'm single right?" YOU giving it up too easyyyyyyyyyy fam. You have to say " I was in a relationship for x amount of years, she stole my heart, im wasted, I need help." Throw pity on her, tell her you rescue cats from a burning building. The entire fucking allure to the type of hookup you want is the challenge aspect. Dude wore a sign on his head saying " I want to fuck you." and of course when I asked him in the morning, he didn't get any. More alcohol, more pity, and more lies you would have had a better shot. Now, go back to home pussy this week and re-assess strategies so you don't end up falling for some Mustafa Somalian Heaux, or Miss Piglett with the massive rack. What's next???? (Paul Bearer voice) LMAOOOO he's going to kill me, peace.