JJ's Back -The First Day of Summer

Fuck it I'm back. For the last month I been dealing with some bullshit and today I realized I'm done with it. I'm going back to being me, which is scary for some of y'all. What a fucked up week. I seen the doctor pull the plug on my cousin, then a fucking brawl in the waiting room and the doctor plug that shit back on. I went to NXNE twice and had to console a grown ass man who cried about his lost wristband. I partied with them Peruvian girls and shit, no slander there, they were good people. We met that fucked up chink on the bus and then there's the two girls from London who I don't even want to get into, those heauxs were the dumbest people I ever met. She really thought if she pulled the yellow string on the bus that alerts the bus driver to stop at the next stop, she would be pulling the brakes. But you want to hear some fucked up shit, I haven't said the name itself Ryan Dunn in about 5 years. On Sunday, me and my boy saw a dude who looked exactly like Ryan Dunn and we said his name like 5x each. On Monday the dude dies. Fucked up. 

But I don't want to talk about all that shit, I'm back and the picks will start once college football starts up again. It's the first day of motherfucking summer and I'm motherfucking back in full force. My guide to the summer is here, some of you need to follow this advice: 

-Adele needs to get her fat ass the fuck off the stage. Adele says the exact same thing 10000 different ways. No one cares about your fat ass getting cheated on heaux. From now on it's Frank Ocean, fuck Adele. 

-It's summertime which means these girls been rawing all winter. How do you still bang a heaux who let 30 dudes get inside before you this winter? It's easy. Y'all need some mixture, some Febreeze, some listerine and this shit: the cure to aids. Y'all gotta mix that shit together and let her shower with it before you hit it. That shit will kill all the diseases and make the box look like new again. I talked to someone today who wanted to be disinfected, like she was offended because I thought she was clean.

-Stop saying I'm cute. For whatever reason over the last 2 weeks I've become aware of how many people say I'm cute. I once puked my ass off all over my friend Kitty's Ralph Lauren towels and the next day she sent me an email saying: " We have to hang again this summer, you are too cute." I didn't even clean the puke up, I was too wasted. I'm not cute, I punch babies in their face and ask Jewish people what's the right temperature to set the oven when trying to bake shit.

-If you wear a sweater/track pants to a skype session, we done. Shorty got on skype in track pants and a lime green shirt. Then she realized it was kind of wack so she put on top that resembled the shit Jennifer Beals wore in Flashdance in like 1983. Then she was on her bed and proceeded to show me her teddy bear/monkey collection. If only y'all knew how real the skype struggle was. 

-If you use the word "Swag" then your mother had sex with the school janitor and your best friend when you were in highschool. She went ass to mouth as well. 

- LMFAO the band is for the fags. I'm proud of the people who don't suggest their shit to me, you know who you are.

-I'm coming to Hamilton this summer, I don't know the exact date but I'll be at Ivor Wynne. Hamilton come fuck with me, I'll let y'all know closer to the date.

I'm out, peace.