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Monday, May 3, 2010

100 Things I'd Change About The World

I often wish I had super powers that would allow me to change the world. Life would suck a lot less and I'd be a much happier person. However I'm sitting here blogging on this shitty futon, with my clothes smelling like alcohol and puke. All because my bed sheets are soaking in piss and puke after a crazy Saturday Night and I'm waiting til the folks head out to work before I clean up because they don't know. So over the next 2 days I'm going to write all the things I'd change in this world that would make it a better place. Enjoy:

100) Legalize Marijuana
99) Statutory Rape should not be judged by age, but size of the breasts/ass. Unless she's under 13..then you're a sicko.
98) Gambling should be legal everywhere
97) Maxium price of any pint: $5.95
96) No black people should be in charge of anything other than sports/music.
95) Unlimited bandwidth for those with internet
94) Teachers can have sex with students as long as they aren't under 13
93) Public sex is allowed and better yet, encouraged
92) Swearing would be seen as artistic and creative and generally applauded in society
91) All priests have to get married (or at least get some form of pussy)
90) No Speedos
89) Athletes who are on teams with a record under .440  have to give back 50% of their salary
88) Universities are responsible for finding work for 100% of their Graduating class.
87) Minimum 100 year sentence for anyone found guilty of murder/rape/child porn
86) Tax breaks for females who have a C cup or higher
85) Anything over 10cms of snow and the whole city gets shut down
84) Anything lower than -20 degrees with windchill and the city gets shut down
83) Mexicans get a different minimum wage than everyone else (could be subsitiuted with alcohol)
82) No gays (lesbians are allowed as long as they aren't the dyke kind)
81) Everybody has to maintain a weight in a specific range in relation to their height
80) Everyone gets Remembrance Day off
79) Nudity on the television is permitted
78) Fines for Men in Skinny Jeans, Pink, or wearing shades indoors
77) American Idol would never be shown on the television again
76) Anyone with a drug addiction goes to jail until they are seen as clean
75) Assisted suicide would be legal and also encouraged
74) Pitbulls would be legal, everywhere
73) During a divorce, both parties don't get half. They get whatever they contributed by looking at their salaries. Child support is a fixed number for each class (lower,middle,upper)
72) Prositution would be legal everywhere
71) Africa would never get any debt relief. Let em all kill each other or learn to get along
70) No salary cap in any sport
69) Prices for flights would be reduced to fare zones
68) No more OPEC-fixed prices for oil
67) Retirement for Blacks kick in at age 55 (they live less than other people)
66) The amount of tax you pay on your salary is a fixed 29%
65) Public Transit would be subjected to fare zones and fixed fares for 10 years
64) If you're found under the drinking/driving limit, even 0.07 then they have to let your ass go
63) MMA would be sanctioned, everywhere.
62) You only pay for the channels you watch
61) Companies would not be permitted to outsource
60) Every athlete that suffers a concussion has to sit out for an extended period of time and be re-evaluated by a brain specialist on the outside.
59) No more handicapped spots- If you're driving a car you're capable of walking just like everyone else
58) No laws against piracy/other forms of downloading shit from the net
57) If you are caught diving/flopping in any sport then it's an automatic 10 game suspension
56) No more fighting in hockey
55) All professional athletes have to take a money management course
54) Public Intoxication would no longer be illegal
53) Alcohol could be served at any time of day
52) Free pole dancing classes that the gov't will subsidize
51) No more WheelTrans. Handicapped people have to use the bus like everybody else

Recapping the Night: Was in no mood to do any sort of research today so there were no picks. Recapping a successful Saturday night:

MLB:
$200 Oakland As +109 = Return of $418 (W)

$200 Detroit Tigers +100= Return of $400 (W)
Basketball:
$100 Boston Celtics over 191 -110= Return of $190.91 (W)
Hockey:
$100 Chicago -1.5 +195 (L)
Soccer:
$100 Real Salt Lake -120= Return of $183.33 (W)
$200 Barcelona -175= Return of $314.29 (W)
Boxing:
$100 Floyd Mayweather by KO/TKO/DQ +350 (L)
Cricket:
$500 Pakistan -350= Return of $642.86 (W)
Play of The Day:
$300 Diamondbacks (mlb) -105 (L)

Total Wagered: $1800
Total Returned: $2149.39
Total Profit: $349.39
Total Earned to Date: $2316.49

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. Incase you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

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