Sorry I wasn't on yesterday, the power went out and I had no internet. Or fuckin AC and my room got up to 37 degrees Celsius, a negro melted. As an apology and seeing as how my ex-girlfriend is no longer in the picture, here is a nice picture she sent me: hot pic of my ex (safe for work).
So these last few days I been thinking maybe it's time to get my shit together. At first I didn't even have a resume but I didn't even attempt that shit. I got someone to do my resume because if I did it, it would be a mess. I hate this bullshit. "What are your strengths?" Nigga I got a big ass dick, leave me the fuck alone. I lived 22 years of great days so far, why the fuck do you care what high school I went to or what job I did when I was 16. I hate that resume shit but a friend really helped me out and did all that.
So I graduate in December and I thought i better start looking for work. These applications take forever to fill out. "What would you bring to our company." Then I have to write bullshit like " I would bring passion and excellent team working skills." Nigga I don't give a fuck about your company, I want to get pay my fucking bills. I don't even like people how the fuck could I have good team working skills. So after about 4 applications I really couldn't take it anymore. My "cover letter" (I don't know what a cover letter is nor was I bothered to make one) so I wrote this to every company I applied too after I started feeling sick with all the conforming:
"If I care about something, I'll work my ass off. If I'm applying to your company it means I care about it. I couldn't care less about some crappy corporation who are all interested in efficiency and profit. While those aspects are important, I bring humanistic qualities that will bring in so much more than you could ever need. I am a writer and I love it, which is why you're in luck. Your company provides content where I could continue working on my passion. I don't care about your profit, I don't care about your own job, I don't even care about you, I care about writing. Why should you hire me? Fear motivates me.
God did not put me on this earth to eat fish sticks and watch re-runs of M.A.S.H. I come from a family of alcoholics and quitters. There's not one family member I could think of that graduated high school. Years and years being surrounded by these people have made me come to the conclusion that I never want to be them. My entire life, with the exception of immediate family I have been surrounded by worthless losers. I never want to be them, which is why I will work hard for your company. Everyday I strive to be better than the day before because I am making sure my life is worth something. My parents didn't work so hard to send me to school so I could be a school crossing guard. I've worked my ass off throughout my entire life and I have credentials that depict exactly that. That is why you should hire me, I have a powerful intrinsic drive and motivation that you have never witnessed before. I don't care about nothing other than being great and your company has the opportunity that allows me to do that. In return I'd give it my all to make sure I keep excelling, in return you will reap the rewards of having someone like me on staff, someone with desire to come better will make your company better. Invest in me, you'll quickly get dividends."
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