First of all, I've done a lot of fucked up shit in my life. But nothing is worse than replying to an email from a chick's mother who probably wants you dead. Nigga when I saw her name pop up in my blackberry my heart stopped. Shorty has a file on her desktop named "Aaron" and in that particular file there was personal shit that we shared. Her mom went into the file and saw what was good, thankfully she hasn't emailed me about that...yet, and her matter was totally unrelated.
I'm mentally drained these days tho so if I take a minute to respond to your emails it's because I'm fucking frustrated and need this dick sucked. Stress from everything got my neck paining and shit, trying to multi-task got me feeling like the fucking Hulk. If it weren't for this weekend I would have thrown my laptop 30 feet in the air and not think twice. Which brings me to my blog.
So niggas, we bout to die according to this. Judgement Day. It's funny, the President of the United States says he killed Obama and I take it with a grain of salt but I'm not taking any chances with these crazy ass motherfuckers. These niggas spend their lives reading the bible, there is a 99.9% chance I wake up all fine on Sunday morning, but there's a 0.1% chance I won't. So I been thinking about this for most of today, On Saturday I'll be in NYC. I'm dead ass serious I'm going to make the most of Saturday. But before I leave for the weekend it's open season. If we haven't had sex and you want to bang, now's the fucking time. I leave on Friday so we got three days to get feelings out in the open. I'm going in raw too. I also need some anal, never did that in my life. If you have something to tell me and you never did, now's the motherfucking time. World ending and shit, don't hold no hatred in your heart. Let me have it.
I think I'm going to raw a stripper on Saturday. For the last little while I've been keeping my dick in my pants, trying to be a good person, but it's all getting unraveled before midnight. I'm trying to plan it out. Things I will do in NYC before it's all said and done:
1) Have sex with my ex who lives there over and over and over and over til you can no longer move. In case I forget to email you I'm staying in Elmhurst on Saturday and I think I'll sleep in the Bronx on Sunday. I know I told you I wouldn't fuck you but I've had a change of heart.
2) Raw a stripper. But i ain't stupid I know there's a good chance I could chance i could wake up on Sunday and those crazy white people were lying. Shit I ain't going in raw fuck it, I might fuck a stripper though, it has been a while. But I'm setting rules: she could only be from Jersey Girls or Sin City, nothing else.
3) Have anal sex. So: to my ex, can I??? the world is ending.
4) Devote my entire Saturday to one of the few things in this world that has loved me unconditionally. Patron. I'm going to fucking have patron soaked in toast for breakfast I swear on my life, me and that bottle will not be separated.
5) I'm contemplating eating pussy. It's been years since I have, I been saving it for "the one" mainly cause I ain't sticking my mouth in some place I won't ever be returning. But then I think "the one" is just an illusion and I'm bugging, I shouldn't die without the taste of box in my mouth for 6 years but at the same time ain't none of y'all worth it. Fuck I'll take the loss on this one and wait it out.
6) On Saturday, every single one of my meals will be accompanied with my favorite food: Fries. Breakfast lunch and dinner will all include fries.
7) If it ain't Mountain Dew Code Red or Alcohol this weekend, I ain't drinking it.
8) Foresome? This one will take convincing, if I really wanted it I'm sure I could have it. But I don't see the pleasure in this one. I've done the threesome deal it's not as easy, or pleasurable as it appears. Nah I'll skip this one too.
9) Butterscotch ice cream, that shit is a must.
10) The Doors "5 to 1" will be the only song playing from 9pm to midnight. Perfect song to listen to before you're about to die.
11) I want street meat (no homo) therefore I'm going to be devouring some hot dogs (no homo again) this upcoming weekend.
12) Steal a bunch of shit from my hotel room. This is just in case I wake up on Sunday and still have my life. I'll have glasses, a fridge, a chair and some shampoo too. I'm dead ass serious as well, I know I could pull this off.
13) Try to fuck Adele. I'm going to the show on Saturday, I'm missing the Yankees for this but I'll catch them on Sunday if the world is still around. I'm don't know how I'll do this but I'm going to attempt to do Adele, raw. She fat anyway, she shouldn't be picking and choosing.
14) Punch a Mets fan in his face. Dead ass serious about this as well. Two years ago I was going to my hotel from a Yankee game in the Bronx. Those Mexicans caught me slipping and rolled out the guns just outside the Grand Ave- Newton station. Took the chain right off my neck, about 200 USD, and a fucking Mars Bar. Payback is a bitch, someone with a Mets hat is going to catch it.
15) I need some Cannolis and Tiramisu this weekend, it's also a must.
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