Steps To A Good Mother For your Future Child

For starters, if these blogs and shit start sucking it's because a) I'm busy as shit these days and b) I'm actually happy. It's hard to produce good shit when I'm happy. For example, I wake up and I get this message, how the fuck could I be mad?

"I think I've already used the word spectacular on you. As high a pedestal as that actually puts you on, I still sold you somewhat short. If I wasn't taking a break I honestly would've considered inviting you over considering you've already charmed the pants off me. Getting me half naked without even entering the room shows alot of promise ;) " In other words she's saying: " Three weeks and you could hit this." 

But this is the shit I wake up to on a daily basis from someone who hasn't even met me and or held a long convo with me. She just perceives me from the blog. Thank you blog. Alright seeing as I'm not drunk, here's a proper blog on how to correctly choose the proper baby momma/ wife in time so she could have your kid for next year's mother's day.

1) Check the inside of her microwave, her bath-tub, her freezer, and check the corners of her kitchen floor. Some of you go for tits and ass, I go for a spotless bedroom mirror. If her microwave ain't spotless, you're wasting your time. If her bathtub ain't spotless, your wasted your time. If her freezer/fridge ain't clean, she probably has an STD. But check the corners of her kitchen, the hard to reach places. If those spots are dirty, you're doomed.

2) Ask her to make the following dishes: Chicken fried rice. Macaroni and cheese (homemade) and baked salmon. See the point of this is your not asking her for filet mignon, you're asking her for the most basic of dishes. If she can't get these right, don't even bother.

3) Ask her to recite the 12x tables. Truth be told after 12x6 I have to manually add 12 each time. But the baby momma/wife should know this shit. If you want her properly educating your kid so they don't turn out to end up riding the short bus to school, then she needs to know her 12x tables. She better know what 12 x 11 instantly or she ain't worth it.

4) Look for a tongue-scraper in her bathroom. Ask her where her bathroom is, then look for a tongue-scrapper, if she don't got one then she's useless and shouldn't even be sucking your cock.

5) Ask her how she was disciplined as a child. If she never got her ass beat or severely punished at least 5x, that means she's not going to give a fuck when Little James gets busted for selling weed in grade 9. A proper baby momma/wife should have undergone a few ass whoopings as a kid to realize that they need to discipline their kid to be a good mother. 

6) Ask her how many cocks has she been with. If she says under 5, she ain't worth it, her inexperience will bother you. If she says 1 and it isn't you, it means whoever #1 is has lifetime access. If she says over 30, take a cab home asap. 

7) Ask her about her thoughts on the cold war. If she has no opinion, it means she knows nothing about the Cold War. Thus, she ain't worth it.

8) Take her to a fast food joint. If she orders nothing, a salad, or a kids meal it means she'll feed your kid spinach and carrots til he's 20. These are the worst kinds of people and should not be considered to be wifey material.

9) Ask her for her opinion in any of the following: " To Kill a Mocking Bird." " Lord of the Flies" " The Picture of Dorion Gray" "Tostitos" "Thousand Island salad dressing" "bottled water." If she hates any of it tell her to fuck herself and she isn't fit to be the mother of your kid. 

10) Make sure she got no step-brothers or "close" male cousins. If she does, she probably did something with him when she was 14-16. Yea you don't want that, run run run.

I'm out peace.