This Shit Writes Itself, Literally

Take what you want out of this entry, I call it negros being negros. Naturally most people would keep this shit private, I rather broadcast it to the world.  Recently got this letter from a friend via email. If you're a sympathetic fuck, your heart will be torn. If you're a twisted fuck like me, you're laughing your ass off.  This shit don't sound believable to me and I know the dude he's 20 with 2 kids and got some bitch's name on his neck but it's just a day in the life here in Scarborough:

Ten grand bail, was it worth it?

these extra days, with these two boys who make my world complete, no doubt. 36 days till i plead guilty.


pleading guilty will cost me 4-7 years of my life. 4 years away from christopher, he'll be in second grade by then. 4 years from ryan he'll be in first grade. whats a man to do, when his past catches up to him.
when everyone told you ' your going to get caught one day ' & you never took a second to listen, & was quick to spit back ; dont worry, i know what im doing. whats a man to do when the boys involved with his life, who barely yet know to speak . have no one to look up to, because their biggest role model, the big bad taylor is in jail . im looking back at what happened, and thinking back, was it worth it ?
i was free, i had freedom . i ran for 20 minutes on victoria park ave from all the cops. from eglinton square back to where it all started, to where i got into the game, parma court. i ran like ive never ran in my life, and i was free, i earned my freedom with my own god damn body, but looking back, i seen him get caught...
why did i look back, i dont know. im supposed to be a realer nigga and not just give a fuck .
this is the price of the game my older brother taught me, this is grown man buisness.
take everything & give nothing back, fuck love & fuck the next man, just look out for your god damn self he taught me, so why did i get weak & take a second to think about it, if i just got into the building and hid in the staircase till the next morning i would of been safe.


maybe its because my bestfriend betrayed me when i was 15, maybe it was because i felt guilty because he shouldnt of been there, i dont know. all i knew at the time was that he was there for me when i was there at gunpoint last week, and i felt i had to give back, because he saved my life. i dont know..


all i know is i stopped, and i went back .
had guns pointed at me from 6 officers to stand down .
a few minutes later the handcuffs were onto me, and i couldnt do anything about it, and i realized everything was gone, everything was torn to shreds, every comment ive had from my family, that said im no good & will never amount to nothing, everything was turned into the truth.

a few hours later i was thrown into the cell, & he said ' why did you come back, & i told him ' you dont have to have a reason to help people '
to that, he told me his thanks, and we gave daps, threw the jail bars, from besides eachothers cells. only a hour passed, and every cop who was chasing me, came into my cell, & i got a beatdown, from each & everyone of them. why i asked myself?!, because i made them work hard, because dey didnt understand why i came back.
with every punch i took, i can hear the words ' you think your special, to spit on my reputation to come back, i would of caught you regardless '
' why did you come back for your friend, you think your doing any good '
' who's meranda, she isnt here for you now is she ' ; because of a tattoo on my neck.
and im thinking, is this even civilized, how can they do this, but then i started to think why i got caught ;
60 pounds of weed & 32 keys of cocaine, am i so different from these cops beating on me? i was slowly killing people the same way these cops are doing.


Jail is nothing to people like me, who were born into this world. i went into jail knowing the same people that were there when i was there 3 years ago, no one bothered me. we did what everyone did in jail, look out for themselves . take the weaker mans food & juice, because only the strong survive.i dont know how im going to do 4 years, if im on good behaviour. which i doubt, i have a 4-7 sentence, and who's to say 7 is the most ill get, with me, dey'll just laugh for their own amusement, and refuse my parole and put me in for another year. i dont know what the point of this is, only the thought that it was all in my head, and my ex wife once told me, i should put my thoughts into words because it helps with the stress. ill be honest, it doesnt help anymore then i was a hour ago, all its doing is killing time until i reach those iron bars & orange jumpsuit .i graduated highschool at the age of sixteen. graduated college at eighteen ; buisness management & nursing. enrolled in the army. i think about it all the time, i was doing so good, so why did i do something stupid for a couple bucks, to be honest i would of took a job at wal-mart or even mc donalds, but i never caught a break .i never got the opportunities, but that doesnt justify what i did. now im here with no one to blame but myself. my whole life ive been looking for my father.a man whose face i dont know, or even a voice to be heard.19 years and the bitch hasnt even called me, all i know is the basics.his name & his occupation. mark ; hustler .maybe i havent been looking for him all myself, but maybe just the answers to who i am.

i dont talk to my mom anymore since she abandoned me when i was 17, its been months since she's called me.what more do i have to live for, maybe thats why i went back, because i have nothing else to do, no one to come home to, i live by myself. everyday its the same thing, wake up, 20+ missed calls from breezy's, who i only talk to, to fill in the gap left in me from my parents, and the dead silence to no one home.
sleeping with the tv on, so i feel like someone is around, sleeping with 8 pillows so i dont feel alone.
i had my life, i dont know whats going wrong, i was supposed to go to florida, so why did i stop, i should of kept running & hid, and went .i dont know.all i know is when i get out, i wont be the same person.
my lil boys who look up to me & know my face everytime i come around, will barely know me.
maybe ill abandon them like my father did to me, i dont know.will i reconcile with my mother, i dont know.
will i change to a better person, i dont know.all jail will do is make me a product of the system, and get me more mad.maybe ill triple my operations when i get back, and maybe the next time i get into a situations, i take everyone down with me, and just shoot back,.maybe i already did it once, i dont know.i just dont know anymore, maybe i should just end it all with one shot. what have i contributed to, thats so special, that if i went, something or someone will be affected. i did the crime, so now im doing the time.


Recapping the night: I threw up the over number too early but I changed it and sent out emails pregame when it was 190.5. Last few days I've realized the cost of "points" in everything. I should be fuming because of two blown games in the bottom of the ninth, instead I'll count my blessings. I won't have another negative thing to say about Kobe ever again.
MLB:

$200 Washington Nationals -110 (L)
$200 Florida Marlins -1.5 -120 (L)
$100 Marlins/Brewers over 8.5 -110 (L)
$200 Yankees -1.5 -150= Return of $333.33 (W)
$100 Boston Red Sox -125 (L)
$100 KC/La Angels over 7.5 +110= Return of $210 (W)
NBA:
$300 Celtics +5.5 -110 (L)
$100 Celtics +200 (L)
Play of the Day:
$600 Celtics/Lakers over 190.5 -110= Return of $1145.45 (W)

Total Wagered: $1900
Total Returned: $1688.78
Total Loss: $211.22
Total Earned to Date: $3955.44

Contact Info: BustaBusta_2001@yahoo.com



May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. Incase you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.