When Black People Visit Ikea

It's Saturday afternoon and I'm doing fuck all. I live in my parents basement, sorry what I meant to say is I have my own apartment which happens to be in the basement of my parents' home and I don't pay any rent. I have a futon that is a complete piece of crap. With all the wanking, sex, and crazy actions during gambling, the poor thing has taken a beating. The fact that the basement is very small, my parents suggest we head out to Ikea where we could build our own fucking couch.

I've only been to Ikea once before and I was being paid to be there (aunt wanted me to carry some things) so thus I never really had an experience worth mentioning but this time around, it was definitely memorable. The first thing that sticks out is the fucking parking-lot. The thing is like a motherfucking airport with signs everywhere, wide lanes and to top it all off, a complimentary shuttle bus. What the fuck? After the 7 mile walk through the parking-lot, we enter the store and are shocked with the first thing we see. "Damn black people shop here???" was the question being asked. See the first thing you see when those automatic doors open up is a group of negros like this is Sudan. I thought IKEA originated from Sweden. Well, when the furniture store with the 7 mile parking-lot and complimentary shuttle busses also has a restaurant where pasta is 1.99, hotdogs are 50 cents, fries are 2.99 and beer is being sold, black people will congregate like church on Sunday morning.

As we're walking through the store, we come across the furniture section. Everything is gay, but not like Elton John or Ellen Degeneres gay, I'm talking Perez Hilton and Adam Lambert gay. Everything is small, made of crap and would not last a day with the way I wank. Within 5 minutes I come to the conclusion I want nothing and we head out. Only one problem, see the Swedes aren't as dumb as they sound, they get you sucked in and then they force you to walk the whole store. In order to get out of that fucking bathhouse, you need to walk the entire fucking store because the entrance is sealed off once you are inside. No word of a lie this place took us 20 minutes to successfully navigate. At the end of the journey, we come in contact with another restaurant. I just spent about 40 minutes walking when you combine the hike in the parking lot with trying to exit the fucking store and now I'm going to sit the fuck down in this white-ass place and get me a fish and chips for $4.99, my brother does the same.

Finally after about an hour combined, we successfully leave the store. 40 mins being forced to look at crap we'd never by, 15 mins eating and 5 mins doing actual shopping. The entire car-ride home was filled with intelligent conversation which was eloquently crafted. Mom: " I told you not to go to Ikea, we've never been here and everything is for gay Europeans who don't believe in the Lord, Jesus Christ." Dad: "Why do you people have to act like black people everywhere you go, that store gave me some good ideas. Why do you trash everything that isn't what you consider to be normal." Me: " Man what are you talking about, that shit was gay as hell." Mom: "I'd have to agree with the boy, there ain't nothing in that store for us." Brother: " At least I got a meal out of this family vacation." Akward silence filled the air the remaining drive home.

Recapping the Night:
MLB:

$200 Marlins -110 (L)
$100 Dodgers +142 (L)
$100 Mets +110= Return of $210 (W) 
$300 Padres -110= Return of $572.73 (W) 
$200 Blue Jays +117= Return of $434 (W) 
Play of the Day:
$400 Rays +100= Return of $800

Total Wagered: $1300
Total Returned: $2016.73
Total Profit: $716.73
Total Earned to Date: $3530.98

Contact Info: BustaBusta_2001@yahoo.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. Incase you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.