I had a notebook with all this shit written down but this morning I got mad and ripped all that shit up. So now I'll have to try and remember this shit, here goes.
30-45 years: Here is a good place to be in your life if you know how to use things to your advantage. By this time you have every answer, to everything. Your intuition is on point. Here's the problem: love. Your ovaries and shit going away, those chemical changes are starting to take place. If you have no one, you're facing the fact that you'll spend the rest of your life as a miserable cunt because everyone good is taken (it's true by the way everyone good is taken) So you battle yourself. You rebel against yourself. You call it "midlife-crisis." There is no such thing. Truth is you're just getting older and those wrinkles are getting more visible and to be honest people stop giving a fuck about you. it isn't a crisis, you're just not as relevant as you once were. It's a natural life circle and every 7 years (scientific proof) you get a new group of friends, interests change blah blah blah. In essence if you have a significant other, you'll argue about dumb shit because you're battling yourself. If you have nobody then you either settle, or you continue living your life with extreme loneliness. Your kids are grown and shit at this point so you don't really give a fuck about them to be honest you're just living to enjoy the last of your good days. This is also the stage where you lie to yourself the most to cover up how much you hate who you really are, the one you discovered.
50-65 years old: Uh oh. That body isn't moving like it used to move. No more reverse cowboy. No more 9 pints and going again the next night. The mind starts to settle. This is a great time to be in your life once again only if your life was worth living. You got a few savings, you earned a few dollars, time to enjoy the finer things in life. Sure they will provide that "temporary high" but you're 55 years old. You accept who you are. You spent a lifetime seeking it, it's finally here. You know you. You accept the things you can't change, you try to make yourself better. The body goes through immense changes and you're well aware that the clock is ticking but you choose to forget about it, you're content. You breathe. You live.
65 years til death: You're either going to really enjoy this time, or really hate it. Fact is, 95 % people hate it and it turns out being the worst times. You'll HATE your kids, that's a guarantee. They are no longer the people you raised. They're grown, probably with kids. You're slower, you're no longer significant, you ARE no longer relevant. I don't care how many parties you attend, you could spend 23 hours a fucking day with friends and loved ones, your life doesn't really mean shit and you know it. You're now a shadow. You're miserable because you hate that feeling. No matter what, time is running out and you couldn't fit everything you wanted to fit into the journey of life. There are still things that bug you, things you got no choice but to go to your grave with. You hate everyone again but in a good way. You hate them for selfish reasons, which makes you feel good deep down. You hate them because they're in the spot light, and your dick doesn't even work. You kick up a fuss and a fight just to feel relevant again, it feels good. Then you're dead. Also a great thing and hopefully you found some spirituality.
That's life in a nutshell....we're all defendants in a trial of the self but you eventually discover this isn't a trial. Everyone is guilty by default. How we handle this prison sentence dictates who we become in another world, where nothing but the soul matters. I'm out.
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