A New Me

I'm back cocksuckers. I know y'all missed me, and I got some time on my hands so I figured why not. Last night I died and came back to life at the UFC and I missed all the filthy nudes that would come in because of my ignorance, so let's go. Today, in a hangover state of mind, I decided I needed to do some detox but I'm from the hood we don't use google, we just ask people we know. To make a long story short, some dude in Vancouver who I never met before has developed some recipe. 6 leaves of Kale, 4 celery sticks, a cucumber, and 2 apples. Drink that shit 4x a day with no other meals. Oh and a lemon and you can't peel none of this shit. Well a nigga decided to hit the grocery and buy a week's supply of this shit. 40 apples etc etc. shit rang up to $51.04, I had tears in my eyes as I handed the cashier my credit card. Summer's officially over and I ain't get no one pregnant, I ain't get arrested (came close like 3x), I ain't get married, I don't even think I went anywhere special. I'm really becoming like those Desperate Housewives people, drinking kale and doing Pilates. (I now do Pilates...don't ask)

So yeah, I'm going to document this juice shit. I figure I'm going to die and it's going to be disgusting but that's the price you gotta pay when you do 4 substances in one night and pass out before the main event even starts. What else is new? I know work a 9-5 for a decent company, every other Thursday feels great. The Baltimore Orioles could suck my dick and Lil Caesars still got shitty ass pizza but at $4.99 ain't nobody complaining. I started up my own company a few days ago and that shit been milking my wallet but we'll break even next month, I ain't going to speak on that too much. I hope my dick still works after this Kale shit. I hope it's super powerful and I can adjust the shower temperature and shit with my dick.

Robin Meade still looks stunning on most mornings though you can see the age is getting to her. (If you don't know who this is, use google) More and more Western Unions are starting to pop up around my hood and that's pissing me off cause these dumb niggas don't know shit when it comes to money management. A dude takes his lets say $500 pay check, goes to the beer store and drinks Sapporo, doesn't even pronounce it properly then spends the rest on weed and seafood and shit. Every friday these grocery stores are filled with black people buying shit they shouldn't be buying but they do it because they want to feel special. More oral sex in your life will alleviate any need to feel special but what the fuck do I know. Oh and that new Iphone 5 is some bullshit ( I don't have one but Ive seen it), them motherfuckers trying to sell you the same phone and they made it lighter. But guess what, you'll probably buy it because you have a shitty life and you want to fit in and you'll get it and tweet/facebook 100 pictures of the box and then you'll put a lot of exclamation marks and tell everyone and pretend to feel better but guess what, your life still sucks and the phone is still a glorified version of a shitty phone. A phone is a fucking phone, it don't suck your dick, it don't make you any money, it don't love you. It makes calls and does weird shit like tell you where the nearest restaurants are. And that's what makes your life "complete"? Once again oral sex could solve issues related to materialism but y'all don't hear me.

I'm out.

If you never watched Casting Couch, you haven't been living.