Reasons Why You're A Faggot, Part 5

19) For the people who got french names.

If you're name is Michel, Claude, Theirry, Joakim, all that gay shit, then your parents knew you'd be a faggot.

18) People who say "I could care less."

You're a definite faggot, I ain't one for grammar and spelling and shit but stop being so gay, you sound like a fool.

17) People who eat olives.

That shit is disgusting and if you like that then you must be a faggot. 

16) People who use relish.

Who the fuck eats relish? I could understand hot peppers, ketchup, mustard, all that shit but relish? That shit is fucking nasty. Faggot.

15) If you watch the OC or Dawson's Creek back in the day you're a faggot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZMCwa-Cvr4 I ain't gonna lie, I watched both and love it. That don't mean it's straight people shit. It's as gay as they come, but shit is addictive. Leave me alone niggas. 

14) For the people who use sun screen.

Nah fuck all that cream shit, I stay ashy but I'm from the hood, we don't moisturize are skin and shit. Real people say fuck that sun screen, I rather have cancer and they soldier it up. You should to, faggot.

13) If you got a 6-pack you a faggot.

Now I could understand trying to get healthy so you hit the treadmill. But what the fuck you going to be doing on that bow flex and shit and then doing "crunches." Nah homie you are a faggot. Real people say fuck all that, I'm going to have my stomach the way it is and drink all the fucking beer I want. So long as your toes are visible and you could still reach your dick without using GPS, you're fine. 

12) If you listen to techno and electronic music or whatever that genre called, you a faggot.

That gay ass shit has no place in society, take that shit the fuck wherever you found it. It is beyond gay you faggots.

11) If you tell her "I love you" everytime she says it, you're a faggot. 

The other day I withheld it from her. She said it but I want something from her and she ain't budging. So when she said "I love you." I said thanks. Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, she was pisssssssed. She went back to her childhood days "you know I had it rough and I'd prefer if things were easy-ish now (ya she said easy-ish) so can you please say it? I didn't budge. I'm about to get what I want all because I didn't say 3 words. Withhold it a few times and you could get it too. 

10) If you eat Hamburger Helper your a faggot.

I went to someones house a few weeks ago and they made this. The fuck is this shit? It's like bootleg ground beef mixed with the shit in your couch cushion mixed with a herpes infected vagina. This shit, whatever it is, is for the faggots. 

9) If you're a fan of Kanye, you're a faggot.

Not even going to explain this one.

8) If your girl is darker than you, you're a faggot.

This means you simply lost out in life and have reached the staged of faggotry. Life is all about upgrades, and when your bird is darker than you, it ain't an upgrade...

7) If you know what's in a hot-dog, you're a faggot.

Real people eat that cancerous shit at least once a week and suffer the consequences later. 

6) If you never had a pizza-pocket in your life, you're a faggot.

I admit they're not the best tasting shit in the world but you gotta have at least one in your life. 

5) If you named your kid, or know a kid named Destiny or Charity, you a faggot.

4) People who smoke cigs are faggots.

Few weeks ago we were wasted so when we get plastered we smoke to take the edge off. That shit was still in my mouth 2 days later and tastes like death, the fuck is wrong with you?

3) If you use band-aids for cuts, you're a faggot.

Real folks just wash that shit and go about with there day. 

2) People who eat Poutines.

I thought long and hard about this one. The fuck is wrong with y'all. Fries, cheese and gravy ain't meant to be mixed together and shit. And to be honest it's so fucking salty it ends up tasting like death anyway. It ain't even good, y'all just think it's good, as did I. If I want to die quickly I'll just shoot heroin into my dick. 

1) People who take facebook seriously.

I'll post my motherfucking balls on your wall. I don't give a fuck. If you got your parents, bosses or co-workers on facebook and your worried about perceptions then you're the biggest fag ever. I got professors on mine and I'm constantly talking about all sorts of shit. For the people who take facebook seriously or make it into a business thing, y'all are faggots. 

Here's a sample post from my facebook status shit:

"If you are eating the box when she's pregnant. Can you see a head and shit? Food for thought."