Reasons Why You're A Faggot, Part 3

59) People who listen to their girl cry.

No country for us folks, it's bad. As a matter of fact, I had to deal with this today. Shorty started crying cause of some shit, then when I told her, "didn't you think it was obvious?" Nah it just got worse. Usually I have an escape route but not this time, had to soldier this one up. Then the hardest part is asking for sex after the tears dry. Most awkward shit ever, but she gave me some. Yet the fact that it sensitizes you makes you a faggot.

58) If you have more than one functioning bathroom in your house you a faggot unless there are 5 or more people in your house.

The four of us have lived 22+ years only using one bathroom. You don't need another one. I know people of 5 who got 7 bathrooms, the fuck does anyone need 7 bathrooms for. 7 bathrooms should cover a football roster sleeping over, you gay ass people. 

57) If you still crying him/her after 2 months.

Dead ass serious I know someone crying over me after three years. Nah, stop it you faggot. There is a two month window and then you move the fuck on. Word, faggots be crying about shit that left them back in 99, stop it. 

56) If you refer to yourself as "winning" or having "tigerblood" you a faggot.

55) If you never been the embarrassing drunk friend you a faggot. 

I'm usually the worst out of my crew every single night we go out. Who the fuck cares, people be talking about "you're embarrassing me by puking under the table" or " pee in the urinal." Fuck all that, I'll piss on the floor/sink when I want to, only faggots worry about making sure everyone gets home safe. 

54) If you reside in the following cities you're a faggot: Montreal, Philadelphia, Chicago, Phoenix, Boston (nah Boston shows me a lot of love), the State of West Virginia, Ottawa, Atlanta and Orlando.

53) Dudes who wear scarves and chicks who wear that shit in warm weather are faggots.

52) If you never watched an episode of Saved by the Bell you're a faggot.

I spent most of my early teams jacking off to Kelly, y'all should have been doing that too. 

51) People who use cashiers when the self-checkout is empty.

I know it's a bit difficult and you'll lose the first four battles against the machine. Then you gotta call the old lady over and she don't know what the fuck she doing and it turns into a mess. Yet after a while it's the way to go, fuck waiting in lines. 

50) If you tell people you don't lie you're a faggot.

Everyone lies, I'm the most open fuck out there but I'll lie if it's the best option. We all do. Yet some folks walk around claiming they never lie, shut the fuck up faggot.

49) For those of you who refer to baseball as "boring," y'all are the biggest fags out there. 

48) If you go to church and when the collection comes around and they say this is for the "church building fund." If you believe they going to take that money and help restore the church you a faggot.

47) If you never read a Dr. Suess book, either to yourself or to your kids, you're a faggot.

Y'all don't know about those green eggs and ham, fuck I want to read it now and I'm being dead serious.

46) People who tell the truth on their taxes.

Stop it, real folks lie and twist those numbers and get paid. Fuck an auditor. 

45) If you never fucked 2 chicks/men at different times during the day, or at least fucked around, you're a faggot.

I don't recommend doing this all the time but it must be tried at least once, it just feels good. Though I'm done doing it cause last time I did it I showed up with a mad amount of glitter on my dick and didn't know how to explain it. 

44) People who wear vests are faggots.

Don't know if I said this one already but there's no need to wear a vest, you look like a clown.

43) People who cry about money problems but spend lavishly.

I know a couple who are bankrupt crying but she makes 110k a year and they have eaten out at restaurants at least 310 days a year. On top of that she pays an insane amount for cheap labor. She gave me $290 to take down her fence and it took me like an hour of just beating the shit down. Then she threw in another $200 to get rid of the wood. 5 bills and it took me just over 2 hours. 

42) People who pay for music.

That shit is free, stop it. 

41) People who take 4929827 hours to piss at a sporting event.

Fuck you. I'm drunk and need to pee, have your fly open, get to the fucking urinal and let it go. The fuck you standing there shaking your dick for 35 minutes while there's a big ass group of drunk men dying to piss behind you.

40) People who drink iced teas. 

That shit taste nasty. Like balls mixed with dick mixed with splenda. Stop it.

Next 20 tomorrow, peace.