- I re-aggravated my groin stealing Jesus' blood, I'll let you guys figure that one out.
-After my confrontation with Skelator, I have a new found respect for gays. If I had to put up with that shit on a weekly basis someone would have already been dead by now. Yesterday after 7 pints the other day I switched to double vodka and cran. Motherfucker with his girlfriend comes over and starts talking shit. Alright impress your girl I'll let it slide. He says something again in the washroom, I tell him to shut the fuck up. As he's leaving he asks me "How's my vagina." Once again I bite my tongue but ya, let's just say he didn't stand a chance.
-I hate "Sweet Caroline" with a passion.
- Shorty just gave me a "see ya." aka You're never getting this pussy in your life. See ya is the worst thing someone could say to someone, ever.
- I was wasted going up an escalator the other day. Another girl was coming down. I say "holy fuck you're beautiful." She stopped walking and stared, cute moment. Then she waited at the bottom, buddy tells me "go get it you got the acknowledgment do your thing," I laughed and walked off, now at 3:19am a day later I'm thinking that could have been the mother of my kids smh.
-Someone put a $261.12 charge on my credit card, fucking fraud I gotta deal with this in the morning. Dude was asking me about my charges. "Sir did you recently purchase something from bath and body works." Yes, smh.
-Got into a fight with a homeless guy recently and yelled. " I come home to a hot meal at night, what about you?" I ain't shit.
-Strawberry Shortcake: The act of doing a girl on her period. Busting a nut on her period........."and then you eat it." The most disgusting but funniest story I have ever heard.
- My buddy likes to eat the boxes of prostitutes and kiss them in the mouth. He's all mad cause he said Charlie Sheen and Dana White do it. Then when we kept him pissed off he said "there are guys out there that like to suck their own dick." So he's now comparing his lifestyle to self-dick-suckers. Then he got more mad and said he should slap me. Guess where I was tonight, sir: Fortinos
- Every person that knows me should never ask who the Yankees closer is, ever. My future wife better know, but clearly some of my friends don't.
- At the Jays game for the As series a bunch of kids decided to do the wave. My buddy gave them all shit for being insensitive for what happened in Japan. Funniest shit ever.
- New favourite word: Slutes (replacement for sluts)
- Please don't try to have conversations with me over the phone when I'm intoxicated. It saves me the dreaded " I'm sorry for last night" emails that I send so frequently. I was going through my phone today and one sent message said " I'd face fuck the hell out of Rebecca Black." Yet three people have referred to me as cute.
- Income tax date set for April 16th. Can't. fucking. wait.
- Conference calls are the worst. Especially when you're still feeling the shit from the night before.
- Once I find another white girl that could do this, I'm becoming a one woman kinda guy: The Love of My Life
- I came to the realization that I'd fuck any girl (once legal) for $200. No matter size, personality, or shape. I denied it til my boy asked me to think it over. Fuck, he was right.
-I waited anxiously for months to find out Who Shot Mr. Burns. Worst episode ever.
- Personality 1000000x better than a hot body. I'm shamed to admit that.
-Ashley Judd is a piece of shit. I wouldn't hit it if she paid me, google what she said.
I'm out, going to pass out. back monday unless I have it in me to fire one off tomorrow, peace.
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