100 Things That Make You A Faggot, Part 1

" I don't even remember his website. Not even going to check it, don't care" -Anonymous. You're a terrible liar dude but I'll give credit when credit is due. If you were 10 years younger, different body, and different gender, you'd be sucking me off right now because you make one hell of a cute 19 year old girl. Well done.

Back to the blog, the other day I came home wasted (surprise surprise) and my mom's asking me if I want to go to hockey in a few days because the rest of the family is going and she'd love to have me there. In my drunken state I'm thinking sweet, mom scored some Leaf tickets and I don't know much about that shit but it must be the last game of the season. Sunday morning at like 7am she wakes me up and says we're going to watch hockey. (I got home at 3:30am) I'm thinking what the fuck what kind of hockey is she talking about? The Leafs don't play at 8 fucking a.m. on a Sunday morning.

She says the the neighbours invited us 5x and she's always refused and the whole family is going and she'd love to have me there. Hold the fuck up mom, you're talking 12 year old house-league hockey. She says yea it's the blue team vs. the red team in the finals (she's dead fucking serious.) Then she's justifying why she's going, talking about how I won't have any friends in the future because I'm too self-centered. You're a 48 year old woman from Port of Spain, Trinidad. You have two kids, aged 22 and 16, and you're waking up on a Sunday morning to go watch a white 12 and 16 year old kid play house-league hockey "in the finals" and I'm the one with the problem???? That tops the list of faggot shit I've ever witnessed in my life. While they were at some cold ass rink I was in my nice warm bed. This might come off as weird but my dad must be a fiend for that box. Could you imagine being 46 years old, waking up cause your wife tells you that you gotta watch 2 white kids play houseleague hockey? With that said here's a list of 100 things that make you a faggot. (no particular order) We all got a little faggot in us so don't question nothing, there's a scientific and physiological ( I don't even know what this word means) process to this list. You're only really gay if you account for 80% of this list. Here goes:

100) If you cried during the Titanic. 

Now I ain't going to front it's okay if you're with your bird watching Marley & Me and when the little dog dies you start feeling all fucked up and sorry for Marley's owners and shit. Niggas didn't want to see that dog die man Marley was the shit.  But crying about some white people on a boat that you could never afford to be on, nah that's faggot shit.

99) If you support Tom Brady. 

Most of us do, we got a little faggot in us. We supported dude a lot but it's time to call a spade a spade. He's fucking twisted. That dance, the hair, his Pedophile-like attitude. Sir Tom keep covering spreads but stop with the weird shit man, losing to Rex Ryan was bad as is, then we see you in Rio doing who knows what. Stop it Sir Tom.

98) People who use spray deodorant.

Stop it, this ain't the Leave it to Beaver years folks. We got the roll on stick shit that works better, no need to be lifting up your arm and spraying that chemical shit all over. Plus it's cold as fuck. Growing up I thought I could make my mouth smell like that so I sprayed deodorant in my mouth, was probably 6. Nearly died, after that it's been that stick shit, the way it should be.

97) People who game more than 4 hours a week.

While y'all are out there playing Street Fighter and Call of Duty for 20 hours a week and counting the number of kills you have, there is someone out there fucking your girl.

96) If you refer to dinner as "supper." 

This ain't no little house on the Prairie niggas, this is real life shit. Stop with that Buckingham Palace type of linguistic shit.

95) People who go camping.

The fuck y'all sleeping on the hard ass ground for in tents and shit cause your outdoors. If you want to live that life then do it the right way, go live with the homeless folks downtown and shit. Gazing at stars in a forest and drinking cocoa eating marsh mellows is for the faggots.

94) People Who Watch American Idol. 

That dude Randy is a fucking homo. Not even the auditions are funny anymore. No one should be tuned in, or voting on American/Canadian Idol, ever.

93) If the teacher never called your home growing up to complain about your behavior your a faggot.

Fuck I remember you, little fuckface Ms. Campell. My parents beat my ass cause you got smart and started using my dad's work cellphone to bitch that I was skipping your class frequently. I hope your pussy loses all sensation for the rest of your life you ugly ass heaux.

92) People who watch Political Debates.

Ain't shit going to change for the better regardless if we elect Barack Obama or Snooki, we're well past the point of return niggas.

91) If you drink a Smoothie. 

That shit is gay, gay, gay.

90) If you never dealt with a pregnancy scare. 

Nah I had to go through 2 in my life, it makes you a real man when you come home and you see a message " I'm 9 days late." Real men know what I'm talking about, if you don't you're a faggot.

89) If you never wrestled someone of the opposite sex. 

Real dudes jokingly give their old lady the powerbombs and tombstones and Stone Cold Stunner. Real chicks give their men the People's Elbow and the Spina-rooni from time to time. If you don't know what I'm talking about your a faggot.

88) You watch curling.

Needs no explanation.

87) People who do the wave at a sporting event.

That's the most faggot shit someone could ever do, you look like a fool and your parents should have whooped your ass more.

86) People who tell the truth to Customers Officers. 

Real people got about $600 dollars worth of shit in their car and 10 bottles of Vodka and look the officer straight in his eye and say: " I went sight-seeing and spent about 40 on some socks and a Polo tee." Then you hand him the receipt, he takes a look and says have a nice day. This is what real people are made of.

85) You take the Flu Shot once a year. 

Never had one in my life and been sick only twice in the last three years. You don't need that shit.

84) People who know the lyrics to any Nicki Minaj verse.

Stop it, you look foolish and she's a tranny, stop with the faggot shit.

83) Watching the news is part of your routine. 

Who gives a fuck about a broken water mane on Main St. Real folks say fuck that noise and watch Cartoons.

82) If this isn't your homepage, you're a faggot: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America

81) If you never sang the lyrics to "Karma Chameleon" you're a faggot. 

80:) If you don't know the lyrics to " Somebody to love," " Bohemian Rhapsody" or " Don't Stop me Now" by Queen, you're a faggot.

I'll do the next 30 tomorrow, Peace.