Only In The Hood

The other day I had to go pick up something at school and my mom was heading in that area so I tagged along. Of course when I get to school the fucking terrorist bitch I needed to see for my books was on lunch, who the fuck takes their lunch at 2:30 pm. So now I had 45 minutes, my mom thought it'd be a good idea if we killed it in the mall, Malvern Mall to be exact. If you know anything about Toronto you know to stay the fuck away from Malvern. The shit that goes on in this region of Scarborough is equivalent to any other hood in North America, it's a fucking mess. So we decide to head to the mall and have lunch in the food court. You know you're in the hood when you order chicken fried rice, 3 items on the side (fried wings, sweet and sour chicken, stew pork) and the total comes up to $3.73. So we ate while watching the struggling black people do unproductive shit.

My mom starts telling me how I need to find a girl with money because they have everything materialistic, they don't "need" more. Poor people on the other hand will see an opportunity and go crazy like an alcoholic at an open bar. As ignorant as that sounds, she made a good point, broke motherfuckers always leech on to someone with more wealth. Anyway she wants to check out some clothes in this store called "Labels." 20 minutes later I'm bored out of my mind but then I did some real faggot shit. See if any chick tells me "What looks better?" I have no problem answering honestly. Hell the other day my boy asked me that question and I bypassed the gayness to help them out, I don't know why people ask me about fashion, I get all my shit at Footlocker or Champs. So my mom starts asking me the "What looks better?" question and that was cool but then I open my fucking mouth and start telling her about "What would really look well" and I'm pointing at racks and shit telling her this would match with this and so forth. Nah, that's too gay for Richard Simmons, I had to fall the fuck back. 

So I'm walking around trying to "un-gay" myself and I come across these nice ass chairs near the changing room, I have a seat. There's another dude, black like tar sitting in the other seat and he's about 45. All of a sudden his girl comes out the changing room and starts asking him for an opinion. She was some Asian bird and had to be no older than 22. I'm sitting here wondering what the fuck she's doing with this dude, it has to be money. The dude noticed me watching her as well, as soon as she goes back in the changing room he tells me: "You see that, anything can be achieved with money. First class flights, the finest clothes, the best meals, she loves it all and it's because I got that money." I wanted to ask..."So why the fuck is she shopping at labels for??" but I kept my mouth shut, dude had to have money to get that. She comes out the changing room again and things finally started to make sense.

I actually heard her talk this time and this Lucy Liu looking heaux can't speak a word of english. Now it makes sense, she's using him to get that permanent resident status. She'll sucker him into marrying her, she'll get her papers so she doesn't get deported and then she'll leave him. Then this ashy Bernie Mac motherfucker opened his mouth again. He said "step your game up, get that paper and you can have what I have." By fucking coincidence his phone went off. He looked embarrassed but he brought it out, a motherfucking flip phone. Then I look at his shoes and I couldn't hold in the laughter anymore. He had those basic ass running shoes that light up with every step. You know the ones most of us wore when we were 7 years old, this dude had a grown-ass pair of shoes that light up. So now I'm having a laugh and tell him "I hope she enjoys the public transit monthly pass, you're really getting that cash." He mumbled some Jamaican shit, grabbed Lucy and they got the fuck out of the store. Only black people.....

Recapping the Night: Tonight was like dating a fat chick. You go out with her, you don't want to be with her, everything is going wrong. Then as the night is winding down, she invites you in for a drink, gives you that "fat girl head" and sends you $200 and tells you  she had a great time. Started off horribly, ended off great. I'm talking it easy now, this bail-out shit ain't good for my high blood pressure lol. 

Play of the Day:
$2000 West Virginia -11 -110= (L)
$6701.54 on Golden State/Indiana over 213.5 -110= Return of $12793.85
$1000 On Twolves/Clippers over 213 -110= Return of $1909.09
Total Wagered: $9701.54
Total Returned: $14702.94
Total Profit: $5001.40
Total Earned to Date: $14702.94

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Bail-Out Plan

$6701.54 on Golden State/Indiana over 213.5 -110
$1000 On  Twolves/Clippers over 213 -110

Laid the wrong one, the bigger play was supposed to be on Clippers/Twolves. I'm starting to think maybe this is destiny. Let's Dance Lord Gamblor, let's dance.

Pink, Sit the Fuck Down.

I got night classes these days so instead of taking the "I'm a failure at life" public transport I get to ride in the 99 Mazda Protege with the cd player than refuses to play burnt cds. If you see me in the Scarborough region, windows down and it's -10 outside and I'm blasting some Usher, it's because I'm trying to fuck a highschool student (I always check ID), don't cockblock. So I'm in the car today and because I own no original cds, I'm forced to listen to the radio. Pink comes on and it's time to change the station but I look in the mirror and Toronto's finest are behind me. I'm smarter than that, both hands on steering wheel, keep it to the speed limit and I'll be okay. But that means I had to listen to that Pink Song, "raise your glass". I rather have sex with Michelle Obama than to listen to another Pink song.

Ever since I've been in grade school she has been singing about the same bullshit. Fuck the world, fuck the popular kids, you're cool in your own way and you don't need anybody in this world because all you need to do is be yourself. Pink, like Bruno Mars is full of complete bullshit, except she's worse because she has been doing this for years now. She writes these gay ass songs empowering women and promoting individualism and you know what's the reason behind it, she's never gotten that good cock. I can guarentee you, if Pink had good sex in her life, her lyrics would change from her usual nonsense to " Babe you're all I need in this world now I'll get my ass in the kitchen and make you that fried chicken you love." We've had to put up with years of this bullshit because she hasn't been getting the right penis. If Pink got even a taste of my shit she'd be singing "Oh girls stop being yourselves, go to H&M and dress like heaux because you're worth it"

You know what else pisses me off about this Koala looking bitch, she really isn't different from anyone else despite the fact she tries to separate herself. She tries to be the "bad" girl of pop but she's only fooling herself, we see right through her. She goes and she tells the fat girls to keep eating because they're cool but she'll order a salad with water at the restaurant and get that 50 calorie bullshit ass dressing that tastes like a Eskimo chick's vagina. ( I fucking hate salads with all my heart). After a day in the studio and 4 hours at the gym she comes home, sits her white ass down with a bowl of Orville Redenbacher popcorn and watches Grey's Anatomy and Scrubs like every other white girl in this world. She tells the unpopular kids that they're cool but truth be told she's also upset because she has become the Brett Favre of the pop game. She's now releasing greatest hits albums so people remember who she is. Girls, stop listening to Pink, dress as slutty as you want and suck all the dick in the world, she's just pissed off because she wants a man to give her the world but all they're willing to give is gonorrhea.

Recapping the night: I'm going to take it easy tomorrow it's starting to frustrate me, hate losing by half a point. 

NCAAB:
$300 Nebraska -4 -110= Return of $572.73 (W)
$400 Michigan/Nortwestern over 134.5 -110 (L)

Play of the Day:
$700 Kentucky -4 -110 (L)

Total Wagered: $1400

Total Returned: $572.73

Total Loss: $827.27

Total Earned to Date: $9701.54

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Happy MLK Day

Before I start, should I go to the hospital if I've had a boner for the past 14 hours? Was fine, then saw something, now this penis won't go down. Though I've wanked like 7x today....haha

MLK was a good man, he died for us, so in honor of dude, I'm going to list the 10 most significant achievements for African Americans. If it wasn't for the man on your left, none of this would have been made possible:

10) 40.2% of all prisoners in the United States were black in 2008. They only take up 12% of the total population though. 

9) Because of MLK's dream and actions, the world has given us Will.I.Am.

8) White people had an unemployment rate of 8.5% in December 2010 in the US. Blacks had an unemployment rate of 15.8% (but if you ask them it's because the govt is holding them back)

7) In Toronto, 40% of all blacks drop-out of high school. (the govt is holding them back once again...)

6) In 2008, 11,783 white people got aids. In the same year the number is 21,312 for black males (blame the govt because the govt is the reason they dropped out of highschool. That means the govt made them dumb enough to believe that pulling out prevents Aids)

5) If it weren't for MLK, Popeyes would never exist.

4) Anyone ever watch a Tyler Perry movie? Blame MLK...

3) Thanks MLK, because of you we were graced with auto-tune music. 

2) If it weren't for MLK's dream, The Muary show would not exist. I need my entertainment...

1) Lastly, if I hadn't said it enough, thanks MLK: The Dream Came Through (I know she's African but MLK made her feel free, within herself)

Recapping the night. I argued it but cashed the ticket. That retiring shit was garbage, they gave it to me. Will recap and post sometime tomorrow. Thanks for all the tips guys. 

A birdy told me this stock is going to jump soon enough: "GOD" on the TSX. Goldrush Resources Ltd.. Can't go wrong with God though take it with a grain of salt.

$3000 on the big ass tennis parlay (if your book is being a bitch because of the Nadal game, tell them bet365 cashed out. Return of $5500. Total Earned to Date: $10528.81

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Woman Are All Just Strange

I used to work in a nursing home a few years go and there was this dude I'll never forget. Robert Baker, 87 years old at the time, a painter from upstate New York. He had been through 6 wives, a bunch of kids but the dude had crazy knowledge. It was also cool how happy he was to have a black friend, dude would be telling all his 100 year old friends just so they'd know how fly he was. One day Bob told me something, he said "get as much pussy as you want, get all the head in the world, but never ever ever in your life fucking get married." Now I'm starting to see why, no wonder the fucking Asians marry robots and shit, women are strange.

Take today for example, I'm having a convo with my friend Abi. She's asking me bout the various people in my life and I tell her about my ranking system. I tell her where she ranks, she then questions the number. I explain why, then explain to her this isn't the " I want to fuck list" and I tell Abi she's lower on that list. She didn't ask why she was lower but I owe her an explanation, no? Now, I have to explain why she's lower on one in case she feels a strange. (I have no chance of hitting it until more birds/fish die and she's convinced the world is ending). It isn't for her looks (she's hot) it isn't for anything but the fact that we're close and me tapping it would fuck that up. Don't get me wrong I ain't gay, if she was laying naked on a bed it'd be lights out. But I was just trying to explain myself, she then puts me in the "friend-zone." It doesn't end there. I'm explaining to her that I sent a text message a few weeks ago and I was in an awkward situation WHILE sending the text message. I tell her, "It was messed." She then replies back with "(my first name), why would you feel strange, we're just friends." Time the fuck out, I wasn't talking about the text message princess I was talking about the situation I was in. You see that y'all, on the day that Sir Tom didn't do his job and that fat fuck wins, I was put in the friend zone TWICE, after trying to stiff-arm her both times. 

Then you got Lilith, hear this for a minute. A friend and I discovered a bunch of UK terms. In the UK, faggot means meatballs, often served in a rich western country sauce. Fag means cigarette, and instead of saying "class representatives" in school they say "head-boy/head-girl." So this friend and I thought it would be cool to imitate how UK people would have sex, while talking about faggots. So I'm trying to explain all of this to her and you know what she says?? Nah wait for it.... "hey, you do know that head-boy/girl is actually a class representative in the UK and doesn't actually give head, right." What??? Hold the fuck up I posted my report card a few days ago, clearly she thinks I'm Kevin Malone from The Office.

Then I think back a few years ago, like back in the 9th grade. I was more ignorant those days than I am now, always pissing people off, well nothing has changed really. Anyway there was one chick who I rarely talked to but every time she spoke to me it was about how good she masturbated and blah blah. See back then I had hair and held my own on the ball court and this was before I started walking in snow-storms to buy proline tickets and bet money on teams called Hercules and Young-Boys. Therefore I wasn't a degenerate yet, got good grades and said no when people offered me rides in stolen vehicles. So she was clearly into me and she kept saying " I skirted today." I know what she meant but I didn't feel like addressing her. It kept going on and on but I was in my own world those days so I just ignored it. One day she got super pissed and said "how can you not want me, I tell you I skirt everyday." and she starts to cry. That's when I yell. "For the past 3 fucking months your ESL ass has been telling me you skirted, there's no such fucking thing. You fucking squirted now sit the fuck down." I should have known then and there, they're all the same. They'll "friend-zone" your ass when you're trying to give them the stiff arm. They'll treat you like the kids who had separate recesses in grade school and lastly, they'll do whatever they can to get what they want, including "skirt."

Recapping the night: 3:30am and I'm waiting for this tennis game to finish. What the fuck did I get myself into. It just started as well, if this goes 5 sets I'll fucking flip. Will recap etc in the morning. 

NFL:
$200 Seahawks +10 -110 (L)
$400 Jets/Patriots over 44 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)

Play of the Day:
$6000 (added another dime) Patriots -7 -145 (L)


Total Wagered: $6600
Total Returned: $763.64
Total Loss: $5836.36
Total Earned to Date: $8028.81

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.

Run to the window

Lee Nadal Roddick Warinka Ljubic, Venus williams starts at 10. $3 grand parlay -120

Enlightenment/Positive Shit Today.

Another JJ Dumbass Moment: I wake up this morning saying shit, I gotta get rid of these Kate Hudson tits. (before the surgery). So I decide to get my Michael Phelps on. I ate a big ass lunch, loaded with carbs and told myself, I'd run 5-6 miles on the tread today. I'm stuffed, ready to hit the tread and as soon as I start the thing, the fucking motor goes. I'm too black to go outside in the cold. I had Sexercise today and I thought that would do the trick but then I had the post-sex munchies and ate a salad with bits and bites and gummy bears. Good shit. Will try this again on Wednesday when they come to repair the treadmill.

I'm using this blog as my personal email spot today so a lot of y'all might be lost.You gotta set the mood for these sorts of blogs hold up, here's a tune that fits. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJuoTfSrve8&feature=related.

My boy been sober for 6 days now. I didn't think nothing of it til I actually saw him today, shit's real. Dude looks like he just came off a 30 year prison sentence. Hang in there man you're doing fucking great and think of all the money you saved. Real talk you been fucking killing it, the weird shit will go away soon and before you know it you'll be fucking a model bitch, well a model from Hamilton....haha. You know my number get at me if you ever need anything.

To the girl who celebrated her birthday today, I'm trying to think of a better nickname now that you're older. Hmm can't think of shit. Anyways your ass went to bed at 10:38pm today so don't think I haven't noticed something is up. My (insert nickname here) (don't tell people that nickname either....don't want to be shot) senses are tingling. Just know that you're a great person doing everything you can in the worst circumstances possible but take comfort in the fact that if you and I die tomorrow we'll both know that we did more in this world than most people do. We'll also probably make it to heaven where we get to have uncontrollable sex involving sheeps, goats, and my rich western country sauce.....

Alright enough of that shit, Dear Future wife...If Sir Tom and company covers the spread tomorrow, please be well aware that if he ever meets you while we're together and wants head, sex, or a hand-job, you will be sacrificed...Do your thing Sir Tom. 

Will recap this garbage in the morning. The only thing I laid for tomorrow is $5000 on Patriots -7 -145. Will recap and post the rest when I wake up. 

NFL:
$400 Ravens/Steelers over 37 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)
$700 Ravens +3.5 -115 (L)
$400 Packers/Falcons over 43.5 -110= Return of $763.64 (W)

Play of the Day:
$1000 Falcons -1 -110 (L) 

Total Wagered: $2500

Total Returned: $1527.28

Total Loss: $972.72

Total Earned to Date: $13865.17

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com

May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.