Cheeba's Music Corner: Can't Decide what to Drop so Fuck it I'm dropping both: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEYweKYXkuY and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ue2LDWBzg0&feature=related
I don't think I've ever felt this shitty in my life. I woke up on Sunday morning in my bed next to a half-eaten McDonalds salad, with my shoes on and shit and no idea how I got home. It took me time to realize I was in my own bed. The weird part about it is I don't think I slept, I was sitting upright on the bed when I realized what was happening. People sending me BBMS and shit from the night before and I'm wondering if the world ended and shit. My pockets suggested I did a lot of shit on Saturday but I don't remember it. My mom was pissed though lmao calling me a two year old. Must have woken her up or some shit, who knows I didn't really ask. My tee should have been deemed illegal there were stains all over it I don't even know how they got there. 1 dead, 2 others injured after shit got crazy, I was 10 feet away but I ain't see shit. Just people running and you would think a shooting would wake you up. Nope, I was so out of it I just stood there watching the world turn in chaos. That's the last thing I remember about Saturday. RIP to the Scarborough cat who died though, whats a Caribana without gunfire?
Anyway fuck all that, fuck this weekend. I think I got heat stroke or something I'm here hotter than a motherfucker with a stomach that refuses to allow me to live in prosperity. So I'm doing Ramadan this year. At first I was going to half-ass it but I decided against that after this weekend. I'm going to actually try with this shit. I ain't Muslim and if I told you my reasons you'd just say I'm doing this for the box (which isn't true lmao) but I'm going to give some attention to Allah starting tomorrow. I actually have valid reasons for this and the way my life has been it only seems right that I give something back to God so this is it. I was 10 feet away from being dead yesterday but I been thinking about doing it for weeks. I ain't affiliated with any religion though but Ramadan could only benefit me. (for you ignorant ass motherfuckas who don't know what Ramadan is, google it)
So here it is, the JJ guide to Ramadan:
1) Fasting and shit: Ain't no nigga about to give up food from sunrise to sunset. That shit's from 5:30am -9:45pm. Nah fuck it, here's how you do this shit. Wake up whatever time you want and have breakfast. Then you say fuck lunch and eat dinner whatever time you want to eat dinner. Nothing after dinner and nothing between breakfast and dinner either. 2 meals a day. Water and Gatorade is allowed at any time.
2) I'm going to Mexico on the 27th so Ramadan starts on the 1st, ends on the 27th. A nigga ain't going to Mexico to eat 2 meals a day and not drink tequila.
3) Praying 5x a day. In hindsight, a lot of shit went my way this year that didn't have to go my way. Granted, plenty upon plenty of shit went wrong but some stuff went right that I didn't think would go that way. So I'm going to face Mecca and pray like the Muslims do 5x a day. I ain't bending down and shit though, I ain't taking it to terrorist levels. I'm separating it too. 1st prayer: Thankfulness. 2nd prayer: Forgiveness for the shit I really care about being forgiven. 3rd prayer: Hope. 4th prayer: For all y'all cocksuckas, the people who support and love me and shit. 5th prayer: For me to be great like Bob the Builder.
4) No alcohol. I was not going to do this but this weekend made me realize I have to. Also because I actually have valid reasons as to why I'm doing this Ramadan stuff I won't break this til the 27th. I don't give a fuck if it's Hip-Hop, UFC, Taste of Danforth, a fucking Styles P concert I ain't doing any alcohol. I'm flirting with the idea of going to NYC on the 13th, I'll make Poland Springs my drink of choice that entire time. I'm going to stay inside and fucking listen to Queen every weekend if I have to but I ain't drinking til the 27th.
5) No jacking off until after 6pm (my pretend sunset time). This one will be the hardest shit ever.
6) If I get some box, I'm going to make it Halaal. I don't think Muslims supposed to have sex during this time. But like I said I ain't a terrorist I'm just pretending to be one. So here is a what I'll do before I commit any sexual acts. I'm going to play this to purify the box, then go for it: Song to make the box Halaal. That way when I do commit sins I could tell God at least I purified it before.
7) No pork. I'll miss the occasional hot dog I throw in my omlette and bacon but fuck it, no pork.
I think I got it all covered. I know in the morning I'll wake up to some hate from some Muslims because they think I'm making a mockery of this, eat a dick.
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