I don't want to blog today. I just want to listen to Sade's "Cherish the Day" and read Joe Bodolai's suicide note over and over again. That could be found here: Life Before Death . I'm about to lose another relative in the next few weeks, this one to alcoholism. As good as gone is what I'm being told, I don't care for them I care for that life that slipped away. Can't explain it, it's like watching someone on a bed and as every day passes by they get a little more weak. But those eyes, the ones that had conviction and life are just filled with regret and sorrow, like "oh fuck" but it's too late. I saw this with my cousin and I saw this with my Grandpa years ago, here we go again. The 4th in as many months. This world is fucked, I try to tell myself it was always this way but I don't think it was. I'll never know that answer.
I hope the soul goes somewhere when life is all over and my dick with it but I wouldn't be entirely disappointed if it didn't. Dreamless sleep somewhat appeals to me. Weird because I used to hate the concept. I still believe in "God" I hate that name though because then I feel like one of those religious fucks, let's call him "P-nut." I still believe in P-Nut I just question the causation of too many things, it leads me no where then I wake up the next morning and do it all again. This life gets tiring but I wouldn't bother explaining why, I would bore half of y'all even more. People ask P-Nut for signs like that's going to make a difference. I see signs everyday I just wonder why he's even bothering. Or she, I started to think of P-Nut as a mother, a divine mother. It makes me feel better because P-Nut would get all the girls, P-Nut in a female form is much better. No I ain't drunk or high, just mentally drained and enjoying this stream of consciousness. We failed. Things could of been different but they aren't and unfortunately we're to blame. None of this shit is fair but we caused it. They want us to die, the people who control the world.
They want us to bleed, they want us to undergo radiation, to feel that pain, to be tricked into thinking we're getting better. Those fuckers have all the answers. But why? I used to think it was money, vitamin C therapy has amazing effects on cancer patients but you probably didn't know that. Today I read about how a McDicks burger is good after like 2 months of sitting out in the open, why are we being given this shit. Heroin is bad right? How fucking hard is it for the "world leaders" to sit in a fucking room and track where it comes from and destroy it. Y'all think it's money? Maybe. I used to think they were greedy fuckers but surely they realized by now money aint shit. Your kids go off to private school, become fags and die like everyone else. Those plastic tits you're titty fucking ain't different than the regular tits everyone else fucks. It doesn't make any sense, why are things this way. But when you question them you're a hippy or some conspiracy theorist. Tell us what really happened during 9/11 but most people believe it was the "Muslim Terrorists."
But like I said we caused this, we know better just refuse to apply it (I include myself in this) and then we'll cry about the "economy" and shit. Wouldn't it all be better if we simply didn't give a fuck? What if no one voted, wouldn't life be better. Have your money and kill us but we won't play your game. It's been this way for a while: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Northwoods but this is not an American problem. This is a world problem. Fuck am I having kids for to grow them up in a world where people are more concerned with the well being of a rat-face Chilean girl pretending to be Italian in Snooki as opposed to themselves. It's there already. Kids out here calling themselves Bieber and shit, wishing they were him, unable to process their own thoughts, unable to formulate their own opinions, unable to be them. Did it ever existed or was the self always lost? The self is a complicated thing but I won't stop til I find it. (yeaaaaaaaaaa nigga I went over half of your heads with that) Lmao. I'm out.
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