Last Message of 2010

Im drunk as fuck but fuck that. Baby girl I now you're reading this. You'll pay for this. I'm 's going to teach you Kate Gibson to not fuck with me. You'll wish you never met me, I could assure you that. It's coming eventually, I hope it was worth. What up y'all. I'm smashed. Could barely walk. Those crip niggas are insane smh niggas know the street. I need one of yall to take care of me. Woman only faggots. Jeez I need a woman to commpany my every hangover. Like walk with me, take care of me, make me miss it. Thats why I wanna get married. So a chick could take of me during these type of nights. im out happy new year.

Love Hate

This is one last ditch effort to bring out everything I hate, I'm bout to bury 2011. This year sucked. Don't mind me, just going to be emo. 

I hate this weather. I hate people. I hate their need for approval. I hate facades. I hate public transport. I hate that I hate things with conviction. I hate most of my relatives. I hate those who are happy. I hate the power I give to things/people which then consumes me but yet I see no way out, or fail to take that route. I hate modernity. I hate my desire for alcohol. I hate the judicial system. I hate people even more when I think about the judicial system. I hate those who think they could "solve" me, yet again people...I hate Sports (only in 2011 has it become this shitty) I hate Canada for what it looks like today. I hate taxes. I hate the government. I hate organized religion. I hate skinny jeans. I hate snapbacks. I hate Dog the fucking Bounty Hunter. I hate Pets. I hate hope. I hate almost all opinions that aren't my own. I hate being wrong. I hate traveling. I hate adhering to rules. I hate structure. I hate obedience. I hate that humanity is dying. I hate being an insomniac (only at times). I hate giving a fuck. I hate screen doors. I hate stairs. I hate expectations (they are never met). I hate all food that isn't fried. I hate fish (unless it's fried then it's tolerable, or Sushi which I force myself to eat cause I get tired of other healthy foods). I hate phones. I hate being misunderstood. I hate being recognized. I hate Storage Wars. I hate people who watch Storage Wars. I hate olives. I hate accents (most of them). I hate fear. 

I love to smile. I love happiness. I love fries. I love wings. I love Sylvia Plath. I love Idilia Dubb. I love my ability to detach myself from anything/anyone within the blink of an eye. I love(d) Prison Break. I love food. I love seclusion. I love mystery. I love life (when I'm actually living). I love confrontation. I love pain. I love destruction. I love Lana Del Rey. I love Fast Car. I love a blanket. I love differences. I love the Yankees. I love being selfish. I love being unproductive. I love the sun. I love blue skies. I love my dreams. I love the idea of having dreams. I love almost anything that has Margaret Atwood's name attached to it. I love to write. I love to read. I love to think. I love my fucking intuition. I love alcohol. I love the night. I love water. I love Mountain Dew Code Red. I love most fast food joints. I love the feeling I get when I leave Toronto. I love that I'm still alive. I love Arcade Fire. I love Styles P. I love chinese food. I love innocence. I love that I exist. I love that I am relevant (to a certain extent) I love the color black. I love me. 

If I ain't back for 2011 this is exactly how I'd want my words to sound like sending off this bullshit year. I'm out. 

Peace.

Time to Get Deep

I don't want to blog today. I just want to listen to Sade's "Cherish the Day" and read Joe Bodolai's suicide note over and over again. That could be found here: Life Before Death . I'm about to lose another relative in the next few weeks, this one to alcoholism. As good as gone is what I'm being told, I don't care for them I care for that life that slipped away. Can't explain it, it's like watching someone on a bed and as every day passes by they get a little more weak. But those eyes, the ones that had conviction and life are just filled with regret and sorrow, like "oh fuck" but it's too late. I saw this with my cousin and I saw this with my Grandpa years ago, here we go again. The 4th in as many months. This world is fucked, I try to tell myself it was always this way but I don't think it was. I'll never know that answer. 

I hope the soul goes somewhere when life is all over and my dick with it but I wouldn't be entirely disappointed if it didn't. Dreamless sleep somewhat appeals to me. Weird because I used to hate the concept. I still believe in "God" I hate that name though because then I feel like one of those religious fucks, let's call him "P-nut." I still believe in P-Nut I just question the causation of too many things, it leads me no where then I wake up the next morning and do it all again. This life gets tiring but I wouldn't bother explaining why, I would bore half of y'all even more. People ask P-Nut for signs like that's going to make a difference. I see signs everyday I just wonder why he's even bothering. Or she, I started to think of P-Nut as a mother, a divine mother. It makes me feel better because P-Nut would get all the girls, P-Nut in a female form is much better. No I ain't drunk or high, just mentally drained and enjoying this stream of consciousness. We failed. Things could of been different but they aren't and unfortunately we're to blame. None of this shit is fair but we caused it. They want us to die, the people who control the world. 

They want us to bleed, they want us to undergo radiation, to feel that pain, to be tricked into thinking we're getting better. Those fuckers have all the answers. But why? I used to think it was money, vitamin C therapy has amazing effects on cancer patients but you probably didn't know that. Today I read about how a McDicks burger is good after like 2 months of sitting out in the open, why are we being given this shit. Heroin is bad right? How fucking hard is it for the "world leaders" to sit in a fucking room and track where it comes from and destroy it. Y'all think it's money? Maybe. I used to think they were greedy fuckers but surely they realized by now money aint shit. Your kids go off to private school, become fags and die like everyone else. Those plastic tits you're titty fucking ain't different than the regular tits everyone else fucks. It doesn't make any sense, why are things this way. But when you question them you're a hippy or some conspiracy theorist. Tell us what really happened during 9/11 but most people believe it was the "Muslim Terrorists." 

But like I said we caused this, we know better just refuse to apply it (I include myself in this) and then we'll cry about the "economy" and shit. Wouldn't it all be better if we simply didn't give a fuck? What if no one voted, wouldn't life be better. Have your money and kill us but we won't play your game. It's been this way for a while: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Northwoods but this is not an American problem. This is a world problem. Fuck am I having kids for to grow them up in a world where people are more concerned with the well being of a rat-face Chilean girl pretending to be Italian in Snooki as opposed to themselves. It's there already. Kids out here calling themselves Bieber and shit, wishing they were him, unable to process their own thoughts, unable to formulate their own opinions, unable to be them. Did it ever existed or was the self always lost? The self is a complicated thing but I won't stop til I find it. (yeaaaaaaaaaa nigga I went over half of your heads with that) Lmao. I'm out.

Peace.

The Weekend and the Epiphany

This Holiday bullshit sucked. Last Christmas I was in a basement with a bag of sunflower seeds, I went to the gas station and got some Bits and Bites, and a bottle of Bacardi. Drank til I passed out, this Christmas was 1000x worse than that but I ain't getting into it. I was in Cleveland last week and as always I had a blast, only thing is I been drunk since the 21st. Another problem is that despite not wanting to, I left Cleveland thinking "family" and blah blah Christmas will be cool. I was wrong. Today was my first "day off." I got off that plane and went straight for more partying, buddy looks at my jacket and says "what is this" thinking it was a design. It was Puke residue. That's the type of week I had, wore the same mustard stained jeans for like 3 days and just went hard. Christmas and Boxing Day was spent at the strip club because to make a long story short for a bunch of reasons I couldn't be at home. Throughout the week I been beaten down more times than a nigga living in Alabama in the 20s. Christmas lunch consisted of sliced cheese on bread, at least I melted it lmao.

If it wasn't for the Ciroc, Grey Goose, and odd beer/wine I don't know how I'd survive this shit. But I did. So it's the 26th and me and another dude are at the Strip Club. He's beaten down like me. For one reason or another and I forgot the reason why but I purposely cut my thigh with a steak knife. At the time I had a good reason, I guess, but ya it's that sort of weekend. So now I say enough is enough, I had enough alcohol, enough strip club food, enough of the bullshit. I tell the homie lets go to walmart, pick up a rotisserie chicken, some mac and cheese, coleslaw. and potato wedges and have our own belated Christmas dinner. I DONT FUCK with potato wedges but it's the closest thing to fries I could think of and I wanted fucking fries. There I was, in the same clothes for like 5 days. Smelling of vodka, I don't remember eating anything, I don't remember doing anything, got stripper makeup all over me and nothing in my life is going right yet I'm stumbling across Walmart hoping they got that ready-made food. Then it happened....

A chick came up to me and said "hi" and I was thinking "no I don't want to sign up for your bitch ass mastercard." I turned to her about to cuss her off and then I realized I knew this person. You know how some people, during the worst times, see an angel and shit? This was my angel. See this was a girl I was trying to get it in with in 2005-06. She was hot, beautiful spanish skin, and sucked dick like Heather Brooke (google) which was the word on the street. Now it's 2011 and THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING WAY I"M HITTING THIS. The chick gained bout 50 pounds, had acne and shit, all I could think of is WHAT HAPPENED. Then she told me about her boyfriend, this was the sign from God. In my head I'm thinking, wait a NIGGA HITS THIS???????? NAH my life ain't so bad after all. I might be beaten the fuck down but I ain't fucking Kate plus 8 (literally like that chick Kate plus 8 other people combined into 1) No fucking way, I jumped for joy and went about my day, knowing I have it good, I ain't ever have to resort to that Hoover Dam in the face type of women. I'm blessed. I'm out.

Peace.

2 Year Anniversary- Random Thoughts

It's been 2 years since I started this shit. Some good, some bad came from it. Got a lot of pussy, some decent cash, death threats, first class flights, failed business opportunities you name it. A fucking roller coaster, just the way I like it.  I was going to bitch bout my problems today but said fuck it, I don't want to ruin your Christmas so instead I'll dream. If I ever get rich I'm doing to things. 1) Going to take ibogaine (google it if you're lost) 2) Fly on an empty plane somewhere. I'll need a lot of money for that and at first it'll seem like a waste but it's something I REALLY want to do. Sit there by myself, Oddly enough I been on a plane with 3 people once it was pretty cool, great feeling I can't describe but I need one for a longer journey. 

I need to start doing healthy things like getting a massage and breathing properly and not doing crazy drugs and shit. Maybe one day I'll be like that nigga on Parks and Rec. y'all know which one the healthy guy. Oh and fuck all y'all that had a good year lmao. 2011 should be renamed to: Lets see how far we can fuck JJ in his ass (pause) so if you had a good year then eat a dick with olives on it smh. I been trying meditating but it clearly aint working, though I blame my self. A nigga gets up on the bed and closes his eyes then immediately I start to think about banging Daisy Marie in her ass and it all goes downhill from there. I need more structure in my life. Like a rich white girl who has an "organizer" who guides me LMAO. 

That white chick in My Name is Earl is so attractive, even though she's not supposed to be. I think her name is Joy on the show, ya I need a white girl like that but less crazy and more class. Ironic, me talking about less crazy and more class. Y'all enjoy these Christmas Holidays trust me you don't want to be me. I know someone who knows someone who took their life today. It's a cold ass world and I tend to take all that shit for granted. Stare your faggot ass relatives dead in the eye and tell their faggot ass you love em, y'all don't want to see the glass completely empty as a lot of us do on a daily basis. See what happens when I listen to Lana Del Rey, I get in that mood lmao. I'll stop now though, Merry Christmas and I hope each and every one of you get some dope head or fingered or whatever rocks your world, Christmas without dope head is like going to Starbucks and ordering a passion fruit juice. LMAO I'm out y'all.

Peace.

Here We Go Again

I try not to be ungrateful but there are certain things I just can't help but think about. Don't blame me. I got a friend who has a sister and my friend fine as hell but her sister the one with good grades, the nice dude blah blah blah. She has all these family functions and doesn't want to show up single so she calls me and I'm usually her pretend boyfriend. In return, I used to get a mean blowjob now I just get free booze smh. But it was Thanksgiving and shorty had the gathering at her Aunt's place. This was thanksgiving and I'm black, I was raised a certain way. When you invite someone over at your crib you make them feel at home, give them a meal with love and take care of them. 

A nigga showed up for thanksgiving expecting everything and the kitchen sink. You know what I got, corn from a can, turkey, gravy, rice, and mini croissants you get in a pack for like $2.99. Man what the fuck, I ain't travel halfway across the city for this bullshit. AND WHAT the fuck do you eat with the rice? The turkey? Nigga please the least she could have done was fry the rice, add peas or something. A nigga spent his thanksgiving eating this garbage, let's be real that lady stuck the turkey in the oven and went to masturbate for 12 hours, came back, opened the can of corn and boiled some fucking rice. That was her meal she was serving to the people she "cared for." You know what's worse. This old ass lady spent the entire dinner bragging about how long the turkey took and how she got it perfect. White people don't know shit about cooking with love. Bullshit ass meals, bullshit ass "gatherings," bullshit ass dinnertime conversation man I couldn't wait to get out of there and hit KFC for the Big Box Meal with an extra side of coleslaw. 

So now another holiday is upon us (fuck that sounded gay let me try this again) Now Christmas is here and shorty hits me up pleading to roll with her on Saturday night. I value her a lot so I got no choice but to go. BUT I told her I'm skipping dinner. I'm doing this shit the ghetto way. I'm going to to Popeyes, pick up a 2 piece with an extra biscuit. Then I'm going eat it in the car on my way to the spot. When I get there I'm going to tell her Aunt I already ate at another family function, I'll have one of those bootleg ass croissants that been sitting in a grocery store for 7 weeks and I'll pretend to be happy. Then I'll hit their liquor cabinet for everything they got. That's what my life has become. I got to put on a James Bond type mission on Christmas eve and hang around fake white people, all because I live for alcohol and I want to tap into that Johnny Walker Blue. The things I do for the love of my life. I'm out. 

Peace.

Entering the World Of Faggotry

That's me holding a Gingerbread latte at Starbucks today, let me explain. About 2 months ago I lost a bet. I took Notre Dame, she took Michigan. Notre Dame was up by about 700 and suddenly Michigan score 700 points in the 4th quarter, I lose. Had I won man I won't even tell y'all the greatness I would have gotten but I lost. She knows how I hate starbucks, their fucked up terminology and everything with it so she decided I got to go to Starbucks and order a Gingerbread latte. To y'all this might sound like no big deal but I'm ALWAYS about principle. Fuck I look going up to a "barista" and ordering a Venti Gingerbread latte with cream on top. But anyways today I happened to be in a spot where Starbucks was around and figured it was a good time to pay up.

So I'm there in a big ass line where everyone are fags. The girls were kind of hot but you could tell they got weird ass personalities. The dudes were huge faggots who probably listen to Bruno Mars and know how to dance the "Waltz" whatever the fuck that is. (I hear things then repeat them like a child does, without knowing their real meaning) So I get to the chink lady (barista)  and I look at the board. Hold up a Venti is like $7 nah baby we in a recession I'll take the "Tall." See what I mean y'all, in the faggot world of starbucks, Tall means small. WHAT THE FUCK. Why the fuck these Seattle assholes have to be so different for, selling shitty cds and shitty books and shitty syrups. I don't give a fuck for this shit but if you need a coffee nigga go to the grocery pick up a big ass tin of Foldgers or Nabisco and go crazy for a month. Anyway in the wonderful world of Starbucks, a Small latte came up to $4.12. That's 2 fucking lottery tickets smh. 

Now I ordered the gayness and have to wait in another line while a dude in an apron makes it for me. Yes, dude who is making niggas coffee is in a fucking apron. This shit can't get any worse. Now I got no clue what a latte is, I thought it was like a funny word for something similar to hot chocolate. I'm thinking a Latte is the Hot version of a DQ Blizzard and at $4.12 this shit will taste good. I don't know what the fuck gingerbread spice is, as I never had a gingerbread cookie in my life but the emphasis is on cookie I'm thinking this tastes good. About 3 months ago I had my first expresso. Shit was nasty. Let me tell you what the shit I drank today was. It's like 2 shots of expresso. Mixed with every fucking spice and herb from my kitchen cabinet. It's like the dude in the apron grabbed 2 shots of expresso, mixed it together with paprika, black pepper, oregano, seasoning salt,and added a half cup of vinegar. That's what I drank Who the fuck willingly drinks this shit. I downed the thing like a pint and went about my day, a day that started with pure faggotry which I had to share. I'm out.

Peace.

What Recession?

God, let the record show I was going to write a completely different blog on a certain topic but it's Christmas time and I decided to take the high road (I been doing that a lot lately) So ya God, you owe me. I've done a lot of my Christmas shopping (by the way I got the most amazing gift today: a dog/usb thing that humps the computer) but I still had to get a few things. So Christmas is coming and I know the malls are crazy as is so I decide to hit the mall. The first thing I notice is United Way or one of those charities doing gift wrapping so I'm thinking good cause I don't know how to wrap that shit. Then I see "suggested donation prices" $3 for small, $5 for medium, $7 for large gifts. Nigga please, I know it's only suggested but fuck I look like paying $7 for some 14 year old jack off to wrap a few things for me. Fuck that I'll do it on my own. 

I'll sound like an old ass person here but I haven't been in a mall in years. To be honest the last I remember of the Mall was the $4 movie theaters (which no longer exist) and the niggas selling Popcorn at a cart for $1.50. I don't think that shit exist either. So I go in the mall and the decor (I don't know what this word means I'll assume interior style) is all fucked up like I'm in a Palace in Rome. It's a cold ass world out there but the Mall got fancy ceramic tiles and shit. I decide to get my brother a fitted cap. Now New Era Sponsors me and I get a lot of free shit, I just didnt have time to ask them for a hat, I walk into Lids. I look at every fucking hat on that shelf: $45.99. NIGGA WHAT? Add the 13% tax and we talking 50 + for a fucking fitted cap. Man I could get that shit in a footlocker in Queens for $21.99. Shit's insane.

I say fuck this, I'm going to Champs to get him a hoodie. He rocks a lot of hoodies and he likes his shit dark and plain like I do. A PLAIN fucking hoodie at Champs is $55.99. Shit can't be serious when I was 13 that shit used to go for $17.99 regular price and like $15 on sale. I look at the track pants, $40, also plain and no name. How the fuck do y'all afford shit. Who the fuck is paying $60+ for a hoodie with no brand on it. I ended up getting him 2 Nike tees that came up to $45. It ain't bout the money it's fucking principle. Yet all the stores were packed, people buying that shit like they got money to burn. It ain't that I'm cheap it's that I know what it's like to have $8 in the bank account and I refuse to go back to those days but damn, how the fuck do y'all people live in a world where a basic outfit costs $300+. This place is fucked. I get my shit mailed to me for free by a bunch of companies who pay me to write and I've never been more thankful. Not a clearance rack in sight, clearly the times have changed but this shit makes no sense. Ah well, for those people who love materialistic things I hope the 72 hours of satisfaction was worth it, I'll stick to the fruit of the loom tees I get at Walmart. I'm out.

Peace.

The Weekend and the Message.

So here's what happened. The end result to this entire fucked up weekend is the picture to your left, now let me explain. Somewhere along the line I decided I was going to get stupid drunk all week, which I did. Then Saturday night happened. I'm at this party which was gay, so I come home, change, and hit the Annex for another birthday party. I don't know how to behave in the presence of alcohol and I'm pretty childish. See the club was alright, some old school hip hop, a good vibe minus the fucking crowd and the shitty cover, everything was cool. As always I enter the club already drunk and I head straight for the bartender, who I convince to make all my doubles into triples (I try this everywhere I go) 

A nigga drinking his screwdrivers, triple vodkas in that shit and just chilling. Then it sorta all went downhill. For whatever reason the club went from playing Pharaohe Monch  (which no one but me and my boys knew) to Hollerback Girl by Gwen Stefani. Now I'm mad, I fucking hate college kids and all of a sudden it hits me. I'm at a college place, with college kids, who are wilding out on the dance floor. Nah something has to happen, all these motherfuckers are acting a fool. I start throwing shit at people on the dance floor, mints, really anything I could find. Then I had enough of these white people so I tell my boys it's time to bounce. But before I go for whatever reason I got into it with a white girl. I forget why to be honest but one thing leads to another and as she's walking down the stairs my foot SLIPS and kicks her in her ass. At the time I had a valid reason as to why my foot slipped I just can't remember it now. She dare not turn around either shorty didn't fall or anything she just kept going (none of this is my fault, as I said my foot slip)

Long story short I end up at the Green Room, MUCH better spot. Homeboy is lighting his spliff at the table with the tea-light and we're high as fuck drinking with a really anti-social crowd. The type of crowd where everyone of those motherfuckers are the type to shoot up a high school. Anyway I made it home around 4:30am on Sunday morning. That's when it all gets fuzzy. I don't remember shit but talking shit on twitter then going to bed. But yet I wake up to the text message you see above. What could I have told shorty for her to sound THAT dejected? Why the fuck is she even apologizing and assuming guilt for, as far as I know she did nothing wrong. Now, a rule I live by is to never look back at the drunk messages I send but clearly I must have cussed her off or something pretty bad. Probably blamed her for all my worries and blamed her for not curing cancer or something who knows I was drunk but how does one respond to a text like that? I was thinking about it all day, then I just decided to plead stupid: "Oh it's okay" LMAOOOOOOOO I ain't shit y'all. I'm out. 

Peace.

The Family Reunion

After weeks of deliberation, I decided to be the better person and attend this family reunion thing that's taking place on Sunday. I fucking hate family like you wouldn't believe, bound together by some shitty blood. If most these people died I wouldn't give a fuck about them and they wouldn't give a fuck about me. But I took the high road, one of those "it would make my mom happy kinda crap because she likes this" so I said I'm going. So many problems with this I don't know where to begin. My aunt is funding it and I hate it. She's the type to do something for you and hold it over your head forever. That's when I said, "I'm a grown ass man, I'll pay, it ain't nothing." My mom said oh don't worry about it, it's a buffet. 

Who the fuck eats all you can eat, that shit is for people in trailer parks and greedy ass motherfuckers who never seen food. For $10 you getting an unlimited food supply of meats, carbs, dessert, etc. and you expect that shit to be good? Nigga please. If you want the truth I kind of got tired of "hope" and coping and shit, these days I'm just living solely for the purpose of living. There ain't much out there anymore that excites me I'm layered with deep mental problems that has me thinking tomorrow will be no different than today so I'm going to wank to amateur Milf Porn and I took up cooking so that gets me through these cold ass days. I'm tired of hearing "hang in there." See y'all would read that and feel sorry for me, trust me I'm good but THIS family....unreal. Half of these people slept with each others husbands, half got addictions ranging from blow to alcohol, and the rest are the ones who "know everything" you just can't win.

I don't love these people, I don't care for them, I'm indifferent to everything but on Sunday I'll have to go, with a smiley face like this " :) " and pretend to enjoy the shitty all you can eat food. Then I'll have to give everyone hugs and shit, I'm fucking anti social don't touch me unless I've said the words "I love you." I could think of 1000 better things I could be doing than this but I'll have to suck it up (pause). They're bringing a cake too, then they'll all pretend that they're the best of friends, then in 3 weeks my uncle will get evicted or my aunt, who has been convicted of fraud like 20x will catch another case. Rinse and repeat, yet I'm supposed to feel connected to her. I say this to say, to anyone reading this, I stay connected to y'all. Y'all are real people who I fuck with, who I smoke with, some of y'all I fuck and some will give up their fallopian tube to see me smile. Y'all keep me sane and y'all are the reason I do this, much love and think of me on Sunday when I'm sitting across the table from a bunch of people who think having a good time is smiling for a camera and posting it on facebook to show the world how happy they are, re-assuring themselves that everything is okay when it really isn't.

Peace.

Back Again Like for the 100th time.

I'm back motherfuckers and more bitter than you've ever seen me. Everyday it's something new, another failed contract, another broken relationship, another day where I got to wake up and view the world and think "damn everyone in this mothafucker is fucked." Was walking through the halls of school today. What could very well be the last time I ever walk through those halls, thinking "now, what next." Just had to stand still for a moment and let it hit me. I endured 4.5 years of unnecessary crap for a piece of paper and now what. Work in a fucking office doing some tedious fucking job and hating shit even more. I love to write but I'm too fucked up to ever keep a stable job, this job application process is the most painful shit ever. 

Speaking of pain my "significant other" hold up let me google significant other to see what that really means. Ya good enough. My significant other pulled some dumb ass shit today, I sensed this was going to happen but the justification topped it all off. I won't get into that though she has to tolerate me too, I don't know why but she does.You know what I want for Christmas, complete isolation. I don't care about gifts, I don't care about cash, I don't care about these gay ass carols or some fat Sandusky motherfucker asking kids if they been naughty. I want a one way ticket to a warm place where I know very few people, where I can make enough cash to live a bit comfortably. By comfortably I mean a couch and a laptop and maybe microwave. I want to be in a place where no one knows your name. I used to watch Cheers thinking, that must be the coolest shit ever, where everybody knows your name. ASK SAM MALONE if he was happy in the place where everyone knows your name. Dude joined a group for sexual addiction or something and told everyone to fuck off, that's what life did to Sam Malone. 

You know what I want to do for the rest of my life, eat fries, write, and drink. But I can't. If I eat fries like I want to eat fries, I'll end up like those niggas on TLC who are 800lbs. If I write what I really want to write, no one will appreciate it because I would have crossed "the line" and not get paid. WHAT FUCKING LINE, people do all sorts of immoral shit but because I spit my own perception of things from my own heart there's a problem right? If I drank the way I wanted to drink I'd be dead by next week. Life is all filled with these gay ass limitations and if we don't follow them we end up like Janis Joplin. There's nothing great about this Christmas. It's cold, niggas out here killing each other, had a gun pointed at me this week during a Robbery and I fucking ordered a gift from Victoria Secret on Dec. 7th and today I get a call "there were problems." SO you dumb fucking rejects couldn't let me know a week ago when the problem occurred.

I envy those people who don't know better. Those Born Again Christmas motherfuckers who preach all this nonsense like they're really making a difference. Those naive people who think the government is out for their best interests. The people who believe that they love their wives even though they're banging Blockbuster employees once a week. That's the people I envy. I'm back baby and I'm fucking on a tear because for the past 12 months, very little has gone my way and I WISH I could say I was to blame, but 90% of this shit was out of my control, so fuck you and your happiness. Catch me on twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/BronxBomber45

Peace.