The Day I Realized I had No Dignity

Lets take a trip down memory lane this is a story a lot of people have asked me about and now I'm ready to talk. We're in Vegas, Superbowl weekend, Mandalay Bay with some professional fighters. I ain't naming names so let's leave it like that. Hold up let me give a shout out because before we ended up here it was here: http://www.acesbarandgrill.net/ check them out if you're in the Vegas area that place is sweet and the food is spectacular. Back to the story we're at the bar in an exclusive part of Mandalay Bay. I say fuck it I want a double ciroc on soda. $48 and guess what motherfuckers. I didn't complain. Sometimes you just gotta do shit like this, we get so stuck in our normal routine if you can go go out and live a little. $48 for 1 drink is a motherfucking lot but you sip that shit and enjoy it. Sure I could get the same drink 5 feet away at another bar for a 30% of what I paid but this is life, live it up. 

So we're all wasted and shit and me and one thing leads to another, the professional fighter threw a bottle of bud and left LMAO just smashed it on the floor it was hilarious. We left that are because the entire bar/dance floor starts looking at us and shit and before I know it me and another friend of mine are approached by an old lady. She's in her 70s for sure but she tells us how she was watching us and to "stick with her because we both look like we need help." This is the shit I'm talking about. We look at each other and we're thinking fuck it lets roll with this old lady. She had a deep southern accent and she made the distinction she was from South Texas. She said it was different than the rest of Texas and put emphasis into cartels and coke. I forgot what she did eventually she told us it was either retired politician or oil lady, either way she said she left Texas now lives in St. Thomas, I'll assume that's like one of those Cayman Islands type of things I don't feel like googling cause this story makes me sad. 

Eventually the 3 of us keep talking and she takes us to a table to play crabs. I never played this shit but she reaches in her purse, out comes STACKS of thousand dollar chips. The other dude went to get a drink and she is very touchy-feely with me. That's when it happened. I asked myself "how much would you do her for?" So I start at a high number. 50k. Yes. 40k. Yes. 25k. Yes. 15k. Yes. 10k. Yes. See most of y'all would stop but I had to be honest with myself...I kept going. 1k, nah. 1200...and that's where i sat to think. I haven't seen or heard from my grandma in years but she's younger than this old ass lady. But 1200 is 1200. I told myself yes. That's when I realized that I ain't shit. $1200 fucking dollars. Insane. Then shit started to get weird, her husband came around and she told him to get the fuck out. Then my boy came back and THANK FUCK she started telling us about her daughters who she said "they'll gamble with you for the rest of the night, they're such whores."

See what I mean in my world none of this shit exists. This lady is telling us about her daughters, giving us tit-measurements of them etc etc. Telling her husband to get the fuck out, feeling up on me. Asking me to roll the dice as she bets thousands on crabs and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. It's all leading up to something. Instantly I'm thinking either she wants my dick or really wants to help us out. Who knows what the fuck is going on. Then "the homie" got in a massive fight with the pit boss at the table because he couldn't get alcohol. Boom, she got scared as fuck and left us. Broke and disgruntled. 2 minutes ago I was with a fucking old ass politician or oil lady from St. Thomas with AT LEAST 70k in her purse in chips, there we're standing drunk and upset, we ain't even get a $5 chip off her, she got scared and said "all right time for bed guys it was fun." and that was that. Broke and without dignity the only thing I realized that day that my "price" you know how everyone has one...was 1200 FUCKING dollars. That's 400 fucking bottles of PBR on a Sunday. 1200 is a year full of bus passes. 12 bills, that's what I valued my worth at. What happens in Vegas, stays your mind for the rest of your life and will fuck you up forever. I'm out lmao.

Your God Returns...Back for the First/Last Time.

I never really leave this shit. I actually love it. I'll leave hate all the problems it brings me and just hop right motherfucking back in. I've learned a lot over the past little while. Cancer sucks by the way, I don't got it but I know too many people who do. If I get that shit I'm going out the Heath Ledger way and I ain't really the fighting type either so if ever I get cancer my life will begin....y'all won't understand that. I also discovered that I'm greater than most of y'all. Go head cry about it, I am. Man, I love me. I love to write, I hate people, I hate animals, I'm starting to fuck with nature though. I get it. Everyone in this motherfucking world has been hurt so they just dwell in their hurt. One way or another they do it, fucking faggots.

Not me, my life sucks but I never once complained about the card I was dealt. I just bluffed my way eventually folded and got new motherfucking cards. I'm in the process of mindfucking myself so if this blog is unclear then I did my job. Humans are pussies. Blah blah blah my childhood sucked so now I'm going to live in pity for the rest of my life. I ain't speaking to ANYbody in particular just the entire fucking species. Bunch of fucking pussies that fuck with other people trying to compensate because they got fucked over and they bitch. I was in a New Hampshire strip club a while back when all this hit me. Besides dying, another thing universal with us is the fact that we all been fucked. It might have been the fact that we couldn't own the BMW we wanted at 16yrs old because daddy said no, or we starved to death in a Sudanese church but we ALL been fucked over one way or another and it made us this way.

I been sober for like 25 days or some shit, fucking gay as fuck this is not making me a better person, just worse. Alcohol makes me breathe, sobriety restricts me. My reality is real when my mind is altered. I love me some more. I think I've transcended sometimes into another world, I doubt I'm human most time. Weird I know but there's something strange, like a strange energy type shit or maybe I just been drinking too much fucking green tea. Don't y'all ever get tired of it? Logging on facebook and talking to your facebook friends. You pretending they give a fuck about you. Them pretending they enjoy your company. You gaining more facebook friends because you "need" them. Then posting some motivational crap like: "shoot for the stars and if you fall you'll land on a cloud" like nigga WHAT THE FUCK? Everything on twitter and facebook and tumblr (my new business adventure) is motivational quotes. People find the weirdest fucking ways to escape.

How about the truth: Your dad fucked your mom, you were born, somehow someway as a child you were fucked over based on your interpretation of events. You'll live a life filled with discontent and confusion and then you'll grow old, lose motivation for life and then you'll die. You'll spend your life trying to justify your reason for existence, you'll try to be an individual but eventually you'll became a sheep followed by a statistic. Life ain't beautiful, it's a weird ass cycle. There's no reward, just periods of solace. The kid you hold and love and think is cute is going to steal from your purse and hate you in 16 years. God has a great mind. Goodnight y'all......