Tuesday the 20th.

Last Tuesday I realized something. Starring at a mirror (like it always happens) I realized I was a cunt. I realized I had been living roughly 10 months in misery, self pity, self-inflicted pain, torture, the works. Things don't always go as planned as we all know but for one reason or another, in my life when they don't, I have a strong tendency to self-destruct, or seemingly self-destruct.  If I spent 10 months pissing time away like this because of things I can't change, because I'm too weak to deal with things I had no control over, then clearly I have a lot of making up to do. To myself and to time. Now a "normal person" would say tomorrow is a new day and start making changes. If there's one thing you could get from this is that I'm not normal. I gave myself 5 days. 5 days of alcohol, mind altering substances, torture, self-destruction, the most unhealthy foods you could imagine. 5 days of all things negative spanning from Toronto to Ohio (where I carefully planned this behavior ending). 10 months wasn't enough, I wanted 5 more days. 5 more days to unleash a vigorous but carefully executed path to destruction. I ended friendships, I fought everyone including myself, I put my stomach, mind, body, soul, all through torture in an effort to leave it in Ohio. 

The plane departs from Hopkins and I could barely move. My body numb from ingesting chewing tobacco the night before. My head hurts, my legs can't move, there aren't enough words in the human dictionary to compensate for this feeling. People are upset at me, people want me hurt, people want me destroyed, but my mind is in full motion. "Pink Matter" is blaring from the I-Phone on this 38 minute flight, and it's time to get this party started. This was all carefully executed as I mentioned before, I know what I'm doing. Sure I didn't cater to the whole ingesting tobacco thing, I didn't cater on wishing death on people but it was all carefully executed. On that plane I was the lowest human being who ever lived, by my own doing, on purpose. In order to feel happiness one has to experience insurmountable pain. In order to feel pleasure one has to know what "gross" feels like. To appreciate life, one has to walk through miles of death, miles of torture, miles of sorrow to truly appreciate what is out there. Therefore if I spent the last 10 months walking through my own hell, that I created because I wanted to compensate for things I have no control over, then surely I could spend the next 100 months appreciating everything around me. 

Every human interaction is carefully designed. I don't want to say "God" because my God and your God aren't the same, but there are indescribable things in this world that just sometimes fall into place. I was never lost, I never had a more difficult life than everyone else, I never went through hell. I just made myself belief these things. Hell is when you're incapable of loving, incapable of making someone love you. Incapable of moving, incapable of experiencing anything beyond the most toxic of emotions. That is not me. I'm far from hell but like I said, when you walk through your own filth, you find a deep appreciation for your own beauty and the beauty around you. I left my pain in Cuyahoga county. Let's see where this gets me. 

Stay tuned. 

Don't Disturb Me When I'm Eating my Lunch Bitch

Blog got a new look, I'd ask for feedback but I don't give a FUCK about your feedback so if you don't like it suck a dick lmao. Today one of my boys told me he's making Clam Chowder at his restaurant, I work about 10 minutes away so in typical black fashion I raced over there. I never had clam chowder before, it's dope kind of like cream of wheat for white people. Anyway, so I'm sitting down drinking my Caesar and watching tv. There's some old looking dyke next to me. She's arguing with Rogers Cable because she can't pay her bull. In my mind I'm thinking, you can't pay your bill but you're at a bar at 1:15pm on a Monday morning. About 20 minutes later my fries (yes I got fries with the chowder) arrived and I was enjoying my meal. The bitch gets off the phone and starts telling me how she's suicidal, suffers from clinical depression and she's showing me scars of where she just to bang herself with pots and pans in the head and shit.

Bitch I'm trying to enjoy my fries, leave me the fuck alone but I just keep to myself, nod a few times, then continue eating. She then starts talking about how the city has no resources, she's called the suicidal hotline multiple times "they put you on hold for an hour." GOOD bitch it's because you deserve to die but I'll get into that shortly. At this point I had enough and I'm just dreaming of Kate Upton and I got Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" in my head, I'm trying everything I possibly could to make this all go away. She continues: "they tell me I'm an alcoholic but I only drink beer, I don't drink wine, vodka, rum nothing, just beer. Then she tells me she has a degree in engineering. At this point I've had enough. Let's analyse this.  You only drink beer so you could never be an alcoholic? What in the fuck? That's like saying "I'm not addicted to smoking because I only smoke Belmonts" though as the conversation continued I could tell this bitch just wanted sympathy. 

Yes, maybe something traumatic has happened in her past and yes maybe she's disadvantaged from a minor cognitive area but she just wants the world to feel sorry for. Your ass got up and decided to visit a bar, YOU made that choice stop blaming everyone else. You could see the scars all on her hands where she cuts herself, I'm kind of hoping she completes the job, people like that are just taking my free air and wasting it. You can't help people like them. It's the world's fault she can't get off her dyke ass and work a 9-5 because she suffers clinical depression. It's the world's fault she can't afford the blackberry she owns because she's suicidal. If I had a gun I swear on everything I love I'd give it to her and ask her to make sure she completes the job this time around. 

No bitch, the hotline is not responsible for your life. Your case workers are not responsible for your life. Get them fake tears the fuck out of here. Society just got millions of people like this who blame everyone else because they're fucked up. Do something about it, or drink bleach. That should be the motto heading into 2013. If you want to die, do it properly. No one should have to deal what I had to go through today. Eating delicious food and being burdened by someone who takes no accountability in their life. You chose to let that clinical depression take the best of you. You chose to drink. You chose to use fucked up logic pertaining to your alcoholism. Make the world a better place and take control of your actions or die trying. 

I'm tired so I ain't even going to proofread this one. Support the links at the top. Peace.

If you don't know ODB is, you need to re-evaluate your life. 

Obesity and Perceptions

Before I get into it I got to share this personal accomplishment with yall. You would be so proud of me. For the last 3 weeks I've been trying to piss and effectively shake without spilling and not touching my dick with my hands. I could come to you with confidence when I say: I can now piss without holding my dick. Don't ask me how I managed to come up with this idea or how I even accomplished this, but I did. So this morning while I'm drinking my kale shake, I'm watching my future wife Robin Meade on headline news as I do every morning. They cut to this segment from Wisconsin, hear this out.

So a Wisconsin newscaster, pictured above, is obviously obese. Someone wrote her an email criticizing her, admittedly harshly, for being a fat ass. The fat bitch with no neck, as you can see, then gets on the news and addresses the letter. She basically spends a good 5 minutes calling him a bully and she took the "WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN ANGLE." Now she's getting overwhelming support and at first I didn't give a fuck but this fat bitch with no neck needs to be put in her place. Whoever wrote her that letter, thank you, you probably saved a life or two. Instead of accepting the way we are, sometimes we need to change it. As you can tell she's weighing a good 250lbs+, that ain't good for nobody. She's the type to go to Walmart and buy about 5 large Cokes and go wild, then eat a big ass bag of chips. For starters, imagine what her box smells like with all that filth going in her body, that can't be good.


Lastly, bitch you're fat and you need to be made aware of that fact. You get on tv everyday and millions of people potentially see you, what does that say about society? When you're obese the fact is, you're poisoning yourself. You got a clogged heart (oh and she's diagnosed with diabetes)...what does that say to the kids Miss Fat Ass? That it's okay to be obese and you could make it on tv and have a decaying ass heart? The world is facing an epidemic because healthy food (trust me I know) costs 900% more at the same caloric intake than unhealthy foods. It needs a fundamental shift but instead you got weak and fat motherfuckers defending themselves. There's nothing to defend. You're a fat, disgusting, and weak human being and statistically speaking the world would flourish from an economic and probably evolutionary standpoint if you were dead. Those are facts. If you're obese, you're a walking ass toxin and as you can see, she don't even have a neck. The smart thing to do would be if she stood there and apologized for failing her own family her own self and promising to work hard and set an example for the kids. As opposed to Mrs. Jennifer Livingston going up there and talking about bullies. Bitch shut the fuck up and owe it to yourself to make the right choices instead of deflecting the blame to others. You're fat and disgusting, fact. Fix it or die at an early age because of your need for twinkies. It's as simple as that.

I'm out.

If you ever watched a full episode of the Big Bang Theory, your life is shit.

The Worst Move of All Time

Before I get into it, this one will contain spoilers from the movie Trouble with the Curve so if you intend on watching the movie, suck a dick and exit the blog. My dad's been crying about seeing this movie for the longest time so I figured Saturday night would be a good time to check it out. For starters, the lineups in the movies are crazy, fucking little kids running around everywhere, I can't believe theatres still make this kind of money but we get to the movies and $21.99 later we're watching Trouble with the Curve. No room anywhere so we have to sit in the front like 2 old women. I've watched a lot of fucked up shit in my life. When I was 12 one of my homies told me that there were hot chicks on the internet blowing horses. I didn't have internet at the time so I went to his house not believing a word he said. Then he logged onto some website and there was a got blonde blowing a horse. It was easily the best/worst thing I seen.

Then I got suspended from school in highschool for a while and I did nothing that week but watch movies. Reno 911 was one of them. It was the dumbest shit I ever seen, and I kept telling myself, it'll get better, it'll get better. Then it ended and I contemplated my reality from the most extreme metaphysical states wondering if I could ever undo the damage society had just bestowed upon me (see I'm smart as fuck niggas). Now there's Trouble with the Curve. I didn't know Justin Timberlake was in this movie but the fact that he is just made it so much worse. The movie revolves around 3 characters: Clint, Justin, and a hot chick who I'd fuck from the back in the middle of a funeral procession cause gotdamn she was fine. Here is the entire movie summarized for you quick: Clint is a baseball scout who sees a problem with one batter. The batter could hit, just not curve balls. His decision gets questioned because his eye sight is going. Clint's daughter finds a Mexican in the parking lot who could pitch. Justin is a scout for another team who likes Clint's daughter....

Clint's daughter convinces the Braves that the Mexican is the pitcher for them. Clint then agrees with her. The movie ends with the Braves hiring the Mexican. That is the entire plot of the movie. No sex scenes, no violence, no conflict, no twist, just a Mexican in a parking lot of a Travelodge who gets signed. In other words, this movie which probably has the same budget as 3 of my paychecks, was nothing other than parading an old man around. We're supposed to suck his dick (pause) because of his past accomplishments. Fuck Clint Eastwood, fuck Justin Timberlake, and fuck the hot chick with the pointy nose for wasting 2 hours of my time with that bullshit. Really? The story ends with a Mexican in a parking lot who apparently is MLB ready. There were no mlb games, there was not even a real story. It's a shame that I spent 21.99 on watching this bullshit. Make the world a better place and don't support this shit.

I'm out.

If your girl never took her 4S and rubbed her pussy with it in front of you, you ain't living right.

This Morning, Shit got Real

You probably don't know this but this Kale shit takes a long time to make for a day's supply. You have to cut up cucumbers, apples, celery and shit like some health freak, it takes like 25 minutes. So today I'm running late in the morning but I make the Kale, down 2 glasses and I have like 3 minutes to jerk off before I leave for work. I pop one off QUICK to some British amateur porn on xvideos and I run out the door. I get in the car and as I turn the corner it hit me, I gotta take a pee. I tell myself fuck it, I'm already late, I work 26 km from home, on a good day I'll make it there in 25, on a bad day I'll make it in 50 minutes, I could hold it. Now, if you know me, you know I got a weak ass bladder. I wouldn't even compare it to a woman, it's something akin to a 2 yr old. People keep telling me to get it checked out and I did, they told me it was something to do with genetics. Fuck my bitch ass genes.

Anyway, back to the story so I need to take a piss but it ain't even serious. I hit the DVP and I got Arcade Fire blasting through the speakers. It's a Thursday morning, the sun is out, it's payday, I'm feeling good. As I'm driving it's obvious I need to pee but no worries, I'm only 20 minutes away from work. Then I hit the Gardiner Expressway. Shit was backed up from Jarvis. I still have another 11km to go and this shit is not moving at all. Now shit's getting real, my legs start shaking. I turn the music off and tell myself that faggot ass music they play in the radio will take my mind off it. I stopped praying to based god, I started praying to Kate Upton. So here I am on the Gardiner begging Kate Upton to let me make it to work and I got the AC on FULL blast, it's like 8 degrees outside. Then I hear Big Sean on a Justin Bieber song say " us, trust, a couple things I can't spell without u" LMAO I'm crying my plan is backfiring cause now I really want to pee. Then he says "the grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it" and now tears are streaming down my face. Those shitty ass rap lines have me crying. I'm about to explode. There is no shoulder on the Expressway so at this point Im just begging to make it the last 4kms. I know I can't make it to the office but I figure I could get to the lot without exploding.

Finally the fucking stalled vehicle that was causing the traffic is gone and I'm going 130/km just begging Kate Upton, let me make it to the lot. I get to the lot, whip out a bottle I had (cause there's cameras everywhere) and proceed to piss while still driving. Now, this ain't the first time I pissed in a bottle and it probably won't be the last. But there's something so dope about this feeling. It's so liberating. You see the shit filling up and your body is releasing all that urine and it feels just as good as getting head. I'm feeling good as fuck, my door wide open, my dick out and the morning fresh air keeping me alive. Then I noticed an Asian lady staring at me in awe. She just stood there, lifeless, staring at me in this euphoric state. Eventually she fucked off and 3 minutes later I grabbed another bottle and was still pissing. We need to make this a movement, the shit feels so good, I advise everyone to piss in a bottle when you can, it's the right way to live.

I'm out.

If you never made out with a fat chick, you ain't living right.

Women Are a Dying Breed

I wake up around 5:40am, take a piss, run a mile, shower, brush my teeth, close my eyes and down a glass of kale. By the time I'm finished with all that shit it's like 6:30. Around that time you get Cheers on TBS, which is the only good thing to come out of Boston because of the rest of that city has herpes. However, TBS switched up on me, they now show the Cosby show. Today I'm sitting there watching the Cosby show and it hit me, women are a dying breed. In  10 years, women will no longer exist. Let's take Claire Huxtable for example. Claire Huxtable was a fucking bad bitch. She was a lawyer so she'd go into work and contribute at least 50% to the household from a financial standpoint. She'd then come home and the first thing she would do is cook for her family. She'd spend quality time with the kids. Just look into her eyes right the fuck now, she definitely has that dope ass box. Claire Huxtable's box is impeccable. It's flawless. Breathtaking. When Claire Huxtable lays on that bed you KNOW you're getting some rare minerals DEEP in the congo. That's what you get with Claire and why? Because she was a woman. She took care of hers, she fought for everything in life and she exploited her every asset. It's with deep sadness that I tell yall, women are a dying breed.

Look at it from today's perspective. You think women are being built like Claire? FUCK No.Women are a dying breed, today's society is filled with grown ass little girls. 20s 30s 40s, all girls who have no idea what it takes to be a woman. They don't know what it's like to cook a hot meal with love then get on those knees and lick those veins like a real woman would. Today's society is filled with little girls. They're obsessed with materialism, lack ambition, have every excuse in the book, and pretend like they don't want to get fucked from the back while listening to "Ava Maria." That's the difference between then and now, there's little girls out here who are insecure and sit there and download apps and have a tumblr account and think they're the shit because they have 1200 friends on facebook. No bitch, you ain't shit. You think Claire Huxtable gave a fuck about a Tumblr account? No, because she was a real woman.

She catered to the needs of those that loved her and guess what, she got her return. She got the materialism so many little girls crave. She got kids, she got a successful career, and she did all that while still being a motherfucking freak in bed. In 2012, vagina is devalued and almost worthless because a chick will put out for a LinkedIn connection. That's the problem with today's society, these grown ass little girls are killing it. Look into those eyes, such conviction, not a fucking ounce of insecurity in that body and if she had it, she didn't show it because she had trust and confidence in herself. Claire Huxtable KNEW she was a bad bitch and made that work to her advantage. Women are dying and every month it just gets worse and worse causing men to resort to dumb shit like a fleshlight (google it). If you're the last of a dying breed then work towards investing in yourself, telling them insecure thoughts to fuck themselves, focus on the positive but most important, trust yourself and work towards happiness. You too could be like Claire...

I'm out.

If you never ate a Joe Louis (pause), you ain't living right.

"Before I die...I want to live"

Everyday on my way to work I pass by this wall on a construction site. It says "before I die, I want to..." and the section is left blank. There's chalk and people write all sorts of dumb shit like Win the Lotto  Max, visit Space, get a pet. However, today as I passed by the wall something stuck out to me, someone wrote "live." For one reason or another that sentence rattled me. From my own interpretation/perception I understood it but this wasn't enough, I felt like there was more to this. For one reason or another, I felt as though I was meant to see that. Whoever wrote that on the wall, thank you, I now have the answer to everything. Allow me to share my interpretation:

For every action in this world, there are only two options: to live or to die. Either you make it or you don't. Regardless of the journey, you either survive or you motherfucking die. I don't give a fuck if you were raped 15x before the age of 5, or you were handed the keys to a CL 500 before your 16th birthday, in everything you ever fucking do, you choose to live or to die. Everybody is filled with excuses, everybody deflects or compensates instead of living. The fact is, the world rather choose death than to live. Every motherfucking thing we do is a matter of survival. You want to make it in this world then you have to go out and get it. If you think there are people out there who are sympathetic to your situation because you had a rough road then you're wrong, every road is rough. For example: you cheat on lets say your gf. At the end of the day we could glorify this side chick life all we want and talk about how we fuck multiple bitches while in a relationship but guess what, you're a weak motherfucker. You don't trust yourself enough to stick with the person who held you down, who stood by your side. You disloyal motherfucker, choosing to die. That's exactly what it is, you're showing how motherfucking weak your character is. You can't keep your dick in your pants for 15 minutes but you rather throw it all away for 15 minutes of satisfaction. Then you break someone's heart and feel like shit. That shit doesn't go away. It lives in the back of our subconscious. When you have to tell someone you love that you disregarded everything they ever did for you, so you could ejaculate, you'll know what I mean. When you look yourself in the mirror as a man and realize the wrong you did, you'll understand that you chose death.  It's death, it's decay, it's toxicity. That's what we do to ourselves every motherfucking day.

Another example: you hang around 500 motherfuckers but every last one of them are toxic. They bring a negative energy to your environment but you keep em around because you feel as though you need it. You dumb weak fuck, you don't even value yourself enough to live your life, once again you're choosing to die. Those are just two extreme examples but every day we fucking choose to die. We live toxic lives and then complain when things don't go away. I can't tell you how many times I complained about the cards I was dealt. I'm a grown ass man the fuck was I doing? In everything we ever do, we have 2 options, to live or die. Either you take your motherfucking broke ass out there and strive to make it this world or watch as 5 other people successfully take your shot. That's what this world is, it's very simple. You make it or you don't. You either are a stand-up person with an insurmountable level of trust in yourself or you're a weak ass bitch. Which one are you doing to choose? The choice is motherfucking yours. Fuck the past you can't chance that, fuck the future because tomorrow Ahmed in his orange cab could run you over by accident and you are now fed through a tube. Make life matter, make it or not but hold yourself and no one else accountable. To live or die, it's fucking simple, either make shit happen or don't make shit happen. Piss valuable time away or make it count, before I die, I am going to live.

I'm out

If you never jacked off to Claire Huxtable, you ain't living right.