100 Things That Make You A Faggot, Part 1

" I don't even remember his website. Not even going to check it, don't care" -Anonymous. You're a terrible liar dude but I'll give credit when credit is due. If you were 10 years younger, different body, and different gender, you'd be sucking me off right now because you make one hell of a cute 19 year old girl. Well done.

Back to the blog, the other day I came home wasted (surprise surprise) and my mom's asking me if I want to go to hockey in a few days because the rest of the family is going and she'd love to have me there. In my drunken state I'm thinking sweet, mom scored some Leaf tickets and I don't know much about that shit but it must be the last game of the season. Sunday morning at like 7am she wakes me up and says we're going to watch hockey. (I got home at 3:30am) I'm thinking what the fuck what kind of hockey is she talking about? The Leafs don't play at 8 fucking a.m. on a Sunday morning.

She says the the neighbours invited us 5x and she's always refused and the whole family is going and she'd love to have me there. Hold the fuck up mom, you're talking 12 year old house-league hockey. She says yea it's the blue team vs. the red team in the finals (she's dead fucking serious.) Then she's justifying why she's going, talking about how I won't have any friends in the future because I'm too self-centered. You're a 48 year old woman from Port of Spain, Trinidad. You have two kids, aged 22 and 16, and you're waking up on a Sunday morning to go watch a white 12 and 16 year old kid play house-league hockey "in the finals" and I'm the one with the problem???? That tops the list of faggot shit I've ever witnessed in my life. While they were at some cold ass rink I was in my nice warm bed. This might come off as weird but my dad must be a fiend for that box. Could you imagine being 46 years old, waking up cause your wife tells you that you gotta watch 2 white kids play houseleague hockey? With that said here's a list of 100 things that make you a faggot. (no particular order) We all got a little faggot in us so don't question nothing, there's a scientific and physiological ( I don't even know what this word means) process to this list. You're only really gay if you account for 80% of this list. Here goes:

100) If you cried during the Titanic. 

Now I ain't going to front it's okay if you're with your bird watching Marley & Me and when the little dog dies you start feeling all fucked up and sorry for Marley's owners and shit. Niggas didn't want to see that dog die man Marley was the shit.  But crying about some white people on a boat that you could never afford to be on, nah that's faggot shit.

99) If you support Tom Brady. 

Most of us do, we got a little faggot in us. We supported dude a lot but it's time to call a spade a spade. He's fucking twisted. That dance, the hair, his Pedophile-like attitude. Sir Tom keep covering spreads but stop with the weird shit man, losing to Rex Ryan was bad as is, then we see you in Rio doing who knows what. Stop it Sir Tom.

98) People who use spray deodorant.

Stop it, this ain't the Leave it to Beaver years folks. We got the roll on stick shit that works better, no need to be lifting up your arm and spraying that chemical shit all over. Plus it's cold as fuck. Growing up I thought I could make my mouth smell like that so I sprayed deodorant in my mouth, was probably 6. Nearly died, after that it's been that stick shit, the way it should be.

97) People who game more than 4 hours a week.

While y'all are out there playing Street Fighter and Call of Duty for 20 hours a week and counting the number of kills you have, there is someone out there fucking your girl.

96) If you refer to dinner as "supper." 

This ain't no little house on the Prairie niggas, this is real life shit. Stop with that Buckingham Palace type of linguistic shit.

95) People who go camping.

The fuck y'all sleeping on the hard ass ground for in tents and shit cause your outdoors. If you want to live that life then do it the right way, go live with the homeless folks downtown and shit. Gazing at stars in a forest and drinking cocoa eating marsh mellows is for the faggots.

94) People Who Watch American Idol. 

That dude Randy is a fucking homo. Not even the auditions are funny anymore. No one should be tuned in, or voting on American/Canadian Idol, ever.

93) If the teacher never called your home growing up to complain about your behavior your a faggot.

Fuck I remember you, little fuckface Ms. Campell. My parents beat my ass cause you got smart and started using my dad's work cellphone to bitch that I was skipping your class frequently. I hope your pussy loses all sensation for the rest of your life you ugly ass heaux.

92) People who watch Political Debates.

Ain't shit going to change for the better regardless if we elect Barack Obama or Snooki, we're well past the point of return niggas.

91) If you drink a Smoothie. 

That shit is gay, gay, gay.

90) If you never dealt with a pregnancy scare. 

Nah I had to go through 2 in my life, it makes you a real man when you come home and you see a message " I'm 9 days late." Real men know what I'm talking about, if you don't you're a faggot.

89) If you never wrestled someone of the opposite sex. 

Real dudes jokingly give their old lady the powerbombs and tombstones and Stone Cold Stunner. Real chicks give their men the People's Elbow and the Spina-rooni from time to time. If you don't know what I'm talking about your a faggot.

88) You watch curling.

Needs no explanation.

87) People who do the wave at a sporting event.

That's the most faggot shit someone could ever do, you look like a fool and your parents should have whooped your ass more.

86) People who tell the truth to Customers Officers. 

Real people got about $600 dollars worth of shit in their car and 10 bottles of Vodka and look the officer straight in his eye and say: " I went sight-seeing and spent about 40 on some socks and a Polo tee." Then you hand him the receipt, he takes a look and says have a nice day. This is what real people are made of.

85) You take the Flu Shot once a year. 

Never had one in my life and been sick only twice in the last three years. You don't need that shit.

84) People who know the lyrics to any Nicki Minaj verse.

Stop it, you look foolish and she's a tranny, stop with the faggot shit.

83) Watching the news is part of your routine. 

Who gives a fuck about a broken water mane on Main St. Real folks say fuck that noise and watch Cartoons.

82) If this isn't your homepage, you're a faggot: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America

81) If you never sang the lyrics to "Karma Chameleon" you're a faggot. 

80:) If you don't know the lyrics to " Somebody to love," " Bohemian Rhapsody" or " Don't Stop me Now" by Queen, you're a faggot.

I'll do the next 30 tomorrow, Peace.

Exposing this Bitch Ass dude.

Before I start let me clarify this shit. I know you'll read this in a few days, I ain't even mad or in the slighest upset by your faggot ass attitude, I'm just calling you out on it, so let the world see. 

Friday night I'm downtown and I'm still hungover from the night before so I'm taking it easy. My boy hit's me up on my phone telling me this other dude we know being a fag. He's calling him sensitive and shit. So me, in a dire need for a laugh join the conversation. I notice he's wasted and calling my boy a faggot so just for fun I hit him back. I know he likes to eat the pussy of prostitutes and kiss them in the mouth shit, so I simply inquire about it. He then justifies it by looking at people saying there are men out there that suck their own dick, he isn't one. That's all fine and dandy but you didn't address the taste of another dude's dick in your mouth, every time you're eating out a prostitute. He also mentioned something about Dana White and Charlie Sheen. Then tells me he will slap me when he sees me. See I live for confrontation, if your little fuck-boy ass thought I was going to say sorry, I didn't. I told him to "Come do it you fag" (no homo). 

So dude, who talks to me everyday didn't speak to me since that incident. Then just now he hits me up with a message. "Listen here you faggot you're out of the circle of trust. OUT. GAME OVA. and this dude was typing on every line and shit. So it showed like this: 

Out.

Game 

over. 

Then this behavior was followed by more typical faggot shit. He starts telling me of how much he hates me by comparing me to other people. Then he got real mad when I said " I'm distinguishable, why don't you put me at the top of you little hate list. " Then he did the unthinkable, he deleted me from facebook and blocked me from msn messneger. Word, see I'm glad he did that because for the first time in his 33 years of waste existence, he did something productive. He acted like someone of value, a 19 year old white girl.

Listen here you little fuck boy. Matter fact I'll address you by your government name so you'll know I'm speaking to you. Johnathan Reginald T. There was no circle of trust. How could there be an establishment of trust when your life is worth the equivalent of a pack of Sour Keys. I'm not even kidding, 99.1% of people in your life would forget you for a pack of 50 cent sugar candy. Johnathan, you are one bitch ass dude. At 33 years old, you've accomplished nothing. It's fucking hilarious to me that you think you have some sense of entitlement "circle of trust." Nigga who the fuck do you think I am. Katie could beat your ass. See I misjudged you, I thought you'd be a real dude and say "I'd beat your ass if I ever see you." But what do you do, you delete me off facebook. The fuck is wrong with you, take off the panties.

You work for a shitty ass call center where they don't even value you. You spent every single day I known you crying about the women that have left in your life. You have a false hope that some cashier at a grocery store likes you, aim high Johnny. Circle of trust? What is there that you got to hide? The one time you made her get an abortion? Is that it Reginald? Is it the fact that some other dude is plowing the love of your life, and everytime you text her she responds with " I love my boyfriend, leave me alone." You ain't build for the grown man life Johnny, you're a shitty little poodle living in Stoney Creek. Out of everybody I know you've done nothing at all. You tell me about going to Hawaii, about going to Vancouver, the only time you leave your area code is to come cheer for TFC. You're living proof that condoms are undervalued. 

The last conversation I remember with you, before the one where you left crying cause we were making fun of you, was the fact that some fat chick at your work was having kids and you were offended because you felt she wasn't a suitable mother. But who the fuck are you?? Bitch ass you're damn near 35 years old living in your parents basement with a shitty ass dog you cry about. You cry about the fact that the one love in your life realized you were nothing more than a veiled pussy and went for cock. She wasn't a lesbian Johnny. I haven't addressed the alcoholism yet. You get drunk, 330 days a year and watch HBO programming and proceed to cry. That's what your life is, bitch ass shit.

But see the only reason I'm addressing your faggot ass, your bitch ass is because of that girl shit. You delete me off facebook, ironic that when 2 other dudes did it, you wept like Mother Mary. You cried like a little bitch. You complained and moaned about how they were sensitive. Nigga stop wearing panties and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Your liver got 5 years left because you're scared of doctors. You fear everything, one time I told you to get Popeyes for a change and you cried about it. When me and my dude told your ass to buy a certain wine you cried that you wouldn't be able to locate it in the California section of the wine store. That's the type of person you are, a non-existent bitch piece of shit. Instead of deleting dudes off facebook and crying cause I made fun of you for eating a prostitute's pussy (which is the gayest shit ever cause you really enjoying the taste of another man's cock) handle shit like a real man. But you won't and right now you're crying cause she's fucking a real man while you're texting her and telling her that her kids are on your street. 

Oh Johnathan, learn how to act like a man, and wipe the cum stains of 14 other men off your lip. Enjoy the 10 bottles of James Ready 5.5 you'll drink tonight then proceed to cry about how women have destroyed you. You're a man-slute.

Bunch of random shit from the weekend.

Fuck, could have sworn today was Sunday. So much for not drinking, me and tequila just made love. Random thoughts:

- I re-aggravated my groin stealing Jesus' blood, I'll let you guys figure that one out.

-After my confrontation with Skelator, I have a new found respect for gays. If I had to put up with that shit on a weekly basis someone would have already been dead by now. Yesterday after 7 pints the other day I switched to double vodka and cran. Motherfucker with his girlfriend comes over and starts talking shit. Alright impress your girl I'll let it slide. He says something again in the washroom, I tell him to shut the fuck up. As he's leaving he asks me "How's my vagina." Once again I bite my tongue but ya, let's just say he didn't stand a chance.

-I hate "Sweet Caroline" with a passion.

- Shorty just gave me a "see ya." aka  You're never getting this pussy in your life. See ya is the worst thing someone could say to someone, ever.

- I was wasted going up an escalator the other day. Another girl was coming down. I say "holy fuck you're beautiful." She stopped walking and stared, cute moment. Then she waited at the bottom, buddy tells me "go get it you got the acknowledgment do your thing," I laughed and walked off, now at 3:19am a day later I'm thinking that could have been the mother of my kids smh.

-Someone put a $261.12 charge on my credit card, fucking fraud I gotta deal with this in the morning. Dude was asking me about my charges. "Sir did you recently purchase something from bath and body works." Yes, smh.

-Got into a fight with a homeless guy recently and yelled. " I come home to a hot meal at night, what about you?" I ain't shit.

-Strawberry Shortcake: The act of doing a girl on her period. Busting a nut on her period........."and then you eat it." The most disgusting but funniest story I have ever heard.

- My buddy likes to eat the boxes of prostitutes and kiss them in the mouth. He's all mad cause he said Charlie Sheen and Dana White do it. Then when we kept him pissed off he said "there are guys out there that like to suck their own dick." So he's now comparing his lifestyle to self-dick-suckers. Then he got more mad and said he should slap me. Guess where I was tonight, sir: Fortinos

- Every person that knows me should never ask who the Yankees closer is, ever. My future wife better know, but clearly some of my friends don't.

- At the Jays game for the As series a bunch of kids decided to do the wave. My buddy gave them all shit for being insensitive for what happened in Japan. Funniest shit ever.

- New favourite word: Slutes (replacement for sluts)

- Please don't try to have conversations with me over the phone when I'm intoxicated. It saves me the dreaded " I'm sorry for last night" emails that I send so frequently. I was going through my phone today and one sent message said " I'd face fuck the hell out of Rebecca Black." Yet three people have referred to me as cute.

- Income tax date set for April 16th. Can't. fucking. wait.

- Conference calls are the worst. Especially when you're still feeling the shit from the night before.

- Once I find another white girl that could do this, I'm becoming a one woman kinda guy: The Love of My Life

- I came to the realization that I'd fuck any girl (once legal) for $200. No matter size, personality, or shape. I denied it til my boy asked me to think it over. Fuck, he was right.

-I waited anxiously for months to find out Who Shot Mr. Burns. Worst episode ever.

- Personality 1000000x better than a hot body. I'm shamed to admit that.

-Ashley Judd is a piece of shit. I wouldn't hit it if she paid me, google what she said.

I'm out, going to pass out. back monday unless I have it in me to fire one off tomorrow, peace.

wasted gonna pass out

13 hours, fuck people in blue shorts, skellotor. come to where i live u'd be fuckin dead by now, later.

Andddddddddddd we're Back. A bunch of shit I have to Say.

I'm back. Wasn't built for that shit. I'll still do it but that isn't going to take priority over this blog. Fresh off a shitty day I desperately grabbed the phone and dialed someone overseas. Thank fuck for phone cards. Put everything in perspective. Well done, let's get it. It'll take me a few days to get back to my old self so let me do my thing. To start here's a bunch of things I've noticed while I was gone.

1) Family ain't shit. Wait whats the name for family that's your brother mother sister? I don't want to google it. Immediate family I think, they're the shit, anyone else is really a bunch of shit. Always keep that in mind, those people are fuckheads.

2) Rebecca Black is the best. Say what you want, but y'all faggots had me putting up with Lady Gaga "Born this way." and that Edward Maya European shit or Wiz Khalifa....That Friday song is the best shit ever and I'm being semi serious.

3) Contrary to popular belief, I don't fuck every girl that's mentioned in this blog, let's get that clear.

4) To the white dude acting strange on BBM, stop it nigga, your shit was either hacked or you're coming out the closet but you been strange for a few days now, either way, stop it.

5) My boy Adam once said: "Don't ever try to become something, it's overrated." He was drunk at the time but it's amazing how accurate he is. Why strive for more when you're content with everything you have?

6) To the person I hung with on Saturday. You looked sexy as hell even though you probably will think I'm talking out my ass. Oh and I'm going to get you back just let my creative mind cook for a bit....

7) There's nothing in the world worst than pulling your groin. I'm starting to think a prostate exam would be like going to dairy queen, fun fun fun.

8) There's no singer in the world greater than Adele and I mean ever.

9) If we're playing Fifa and I take China and you're Spain, and you lose. Especially by a 3 goal margin, never talk to me again. 

10) LeBron James now owns a part of Liverpool, more reason to hate.

11) The Red Sox ain't shit.

12) The Blue Jays ain't shit.

13) Check out my boy's blog www.hammertownparlays.blogspot.com shit is hilarious. when you're done check out www.intheot.com, great site. then after that visit www.randomango.blogspot.com if you're a sports junkie.

14) I heard through the grapevine that Aron Winter is worse, as a personality, than any previous coach. Make of that what you will. 

15) I downloaded all these "apps" cause people told me too, then I realized I have no free internet on my phone. 

16) Nothing hotter than a girl in rectangle panties, I don't know the proper name but y'all know what I mean, I hope.

17) Glenn Beck had his shit can canceled today, there's justice in this world.

18) Contrary to popular believe, vodka and cranberry juice is not a female drink. Where do y'all come up with this shit.

19) I've been sexually active for 8 years now and I've yet to discover what people see in getting a hand job from a chick without anything else.

20) Dear Canada revenue, I haven't done my taxes yet but I expect a fat ass refund. That is all.

21) If you send me a text message with your new phone number and you're not important to me. I'm going to pretend I never got it, just a heads up.

22) You haven't lived life yet until you get bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar I think it was. Not butter, not cheese, olive oil and vinegar at a restaurant.

23) You know you're from the hood when you ask someone what fork you're supposed to be using.

24) I tried sushi and I liked it..still can't get used to chop sticks though. 

25) After the coverage on this "Royal Wedding" and Canada mint announcing "Royal Wedding coins." I'm really bout to get the fuck up and leave this place. If someone in San Diego is reading this right now, all I need is a pillow and a fire hydrant.

26) The NHL sucks

27) The NBA is at the same level of the NHL. 

28) That Butler/UConn game might have been the worst game I ever seen. 

29) Y'all aint living right if you haven't watched Teen Trap or whatever it was I watched featuring a 10 yr old Lindsay Lohan (get your minds out the gutter)

30) I've come to the conclusion that I'm that guy who girls either fuck or date then tell me " You know you're the furthest from my type, I never fall for your kind." There's a reason behind it.....

31) The Office has sucked for the last little while.......

32) TBS sucks for moving the office to 7pm and bringing Family Guy at 6pm. Family Guy is terrible.

33) Anything on HGTV > Jersey Shore. 

34) People who order the 6 grams of fat and under items at Subway are faggots. That Veggie Delight stuff tastes like ass.

35) Obama is still in Libya.....

36) I robbed the fuck out of The Bulk Barn today. It was one of those days.

37) Am I the only one that eats stuff out the floor if I drop it? Y'all really toss that shit out? Child please. 

38) People who clap at the end of movies should have their hands amputated.

39) If you watch Womens Basketball, kill yourself.

40) If you watch Dancing with the Stars, get a vasectomy/hysterectomy. 

41) Ever seen the wife/fiancee of a relative for the first time and all you think about is plowing the fuck out of her? Me neither.....

42) Nikki Minaj is about as attractive as Edith Bunker.

43) Helen Hunt is about as attractive as Archie Bunker. 

44) I miss Vanilla coke, what happened to that shit.

45) I saw my first ever tampon the other day, had no clue what they looked like before...

46) If you have grey goose bottles or no where I could get empty grey goose bottle, let me know. My boy's starting up this venture and the shit he's doing actually is effective.

47) People who use the word "swag" exceptions for the people I love. Y'all should have your access to air revoked. 

48) Charlie Sheen's still winning right.....

49) Females who deny ever taking/sending naked pictures will forever remain lonely and unhappy.

50) I have a dream, that one day they'll stop showing Poker on tv. 

I'm out, back tomorrow, peace.

Will Be Back

4-6 weeks, same url, same ignorant attitude, they told me to chill on the racism but I probably won't. see y'all in May.

Hanging Them Up - The Last Ever Entry

Before I get into it, I thought I'd dip into it one last time so there's a blog below. After you read that come back here or after you read this go there lol.

Bittersweet moment. I knew this day would come but never in a million years did I think so soon. As most of you know I started writing for the bleacher report like a week ago. 3 articles in and as of write now, 1715 reads. I have no idea what that means but someone clearly thought it was good. I got an email in my inbox a few days ago and they showed clear interest in working with me long term. To make a long story short, I'm now going to be working with a prominent company as a paid writer covering the Miami Heat among other things pertaining to the NBA. I think I'll be doing other teams but my first assignment is the Heat, they loved the LeBron article and said I shouldn't be doing this for free. I have to fly to New York soon but I signed all the contracts today. I'm a smart dude, I know if this blog gets out, it potentially jeopardizes the contracts I signed today and everything like that. This sportswriting stuff is my dream and my mom reminded me today how she laughed at me when I would tell her about it as a kid. In her words "now look."  So the way I see it, as painful as this is, this blog means more to me than it does to y'all, unfortunately I have to close it down. 

I'd tell you more about the whole NBA thing but I know there are a couple of fuckheads that would do anything to ruin that so I'll keep that quiet for now. I got a few things to say though. I'd like to truly thank each and every one of you for your support. Every click made a difference, literally. I think I mentioned this once before (like a year ago) but everything I received from the blog (ad revenue, donations after good picks, the google cash etc.) it all went to sponsor a kid. 100% went to www.foodforthepoor.org. I paid plenty out of my own pocket and when the blog blew up I just upped the monthly payments. Shameless plug but if you feel the need to donate, foodforthepoor is the place. 96.9% goes to the kids and only 0.7% is spent on administration. The rest is spent on fundraising. They've also kept me up to date with the kid's progress etc, so I want to thank you for allowing this to happen.

I met some of the most amazing people as a result of this blog. I'm glad a lot of you let me into your lives and I hope y'all continue to stay in contact with me. Don't hesitate to email me. Even if I've never spoken to you it would be great speaking to you. Just a quick note to some specific people: to all the people I talk to from the prisons and to the people from the hood who follow this or just anyone in general, if you take nothing else from the blog I want you to listen to this: 

Don't conform if it changes who you are inside. Because of this blog I've been able to see people near death turn their lives around. Don't ever be one of those folks that defer everything or blame someone else. It takes more than just belief, it takes hard work but trust me, I've seen it done. In 22 years I've lived more than most. 95% of people in this world are designed to be gas station attendants and flip burgers. If that makes you happy then I'm sincere when I say congrats. If it doesn't then you must be able to differentiate from the rest. You can't blame your childhood or other people for reasons as to why you haven't done shit. You got to get up and give it all you got. There's 24 hours a day and for the past year I've been sleeping 4 hours a day, if that. Make shit happen, the power of the individual is huge, trust me when I say that. So long as your alive then there's still hope, when your world comes crashing down then remember, you aren't at rock bottom. Rock bottom is for people who are dead, once you breathing you have the will to change, I never believed this til I saw it with my own eyes multiple times.

To the folks in jail who fuck with me, you're fucking lucky. Remember that. Most of y'all who I talk to will get out at some point. I know a million people who haven't gotten that chance. If you get out that means you got time on this earth to change. Thanks for the support I can't believe they let you guys read this shit in prison programs but I won't stop emailing y'all. Just remember once you're living, the clock hasn't stopped. You still got that chance to make things right.

Thanks to all the "Ragers." It was a pleasure having you. Y'all have all me held me down and thanks to Gabriel Morency etc. for allowing me to plug my shit. I hope y'all make money and do it big in whatever it is that you do. You guys will still get daily picks.

I'll still have my weekly appearance on www.intheot.com so check that out every Monday morning. Still check me out at bleacher report my new articles will still be published from there as well I believe, they'll just also be in newsletters etc. I'll still respond to every email I ever get and I'll still be working with the various programs that I work with.

I intend on having a new blog, once I figure it out I'll throw a link up on here. But how do you write something that can't jeopardize a job. Lmao it'll be some gay ass pg-13 bullshit. I haven't even begun to think about it but when I do I'll throw a link up. I intend on keeping this up for about 2 weeks, then I'll post a link to the new, gayer blog once I find out what I want to do. Then after about a month I'll delete this page. In the 15 months that I've done this I hope I kept you entertained, I hope you won money and I hope you figured out how to obtain happiness in life because it's the only thing that matters.

Before I go just a quick note if you believe in this sort of thing then help me out. Someone I know (about the furthest dude from a friend I could think of) is about to start his prison sentence for 25 years tomorrow in Ohio. Kid is 19 and has no idea what he's about to endure, please say a prayer, let the law and the man above deal with him and may dude find peace. I ain't shit to judge. 

Salute, I'm out.

Contact Info: Moneyhungry45@hotmail.com
May the winners be ours. Taking over the world one step at a time. In case you haven't gotten the memo my name is Julius James and I'm the fucking shit.