SMH

I was going to blog and I had a brilliant idea but at 12:30 shorty who I will call "my girlfriend 2.0" (told you I'd get you back) decided she wanted to start a fight. I was fucking GIVING her the win too, I knew where that shit was going to end up but nah she wanted to go at it. 2:36am and we settled our shit, 100% her fault I might add, lmao I'm going to bed, lates.

The Massage

Insomnia fucking sucks man. Haven't slept proper in like 8 months. Minus one time where I slept 22 hours, I get 4 hours a night if that, when lucky I get 5. I'll get the occasional 7 here and there but that's like once a month. There's nothing to fucking do at 4am. Jack off, play ps3, watch old ass movies, jack off to infomercials, go back in the bed, get out of the bed, watch previous episodes of Hells kitchen, play ps3, go to bed. Same shit just a different night. Lately though I been trying to fix it. What's worse is these past 2 nights I've been desperately fucking tired only to be woken up 30 mins after because of lightning and pouring ass rain. I've done it all, I went to a psychiatrist to see if I had underlying issues. I was thinking maybe someone pissed in my sandcastle when I was a kid and repressed memories wasn't the issue. But the shrink told me I was fine. The headaches have gotten so bad I'm flirting with the idea of paying some twisted fuck to hypnotize me for like 20 hours, that shit works on certain people.

I started popping pills. Not Vicodin or Oxys but fucking Omega 3 oils and shit. Except I fucking confused them with my moms estrogen pills for like 2 weeks. Thought I'd start growing a vagina but that didn't happen and the Omega 3 ain't do shit for me. Then I was thinking maybe I could sleep on the floor, that might work. All that did was fuck my neck up like you wouldn't believe. Finally I came up with a solution. The headaches and shit that accompany the insomnia are unreal so I figured maybe it's just the lifestyle. Maybe I live a crazy ass lifestyle and have plenty tension and need a massage. Not one with a happy ending but a fucking proper massage. I found a place that was registered, nothing shady about it so the other day I took some of the loot I been saving and went.

What's great is that you know it wasn't a rub and tug. As it came for my appointment there were like guys and girls with suits and shit, upper class white people. I told the heaux " Listen I have insomnia, I'll give you 100 if you just make it fucking go away." She assured me she would make it go away so I went in the room. It was weird because all it had in the room was a big ass chair and some rocks. I'm thinking okay this shit better work. Then it happened. In order to understand what she was trying to do you have to watch this video from the 25 second mark: the massage she tried to give.

She was just playing with air, not even touching me and blowing at me. 2 minutes in I started yelling " What the fuck is wrong with you heaux. You stealing my money give it the fuck back." She's fucking scared but saying no, no in her fucked up chink accent. I said fine then you better put them hands to work and start jacking me off, if I'm giving you 100 I want a fucking happy ending. She looked disgusted and said no, I yelled: " THEN GIMME MY FUCKING MONEY YOU HEAUX, I didn't come here to watch you play with air." She really got scared and sent me my money and as I walked out the room I seen every white person who was in that waiting room (at least 8 of them) all disappeared. Most fucked up shit ever.

I'm out, peace.

Phone Etiquette 101

It feels fucking great to get a new credit card with a big ass limit, unload it all while betting and double that shit in 3 hours. Ain't have a game like that since the Patriots/Lions thanksgiving game. Damn it feels good. 



This weekend I impressed a lot of you with the way I handled my phone. I pay for 50 weekday minutes a month because I'm an anti social fuck who hates everything and some of y'all were impressed. To be honest I'd never have a cellphone if it weren't for pussy or emergencies. Seeing as how a few of y'all were so impressed, here's ways for the anti-social fucks like myself to get by with the cellphone.


1) I don't ever answer a call unless I'm expecting one. Unless your name is Kate Hudson ( I just seen her in a movie with Matthew Mcconaughey on the womens channel this weekend because I'm an insomniac) please don't call me. I don't want to hear your voice, I don't want to listen to you, I rather not talk to you at all. I don't care if you're a hot ass chick either, don't call. I just checked my bill I talked for 19 minutes last month. I'll call you.


2) I pay $5/month for BBM and Email, use that shit. There's a reason why I pay for it, it's because I don't have to hit up your ass immediately, I could do it on my own time.


3) If I do call you, get straight to the point. My boy was amazed how I just told someone I was on the phone with "later" while the person was in a middle of a sentence. I hate people, I hate phones, I hate society. I get straight to the point then I go back to jacking off


4) I will abuse the fuck out of the phone while intoxicated. There's that stage where you're drinking and then you get uncontrollably horny. Ya that stage is where the phone comes to use. If you're a female and you're listed in my phone as someone who isn't a relative, good luck on those Friday/Saturday nights as most of you already know.


5) The best thing about the phone after the easy access to nude pics is Brick Breaker, that shit is amazing but I can never get past level 12 smh.


6) I have never had my phone on loud. It's either on silent and I use the red light, or vibrate, so if I miss your shit, tough luck.


As I'm typing this someone just messaged me with this: "so I cooked last frozen pizza which i've always enjoyed, i was shitting out all of it."  LMAO hope you doing good man glad you're better.

 Alright I'm fucking tired I got a good blog for y'all tomorrow.

Random Shit From The Weekend

Before I get into it this is why I believe in God. It's Saturday night, I haven't had nothing to drink and I'm feeling pretty good. I'm thinking why not go up the block, see some of my boys from highschool, play some dice and just watch some regular hood fat ass. I hit em up to make sure they know I was coming after the Amir Kahn/Zab Judah fight, then after it was done I said fuck it. I never say fuck it but I did on Saturday night. Here's where one of my boys ended up: click this link .

Here's a bunch of random shit from this weekend, I'm desperately chilling, got a lot to say but I won't say it, I'll behave (just wanted y'all to know that haha):

-cashed in again at the Roulette table. Went on a streak of like 11-0, my intuition is unreal. So I buy pints for everyone I'm with because once again I'm sitting on a few hundred. Then I noticed a Sportsbook. I'm thinking aSportsbook in Canada, this shit must be gold. My eyes lit up like a child. I go to the window ready to lay down 100 on CFL, she tells me: sorry we only do parlays. Only in fucking Canada, the sad part is, it was a proper sportsbook. Digital board, tvs, couches the whole nine, and motherfuckers are sitting down betting parlays. SMH.

-9am on sunday morning a chick hit me up with this message: "I'm sitting here in church and all I could think of is getting fucked on this table next to me. I'm flying to Toronto on August 5th, want to meet?" I can't think of better ways of finding hell LMAO.

-Medium Ass made my weekend again (no I ain't telling everyone who she is but I told her to get at me when her box was rejuvenated after that flight). Actually I'll do a blog on medium ass one of these days, she wants my kids but she'll deny it.

-Salute to all my "fans" who send me naked pics and tell me to delete them after I look at them. I never share but I never delete. I re-sent one to a chick to remind her of what she sent, she recycled that shit to her fiance...

-Amy Winehouse probably looks more attractive with the embalming fluid and shit than she did when she was alive. (tell me I'm lying..) 

-There was something sweet about not drinking on Saturday. I dunno what it was but it felt good.

-I think it was Friday I went to see my cousin in ICU with my mom. I stopped going in to see him because it's just depressing so I wait in the waiting room for my mom. I notice a hot chick there and I'm thinking she definitely is at her lowest point let me talk to her (don't judge me.) Yea, her eyes lit up when I said what up. She looked confused. Then she hit me with the sign language while trying to talk. She was deaf. All I could think about is how horrible this shit would be in bed (don't judge me again). Then her dad comes who could speak english and shit just got even more awkward. Thank fuck my mom came out of that place and I had an excuse to leave.

-I walked into a Korean supermarket today (don't ask why) and those heauxs have never seen a black dude before. They were following me and shit, a few of them definitely wanted some dick, it's like they just got off the boat. Then I hit the produce section, seen 4 bell peppers for $6 and got the fuck out of there. I been sleeping on those Asians though but I'm not ready to explore until all of them start shaving, shit's disgusting.

I'm out, peace.

I'll be back whenever.

Niggas it's 48 degrees outside or some shit. I got like 4 niggas in my crib sleeping on the floor cause their single ass moms cant fuck any dudes who own Air Conditioning. I'll be back whenever, probably Monday. My bro is a faggot but he got bars: 1:50 mark of this link ( I promise it ain't Rebecca Black) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaIY35Ba9mg

then check him rapping here (2:27 mark) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OxWD85Ngz4

Also if I head out this weekend and you can't reach me,  you know who please hit up my inbox when you get the chance. Like right when your medium sized ass gets off that plane k thanks. I'm out, peace.

Back Tomorrow

Busy/sleepy and really not in the mood for blogging tonight. Anything I'd post tonight would land me in jail for years LMAO, I'm good though, easy. hHAAHAHAA drubk tellll them girls for las t week to holl aat me

The Job Process

Sorry I wasn't on yesterday, the power went out and I had no internet. Or fuckin AC and my room got up to 37 degrees Celsius, a negro melted. As an apology and seeing as how my ex-girlfriend is no longer in the picture, here is a nice picture she sent me: hot pic of my ex (safe for work).

So these last few days I been thinking maybe it's time to get my shit together. At first I didn't even have a resume but I didn't even attempt that shit. I got someone to do my resume because if I did it, it would be a mess. I hate this bullshit. "What are your strengths?" Nigga I got a big ass dick, leave me the fuck alone. I lived 22 years of great days so far, why the fuck do you care what high school I went to or what job I did when I was 16. I hate that resume shit but a friend really helped me out and did all that. 

So I graduate in December and I thought i better start looking for work. These applications take forever to fill out. "What would you bring to our company." Then I have to write bullshit like " I would bring passion and excellent team working skills." Nigga I don't give a fuck about your company, I want to get pay my fucking bills. I don't even like people how the fuck could I have good team working skills. So after about 4 applications I really couldn't take it anymore. My "cover letter" (I don't know what a cover letter is nor was I bothered to make one) so I wrote this to every company I applied too after I started feeling sick with all the conforming:

"If I care about something, I'll work my ass off. If I'm applying to your company it means I care about it. I couldn't care less about some crappy corporation who are all interested in efficiency and profit. While those aspects are important, I bring humanistic qualities that will bring in so much more than you could ever need. I am a writer and I love it, which is why you're in luck. Your company provides content where I could continue working on my passion. I don't care about your profit, I don't care about your own job, I don't even care about you, I care about writing. Why should you hire me? Fear motivates me.

God did not put me on this earth to eat fish sticks and watch re-runs of M.A.S.H. I come from a family of alcoholics and quitters. There's not one family member I could think of that graduated high school. Years and years being surrounded by these people have made me come to the conclusion that I never want to be them. My entire life, with the exception of immediate family I have been surrounded by worthless losers. I never want to be them, which is why I will work hard for your company. Everyday I strive to be better than the day before because I am making sure my life is worth something. My parents didn't work so hard to send me to school so I could be a school crossing guard. I've worked my ass off throughout my entire life and I have credentials that depict exactly that. That is why you should hire me, I have a powerful intrinsic drive and motivation that you have never witnessed before. I don't care about nothing other than being great and your company has the opportunity that allows me to do that. In return I'd give it my all to make sure I keep excelling, in return you will reap the rewards of having someone like me on staff, someone with desire to come better will make your company better. Invest in me, you'll quickly get dividends." 

Over 70 places applied to and not one phone call/email since LMAO I'm out, peace.