What is Your Girl's Box Worth? Part 2

Eastern European Box:

They might be hot but don't be fooled, they're fucked up. They got weird ideologies, built up anger and attractive ass accents. 

Price: $250/hour

Middle European Box:

I don't know what the fuck middle Europe is. I'm thinking Germany Sweden Switzerland and the rest of places I haven't mentioned. These girls are fucking weird. Suicidal ass environmentalists. They are also hot but they are weird. Steer clear of them. They also eat a lot of sausage. That wouldn't be a big deal for most but I just don't want a girl who loves sausage, it bothers me for no reason: 

Price: $250/hour 

Indian Box:

Some of them are hot, especially the light skinned ones but once they open their mouths it's over for you man. I was watching Love it Or List it the other day. Shit was terrible them Indian girls would not show up and they don't understand the meaning of logic and shit. They scream like no tomorrow though.

Price: $175/hour (cause there's a billion of them but only like 100k are hot)

Arabic Box:

It's the best box on the planet cause it's just waiting for their husband. It's like having a Ferrari that you can't drive. All you could do is watch. They also only get horny at certain specific allotted times. Weird shit. They sound funny and got some weirdness to them but like I said, best box on the planet. The key is getting in one is impossible.

Price: $400/hour (good luck getting in) 

Australian Box

It's like that nature kind of pussy. Just kinda bland and shit. You have to really dig an Australian with that fucked up accent to like one of them forever. 

Price: $200/hour

Asian Box

Shit goes for cheap and it's another one of those things. You have to really love Asians exclusively to enjoy the box. You have to be an "Asian" type of guy. I fuck with the Asian salad at McDicks but I don't like Asian women, just preference I guess. Cheapest box on the planet after Africans though. 

Price: $50/hour.

Fuck I'm dead today and my ass has to be up at 9am tomorrow. Before I go check out my boy's blog where he tells another classic story about the "connector" http://hammertownparlays.blogspot.com/

I'm out, Peace.

Shit I forgot

Blog below but everyone check out my boy Cheeba rapping in Scarborough, funny ass shit: funniest shit you'll ever see

What is Your Girl's Box Worth ? Part 1

Before I begin let me tell you, yesterday this chick walked on the bus. Was not a day over 14 and had tits bigger than double D's and the ass to match. Every dude on the bus was in amazement. Not one dirty thought crossed my mind..............

You know the other day I was thinking about since breaking up with my girlfriend, what did I lose? So I thought about it and you could put a price on box. I came up with a system, now I'll use the standard rate that heauxs charge: $220/hr. But my system looks at it from a relationship standpoint. So the pussy is good for sex but I'm looking at every aspect of the relationship. I'm also looking at the average girl in each category, not the hottest. So here's what I came up with: 

Canadian box:

They are pretty basic. Pretty stuck with hockey and they are very pretentious. They think that because they come from a developed country their box is perfect. Well it's fucking regular and they are the most corniest people on the planet. Also, they don't have the best hygiene and are followers, never a leader.

Price: $220/hour

American box:

They'll do whatever you ask once you're good at it. They will fuck you an insane amount of times and put up with your worst traits. Only problem is they don't really work good jobs. They'll find something at CVS or Walgreens and be content with that which is fine. But they fucking are materialists to the core and run into debt. But the sex is so good you have to account for that more.

Price: $350/hour

British box:

So underrated like you wouldn't believe. They are not the best looking and they are not there mentally but they fuck like you get fucked in your dreams. They cook, they clean, they work, they let you drink, smoke and wreak havoc. They'll find a way to make ends meet but they don't have very high aspirations. They are ugly but often times, they are worth it.

Price: $285/hour

Italian Box:

Don't take it, give it back. LMAO nah I'm playing. Down to earth people who are open to many things. They are very good sexually, not the best, not the worst and they'll be by your side. Then "it" happens. When they just explode and go crazy, I've been told this for years and it proves to be true time and time again. Something triggers them and the fine ass box chains. But trust me, you get a good one you are smiling until "it" happens. Also, you have to consider the box of their families as well because they are so attached.

Price: $380/hour

Caribbean Box:

They'll cook and they'll clean. They will take care of their kids. They won't ever work and they'll complain to you every single day. Some of them have aids though so you have to account for that. But the problem with them is, not only do they end up getting fat. They are like Italians. They wake up one morning and change. Except when they change, it's always for another man worth less than you are worth. They don't upgrade, they downgrade, it's fucking weird but true.

Price: $195/hour (heavily relied on the fact that they are from 3rd world countries but MUCH hotter than Canadians) 

Portuguese Box:

Pretty much identical to everything I said about Italians but after 30 they are pretty worthless, 40 it gets even worse. They pack on the pounds like you wouldn't believe. They are so hot too I don't understand it. But the weight is unbearable.

Price: $160/hour

Spanish Box:

They are moderately good in bed, they are amazingly hot and they make decent money. The problem is they have a fucked up ideology and are easily led astray. This could become problematic, like all of a sudden they'll invest their money in Blockbuster or something cause a secretary at work told them it was a good idea. They are so easily influenced and they are racist so their box is devalued a bit. 

Price: $325/hour 

African Box:

Unless you from South Africa this ain't worth shit. Aids, lack of education, terrible sex, dark ass skin, weird practices, strange customs, nasty food. I know dudes who get blowjobs from girls from Sierra Leone for $2 and I swear on everything I love that's a true story. This shit is in the red.

Price: $-400/hour

I'll do the rest when I get back. I'm headed to the casino tomorrow so I don't know if I'll be around. If not either Sunday or Monday.

No Blog Today

Got a great ass idea but I aint sleep in like 50 years. I'm actually fucking tired today and maybe this bloodclot (yes I said bloodclot for all the Jamaican folk) headache will finally fucking go away. Shit's annoying Can't do it today I'm steps away from dying of fatigue (just playing). Watch me hit the bed and be wide awake. SMH. Back tomorrow y'all easy.

Stop Selling Fucking Hope

Before I begin, I want to thank all my friends for kindly reminding me what Beats by Dre headphones are worth today, y'all ain't shit LMAO fuck y'all. I didn't even begin to tell you about her lesbian friend with a hint of bi whose perfectly good box I'll never get smh.

But enough of that shit. The other day someone sent me one of those chain/forward email things. You could call it cynicism, I call it realism but I disagreed with so much of that shit I had to add it. I read it over and over and some of it just sickened me. It's time to get angry again, where I am at my best. It's only my opinion though, make of it what you will. Below I'll paste the email and my response will be in green to every point that was made: 

Written by a 90 year old

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make
sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught
me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. (no it isn't fair and good in relation to what? 90 years old and you write like a dumbass two year old. Go tell a 19 year old soldier who can't use any of his limbs that life is good. And his girl just left him and is fucking a dude who works in a mall kiosk. and his fucking parents can't afford his medical bills. Tell that dude life is good, cocksucker)

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. (What step, if you trust yourself and believe in yourself enough, you will never be in doubt. You'll make the right decision sometimes, you'll make the wrong decisions. Fuck small steps do whatever the fuck you want so long as it was in your control for the most part)

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. (Hating is great. It truly is. Everyday we are marginalized and reduced to everybody else. Fuck that, hate, love, fight, get smashed, pray, do it all in moderation and don't ever hold back or give into societal norms. Hating when it is warranted is absolutely intoxicating and great for the soul, fuck what you think) 

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch. (I agree with the first part, but trust me, 99% of the people, your friends and a lot of parents I know won't. Life isn't all roses you 90 year old. Keep a safe distance from everyone and judge everyone before you decide who to really keep close to you. Most will only do it because they have to, not because they want to and they'll do a shitty job)

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. (100% agreement there, fuck the high interest rates)

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. (Fucking idiot, winning matters. If you lose an argument, it means you were a cocksucking faggot. Try to win it all, there is no harm in knowing everything, trust me I do. Don't let anyone reduce you or marginalize you, win em all, even when your wrong perceive it in such a way that you could make a compelling argument that you were right. It matters)

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. (Fuck crying. But showing no emotion is the best way to go about things. Cry alone, when you cry with others you'll hear bullshit about them trying to understand you and shit. Fuck all that " I know how you feel" bullshit, just cry alone and pick yourself up when you feel the need)

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. (100% agreed)

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. (No, cause then you die at 50 and some cockfuck enjoys your hard earned money. Don't save for 65, when your dick doesn't work and you can't walk and shit. Save enough to live comfortably when retired (meds and the odd trip) but don't start saving in your 20s, what the fuck you going to do with all that money when you can't jack off and shit)

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. (I don't know what the fuck this means but if by chocolate you mean black girls, then ya, resist all the way)

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. (The past follows you around and it is 100% impossible to make peace with it. It might screw up your present and future but that is because you allowed it. You don't have to make peace with it, you have to accept it and try to carry what you learned from the situation onwards, it's still going to fuck you regardless but it will make the process much easier)

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.. (No, because they'll turn out like Justin Bieber and shit, fuck that faggotry)

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about. ( Hard to do but I somewhat agree, though comparing it makes it easier and if you can benefit from it, go right ahead. I do it all the time)

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it. (Why are you marginalizing again. Some secrets are worth it. Allow it to grow, allow yourself to figure out what you really want, why the fuck does everyone have to know who you are fucking) 

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks. (How does this make the present situation any better? Ya I just lost my son but it's okay because God doesn't blink...yup it makes the process so much easier smh.)

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. (So does alcohol)

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. (You can find use, beauty, and joy in any thing in this world, everything. I heard a crackhead describe crack one time on Intervention and it solidified this point)

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. (No, it brings you closer to death. It might make you stronger but you would have been just fucking fine without it in your life, so no, don't sell hope. Tell it like it is, whatever doesn't kill you will certainly fuck you over at some point, it's called life)

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.. But the second one
is up to you and no one else. (This seems like something a pedophile would say so I'll have to disagree)

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an answer. (If it's a person, take the no, trust me you'll re-discover yourself and come to the realization they weren't who you loved in the light that you thought, if you talking about strippers, I agree)

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. (Umm nah, but I agree with the latter portion, no homo)

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. (100% agreed)

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple. (But you just told the people to save for retirement from their first pay day, how can they buy what they want when they are saving it for when they can't move and shit......)

24. The most important sex organ is the brain. (Nope, it's this motherfucking dick. While I don't advise thinking with your dick/pussy a lot, during the right times it's 100% necessary)

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. (To a certain extent, but their are external factors that contribute to lack of happiness, or more happiness, and it's significant)

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years,
will this matter?' (Yes it will matter, I carry shit with me from the day I was born and I prefer to live that way)

27. Always choose life. (Though I will admit, slamming my car into a brick wall is endearing. I agree, and choose to live while you're at it)

28. Forgive everyone everything. (Fuck no, never. I love to hold grudges, I just do. and some people I won't ever forgive, could only think of one but FUCK NO)

29. What other people think of you is none of your business. (Unfortunately you're wrong. We are unable to see ourselves through our own eyes. Other people matter. How much they matter is completely up to you. Also judge by consensus, if 90% of people think you're a slut/faggot/ass then that's who you are. But don't put everyone on the same scale, value some people much more than others)

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. (Probably right but while you wait for time to kick in why not at least attempt to fix it yourself)

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. (No opinion on this one, it probably will but refer what I said in #30)

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. (I was going to say something here but I won't, nah fuck it. There's a few people, if they didn't take me seriously, things wouldn't be how they are today and vice versa from my standpoint, so you're wrong but nice try. The key is knowing when to take yourself seriously)

33. Believe in miracles. (Couldn't agree more)

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you
did or didn't do. (So that means he loves Hitler just as much as me because of who God is. Nigga please, God loves you because you make whatever the fuck he gave you worth it for him. If your life ain't worth living, then he don't love you)

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. (You JUST fucking said overprepare.....fuck you're annoying. Audit life and make decisions based on your intuition, don't just make the most of it now, tomorrow could hurt a bit)

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young. (It depends but I'll agree there, to a certain extent)

37. Your children get only one childhood. (More pedophile talk involving kids, I'll steer away from this one)

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. ( I love a lot of things, all that matters in the end was that I fucking lived. I was loved, hated, adored, despised but I fucking lived and my life was worth it. I could die today and say I got everything I ever wanted out of my life and I'd do that with the biggest smile in my face. That's what fucking matters, love is such a small portion to it all)

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. (No thanks, sometimes I rather stay in and jack off)

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd grab ours back. (Yup, so parents who have done everything right but  have a 10 year old dying would want their problems back. In comparison to an idiot couple who over-spent and is getting their house foreclosed. Go head, I talk to this girl at least once a week, tell her that she'd want her problem back: http://www.postpals.co.uk/pals/Jessica+M

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. (Yes, but a challenge now and then doesn't harm things, or else life would be boring)

42. The best is yet to come... (We'll see)

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. (This is gay so I'll just blankstare)

44. Yield. (Dunno what this means other than the streetsign)

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift." (More gayness, what is this supposed to mean to me. It isn't perfect but it's a gift...alright I had enough of this I'll just blankstare again)

Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,
forward this with the title '7%'. (Stop it you fag.)

Fuck I was sleepy as shit when I was writing this and now I feel pumped up and shit, this is the most emotion I've put into a blog in the longest time. A pure classic. I'm out, peace

"I'm the Juggernaut Bitch"

How to Get Over the Dumb Ass Ex

This might be long and I'm almost certain it'll be a good one. Got a lot to say, let me cook haha. When I say "she" I mean ex-girl, I just don't feel like typing the extra 4 characters every time cause I'm that fucking lazy. Shit ended today and it wasn't nasty but it was a buildup of everything for the last little while. I watch a Dragon's Den/Shark's Tank and they always talk about industries. The ex-girlfriend department must be an industry, the music industry makes a thousand songs, there's books and shit on this. Niggas read this blog, I'll tell you how to get over the dumb ass.

For starters, she was a fucking self-destructing asshole. She did it all in one day though which is amazing, she sent this email to a female friend y'all check it out: 

"I do feel like talking actually so u can go ahead and listen. Im gonna be honest with u, I dont trust u for a single second and if it were up to me u wouldnt be here right now. I really dont give a damn how many times u tell me u don’t have feelings for him when its obvious u do, so theres no point in u lying to me about that anymore. Ur saying that u dont wanna do anything to make me hate u  but let me tell u its a little too late for that. ur in way over ur head and if I were u id back the fuck off."

Yea, she needed to sit her wack ass down. There was never anything going on between me and the girl she messaged even though the girl is everything she isn't. She showed her ass on that one. But you know what's really fucked, this sudden transition happened in one day. She was never like this, or maybe she always was and I never saw it. It's like in the course of a day she changed into some dramatic elf or some shit, skinny ass Juggernaut LMAO. So shit ended today but you know what, the dumb ass won't admit it. She won't say "it was the other girl." You know what she told me today when I asked for a straight answer: "I realize I've neglected my family, my mom especially and want to spend more time with them." DEAD ass she sends an email like that to one of my closes friends and when asked what the fuck is she doing she says she put her friends over her family. What in the entire global fuck?????? No correlation, all I wanted was the truth, tell me that you are assuming I love the other girl and I'll go my way, but dumb ass responds with a dumb ass answer.

Here are some universal tips to get over the dumb ass ex:

1) Realize it ain't your fault. Nah it's never the guy's fault unless you cheat or put your hands on her. I look back on the whole relationship and she just didn't want to communicate. If you hated things, lets say certain blog posts, me doing whatever the fuck I was doing, it was never said to me. I look at the points I screwed up, and 90% of them were things I was incapable of learning on my own, dumb ass didn't feel the need to tell me. So how the fuck is it my fault???? 

2) The "super nut." Have sex as soon as she leaves you. Think with your penis and not your brain.  Find a close friend, any chick who understands, and just go wild. Let's get this clear this isn't a rebound, this is you being frustrated sexually cause the box is gone. Human beings are designed to have sex. It might be connectionless at times but 100% necessary to get your mind away from dumbass. So you get new box right away just to cum. Let me tell you, the cum is a fucking powerwasher machine thing. Jeez, shit's amazing. The piss about 15 mins after is amazing too I can't even begin to describe the process. The best nut ever comes after someone fucks with you, trust me.

3) Accept that it'll sting. There's a lot of people who deny it but trust me it stings. It's like a mosquito bite though. You scratch at the surface, you think about it, and in like 3 days it goes away. People who are in denial just turn out to be worse and then they listen to Ne-Yo and shit and act like faggots.

4) Look at it from face value. On the surface what the fuck happened? She changed, and while I'll never know the reason, you just gotta accept the fact that she ain't shit. We already realized it is never your fault, that person ain't shit. Unless you fucking a model or something then you lost, but even though she was stunning, trust me it takes an hour to get her out your mind when you realize how awful things had become. 

5) Erasure. Fuck holding on, erase everything niggas. The naked pics to the sweet letter. Bin all that shit, the fuck you holding it on for? 

6) Accept it was all a facade. It wasn't reality, just a perception which is almost always based on change and potential. When you get that, you understand that there ain't shit that could stop you or fuck with you.

7) They'll never forgive. She brought up shit from months ago still bothering her lmao. Like either get passed it or get the fuck out, when you look back on her holding onto all that shit, it's hilarious and makes the process easier.

8) Starting over is great. You just have to trust me on that one, enjoyable process. New day, new playing field if that's what you like to do.

9) They fucked with your head, get your head back. Over the last little bit I started second guessing myself, or bypassing the little things to avoid confrontation. You lose a bit of your sharpness when you're with a dumbass, get it back after, just have to trust yourself.

10) Let it go. You gotta accept that it wasn't what you thought it was and you just have to move on. Simple in this case when she went from 0 to 60 in 24 hours. Must of been a buildup but oh well, not my fault LMAO. Let it all go, you'll feel some hate and shit. For me I'm pissed cause I ain't get the Beats by Dre Headphones. That shit's a few hundred no? Want to know what's funny. I've had these normal headphones for about 2 years which is great cause they always go after a month. So over the last week I've noticed one side getting softer and softer in terms of volume. Today I'm on the treadmill and the complete right side just blows up. Had to go to Walmart and grab a next one but that shit just breathes irony. 

I'm out Peace.

"I'm the Juggernaut Bitch"

Tales from the Weekend

Just a bunch of random shit I remember from this weekend:

- My girl and I are trying to work things out. But today after we got done talking she said she was going to shower because she didn't in 7 days, then said 4. So I'm thinking she joking and I say "I'd still hit it." Her response: trust me it stinks right now but I'm being honest. Niggas what the fuck. I'm going to assume she went camping or something in NJ, why the fuck you ain't shower tho when you get home. Ya I might stay single smh unless I get a logical explanation. People out here treating the box like shitty Burger King Poutines and shit. 

-I need a motherfucking Aussie accent.

-I been learning the art to eating flowers. But I was so wasted on Saturday morning I randomly went in peoples gardens and started eating random shit. Throat started closing and shit, I gotta master this art. 

-Stupid shoes, a motherfucking classic. 

-If you sit by the pool with your legs inside, or any form of water and your ass aint getting in. and you not resting from getting in. You are a certified faggot. Get in or don't get in, that legs shit is for old ladies.

-Some chick grabbed my dick at the club, just straight grabbed it and was all over me. Who the fuck just grabs dick LMAO.  I ain't bout that life tho so I ask homie, is she worth anything? If it's Elisha fuckin Cuthbert or something I'd entertain it. Response: "Nah" Good looking out, tit for tat after I found your bankcard haha. 

-That girl went off on my boy for no reason. I called her a fucking Asian tranny whore, well deserved though. 

-That gay ass "brawl" outside Tim Hortons was fucking stupid as fuck, these fucks born after 1992 acting like females more and more.

- I sent this too my good friend, fuck I'll have explaining to do in the morning, hands down the best drunk text I have ever sent. 4:06 in the morning and I'm dropping Little House on the Prairie references:  "drunk again and u flashed acrossed my mind. ur like that girl from Michael Landon's show what's it called. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm lil house on the prarie, ur like his wife where everone was like damnnnnnnnnn she'd fuck good HAHHA"

-The guy I'll call "OV" is the shit, I don't know why he just is.

-Cockblockers are worse than Hitler, she ain't have to cut boy off like that hahaahaha 

-Fuck I broke my no smoking rule and did like half a pack on Friday, glad I ain't got an addictive personality and actually hate that shit.

-If you have any sort of establishment where you play Spice Girls, you should be closed and bankrupt forever.

-Peru won. 

-RIP Revival after what we did when that Dead Prez song came on.

-RIP to my wallet after those $14 drinks.

-Someone in the entourage fucked a girl who may have had one two many Joe Louis' and Passion Flakies on Friday. I was drunk so I might be exaggerating but ya she could use a carrot or two. I can't slander this one like I normally would though. In the same situation he was in, with all the bullshit that went on a few weeks ago, I would have done the exact same thing LMAO. But ya some slander is necessary cause when I seen her the first thing that came to mind was "The Juggernaut." Yea I'm going to watch this now: Best Shit Ever. If I were you I'd pay her to say it while I was about to nut HAHA fuck I'm in tears. But ya I'd do the same thing, well done.

I'm out, Peace.

I'm the Juggernaut Bitch Hahaahahahahaha fuck I'm having too much fun while sober.